Siren Song - Chapter Four - My Need
Title: Siren Song (She Sang To Him)
Chapter: Four - My Need
Pairings: Angela/Edward - ????Bella/Edward????
Rating: Mature - Maybe Later
Notes: SMeyer created these characters, I've just borrowed and added to.
Summary: Angela is learning more about Edward with each private encounter they have and she also senses something is wrong the moment Bella Swan comes into the picture. Will Angela fight for Edward, or will she bow out defeated? Edward is torn between his range of desires for Bella Swan and his love for Angela. Also, Angela learns the truth about Edward, but will it destory them or bring them closer?
(Have you ever started writing a story/chapter and you know where it is headed, but then you place one word on the page and it suddenly takes a turn in a different direction? That's what happened to me with this chapter, so I hope you will like where I've taken it. )
Chapter Four
My Need
As soon as the last bell rang, I was almost running out of the school building. I knew I had to get out of there, before I saw Bella again. But luck was not on my side, as I rounded the corner, after putting my books in my locker, I ran right into her. I had caught her scent, but thought it was from her having just passed by already. She was looking down; I was looking toward the door, when our bodies collided.
She bounced of my chest and fell backwards, but I reached her just before she hit the floor. I had her wrapped in my arms when I brought her back up into an upright position, and I felt her shiver as she met, for the first time, my glacial skin.
No words were exchanged, we just looked at each other, and I saw her head tilt slightly as she looked deep into my eyes. I found myself breathing in the sweet fragrance of her warm blood, and letting the flavor linger in my mouth. If ever I had wanted something so badly, it was now, but I had to fight it, I had too much at stake.
As she began to tremble, from my touch, I realized that I was still holding her. I tried to speak, but my words were jumbled, and my head was full of various scenes, flashing as if nightmares before my eyes.
"I am...so sorry," I finally managed to get out, while gritting my teeth.
I immediately began loosening my grip on her small frame, even though I found myself wanting to keep her there, wanting to hold her and feel her near me. What was I thinking? I screamed in my thoughts. I am in love with Angela, I know how I feel about her and I know how she feels about me.
"It’s okay. Edward you’re so cold. I’ve never felt anyone so co....."
"I know. Mr. Smith had the air conditioner on in his room. I’m on my way out so I can warm up,"
I lied, cutting her off.
But my words seemed to slip right through her grasp, as she continued to look into my eyes. She was drawn to me, pulled to me like a planet stuck in my gravitational forces. I could feel her weakness, and wanted desperately to use that to my advantage. But I struggled, I tried to compose myself, closing my eyes for a moment and picturing Carlisle sitting at his desk last night talking with me.
"You have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. The color is so warm, even if you are freezing," she purred, in a trance induced voice.
"I am very sorry Bella. Are you hurt?" I asked as I pushed her back away from my chest.
"I’m fine Edward. Just fine," she said, now fully intoxicated by my presence.
I had to leave. I had to get out of there. I had to run. So I did. I stepped back, excused myself, and began to run, trying to do so at a believable pace, but by the time I made it to my car, I’m sure I was going much faster than I should have allowed myself.
I was in the car, cranking it, and slamming it into reverse so fast, that I didn’t even feel the movements. I spun my tires as I wheeled out of the parking lot and raced down the road. I turned my stereo on as loud as the volume control would allow, and tried to remove all the images, feelings, and sensations I had just experienced. I pushed in a heavy metal cd and let the vibrations pound in my head.
By the time I had reached the outskirts of town, I knew it was not working. I had to feed. I had to taste warm blood in my mouth, now. I pulled off the road and stopped in a clearing, hoping that my car could not be seen from the road. I was running into the forest, before the door ever slammed behind me.
I was now the hunter, and I crouched down, letting the breeze tell me where my prey was. I took in the musky smell of a herd of elk, and immediately began tracking them. They were only a mile from where I had parked, and when I saw the herd, I knew I wanted to take down the largest male. I wanted him to give me a fight, so I might feel satisfaction when I drained him of every drop of his life force.
I pulled my jacket off, threw it to the ground, and began stalking through the brush, never making a sound, eyes darting slightly to the sides, surveying my options. Then, before they could smell danger, I sprang and took down the largest bull of the herd. I broke its neck with one swift jerk, there was no reason for it to suffer, because of my need, but I hadn’t gotten my fight.
