The Captain & Hollywood Jones and The Valentine's Day Caper
Title: The Captain & Hollywood Jones and The Valentine's Day Caper
Rating: PG-13 (for swearing and adult themes~)
Pairing: ohmiya
Summary: The Captain and Hollywood Jones are the biggest, baddest super villains this side of Tokyo (or so they think). Too bad someone stole their idea for a Valentine's scheme. Now, much to Hollywood Jones's chagrin, they have to team up with Chestoman and Green Flash to save the day! ... or, at least, kick that poser's ass.
Notes: This was my entry for the ohmiyaday Valentine's contest that somehow placed, reposted here for archive purposes. Thanks to everyone at ohmiyaday that voted for me! ♥
It had been a good plan, Nino thought miserably, picking up a large metal contraption from the floor and moving it across the lab with no little amount of effort. He was a small man and he really shouldn't be doing all of this heavy lifting. This is why, he had always complained to Ohno, that they should hire more henchmen. It wasn't like they didn't have the money for it (not that Nino particularly liked spending money but this seemed like a "necessary evil," as they say) and with the economy the way it was, people would be lining up for any kind of job, even this one.
Ohno had always shot the idea down, though, claiming that he "really didn't need anyone other than Nino" and Nino would walk off, mumbling something angrily under his breath as a flush spread on his cheeks.
Nino dropped the machine he was holding with a grunt and frowned over at the other three in the corner, waiting for him. He wasn't even entirely sure why Ohno needed these things moved. Late New Year's cleaning? It wasn't like they had a new evil plan lined up or anything, much to Nino's chagrin.
He had thought up the best plan for Valentine's Day. It would just take a few changes to their Transformer Ray to switch it from turning dress shirts into ratty old t-shirts (sometimes Nino questioned just how evil his super villain boss actually was) to changing pre-packaged chocolate into live crickets. Live crickets! It would be great! He could just imagine women going to Lawson's, grabbing one of those annoyingly pink paper hearts and having bugs pop out all over the counter. The shrieks alone would be worth it.
And then, for a final touch, to all those people who would ignore the crickets and decide to make their own treats, Nino was researching how to turn sugar into salt--you'd think that would be easier to find than the live crickets but you'd be surprised--which is how Ohno found him earlier that day in the lair's computer lab.
"What're you doing?" the older man asked sleepily, looking for all intents and purposes like he had just woken up from a nap. He probably had; they hadn't done much evil-doing lately, not since the last time they had filled the local high school's pool with gelatin mix, and the super villain was getting lazy.
"Researching for our Valentine's Day scheme," Nino replied without looking up from the screen, pulling up the chemical composition of sugar and scanning the page to figure out what would be needed to switch it to salt.
"We have a new scheme?" Ohno asked, only mildly interested, as he flopped down on the couch. "I didn't know that. Is it any good?"
"It's awesome," Nino grinned, pretty proud of himself for thinking it up. Not that he didn't do his fair share of scheming but this seemed particularly ingenious, even for him. Although he wasn't sure he would be able to top the day he managed to change Chestoman's cape into a giant sheet of bacon; that had been inspired.
"You said it was for Valentine's Day?" Ohno asked, flicking on the television absentmindedly. Nino nodded, eyes not leaving the computer screen. "What are we doing? Stealing all the roses in Tokyo? Piling up so many chocolates in front of Chestoman's door that he can't even leave the house?"
Ohno chuckled at the image; Chestoman would flip.
"Better," Nino enthused, pressing a button to print off a sheet of a few chemical compounds he'd need to get on top of. "We're going to turn all chocolate unusable! People'll buy bugs at the store instead of the ready made stuff and when they try to make it themselves, the sugar will actually be salt!"
Nino smiled to himself, grabbing the sheet fresh from the printer. He didn't even notice that Ohno wasn't laughing, just eyeing Nino with an odd look. The younger man plopped down on the couch next to Ohno, pushing the paper into his lap, eyes beaming up to Ohno for the praise he just knew was coming.
