Lawl. I lol'd... seriously.
It's uh.. It's been quite awhile since I've last updated? So uhh... I'm going to update just for the hell of it.. ?
I... I totally forgot about Livejournal, heh. These were back in my "emo" times, I guess. Ah, well... guess I can't blame myself. A lot has happened over the past couple of years here, it's gone way too fast. I don't feel the same anymore, as if I'm living someone else's life. It's hard - I feel like fake. Atleast it keeps me happy... sometimes.
School's started; has started for quite awhile now. I don't know whether that's a good thing or bad thing anymore. I got suspended on the 21st of this month, it's shooken me quite a bit and smacked me back to reality. I don't know what's real or what's not anymore... it's freaking me out. I can't decide whether my friend's are friends and the truths they tell really are the truth. I'm lost, and I'm very confused.
It's not so depressing once you've dealt with it for so long... but it does dig in deep.
I've gained new friends and lost many more. I can feel so much.. so much hatred and sadness just building up inside of me, I'm going just *snap* in a million pieces one day, I can feel it. I wish I had someone I could talk to again, it's pretty lame just keeping it all in. Someone who I could spill my guts to and they'd understand.
Nah... no one really cares that's why. You either have to be fully american or pretty goddamn close to get any fucking attention around here. Looks are everything, and it pisses me the fuck off when you're stared down like some pimple on a faggot's ass, rejected and dejected as if you're nothing. And that's the main reason why I'll never find someone here; rejection hurts - I'll admit, it really does. The humiliation of just.. attempting to get with so and so is so... nerve wracking. If you go out with a girl deemed "not hott", you're Gay and it's final. Fuck that, what the hell is wrong with the kids these days?
God, I became more religious than ever over the past year as well. I cling on to this last memorablia of Sarah with my life, and I pray a lot more too. Shockingly, my prayers were heard recently (that's a story for another time). I guess all I can do right now is cling on to my religion and self-beliefs and let life fuck me at the same time.
--
Last thing... I lost contact with a few very close friends. Man, it'd be so great to be able to talk again like the old days, I miss it so much. It hurts just thinking about it...
That's enough of me being emo for tonight...
Stay classy you fucks
-J.G ~ out.
I... I totally forgot about Livejournal, heh. These were back in my "emo" times, I guess. Ah, well... guess I can't blame myself. A lot has happened over the past couple of years here, it's gone way too fast. I don't feel the same anymore, as if I'm living someone else's life. It's hard - I feel like fake. Atleast it keeps me happy... sometimes.
School's started; has started for quite awhile now. I don't know whether that's a good thing or bad thing anymore. I got suspended on the 21st of this month, it's shooken me quite a bit and smacked me back to reality. I don't know what's real or what's not anymore... it's freaking me out. I can't decide whether my friend's are friends and the truths they tell really are the truth. I'm lost, and I'm very confused.
It's not so depressing once you've dealt with it for so long... but it does dig in deep.
I've gained new friends and lost many more. I can feel so much.. so much hatred and sadness just building up inside of me, I'm going just *snap* in a million pieces one day, I can feel it. I wish I had someone I could talk to again, it's pretty lame just keeping it all in. Someone who I could spill my guts to and they'd understand.
Nah... no one really cares that's why. You either have to be fully american or pretty goddamn close to get any fucking attention around here. Looks are everything, and it pisses me the fuck off when you're stared down like some pimple on a faggot's ass, rejected and dejected as if you're nothing. And that's the main reason why I'll never find someone here; rejection hurts - I'll admit, it really does. The humiliation of just.. attempting to get with so and so is so... nerve wracking. If you go out with a girl deemed "not hott", you're Gay and it's final. Fuck that, what the hell is wrong with the kids these days?
God, I became more religious than ever over the past year as well. I cling on to this last memorablia of Sarah with my life, and I pray a lot more too. Shockingly, my prayers were heard recently (that's a story for another time). I guess all I can do right now is cling on to my religion and self-beliefs and let life fuck me at the same time.
--
Last thing... I lost contact with a few very close friends. Man, it'd be so great to be able to talk again like the old days, I miss it so much. It hurts just thinking about it...
That's enough of me being emo for tonight...
Stay classy you fucks
-J.G ~ out.