It had fallen beside me when we both went down, and I let my razor sharp teeth tear through its warm flesh, as I began to satiate my thirst with the dark ruby nutrients that flowed beneath the surface of its skin. As I drank, I wrapped my arms tightly around the beast, and closed my eyes, but in doing so, I saw her face, and my mind began playing tricks on me.
I was in such a frenzied state that for a moment I thought Bella was in my arms, and I was drinking from her body. I pulled her close, wanting to feel her warmth curved against me, feeling not only a need for her blood but a lust for her body as well.
My eyes snapped open, and I threw my head back, growling like an animal, the animal that I was, the animal that I had become. If I had been able to cry, I think I might have been doing so right then. How had I let myself come to this? Now I really had no appetite, but I knew I needed to finish my kill, to help me be able to handle things later.
I let the hunter regain control, and got up on my knees, bending over the hulk like corpse, while I finished it off. When I was done, I stood up and looked down at my clothes. I was covered in blood, it was sticky and smelled like iron, the sight of it made me feel even worse, because I never made this kind of mess. I had gotten careless.
How had I let myself get to this point? What would I do now? I wandered in the forest like a man lost at sea, not really going anywhere, just walking, just thinking. I’m glad I did though, because it was then, hours later, that I realized that I hadn’t done anything wrong. It wasn’t my fault that she had come here. And so far, I hadn’t done anything to harm anyone, only myself, with my thoughts. And I could deal with that. I would have to.
I found my way back to my car, picking my jacket up on the way and drove home. The others just looked at me, but never said anything as I walked into the house and went straight to the shower. When I climbed out, it was almost dark, so I quickly got dressed and slipped out the window of my bedroom and ran through the forest until I was outside of Angela’s house.
I stood there for a few minutes, then gaining enough courage, I climbed the side of the house, slid her window open and was inside without making a sound. I had always told myself that even though I knew I could do this that I wouldn’t. But tonight I needed to see her and hold her, we had to talk. If I was going to have Angela as a part of my life, I had to open up to her. I had to start tonight.
She stirred as I closed the window behind me, and I didn’t want her to scream, so I gently placed my hand over her mouth as I slid down on the bed beside her, and whispered in her ear, "baby it’s me. Please don’t be frightened?"
Her eyes slowly opened and I felt a smile forming underneath my hand. I could tell that she was very receptive to my being there and all worry about frightening her faded. I had no more moved my hand away than she was placing the sweetest kiss upon my lips. Then I saw what she had been dreaming as she replayed it all for me, so I could have a private viewing.
"How did you know I was dreaming about you?" She asked, as she slid her arm around my neck and moved her thigh closer to me.
I realized then how much I needed her. But was it fair to her to try and deal with my inner turmoil by becoming physical? I couldn’t do that to her, I wanted her to be a part of that part of our relationship, not just something to quench my desires. I respected Angela and I cared deeply for her, but right then I needed to be with her.
"Edward. What’s wrong? Why are you sneaking into my room?" She whispered against my neck and her warm breath sent a tingling sensation, similar to having chills, all the way up my back to the nape of my neck.
"I am so sorry Angela. I never wanted to do invade your privacy like this. I never wanted to be a stalker, but I needed to see you so badly tonight," I said, rubbing my hand through her long dark hair.
I buried my face against her neck and held her as close as I dared, fearing I might crush her. She felt wonderful pressed against my body, filling my arms with her warmth.
"Hey. Edward, it’s okay. I’m here, it’s okay," she whispered, as she found my lips and pressed hers ever so gently to mine.
It was amazing that she and I were from to different worlds, but she understood me sometimes so completely. I smiled and thought that sometimes I was worried that she might be the one who could read a persons thoughts and emotions.
Without another word, she pulled back and crawled out from under the sheet. I could see her perfect body outlined beneath the thin cotton gown she was wearing, it was almost like she wasn’t wearing anything at all. I was aware of ever curve and peak before me and knew immediately that I shouldn’t have come here because she was quickly melting my resolve.
She pushed me down against her bed and before I knew what was happening, she had straddled me, and was pressing herself against my mid section, in the most pleasurable of ways. I looked up at her and thought that she was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen, she was all that I was seeing, feeling, and desiring, and that thought comforted me greatly.
Her hands were roaming my chest, the center of her body was making small movements against mine, and it was more than I could take. I came up quickly, wrapped my arms around her and pulled her down on me. My hands moved quickly under the sheer garment that dressed her, and I let my hands move up the silky smooth skin on her back.