"I don't know, Nino," Ohno finally replied, doing his best to ignore the fallen look on the younger man's face as he turned to face him, an arm resting on the back of the couch now more curved around Nino's shoulders. He didn't even notice in his panicked dismay.
"What?! Why?" Nino asked, confused and hurt. But he had worked so hard on it! Ohno was supposed to grin that shiny grin of his and say 'Great work, Nino. Let's go fiddle with that ray' and then the butterflies in Nino's stomach would start to flutter and it would be a good, evil day. But as that had not happened, Nino did the next best thing: complain.
"It's a brilliant plan! And it's not like you've come up with any schemes lately." Ohno scowled at that comment but Nino ignored him, his sadness at the rejection turning into annoyance, and finally his best offense, the puppy dog attack.
"Come on, Oh-chan," a whine threading through his voice as Nino bumped his side against Ohno, causing the older man to tilt slightly to the right, "I'm bored. Let's ruin some people's love lives. It'll be fun."
Ohno considered this for a moment, or at least, it seemed like he considered this. He stared forward for a brief amount of time in which Nino began thinking about how he was going to tinker with the Transformer Ray later that afternoon and if the closest power-plant had any uranium left, maybe he could even finagle--
"We're not doing it." Nino opened his mouth to protest. "And don't make a face," Ohno added, giving Nino the sternest look he'd managed in awhile. "If you want to do something for Valentine's Day, fine, we can. But I don't like this plan. Figure something else out." And then he left, before Nino could say anything.
Which was how Nino found himself, annoyed and put out, dragging oversized batteries (he was pretty sure that's what they were, at least) across the back lab of the lair for no other reason, he could fathom, than that Ohno was trying to keep him busy before Nino could get the chance to figure out a way to convince him that the plan was worthwhile. Which he would do, once these stupid chores were over. He just had to finish moving these, dust the garage, order them some dinner....
Cursing Ohno and his stupid ability to read Nino's intentions beyond a shadow of a doubt, Nino began to cross the lair, muttering things about stupid pretty evil people and the giant black holes he wished he could push them into. His mind so focused on new schemes that involved torturing his boss (before saving him just at the last minute, because, well, you know) that he didn't notice the Communication Screen had flicked on of its own accord until he heard the pretentious voice of Chestoman ring through the speakers.
"Hollywood Jones!" the man called, startling the evil sidekick, who let out out a string of curse words in response. Chestoman looked properly taken about at the filth spewing out of Nino's mouth and Nino managed to use the pause to turn his mind from pretty evil people to obnoxious hero-type people.
"What do you want, Chestoman?" he asked, annoyed. There was no good reason the stupid superhero should call them right then. Hell, Nino wasn't even dressed for this; his cowboy hat and spurs were sitting in the closet, unused, as someone was never up for heisting or scheming anymore.
"I knew it was you, foul villain!" Chestoman wagged his finger at the monitor and Nino half wondered if he was poking the camera on his side. "Call your boss out here at once!"
"Sure, whatever," Nino shrugged. Chestoman looked confusedly indignant on the other side of the screen as Nino grabbed the intercom. "Ohno, Chestoman's on the phone for you~" he sing-songed into the receiver.
Two seconds later, Ohno appeared in the main room, already dressed in costume. How did he do that?
The older man must have seen Nino's look of confusion because he gave him a quick wink before turning his attention to Chestoman. 'That's why he's the super villian, I guess,' Nino thought, coughing away an embarrassed blush.
"To what do we owe the pleasure, Chestoman?" Ohno asked, turning on that switch in his brain that let him talk like an American comic book villain from the fifties. Nino still hadn't perfected that yet; every time he tried, he sounded more like some kind of awkward gangster that simply hadn't caught on yet. Hence why he preferred his normal, gruff Nino voice. It got the job done.
