"quote my life."
school, life, friends, family. this sounds like the beginning of some sigur ros type entry doesn't it? full of "deep questioning of life" type diction, and a dreamy setting of an entry. well, merely it's all to just reflect upon what's going on, and how it is.
i really have nothing to say, yet it seems the long entry tells a different story. life all around, has been rather dull and sullen. i'm just not as happy at all as i was in the summer. no longer do i really seem to be some happy person. school can truly take it's toll on you, and affect you even when not in school. no smiles, or good feeling, or carefree attitude. always the idea that time is crunched, you always have something else to do, you're never doing enough. classes get to me, and my school bothers me. a history teacher who you either love or hate due to his outspoken views. a pre-cal teacher who bores you to death, and has a teaching method who doesn't reach out to you. you suffer, you stress, you only become confused. quizzes to bring you down, and attitude that you can't seem to grasp it at all. maybe this school of mine is more complicated than a school i'd much rather go to. maybe the teaching is different, the curriculumn differs, and the social surroundings are poorer. a world of physics with a teacher who is rather humorous, yet one who beleive that a student should be independent and not in need of a teacher's help. the literary world, taught in the ap style is all such a world of writing perdition. this all, is such a rant of displeasure and whining it seems? possibly, but more of just a detailed explination full of negative outlook.
then comes a period where i can relax for that little time slot of 26 minutes. food, laughter, other fellows to talk to. all surrounded by the horribly looking, yellow and aging repulsive barriers of brick. these walls which bleed out the many grievances of those before us. to eat, and try to get away from this tormenting erection of lowest-bidder construction. followed all by a class, plagued with the myriad of hispanic, low-intelligence assholes who think they are of the "gangster" heritage. full of their idiotic bullshit, and immature rantings. it amazes me how such children are bred today. how parents can let a child stoop so low, to have no manner, no care for the perception they give to others. why can't i make my own perfect society without theses mindless dumbasses. who said the world must conform and accept the weak and lame? who said i had to live with such shit of the earth. enough of unworthy people living on my fine earth, i just feel the urge to dispose of such waste of fine oxygen on my over-populated world. it's pure disgusting to think of it. enough of the soccer in there, it's all about the inside hate for lameass society that bothers me. the french language is not appreciated as it should in the following period of shame, due to a teacher who knows nothing of the universal teaching method.
i keep thinking that i have something to look forward to on weekends, or to think that i have something big planned in the future. always the idea that after this week of shit, i'll have more to see. maybe later in the year i'll have more happiness to be thankful of. but there seems to be no clues nor signs of such a thing. looking around my room, thinking of a daily life i live- then reading or viewing others. watching other lives, so much more than mine- go on. why wasn't i blessed with such a good live? how come i can't wipe all of this life i live now for a completely new and different one? don't complain, don't whine, and be grateful for all of you have you might say. why can't one dream for more? we all want to be something more, a more lavish lifestyle, a more exciting day to day calendar of events. yet it never happens, we wonder if it ever will. hopefully i can make something of this life that seems so dull now, into something i've dreamed of forever. more sophisticated, more fun, more enjoyable. why can't perfection be more easily obtained? where's the chance to make the most of life, and to live all the feelings you've thought of before. wait- does this even make sense anymore? possibly i just got lost in the music, the boring scenery around me, and the consistent tapping of my keyboard. oh, i'm talking to myself also.
a boring night, friends who care and i well appreciate, and living with frustration with how i seem to criticize and point out everything. damn myself for being an asshole, or rather damn the world for making so many mistakes. it backfires only to realize, that i myself am not perfect. oh fuck. my mind keeps sending shit at a rate i can't type and turn into a half-explainable and understandble entry so possibly it's time to move on to other things in life. lj is a great way to talk as if you're living in a cloud of nonsense, and some dreamy crap that is all zen and what not. ha, without lj there would be no talking out of you ass. what a horrible thought.
which color?