She whimpered at my touch, and breathed into my mouth as I opened mine letting her inside for just a moment. Her tongue slid against mine and I tasted its sweetness. With one arm around her mid section, I rolled us over onto our sides, never leaving her lips.
My other hand was free to move now, and I found my way around to her stomach, trailing upward, until I was caressing the tender flesh of her supple breast. As I touched her carefully, she moaned and called my name in a husky voice. The sound of my name coming from her lips was heavenly.
"Say it again. Call my name, my love," I whispered as my cool breath trailed her collar bone and shoulder.
She did, over and over. She very discreetly called my name, and before I knew it, she was lying under me and I was kissing her neck, her chest, her shoulders. Her skin was smooth and soft and tasted fresh like the morning air.
She wrapped her legs around me and pulled me even closer to her and I never wanted to leave. We were so close and I knew where this was leading, but I didn’t want to be with her when I was so conflicted. I wanted to someday make love to her and hold her in my arms, not having another person eating at the back of my mind, tormenting me. I wanted to be free of those thoughts and feelings.
So I used every ounce of restraint I had, to begin pulling away. I gave a few more kisses, then I ran my hands down each of her legs, loosening the tight grip she had on me, gently rubbing her legs, until they were laying beside me on the bed.
"What did I do wrong Edward?" She began to question, and I saw even more thoughts race through her mind.
"Oh my love, you have not done anything wrong. If it were any other time, I might have taken you right here, right now tonight and made you mine forever, but it would not be fair to you. I love you too much for that Angela," I said, as I moved over beside her on the bed, pulling her side up next to me.
"I don’t understand. You come in through my window, I’m dreaming about doing all sorts of things to you, I wake up and you’re really here in my bed, and you tell me the timing isn’t right? Please talk to me, Edward. This, hiding things from me, is driving me insane. I know you can see everything I’m thinking and feeling, look deep inside of me and see. Then see where I am, right beside you, wanting to love you, needing you to let me into your life," she concluded, with a whispered plea.
"Angela, I am afraid. I am afraid if you know everything about me that you will not want to be with me. My life is different, I am different, and you, my sweet Angela, are from a different place in this world," I said, stroking her hair.
"Alice came to visit me this afternoon and we went for a long walk in the forest. She shared some things with me Edward. Do you want to know what they were?" She asked, but before I could answer she was closing her eyes and replaying the entire conversation for me.
I froze in place and my hand dropped from her hair, onto the bed. When she opened her eyes, she smiled like an angel at me, and brushed the back of her hand across my cheek. I was in amazed at her calmness as I saw through her thoughts, Alice telling her the truth.
"Angela.....I....."
I tried to speak, but she placed her finger against my lips, sealing them, while she spoke again.
"What shocked me the most, about the revelation I had this afternoon, wasn’t what you and your family are, but that I think I had known all along. I’ve thought about it many times, and always pushed the thought to the very depths of my mind, because I thought you would think I was crazy if you ever saw that inside of me."
"You are not frightened of me, of us? Do you fully understand what we are cable of? Do you realize that we are eternity, never ceasing, cursed to walk this earth forever?"
"I don’t see it quite the same way as you do Edward. I see it as, being around for a long time. I see it as, being able to do anything and everything you ever dreamed of doing. I see it as living life to the fullest each and every day, even if that happens to be much longer than for the rest of humanity. I see it as, being able to spend your life doing good, and taking care of others. So, Edward, what are you afraid of?"
I did not know what to say. I had been so afraid that if she knew, she would think of me as a monster, a freak of nature. That she would despise me and run from me fearing for her life. So I was taken a back when she revealed the goodness she saw in the life I was damned to exist in. And only she could see the good in something so awful.
If there had been a heart beating in my chest at that very moment, I’m sure I would have felt it nearly burst from the joy and love that I felt. Her words had liberated me in so many ways, but I knew there was still something terrible, that I had to tell her. I owed it to her, considering she had to learn the truth about who and what I was from Alice.
"I do not know what to say. I do know that I want to tell you I am sorry I have never told you before. But I was so afraid of losing you. And there are not many people who know about who we are. It is safer that way."
"Edward, do you not trust me? Haven’t I kept the things, I do know about you private? I’m not going anywhere. You would have to tell me something much worse than this to make me not want to be with you. I love you, Edward," she said, as she kissed me again.