"Don't play dumb with me, Captain!" Chestoman looked seriously upset but, honestly, the man always kind of looked like that so it was hard to tell. Maybe his sidekick fell in a well. Oh, wait, no, there he was in the background. Was that guy seriously trying to put a leash on a butterfly?
"I'm not playing dumb, though," Ohno sounded puzzled. He turned around to look at Nino. "Do you have any idea what he's talking about?" Nino shrugged.
"You know full well what you did!" Steam was quite possibly pouring from the superhero's ears by now. "Now you go and turn all the chocolate back into chocolate and I won't have to vanquish you!"
Nino was shocked enough from the first half of Chestoman's sentence to miss the ridiculous notion that the man could do anything like vanquishing the two of them. He felt eyes on his face and did his best to not return the glare he knew Ohno was giving him.
"Did you go behind my back?"
God, Ohno was good at the deathly quiet evil voice. A shiver ran down Nino's spine before he realized that he had nothing to be worried about because he hadn't, in fact, done anything wrong.
"Hollywood Jones did it?" the confused voice of Chestoman's sidekick, Green Flash, rang from the monitor. "But he's only a henchman."
"I am not a henchman, thank you very much," Nino glared at the masked man on the screen. "I am a sidekick, just like you. And I didn't do anything. I've been cleaning the lair all morning. I haven't had time to do anything."
And with that, a flash of realization ran through Nino's brain. Accompanied by a slight bubbling rage.
"Wait," he kept his voice low, feeling Ohno's uncertain concern on the back of his neck, "what happened in the first place?"
"You know full well, rogue," Chestoman admonished, "but if you need reminding of your sins, so be it. This afternoon, at exactly one p.m., all the chocolate in the greater Tokyo Metropolitan Area," he paused for effect, "melted."
No one said anything for a moment.
"That's it?" Nino asked, disappointed. If someone wanted to steal his idea, they should at least improve on it. Live crickets were so much better than melted chocolate.
"That's it?!" Chestoman exclaimed, almost whacking Green Flash in the nose as he flailed. "All the chocolate in the city is melted! In boxes! In ovens! In people's pockets! And well, okay, so maybe the oven thing wasn't due to evil, but still! Only you two are nefarious enough to come up with a scheme this evil."
"You're right on our nefariousness," Nino agreed, throwing Ohno a grin over his shoulder, "but give us a little credit. Our Valentine's Day scheme was much better than just a little heat lamp. And quite frankly? I'm a little insulted that you thought we'd do something that dumb."
"Sorry, Hollywood," Green Flash honestly apologized. Chestoman flashed him an annoyed look.
"Well," Chestoman scratched his head, looking the most normal Nino had ever seen him (ignoring the flapping cape and underwear over tights thing), "if you guys didn't do it, who did?"
Ohno sent one more searching look Nino's way but the younger man held up his hands in defense.
"I don't know," Ohno finally replied. "Don't you have that sentient super computer to help you with stuff like this?"
"MJ thought it was you, too," Green Flash replied.
"Your stupid computer never did like us," Nino complained.
"Why should I? You're super villains," a highly mechanical voice trilled from near the microphone. "If I liked you, it would be counterproductive."
"Details, MJ. Details." Nino grinned, not that the computer could see. There was really nothing like pushing a goody two shoes computer's buttons, so to speak.
"Well, we're going to do a little more research on who exactly melted the chocolate," Chestoman interrupted awkwardly. "Do you guys want me to call you if I figure out anything?"
"They're super villains," the computer tried to remind his master. "I doubt they want to help."
"Oh, please do call," Ohno replied, pleasantly, a shadow of annoyance on his features that Nino couldn't place. "I'd actually really like to get the chocolate fixed."
"And I'd like to know who had the balls to mess with a HJ-approved plan." Something like lighting flashed Nino's eyes. "In fact, I'd like to meet the man."
-------
Four hours later, the unlikely team found themselves outside, of all places, a junior high school.
