"My Beautiful Carlos..."
Dear Journal,
This weekend was definately.. filled with love.
Carlos came over late Saturday, which was nice.. I was so fucking pissed off with Liam that I went to my room and found myself drifting in and out of sleep.. he came in, and I just reached up to him.. and he came and gave me cuddles and ran his fingers through my (lack of) hair.. and told me things, just little things.. but I love how we can do that. I love being able to hear his lungs fill up with air and his heartbeat and the vibrations of his american voice, his laughs, his sighs, his mumbling.. I love the little things.
Anyway, since it was kinda late, everyone else had eaten so I cooked us a pizza and we watched the last episode of Earth Girl Arujuna (he still hadn't seen it!) But he loved it, so I was happy.. then I played this gamecube game he brought over, PNO-3.. it's like, you're this camp girl, Vanessa, and basically, she's been hired for this mission.. so you wander around camply in her EVA PILOT-ESQUE suit and when she shoots things etc., she kinda dances! It's really cute ^_^~!
We then watched the new DVD of RahXephon that he brought... Anyway! I was so intruiged.. it was so scandalous, he went back to Tokyo with Quon in the RahXephon.. and Haruka and Elvy went in after him in the Vermillion! So I was like omg yay! Anyway.. you get to see that camp girl, his friend from the first 2 episodes.. who starts finding out really strange things, that Ayato has been gone for a long time and nobody cares, and that her blood turned blue.. anyway, stuff happens.. and she leaves Tokyo on the rahxephon with ayato! They start living together where nobody knows them, because Ayato is wanted for treason.. anyway, she's having a hard time accepting everything, and she dreams about a dolem that looks like her. One day, that dolem appears and of course, ayato goes out in the rahxephon and starts to battle it. The dolem takes out all the power in that area, and the girl (what the FUCK is her name!?) starts writing in her journal.. and ayato bashes the dolems arm.. and you get to see a flash.. the girls arm is betting battered and blue blood is being splashed everywhere.. she's screaming and little things are being written in japanese, like neon signs, on televisions and signs.. things like "I'm so sorry" "ayato-kun" but ayato doesn't see.. and he ends up killing the dolem, and in turn her.. and you get to see a flash "i love you" written somewhere.. and ayato turns around to see his name written on a huge billboard... and he does like a big shinji scream.. and as the dolem dies, the power goes back on and you get to see sayonara written.. it's realy sad, I had to stop watching and just hug carlos for a while, I was in shock... I loved her so much, she was such a great character. He went back to the room and then he knew he killed her, there was blood EVERYWHERE.. and he was just reading her journal.. it was SO sad. and that was really good! And after that, we talked for a bit about what was happening etc..
Then we watched this DVD I bought him called "Voice Of A Distant Star" (Hoshi no Koe).. it was only about 20ish minutes long, but it was done by ONE person alone, and apparently is was really sad so I wanted to see! It had this special feature with a little 5 minute animation called "She and Her Cat".. so we watched that. It was really cute.. it was narrated by a man, who turned out to be a cat. Anyway, she bought him.. and the narrator was just explaining that she used to go to work and leave the house smelling like cosmetics etc.. and that he was in love with her. One day, the phone rang and she cried and cried afterwards.. and he just sat there with her.. it turned to winter and she started to wear a really big coat, and he said she looked like a big cat herself! ^_^, I thought that was really cute.. and then at the end.. they just said.. "I really love this world". It was really gorgeous, I wanna rip it and upload for all of you!
ANYWAY! voice of a distant star.. it started off really cute.. this boy, and this girl.. they were 15 and they went to school together.. they were on the way home one day and they were just talking and talking.. they looked into the sky and they could see these.. things, I guess, being launched. So there was a war on.. and this really huge ship had come to gather recruits to fly these mech's, to fight against these aliens, or whatever. Anyway.. she just stopped and told him.. "Hey, you know, I'm going to pilot one of them".. then it goes to her in space, and she's battling some alien ships etc.. and she and the boy send each other sms messages/emails with their mobiles.. she tells him what she's doing etc.. she sends one email to him when she's at jupiter, and it will take over a year to reach him.. it goes back to him on earth and he's given up waiting for her messages anymore, because it's been so long since he recieved one from her.. but he gets them every now and then, it gets longer and longer apart.. the most touching one I remember was... "Hi! It's 15 year old (name) messaging the 22 year old (guy)!".. eventually, she ended up being bashed and dying.. so she sent him a message, but.. it was going to take 8 years to get to him... thats a really basic synopsis.. and it's much better than that.
Afterwards.. it went back to the title screen.. and some beautiful classical music started playing.. and I just hugged carlos and burst into tears. I just cried.. about everything.. especially the fact that one day, Carlos and I will grow old.. and the beautiful days that we share now won't always be like this... one day we will get old.. and we won't be able to do everything we do now.. and at that moment I was so scared. I was scared, my beautiful Carlos.. we can't be together forever and ever. One day, one of us will go.. and that scares me. In 2 years I've grown up a lot, and I'm sure I look older, and thats fine.. but what about in 20 years? I don't care that he won't look the same.. but I don't want things to change. I'll just miss what I have now.. because I have so much right now.