"Then here is that terrible thing. You were right when you picked up on something when Bella Swan came here. You see, once in a lifetime, so to speak, it is possible for one of us to encounter a person who sings to us, like the siren of the sea. Their blood calls to us in a special way. She sings to me. Her blood is like a temptress to me. But I have fought it, believe me, I have fought it. I do not take the blood of innocents. I have removed some very bad people from this earth in the past, but I have even tried to refrain from that these past few years and let the authorities handle them," I said, looking away in shame.
"You say you love me Edward. But do you have feelings for her too? We need to talk about this. Tell me how you feel. How you really feel," she said, running her hand through my hair and looking at me with eyes filled with concern, yet still filled with love.
I leaned my forehead against hers and sighed. I didn’t know how to tell her what I felt. I didn’t want her to think I wanted to be with Bella, even though a part of me, somewhere screamed that I did, because I knew in my heart that I was happy, right where I was, in Angela’s arms.
"I love you, Angela. I have never been faced with this sort of temptation before. I find her intriguing because I cannot get inside her head. I have no way of knowing what she thinks or feels, then I am drawn to her because of the scent of her blood. I don’t want to be with her, but at the same time....it’s so confusing," I said, closing my eyes and rolling my head over on the pillow, so I could look at the ceiling.
I felt her eyes on me, and I began to feel her thoughts. She was afraid of losing me to Bella, but then she pushed it aside to address her concern for me, and started thinking of ways to help me through this, to help us through this. She felt like she was a part of my turmoil, because of the devotion and love she felt for me, and I was stunned.
She propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at me. Her hair hung loosely against her shoulder and came down against my cheek. I turned slightly to look at her again.
"You’re here with me, talking with me about this. That’s a big step. That means that you want to include me in your life. You’ve been honest with me, which I know wasn’t easy for you, so I admire that. Now, I have to just do everything in my power to help you through this, and keep your thoughts on me, on us, instead of on her. I understand that you didn’t ask for this, and that you can’t help it, but I also see the struggle in your eyes, the fear. But you are strong Edward, and I know that you can resist this, not only for you, but for us."
"I hope you are right, my love. I hope you are right."
I pulled her close and held her for a long time. We needed this time together, bonding and just being near each other. I hoped that it would strengthen our relationship, because I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring.
Chapter: Four - My Need
Pairings: Angela/Edward - ????Bella/Edward????
Rating: Mature - Maybe Later
Notes: SMeyer created these characters, I've just borrowed and added to.
Summary: Angela is learning more about Edward with each private encounter they have and she also senses something is wrong the moment Bella Swan comes into the picture. Will Angela fight for Edward, or will she bow out defeated? Edward is torn between his range of desires for Bella Swan and his love for Angela. Also, Angela learns the truth about Edward, but will it destory them or bring them closer?
(Have you ever started writing a story/chapter and you know where it is headed, but then you place one word on the page and it suddenly takes a turn in a different direction? That's what happened to me with this chapter, so I hope you will like where I've taken it. )
Chapter Four
My Need
As soon as the last bell rang, I was almost running out of the school building. I knew I had to get out of there, before I saw Bella again. But luck was not on my side, as I rounded the corner, after putting my books in my locker, I ran right into her. I had caught her scent, but thought it was from her having just passed by already. She was looking down; I was looking toward the door, when our bodies collided.
She bounced of my chest and fell backwards, but I reached her just before she hit the floor. I had her wrapped in my arms when I brought her back up into an upright position, and I felt her shiver as she met, for the first time, my glacial skin.
No words were exchanged, we just looked at each other, and I saw her head tilt slightly as she looked deep into my eyes. I found myself breathing in the sweet fragrance of her warm blood, and letting the flavor linger in my mouth. If ever I had wanted something so badly, it was now, but I had to fight it, I had too much at stake.
As she began to tremble, from my touch, I realized that I was still holding her. I tried to speak, but my words were jumbled, and my head was full of various scenes, flashing as if nightmares before my eyes.
"I am...so sorry," I finally managed to get out, while gritting my teeth.
I immediately began loosening my grip on her small frame, even though I found myself wanting to keep her there, wanting to hold her and feel her near me. What was I thinking? I screamed in my thoughts. I am in love with Angela, I know how I feel about her and I know how she feels about me.
"It’s okay. Edward you’re so cold. I’ve never felt anyone so co....."
"I know. Mr. Smith had the air conditioner on in his room. I’m on my way out so I can warm up,"
I lied, cutting her off.