"I still think your stupid computer is fucking with us. There's no way a bunch of middle school kids could figure out how to do something like that."
"But that's what the location tracker on the transformation beam told us," Green Flash replied, as Chestoman did his best to ignore Nino's lapse in language. "It's never wrong."
"Well, it's wrong this time," Nino rolled his eyes, watching as kids started filing out of the building, the school day ending as they stood there. No one looked smart or old enough to even know what a Transformation Ray was, let alone to build one themselves. He made a 'tsk'-ing sound with his tongue.
"We might as well look around," Chestoman cut in diplomatically. "It won't hurt anything to give the place the once over."
Nino was about to respond with another insult when Ohno put a hand on his shoulder. A quick nod to Chestoman cut off anything Nino was about to say and Chestoman and his sidekick headed off towards the school, leaving Nino and Ohno behind.
"Why are you being so unhelpful?" Ohno asked him once the other two were out of earshot. Nino frowned at Ohno.
"Why are you being so eager to please?" Nino countered. "This is Chestoman. He's the only superhero I know that gets scared while flying. And you're actually taking orders from this dorkwad?"
"I'm not taking orders from anyone," Ohno's face was more serious than Nino had seen it for awhile. He was beginning to wonder if there was something more to this than he was aware of. "I just want to get to the bottom of this and the best way to do that is to work with those two, not against them."
"I suppose," Nino sighed, throwing an annoyed glance to where the superheroes were wandering towards the school's entrance, somehow not noticing the immense amount of attention their flashy costumes were attracting from the student population. Green Flash high-fived a nearby kid.
"Kazu, are you going to be good?" Nino turned his attention back to the ironic grin on Ohno's face. A flush made its way up his neck and to the tips of his ears. He kicked a pebble on the ground and one of his spurs made a clinking sound.
"Well, if you want me to," he replied meekly, ears reddening more as Ohno's half smile turned into a full one. "But I don't have to like it!" He added quickly. Ohno didn't seem to mind the snappish remark, reaching over to ruffle Nino's hair affectionately.
"No, you don't," he agreed. Nino felt something warm coil in his stomach but did his best to ignore it; it felt more fluffy than diabolical.
"Shall we go do some evil to some aspiring evil doers?" Nino asked with a grin that was trying a bit too hard. Ohno didn't notice.
"We shall!" He responded cheerfully, grabbing Nino's hand and pulling the two of them towards the building. Nino really wished he had something besides middle schoolers with curious gazes to distract him from the scarily sappy feelings he was trying to ignore.
-------
It didn't take a lot of snooping to figure out that there was something strange going on in one of the neglected science room. Green Flash had figured it out by himself and that was saying something. It probably helped that there was a strange bluish glow emanating from under the doorway and the hallway it sat in smelled like burnt hair.
"So, how do we want to approach this?" Nino began to strategize, sending a brief glance towards their unfamiliar allies. "Send one person in as a scout? Rappel in from the window?"
"Too late," Ohno replied, as they turned to watch Chestoman bust down the door, cape wafting dramatically behind him.
"Stop, evil doer!" they could hear him call from the hallway, despite the fact that they couldn't see whatever it was that the superhero was seeing. "Unhand that lever, fiend!"
"Should we help him?" Ohno asked Green Flash, who remained out in the hallway with them. The other man shrugged.
"How did you find me, Chestoman?" a small voice squeaked from inside. "My fortress is impenatrable!" Nino turned to make eye contact with Ohno.
"Oh, I've got to see this," the younger man grinned ferally, sneaking into the room as best he could with the click of the spurs he was wearing. He definitely did not expect the sight that met his eyes.
Chestoman was standing in the front of the room, striking some kind of pose that Nino supposed the hero thought struck fear into the hearts of mere mortals but really just made him look kind of like a tool. The best part, though, was the person the man was striking the pose against.
