Deep Breath Before the Plunge
I fully realize that this journal has been functionally dead for over two years and that this spontaneous journal entry will either reach few people or will barely make a splash if it does. I think my sudden renewed interest in my Livejournal account largely stems from a strong desire to put the past entries (and my former attention-craving and -needy self) to rest. I left off with a mixed review of Final Fantasy XII, and I guess this later (and probably final) entry isn't too far removed from its immediate predecessor. In the interim period between these two entries I've had a political/philosophical/moral awakening, have been to Hawaii, have gotten accepted to UT Houston Medical School, have appraised the important items and people in my life, and have further regimented my daily habits. That said, I still feel like I'm the same person at heart, even if my former lives, friends, and interests have run their course and taken their rightful places enshrined in the halls of memory. I've never dealt with change particularly well, and, akin to this time four years ago, I'm at a crossroads in my life that promises both fresh scenery and faces as well as great disorientation and uprooting on my part.
Thinking back, over the course of this summer, of previous summers, I realized I've accomplished quite a bit in my life. In 2003 I received my Eagle Scout rank. In 2004 I held my first summer job and completed my Extended Essay. In 2005 I graduated from high school and received my IB diploma and went on my first date. In 2006 I visited Chicago with Phillip and Toronto to see Ashique. In 2007 I took an MCAT prep class. In 2008 I completed medical school applications and was invited to my first of seven eventual interviews. In 2009 I've been working at Surf and Swim to make money for Houston in the fall and have been slowly counting down the days to Ashique's visit and the move on August 7. I guess the one constant feature of said summers has been my fantastic family, one of the blessings I thank God for every day. Over the past four years at Austin College my parents have been safely an hour away and ready to provide any needed morale boosters or (financial) assistance or a bed for the weekend. I'm not frightened about the real world by any means--save for potential state depredations and immiseration in the future--but despite my best efforts I feel that nostalgia easily overtakes me. I know that I'm unwilling to part with fun memories in the past, and I know that I've essentially wished my life away to get to this point in my life, but part of my psyche has a foot squarely (and figuratively) planted in the past. For the longest time I've sought a life of meaning, as the whole party-hardy, high stakes, superficial, and largely hollow world of the "party" scene/life has never appealed to me. What has especially saddened me and caused some disconnect over the past few years is watching people gradually succumb, one by one, to activities that lead to oblivion. I'm not judgmental; I just prefer to conduct my life differently.
This entry hasn't at all come out as I had planned. By no means do I consider myself an especially originally person, but I did have a general outline of topics I wanted to address. Midway through this entry I honestly think I lost interest, and as such all sense and intent evaporated. My mind was brewing with all sorts of quips and insights beforehand, but my hands were unsteady in adding ingredients and stirring the whole concoction. The points I ultimatley plan to make are these:
1. It's hard coming to terms with what, in many ways, is my last summer of "childhood."
2. I imagine this narrative will end here. My plan, however, is to keep a journal of my experiences throughout medical school and release those at a later point in time. My life isn't known for many exciting exploits--yet at least--but I think my normalcy, particularly in today's topsy-turvy world, is somewhat extraordinary.
I look forward to future encounters with figures from the past and with changes to my perspective and outlook down the road.
Thinking back, over the course of this summer, of previous summers, I realized I've accomplished quite a bit in my life. In 2003 I received my Eagle Scout rank. In 2004 I held my first summer job and completed my Extended Essay. In 2005 I graduated from high school and received my IB diploma and went on my first date. In 2006 I visited Chicago with Phillip and Toronto to see Ashique. In 2007 I took an MCAT prep class. In 2008 I completed medical school applications and was invited to my first of seven eventual interviews. In 2009 I've been working at Surf and Swim to make money for Houston in the fall and have been slowly counting down the days to Ashique's visit and the move on August 7. I guess the one constant feature of said summers has been my fantastic family, one of the blessings I thank God for every day. Over the past four years at Austin College my parents have been safely an hour away and ready to provide any needed morale boosters or (financial) assistance or a bed for the weekend. I'm not frightened about the real world by any means--save for potential state depredations and immiseration in the future--but despite my best efforts I feel that nostalgia easily overtakes me. I know that I'm unwilling to part with fun memories in the past, and I know that I've essentially wished my life away to get to this point in my life, but part of my psyche has a foot squarely (and figuratively) planted in the past. For the longest time I've sought a life of meaning, as the whole party-hardy, high stakes, superficial, and largely hollow world of the "party" scene/life has never appealed to me. What has especially saddened me and caused some disconnect over the past few years is watching people gradually succumb, one by one, to activities that lead to oblivion. I'm not judgmental; I just prefer to conduct my life differently.
This entry hasn't at all come out as I had planned. By no means do I consider myself an especially originally person, but I did have a general outline of topics I wanted to address. Midway through this entry I honestly think I lost interest, and as such all sense and intent evaporated. My mind was brewing with all sorts of quips and insights beforehand, but my hands were unsteady in adding ingredients and stirring the whole concoction. The points I ultimatley plan to make are these:
1. It's hard coming to terms with what, in many ways, is my last summer of "childhood."
2. I imagine this narrative will end here. My plan, however, is to keep a journal of my experiences throughout medical school and release those at a later point in time. My life isn't known for many exciting exploits--yet at least--but I think my normalcy, particularly in today's topsy-turvy world, is somewhat extraordinary.
I look forward to future encounters with figures from the past and with changes to my perspective and outlook down the road.