But my words seemed to slip right through her grasp, as she continued to look into my eyes. She was drawn to me, pulled to me like a planet stuck in my gravitational forces. I could feel her weakness, and wanted desperately to use that to my advantage. But I struggled, I tried to compose myself, closing my eyes for a moment and picturing Carlisle sitting at his desk last night talking with me.
"You have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. The color is so warm, even if you are freezing," she purred, in a trance induced voice.
"I am very sorry Bella. Are you hurt?" I asked as I pushed her back away from my chest.
"I’m fine Edward. Just fine," she said, now fully intoxicated by my presence.
I had to leave. I had to get out of there. I had to run. So I did. I stepped back, excused myself, and began to run, trying to do so at a believable pace, but by the time I made it to my car, I’m sure I was going much faster than I should have allowed myself.
I was in the car, cranking it, and slamming it into reverse so fast, that I didn’t even feel the movements. I spun my tires as I wheeled out of the parking lot and raced down the road. I turned my stereo on as loud as the volume control would allow, and tried to remove all the images, feelings, and sensations I had just experienced. I pushed in a heavy metal cd and let the vibrations pound in my head.
By the time I had reached the outskirts of town, I knew it was not working. I had to feed. I had to taste warm blood in my mouth, now. I pulled off the road and stopped in a clearing, hoping that my car could not be seen from the road. I was running into the forest, before the door ever slammed behind me.
I was now the hunter, and I crouched down, letting the breeze tell me where my prey was. I took in the musky smell of a herd of elk, and immediately began tracking them. They were only a mile from where I had parked, and when I saw the herd, I knew I wanted to take down the largest male. I wanted him to give me a fight, so I might feel satisfaction when I drained him of every drop of his life force.
I pulled my jacket off, threw it to the ground, and began stalking through the brush, never making a sound, eyes darting slightly to the sides, surveying my options. Then, before they could smell danger, I sprang and took down the largest bull of the herd. I broke its neck with one swift jerk, there was no reason for it to suffer, because of my need, but I hadn’t gotten my fight.
It had fallen beside me when we both went down, and I let my razor sharp teeth tear through its warm flesh, as I began to satiate my thirst with the dark ruby nutrients that flowed beneath the surface of its skin. As I drank, I wrapped my arms tightly around the beast, and closed my eyes, but in doing so, I saw her face, and my mind began playing tricks on me.
I was in such a frenzied state that for a moment I thought Bella was in my arms, and I was drinking from her body. I pulled her close, wanting to feel her warmth curved against me, feeling not only a need for her blood but a lust for her body as well.
My eyes snapped open, and I threw my head back, growling like an animal, the animal that I was, the animal that I had become. If I had been able to cry, I think I might have been doing so right then. How had I let myself come to this? Now I really had no appetite, but I knew I needed to finish my kill, to help me be able to handle things later.
I let the hunter regain control, and got up on my knees, bending over the hulk like corpse, while I finished it off. When I was done, I stood up and looked down at my clothes. I was covered in blood, it was sticky and smelled like iron, the sight of it made me feel even worse, because I never made this kind of mess. I had gotten careless.
How had I let myself get to this point? What would I do now? I wandered in the forest like a man lost at sea, not really going anywhere, just walking, just thinking. I’m glad I did though, because it was then, hours later, that I realized that I hadn’t done anything wrong. It wasn’t my fault that she had come here. And so far, I hadn’t done anything to harm anyone, only myself, with my thoughts. And I could deal with that. I would have to.
I found my way back to my car, picking my jacket up on the way and drove home. The others just looked at me, but never said anything as I walked into the house and went straight to the shower. When I climbed out, it was almost dark, so I quickly got dressed and slipped out the window of my bedroom and ran through the forest until I was outside of Angela’s house.
I stood there for a few minutes, then gaining enough courage, I climbed the side of the house, slid her window open and was inside without making a sound. I had always told myself that even though I knew I could do this that I wouldn’t. But tonight I needed to see her and hold her, we had to talk. If I was going to have Angela as a part of my life, I had to open up to her. I had to start tonight.
She stirred as I closed the window behind me, and I didn’t want her to scream, so I gently placed my hand over her mouth as I slid down on the bed beside her, and whispered in her ear, "baby it’s me. Please don’t be frightened?"