He honestly just looked like a normal twelve year old kid, maybe as old as fifteen but no more. The only thing that set him apart from others of his age group was the fact that he wore a gigantic lab coat and was currently involved with pulling some levers on what looked like a very much handmade Transformer Ray. Nino let out a chuckle; the plutonium was being held in with duct tape.
The sound alerted the boy to Nino's presence, however, and he turned quickly in Nino's direction. Much to villain's surprise, though, the kid looked almost excited at his presence.
"Hollywood Jim!" He exclaimed, hands flailed up into the air. Nino blinked.
"Hollywood Jones," he corrected. "And what do you think you're doing, messing with my perfect Valentine's Day plot?" The kid wasn't even listening to him, his eyes as wide as saucers.
"If you're here, then..." he trailed off, gasping in delight when Nino felt a hand clamp down on his shoulder.
"What's happening?" Nino's heart did a small flipflop but he quickly dismissed the feeling; there wasn't time for things like that right now. He turned his head to Ohno, heart rate increasing against his will as he realized just how close they were.
"This kid is the one that melted all the chocolate." Nino pointed a finger towards the suddenly silent boy who was staring in their direction with a mix of ecstasy and disbelief on his face. It was creepy.
"You're the one that did this?" Ohno asked, taking a step towards the youth. That seemed to snap him out of his stupor as he quickly bolted forward, stars in his eyes.
"The Captain!" He managed a strangled yelp of happiness. "It's really you!"
"Um, yes?" Ohno frowned down at the boy, throwing a confused back look to Nino who shrugged. Something was off about this kid and Nino didn't like it. "Do I know you?"
"No, no, you don't. Not yet, at least. But I'm your biggest fan! I've researched every one of your schemes and they're all brilliant. The way you turned all of the rocks on Kamakura Beach into tuna! Inspired! And the time you and Hollywood Jim ("Jones!" Nino tossed in) stole every copy of the latest single from that band, Storm. My sister was annoyed for weeks! You're just so, so, so awesome!"
Ohno looked blindsided. "Well, um, thanks."
Nino glowered.
"Ahem," Chestoman coughed from the doorway. "Can we get on with vanquishing this evil doer?"
"He's just a kid, Sho," Green Flash pointed out from Chestoman's side. "Can't we just make him turn it back and be done with it?"
Chestoman considered this for a moment. The kid wasn't going to give him the chance.
"I'm never going to turn them back!" He squeaked, simultaneously trying to look like an evil genius and send approval-seeking smiles towards Ohno. "You good guys will never catch me!"
"...but we just did," Green Flash frowned.
"Just turn the stupid chocolate back, kid," Nino growled, sending him the kind of look that could kill if the kid feared death, which he apparently did not.
"My name is Chinen the Great, Hollywood Jim ("Jones!") and I'll have you know that I'll never turn the chocolate back. Because I'm going to be the best super villain of all time!" He threw a fist to the air in seeming triumph before pausing a second and adding, "After The Captain, of course."
So this kid had the nerve to talk back to him and hit on his boss. Nino was going to kill him.
One menacing step forward was taken before Nino felt a calming hand on his shoulder and looked up into Ohno's eyes, anger dying down under the silent head shake Ohno gave him. The super villain turned back to the child.
"Chinen the Great, was it?" he asked. The kid nodded vigorously. "You know, I really appreciate your enthusiasm. I'm sure you'll be a great super villain one day."
The kid was grinning so widely, Nino thought he was going to fall over with the weight of it. He'd gladly help the process, if needed.
"But," Ohno continued, "you might have noticed that Hollywood Jones and I arrived here with Chestoman and Green Flash. You know why we did that?" The brat shook his head. "Because we want you to turn the chocolate back, too."
The kid looked flabbergasted.
"What? Why?! It's a great plan! Now no one gets chocolate! It's right up there with one of your plans. Why would you want me to reverse it?"
"Because it is one of our plans, you idiot!" Nino growled. Ohno frowned and took a step in front of Nino, blocking the younger man's view of the kid.
