Blast from my tabletop past.
I thought I would provide you all with some entertainment from my hero tabletop past. This was written by me, from my PCs point of view, as he was asked to lead a team of heros and offer them advice. Enjoy.
How Not to Screw Up
By: Cavalier
Due to the group acquiring new members, and being informed this kind of thing might happen often by former teammate Arak, I have decided to make a hard copy of advice veteran heroes offer to novices. This is not intended to lecture you, but to inform you of things you might need to know to live long enough to lecture, er instruct, those who are just entering the ‘biz’.
Rule #1
This rule is important enough to get bolded, italicized, and underlined. It is a rule any novice should follow, regardless of how cocky or invulnerable they think they are. Because we all have a nemesis out there, the novices just haven’t met theirs yet.
Listen to the advice of any hero who has been in the ‘biz’ longer than you.
This isn’t to say you have to do what they tell you, but STRONGLY consider whatever they have to say. If you don’t agree after considering it, do what you will, but keep in mind the veteran will most likely not be happy with your decision, so be prepared to justify your actions.
Rule #2
When in combat with villains, avoid actions which prompt such phrases as ‘Watch this guys!’ or ‘He can’t possibly dodge this move!’.
If you find such a phrase escaping your lips, odds are, you are about to do something stupid. Ask the veterans about their beginning careers, and I am sure you will hear many cases of behavior that was quickly outgrown.
Rule #3
Diversity is good.
Villains tend to learn from past mistakes. If you are a one-trick-pony, you will find yourself facing defeat about a month after your career starts. Keep up on new tactics and learn new combat maneuvers when you can. You never know when that ancient Swami healing trick you learned on a hunch could save your life.
Rule #4
Teamwork is essential.
If you are lucky enough to join a team, then you should spend a lot of time mastering teamwork with your fellow heroes. I cannot stress enough how effective teamwork can be, but it only works if all members chip in. Firewing can be brought down by less powerful heroes, as long as they work together.
Rule #5
Know when you are in over your head.
This is something novices have a lot of trouble with. Hotshot mentalities mixed with inexperience make for a dangerous combination. If the first hit from Grond doesn’t tip you off to being outmatched, then the second should. If you get to the third, you deserve what you get. Certain villains are just out of any one hero’s scope. You should learn who these villains are and avoid them when alone. A good rule of thumb is thus: ‘If you have heard of the villain defeating the Champions, avoid solo confrontation.’
Rule #6
Backup is a good thing.
If you think, ‘Maybe I should call for backup’, you should. Its always far better to bring more power than you need to a problem than to wish you had as you are being trounced by VIPER in their secret sting operation against you. Villains love heroes who don’t believe in backup, it means more notches for their villain belts - hey, they get their reputations somewhere!
Rule #7
Normals are fragile.
Another mistake novices make is overestimating the average person’s ability to survive damage. Guns can kill normal people in one shot. Keep this in mind before attempting to ‘subdue’ the evil overlord’s scientists with you supremo-villain-punisher death beam, a simple blow to the back of the head will suffice. If they show no signs that the blow has harmed them, then proceed to the death beam.
Rule #8
Ninjas are not cool.
This knowledge comes from experience. If you find yourself being smacked after saying ‘Cool!’ when ninjas ambush you, then you have met Cavalier. Ninjas are dangerous, no matter what color their outfits. Avoid large groups of ninjas with bows, as they tend to all focus on one target.
Rule #9
Show respect to those with more experienced than you.
I know how tempting it is to say ‘I told you so’ to your team leader, but this is not a good thing to do. Veterans have lost some of the innocence that comes with being a novice, and are less likely to take questions to their decisions as a light-hearted joke. If you feel you must express disagreement with a veteran hero, do so in a polite manner. Taunting will get you a trip to the Paramedics bay.
Rule #10
Local authorities are not losers with guns.
You may think the local cops are jokes, but this is not true. Ask any hero who has been falsely accused of a crime. Those boys in blue turn nasty real quick, especially to those who show-them-up on a regular basis. Keep this in mind when you find yourself working with or around police. Treat them as you would any fellow hero. You never know when a local cop might show up and save your sorry butt when a villain gets the better of you, but this will only happen if you treat them with respect.