Her eyes slowly opened and I felt a smile forming underneath my hand. I could tell that she was very receptive to my being there and all worry about frightening her faded. I had no more moved my hand away than she was placing the sweetest kiss upon my lips. Then I saw what she had been dreaming as she replayed it all for me, so I could have a private viewing.
"How did you know I was dreaming about you?" She asked, as she slid her arm around my neck and moved her thigh closer to me.
I realized then how much I needed her. But was it fair to her to try and deal with my inner turmoil by becoming physical? I couldn’t do that to her, I wanted her to be a part of that part of our relationship, not just something to quench my desires. I respected Angela and I cared deeply for her, but right then I needed to be with her.
"Edward. What’s wrong? Why are you sneaking into my room?" She whispered against my neck and her warm breath sent a tingling sensation, similar to having chills, all the way up my back to the nape of my neck.
"I am so sorry Angela. I never wanted to do invade your privacy like this. I never wanted to be a stalker, but I needed to see you so badly tonight," I said, rubbing my hand through her long dark hair.
I buried my face against her neck and held her as close as I dared, fearing I might crush her. She felt wonderful pressed against my body, filling my arms with her warmth.
"Hey. Edward, it’s okay. I’m here, it’s okay," she whispered, as she found my lips and pressed hers ever so gently to mine.
It was amazing that she and I were from to different worlds, but she understood me sometimes so completely. I smiled and thought that sometimes I was worried that she might be the one who could read a persons thoughts and emotions.
Without another word, she pulled back and crawled out from under the sheet. I could see her perfect body outlined beneath the thin cotton gown she was wearing, it was almost like she wasn’t wearing anything at all. I was aware of ever curve and peak before me and knew immediately that I shouldn’t have come here because she was quickly melting my resolve.
She pushed me down against her bed and before I knew what was happening, she had straddled me, and was pressing herself against my mid section, in the most pleasurable of ways. I looked up at her and thought that she was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen, she was all that I was seeing, feeling, and desiring, and that thought comforted me greatly.
Her hands were roaming my chest, the center of her body was making small movements against mine, and it was more than I could take. I came up quickly, wrapped my arms around her and pulled her down on me. My hands moved quickly under the sheer garment that dressed her, and I let my hands move up the silky smooth skin on her back.
She whimpered at my touch, and breathed into my mouth as I opened mine letting her inside for just a moment. Her tongue slid against mine and I tasted its sweetness. With one arm around her mid section, I rolled us over onto our sides, never leaving her lips.
My other hand was free to move now, and I found my way around to her stomach, trailing upward, until I was caressing the tender flesh of her supple breast. As I touched her carefully, she moaned and called my name in a husky voice. The sound of my name coming from her lips was heavenly.
"Say it again. Call my name, my love," I whispered as my cool breath trailed her collar bone and shoulder.
She did, over and over. She very discreetly called my name, and before I knew it, she was lying under me and I was kissing her neck, her chest, her shoulders. Her skin was smooth and soft and tasted fresh like the morning air.
She wrapped her legs around me and pulled me even closer to her and I never wanted to leave. We were so close and I knew where this was leading, but I didn’t want to be with her when I was so conflicted. I wanted to someday make love to her and hold her in my arms, not having another person eating at the back of my mind, tormenting me. I wanted to be free of those thoughts and feelings.
So I used every ounce of restraint I had, to begin pulling away. I gave a few more kisses, then I ran my hands down each of her legs, loosening the tight grip she had on me, gently rubbing her legs, until they were laying beside me on the bed.
"What did I do wrong Edward?" She began to question, and I saw even more thoughts race through her mind.
"Oh my love, you have not done anything wrong. If it were any other time, I might have taken you right here, right now tonight and made you mine forever, but it would not be fair to you. I love you too much for that Angela," I said, as I moved over beside her on the bed, pulling her side up next to me.
"I don’t understand. You come in through my window, I’m dreaming about doing all sorts of things to you, I wake up and you’re really here in my bed, and you tell me the timing isn’t right? Please talk to me, Edward. This, hiding things from me, is driving me insane. I know you can see everything I’m thinking and feeling, look deep inside of me and see. Then see where I am, right beside you, wanting to love you, needing you to let me into your life," she concluded, with a whispered plea.
"Angela, I am afraid. I am afraid if you know everything about me that you will not want to be with me. My life is different, I am different, and you, my sweet Angela, are from a different place in this world," I said, stroking her hair.
