alas.
to sit and think about it all the time, to wonder and dream about it all. if you had just chosen the other step, the other path, how would it had affected you later on. just a simple decision, how it could change the whole future you would've had. the future you could've had. but now you can't change what you did, can't change how you acted, how you ended up leading your life to what it is now. do you regret your decisions you made? would you want to go back, change all you did, make that gamble and wonder where it landed you? don't feel sorry for what you did. don't feel bad for the decisions you made. is it all part of a large, elaborate laid out plan of your life? these strict directions and lines you're supposed to follow and be guided by.
what does all this lead to. what all do these signs, little events that seem pointless direct you to. so many questions, so many puzzled looks upon your face. yet when do you get to know? to understand? to compensate and realize it all? never? is that how it's supposed to be. a life fulled if intriguing and bewildering events, sights, and seconds. we all live these lives where we go by everything all too fast, where we seem to not appreciate small parts of your life. maybe after reading a book, or viewing a movie, a photo as a memory do we seem to realize how fast we go through life. it's all for show, it's all to impress and just keep up with the pace of society. you say you'll be different, you say you'll be a different person and change how you live, act and deal with things. yet it's only different for a day or two, then it's back to the normalacy of life that you had lived for the days and years before. fast, quick, shallow, easy. the way we have adapted to live our lives each second, to not second think it, to go along, to stop dwindling with these petty small day dreaming thoughts. why be a dreamer when you can be a rationalist? deal with the real, material things in life. the items and things you can touch, feel, and sense.
no need for these faiths, these beliefs, or non actual parts of life. no need for these small pictures we don't take time to notice. it's all the big picture that seems to matter. nothing else seems to come as noticed. as with people, the loud and normal are noticed, and the odds ones singled out. seen to be not as a normal other, not as one that can be treated with the same respect or thought as others. is it one's fault for being different, and being deeper than another? for being more of a thinker, and having more thought to life than others? or are we all supposed to harden our senses, forget the other parts of life besides what we touch and feel. desert that side of yourself and go on with the quick pace of it all. stop teasing yourself they say, stop being something you're not. you only fool yourself when you try to appreciate or understand what is all around you. to reflect on how you feel, how you analyze it all. it's all a confusing labyrinth you have to find your way through. to attempt to understand anything and everything of your confusing life you have to live. so many different turns, it's like there isn't even a point to start. no reason to even begin it all. who's there to make the decisions for that though, who's there to determine that fate.