Rule #11
Know the difference between a Hero and a Vigilante.
Heroes tend to be the guys who beat up criminals and turn them over to the police or appropriate authorities. Vigilantes are usually the ones who leave piles of criminal corpses behind in their pursuit of ‘justice.’ Heroes tend to follow the laws, occasionally bending them to bring evildoers to justice. Vigilantes march in off rumors, guns-a-blazin’. Look at it this way, if the general public would not approve of your actions, you are most likely a vigilante.
Rule #12
Pick an appropriate name and costume.
Many heroes screw up in this essential step of their careers, but few know of them. This is due to the fact they disappear shortly after their initial debut. Before deciding upon a name, look around you and look at current heroes who are similar to what you hope to be. Don’t imitate them, but try to choose a name along their caliber. Names like Crusader, Seeker, Defender, Cavalier, and Olympian are good for heroes. Buggerer, Stupendo, Ass-Kicker, and Dude are not good ideas. Avoid names like Black Lightning or Dynomyte if you are Caucasian, you will avoid civil lawsuits from minorities this way.
As far as costumes go, avoid neons if you are more at home during the nighttime hours. Pick something that will not hinder your movements. Capes are cool if you can fly; they are a hindrance if you are a martial artist. Remember, you will be seen in public in your outfit, if you feel embarrassed wearing your costume to a party, then you should probably avoid using it as a hero. If all else fails, ask another hero.
Rule #13
Know your strengths and weaknesses.
Heroes must be aware of what they are good at, and what they are weak against. Practice with your powers until you know them intimately. How far can you throw lightning? How many kicks can you throw before you are too tired to think? Can your armor fly in magnetic fields? Does a radioactive isotope strip you of your powers? Does seeing the color pink send you into seizures? These are the types of questions you should know the answers to before launching your career. If you don’t know these kinds of answers, then the villains will try to find out for you. Its not healthy for a villain to demonstrate a weakness to you, they tend not to do so for your benefit.
Rule #14
Do your homework.
Most cases in which a hero is called upon involve some investigation. It’s always a good idea to know the basics of deduction and criminal investigation. If you can figure out who the criminal is before confronting him, you could have some serious advantages going your way. Say the criminal is Dr Destroyer, well if you find this out before confronting him, you have time to call in the Champions or any other hero group to assist you in capturing him. This will earn you big points with the other groups. Be warned though, you should have solid proof of the criminal involved before calling in other heroes. A false alarm can be devastating to your reputation among the other crimefighters.
Rule #15
Prepare some dialogue ahead of time.
Another thing that catches novices easily at the beginning of their careers is the witty exchange of dialogue most heroes have with villains. This talent takes much practice to master. After all, being made fun of by a more intelligent villain is bad, especially if you don’t realize that they just did. Reporters can help here by providing you with footage of exchanges between heroes and villains caught on tape. Study them intently; learn to recognize insults and how to counter them with finesse. If you can go toe to toe with Doc Destroyer in a witty banter, you will earn his respect as well as other heroes. Be witty, not crude. Making fun of his shoes is bad; insulting him with some big words -which you should know the meanings of - is good. This demonstrates your intelligence and makes him consider you more of a threat. Welcome to the hunted by Doc Destroyer club!
Rule #16
Entrances are everything.
This is something you should begin working on from the start of your career. A good entrance is essential to developing a reputation among the criminal element. Swinging in on a wire, smashing through a window, rolling along the floor, and coming to your feet a respectable distance from the villains is impressive. Crashing through the roof, sliding into some boxes, tripping over your cape, and falling face first at the feet of the villain is bad. Smoke pellets/grenades can work wonders for you, if you can afford/have access to them. (Side note: When using smoke grenades, be sure you have some way of seeing through the smoke, otherwise you could trip and look stupid.) A tag line is also good to have at this point. Something like, ‘Freeze, villainous scum!’ or ‘Your criminal antics end here!’ are acceptable. Lines like ‘Surrender, or I’ll call the cops!’ or ‘Oh s$%^! Not you!’ are bad.