Ja'Ne
This weekend was definately.. filled with love.
Carlos came over late Saturday, which was nice.. I was so fucking pissed off with Liam that I went to my room and found myself drifting in and out of sleep.. he came in, and I just reached up to him.. and he came and gave me cuddles and ran his fingers through my (lack of) hair.. and told me things, just little things.. but I love how we can do that. I love being able to hear his lungs fill up with air and his heartbeat and the vibrations of his american voice, his laughs, his sighs, his mumbling.. I love the little things.
Anyway, since it was kinda late, everyone else had eaten so I cooked us a pizza and we watched the last episode of Earth Girl Arujuna (he still hadn't seen it!) But he loved it, so I was happy.. then I played this gamecube game he brought over, PNO-3.. it's like, you're this camp girl, Vanessa, and basically, she's been hired for this mission.. so you wander around camply in her EVA PILOT-ESQUE suit and when she shoots things etc., she kinda dances! It's really cute ^_^~!
We then watched the new DVD of RahXephon that he brought... Anyway! I was so intruiged.. it was so scandalous, he went back to Tokyo with Quon in the RahXephon.. and Haruka and Elvy went in after him in the Vermillion! So I was like omg yay! Anyway.. you get to see that camp girl, his friend from the first 2 episodes.. who starts finding out really strange things, that Ayato has been gone for a long time and nobody cares, and that her blood turned blue.. anyway, stuff happens.. and she leaves Tokyo on the rahxephon with ayato! They start living together where nobody knows them, because Ayato is wanted for treason.. anyway, she's having a hard time accepting everything, and she dreams about a dolem that looks like her. One day, that dolem appears and of course, ayato goes out in the rahxephon and starts to battle it. The dolem takes out all the power in that area, and the girl (what the FUCK is her name!?) starts writing in her journal.. and ayato bashes the dolems arm.. and you get to see a flash.. the girls arm is betting battered and blue blood is being splashed everywhere.. she's screaming and little things are being written in japanese, like neon signs, on televisions and signs.. things like "I'm so sorry" "ayato-kun" but ayato doesn't see.. and he ends up killing the dolem, and in turn her.. and you get to see a flash "i love you" written somewhere.. and ayato turns around to see his name written on a huge billboard... and he does like a big shinji scream.. and as the dolem dies, the power goes back on and you get to see sayonara written.. it's realy sad, I had to stop watching and just hug carlos for a while, I was in shock... I loved her so much, she was such a great character. He went back to the room and then he knew he killed her, there was blood EVERYWHERE.. and he was just reading her journal.. it was SO sad. and that was really good! And after that, we talked for a bit about what was happening etc..
Then we watched this DVD I bought him called "Voice Of A Distant Star" (Hoshi no Koe).. it was only about 20ish minutes long, but it was done by ONE person alone, and apparently is was really sad so I wanted to see! It had this special feature with a little 5 minute animation called "She and Her Cat".. so we watched that. It was really cute.. it was narrated by a man, who turned out to be a cat. Anyway, she bought him.. and the narrator was just explaining that she used to go to work and leave the house smelling like cosmetics etc.. and that he was in love with her. One day, the phone rang and she cried and cried afterwards.. and he just sat there with her.. it turned to winter and she started to wear a really big coat, and he said she looked like a big cat herself! ^_^, I thought that was really cute.. and then at the end.. they just said.. "I really love this world". It was really gorgeous, I wanna rip it and upload for all of you!
ANYWAY! voice of a distant star.. it started off really cute.. this boy, and this girl.. they were 15 and they went to school together.. they were on the way home one day and they were just talking and talking.. they looked into the sky and they could see these.. things, I guess, being launched. So there was a war on.. and this really huge ship had come to gather recruits to fly these mech's, to fight against these aliens, or whatever. Anyway.. she just stopped and told him.. "Hey, you know, I'm going to pilot one of them".. then it goes to her in space, and she's battling some alien ships etc.. and she and the boy send each other sms messages/emails with their mobiles.. she tells him what she's doing etc.. she sends one email to him when she's at jupiter, and it will take over a year to reach him.. it goes back to him on earth and he's given up waiting for her messages anymore, because it's been so long since he recieved one from her.. but he gets them every now and then, it gets longer and longer apart.. the most touching one I remember was... "Hi! It's 15 year old (name) messaging the 22 year old (guy)!".. eventually, she ended up being bashed and dying.. so she sent him a message, but.. it was going to take 8 years to get to him... thats a really basic synopsis.. and it's much better than that.
Afterwards.. it went back to the title screen.. and some beautiful classical music started playing.. and I just hugged carlos and burst into tears. I just cried.. about everything.. especially the fact that one day, Carlos and I will grow old.. and the beautiful days that we share now won't always be like this... one day we will get old.. and we won't be able to do everything we do now.. and at that moment I was so scared. I was scared, my beautiful Carlos.. we can't be together forever and ever. One day, one of us will go.. and that scares me. In 2 years I've grown up a lot, and I'm sure I look older, and thats fine.. but what about in 20 years? I don't care that he won't look the same.. but I don't want things to change. I'll just miss what I have now.. because I have so much right now.
Ja'Ne