"Alice came to visit me this afternoon and we went for a long walk in the forest. She shared some things with me Edward. Do you want to know what they were?" She asked, but before I could answer she was closing her eyes and replaying the entire conversation for me.
I froze in place and my hand dropped from her hair, onto the bed. When she opened her eyes, she smiled like an angel at me, and brushed the back of her hand across my cheek. I was in amazed at her calmness as I saw through her thoughts, Alice telling her the truth.
"Angela.....I....."
I tried to speak, but she placed her finger against my lips, sealing them, while she spoke again.
"What shocked me the most, about the revelation I had this afternoon, wasn’t what you and your family are, but that I think I had known all along. I’ve thought about it many times, and always pushed the thought to the very depths of my mind, because I thought you would think I was crazy if you ever saw that inside of me."
"You are not frightened of me, of us? Do you fully understand what we are cable of? Do you realize that we are eternity, never ceasing, cursed to walk this earth forever?"
"I don’t see it quite the same way as you do Edward. I see it as, being around for a long time. I see it as, being able to do anything and everything you ever dreamed of doing. I see it as living life to the fullest each and every day, even if that happens to be much longer than for the rest of humanity. I see it as, being able to spend your life doing good, and taking care of others. So, Edward, what are you afraid of?"
I did not know what to say. I had been so afraid that if she knew, she would think of me as a monster, a freak of nature. That she would despise me and run from me fearing for her life. So I was taken a back when she revealed the goodness she saw in the life I was damned to exist in. And only she could see the good in something so awful.
If there had been a heart beating in my chest at that very moment, I’m sure I would have felt it nearly burst from the joy and love that I felt. Her words had liberated me in so many ways, but I knew there was still something terrible, that I had to tell her. I owed it to her, considering she had to learn the truth about who and what I was from Alice.
"I do not know what to say. I do know that I want to tell you I am sorry I have never told you before. But I was so afraid of losing you. And there are not many people who know about who we are. It is safer that way."
"Edward, do you not trust me? Haven’t I kept the things, I do know about you private? I’m not going anywhere. You would have to tell me something much worse than this to make me not want to be with you. I love you, Edward," she said, as she kissed me again.
"Then here is that terrible thing. You were right when you picked up on something when Bella Swan came here. You see, once in a lifetime, so to speak, it is possible for one of us to encounter a person who sings to us, like the siren of the sea. Their blood calls to us in a special way. She sings to me. Her blood is like a temptress to me. But I have fought it, believe me, I have fought it. I do not take the blood of innocents. I have removed some very bad people from this earth in the past, but I have even tried to refrain from that these past few years and let the authorities handle them," I said, looking away in shame.
"You say you love me Edward. But do you have feelings for her too? We need to talk about this. Tell me how you feel. How you really feel," she said, running her hand through my hair and looking at me with eyes filled with concern, yet still filled with love.
I leaned my forehead against hers and sighed. I didn’t know how to tell her what I felt. I didn’t want her to think I wanted to be with Bella, even though a part of me, somewhere screamed that I did, because I knew in my heart that I was happy, right where I was, in Angela’s arms.
"I love you, Angela. I have never been faced with this sort of temptation before. I find her intriguing because I cannot get inside her head. I have no way of knowing what she thinks or feels, then I am drawn to her because of the scent of her blood. I don’t want to be with her, but at the same time....it’s so confusing," I said, closing my eyes and rolling my head over on the pillow, so I could look at the ceiling.
I felt her eyes on me, and I began to feel her thoughts. She was afraid of losing me to Bella, but then she pushed it aside to address her concern for me, and started thinking of ways to help me through this, to help us through this. She felt like she was a part of my turmoil, because of the devotion and love she felt for me, and I was stunned.
She propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at me. Her hair hung loosely against her shoulder and came down against my cheek. I turned slightly to look at her again.
"You’re here with me, talking with me about this. That’s a big step. That means that you want to include me in your life. You’ve been honest with me, which I know wasn’t easy for you, so I admire that. Now, I have to just do everything in my power to help you through this, and keep your thoughts on me, on us, instead of on her. I understand that you didn’t ask for this, and that you can’t help it, but I also see the struggle in your eyes, the fear. But you are strong Edward, and I know that you can resist this, not only for you, but for us."
"I hope you are right, my love. I hope you are right."
I pulled her close and held her for a long time. We needed this time together, bonding and just being near each other. I hoped that it would strengthen our relationship, because I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring.