Reasons why Airports are Almost Scarier than Spiders
So I'm going to Paris tomorrow to visit my aunt and uncle and I'm super excited, except I'm of course going by plane (I love that in Europe planes are often cheaper than trains) and I apparently suffer from some kind of airport-based PTSD. Like, some people get anxious at the idea of flying cuz the plane might go down or whatever but me? I'm terrified of airport security. Like, they're so intimidating with their uniforms and unsmiling visages. Then they make you put all your stuff through that x-ray thing and then they always STOP THE MACHINE and just STARE at your stuff and you always think for a second 'Oh god, did I accidentally turn my Nintendo DS into a bomb last time I charged it?' but then it turns out to be way worse cuz they pull you aside and open your bag and suddenly they're waving your toothpaste at you because you forgot to bring the travel-size, not the normal-size and they're all, "Did you know you're a terrorist?" and youjust like, "No, I had no idea," and then they throw out your toothpaste and search everything else and you keep shifting around cuz you want to get to the gate a little early, but they think you're suspicious for all that glancing around and then they have someone pat you down 'randomly' and I always have to wonder, if the lady patting me down is cute, would it be inappropriate to ask her if she wants to go out on a date when I get back?
It probably is.
But I think I've got my questionable items under control, which is good because I'm only bringing the one carry-on so I don't have to pay to check a bag. The only thing I'm worried about is my deodorant because for some reason Germany only believes in spraycan deodorant or the roll-on liquid kind and that makes me nervous cuz even though it's a tiny little thing, in America they're always like, "Oh, you brought roll-on deodorant? Yeah, sure, you're totally visiting your sickly grandmother. Just a moment while we do a background check on you." But maybe Germany's not crazy like America and instead they'll be like, "Oh, cool deodorant, you should try the buttercup scent," and I'll be like, "Yeah, cool," even though I don't know the word for buttercup in German. (Butterblume; I just looked it up.)
Well, I feel a little better now. Ranting is always nice. Although I think the one time I ever had my stuff searched was cuz I brought the toothpaste and they just threw it out cuz I didn't want to check it and the guy accidentally opened the pocket of my bag with the tampons and he blushed and was all like, "Uh..." and I was like, "Well..." and then he let me go. Also, a pro-tip: never wear pants with lots of buckles on them to the airport. It turns out, it sets off the metal detector and you'll get an awkward pat-down. Unless you like that kind of thing, then feel free to wear all sorts of weird buckles.
I'm really anxious about getting there, though. If I see a taxi on my way to the station, I'm taking it. Otherwise, I need to take the S-Bahn and change once and I'm so nervous about missing my train that I'm leaving at 4 and will probably get there at 5 even thought the gate doesn't close until 8:55 because like I said, I'm really nervous.
Seriously, though. Paris. Well, it could be any place in France and I would be excited. I mean, that shit's classy. I'm going to eat duck and sip juice from a wine glass cuz I don't like wine at all but I want to be classy too. We're also going to an amusement park, which will be my first one and it will be awesome/terrifying. No idea what else we're doing, but duck + theme park = good enough for me. Then at the end of the week, we're meeting up with my dad and stepmom in London, where we'll have tea and fish and chips. Then at the end of that week, my dad and stepmom and I are going to Berlin and I'll get to play tour guide for a couple days.
And as long as I get there on time and don't get arrested for having waterlily-scented deodorant instead of a buttercup-scented one, it'll be great.
It probably is.
But I think I've got my questionable items under control, which is good because I'm only bringing the one carry-on so I don't have to pay to check a bag. The only thing I'm worried about is my deodorant because for some reason Germany only believes in spraycan deodorant or the roll-on liquid kind and that makes me nervous cuz even though it's a tiny little thing, in America they're always like, "Oh, you brought roll-on deodorant? Yeah, sure, you're totally visiting your sickly grandmother. Just a moment while we do a background check on you." But maybe Germany's not crazy like America and instead they'll be like, "Oh, cool deodorant, you should try the buttercup scent," and I'll be like, "Yeah, cool," even though I don't know the word for buttercup in German. (Butterblume; I just looked it up.)
Well, I feel a little better now. Ranting is always nice. Although I think the one time I ever had my stuff searched was cuz I brought the toothpaste and they just threw it out cuz I didn't want to check it and the guy accidentally opened the pocket of my bag with the tampons and he blushed and was all like, "Uh..." and I was like, "Well..." and then he let me go. Also, a pro-tip: never wear pants with lots of buckles on them to the airport. It turns out, it sets off the metal detector and you'll get an awkward pat-down. Unless you like that kind of thing, then feel free to wear all sorts of weird buckles.
I'm really anxious about getting there, though. If I see a taxi on my way to the station, I'm taking it. Otherwise, I need to take the S-Bahn and change once and I'm so nervous about missing my train that I'm leaving at 4 and will probably get there at 5 even thought the gate doesn't close until 8:55 because like I said, I'm really nervous.
Seriously, though. Paris. Well, it could be any place in France and I would be excited. I mean, that shit's classy. I'm going to eat duck and sip juice from a wine glass cuz I don't like wine at all but I want to be classy too. We're also going to an amusement park, which will be my first one and it will be awesome/terrifying. No idea what else we're doing, but duck + theme park = good enough for me. Then at the end of the week, we're meeting up with my dad and stepmom in London, where we'll have tea and fish and chips. Then at the end of that week, my dad and stepmom and I are going to Berlin and I'll get to play tour guide for a couple days.
And as long as I get there on time and don't get arrested for having waterlily-scented deodorant instead of a buttercup-scented one, it'll be great.