Step Five
...Why did everything have to turn out like this?
There's too much anger and tension in the air. It's making me worried sick...maybe that's why I'm having difficulty walking right now. I may have to skip classes today just because I can't physically get there.
It was stupid. The entire idea was stupid, and I have no clue what I was thinking.
...My hands are absolutely shaking while I'm typing this. It's not nervousness, I've conquered that, but...
Fear, perhaps? I've been avoiding Akaya's campus so as to hopefully not have any sort of confrontation. He already has too much on his plate, and it doesn't help that Renji and I were being that insensitive. Those comments about being a poor senpai is what got to me, I think.
I didn't ask to be sick, you know. Akaya became a regular one day, and it seemed only a few days had passed before I made my grand collapse on the court. After antibiotics, surgery, rehabilitation...I didn't have much of a third year left. If I had been there, would any of this had happened? Would he still have brutalized Tachibana and Fuji? Tennis isn't supposed to be that violent. Our training was Spartan, and our discipline harsh. Was that what transferred to the courts?
Why couldn't I have been there?
...I love Akaya. Not romantically, but...we were very close. This is breaking my heart...
I've got to stop this now. I have a doctor's appointment Thursday, and I don't want him to tell me I'm relapsing.
I'm going to be in my private spot, if I am able to get there. Please...don't try to find me.
There's too much anger and tension in the air. It's making me worried sick...maybe that's why I'm having difficulty walking right now. I may have to skip classes today just because I can't physically get there.
It was stupid. The entire idea was stupid, and I have no clue what I was thinking.
...My hands are absolutely shaking while I'm typing this. It's not nervousness, I've conquered that, but...
Fear, perhaps? I've been avoiding Akaya's campus so as to hopefully not have any sort of confrontation. He already has too much on his plate, and it doesn't help that Renji and I were being that insensitive. Those comments about being a poor senpai is what got to me, I think.
I didn't ask to be sick, you know. Akaya became a regular one day, and it seemed only a few days had passed before I made my grand collapse on the court. After antibiotics, surgery, rehabilitation...I didn't have much of a third year left. If I had been there, would any of this had happened? Would he still have brutalized Tachibana and Fuji? Tennis isn't supposed to be that violent. Our training was Spartan, and our discipline harsh. Was that what transferred to the courts?
Why couldn't I have been there?
...I love Akaya. Not romantically, but...we were very close. This is breaking my heart...
I've got to stop this now. I have a doctor's appointment Thursday, and I don't want him to tell me I'm relapsing.
I'm going to be in my private spot, if I am able to get there. Please...don't try to find me.