Step Forty-Six
I've been spending a lot of time on the dorm roof lately. I've even been falling asleep up there. It's rather peaceful, and I'm not bothered.
I know it's not me, but...I have to get over this.
I was looking in my sketchbook yesterday, and I found the almost completed drawing of, well...us. I was so proud of it, and I was going to surprise him at Christmas. Instead, I ripped it in half and threw it away.
Then, I got drunk, not for the first time in a while.
I am on a medication adjustment period. This is not a good thing.
I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I feel used, and abandoned-enough to actually accept when Jiro-kun asked me out.
Am I using him?
Am I that desperate for affection?
I'm not like this, really, I'm not. But the fact that all I see around me are happy, working relationships-I'm the only person in my suite who's currently single...and I see someone touch another's hair, or subtly brush their hands together...and I break down again.
Keep smiling, Seiichi. Keep smiling, and people will forget.
Happy belated birthday to the Kisarazu twins! I hope you had a wonderful day.
I keep finding flowers on my desk when I go to class. Jiro-kun is indeed stepping up his efforts, and I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing. Hmmm, I'll be happy when Friday is over. I'm looking forward much more to trying out that new seafood place with Kawamura. That's going to be fun!
On a good note, my leg is getting better.All of you whom I promised to play tennis with, I'm going to be playing again next week, I promise! Let's set up times.
Holidays are coming. I want to buy more presents. Does anyone want a present? Hmm, maybe we should try one of those "Secret Santa" things I've heard about.