"Because," Ohno ignored Nino's outburst, "we would really rather you hadn't done that. For, um, certain reasons." If Nino could have seen Ohno's face at that moment, he might have detected a trace of a blush. But he probably wouldn't have.
"You really want me to change it back?" the kid whined, looking down at his shoes.
"And promise you'll never do it again!" Chestoman yelled from the front of the room. Three pairs of eyes turned in the heroes' direction before turning back to their own conversation.
"Okay, fine. I'll do it," the brat replied, downcast. "But only because The Captain wants me to."
"Thank you, Chinen," Ohno smiled gratefully. Nino didn't like it but there really wasn't much he could do at this point. He glared daggers at the kid while the boy fiddled with a few levers and knobs. A brief flash of light flew from the beam and Nino knew enough about Transformer Rays to know that the kid had set things right.
With another glare in his direction, Nino walked over and pulled the plutonium off the machine and dropped it into his sack. The kid looked about to protest.
"Go on," Nino growled. "Give me a reason to hurt you."
The brat dropped it.
"Well, I suppose we should be heading out now, then," Ohno cleared his throat awkwardly. "See you around, Chinen. Good luck in school."
Chinen nodded and smiled shyly. Nino almost hit him, just because.
"Another day saved by Chestoman!" the superhero smiled from across the room.
And for the first time all day Nino got to do what he really wanted to: leave.
-------
"The nerve of that kid," Nino muttered, sunken into the couch, Playstation controller in hand. Sometimes, the only thing to do when there was no evil to be done was virtual dragon slaying. It was also good for sexual frustration, not that Nino knew anything about that.
It was strangely therapeutic to imagine each new enemy with Chinen's face. He also didn't feel the need to analyze that one.
Curled up in an oversized sweatshirt and sweatpants (there was only so long Nino could stand the cowboy outfit), he barely noticed when another figure made his way into the room. In fact, so entranced was he with beating the shit out of a certain slime monster that he didn't even realize he was present until the aforesaid figure coughed awkwardly.
"Oh, Ohno? You there?" Nino asked without looking up. He only had a little more leveling to do until he was set for the boss that was waiting for him at the end of the bridge; as much as he loved liked Ohno, this was no time for fooling around.
"Would you pause the game, Nino?" Ohno's voice asked, a strange twang to it that Nino wasn't quite able to place. In any case, there really wasn't time to pause.
"Can't you just tell me whatever it is, Oh-chan?" Nino asked, executing a sideways double slash without blinking an eye. Damn, he was good. "I'm kind of busy right now."
"Pause it, Kazu."
It was the combination of the tone of Ohno's voice, stern and soft at the same time, and the use of the nickname that always caused his stomach to flip flop (not that anyone knew that) that finally got the gamer's attention. A quick tap to the start button froze the bouncing slime ball on the screen and Nino set down the controller before turning slightly to face the direction of Ohno's voice.
Ohno didn't say anything for a second, just looked vaguely uncomfortable which was strange. It wasn't like there was anything to be nervous about; it was just the two of them. Yet there Ohno stood, eyes downcast towards the floor, as if there were something really interesting laying there that Nino just couldn't see.
"What is it, Oh-chan?" Nino finally asked, realizing that he probably wasn't going to get anything out of the older man at this rate. His voice seemed to break Ohno out of his trance, though, as he blinked, looking up to meet Nino's eyes and smiling softly, nervously.
Ohno opened and closed his mouth a few times, obviously trying to think of what to say but looking more like those fish he liked so much. Nino chuckled at the face and the other man relaxed at the familiar sound, pulling out something from behind his back and tossed it in Nino's direction. Without a moment to blink, the box landed in Nino's lap, much to the younger man's surprise.
"What's this?" he asked Ohno, picking up the small box. Without waiting for a response, he shook it near his ear and heard something rattle inside, the single red ribbon adorning the outside fluttering with the motion. "It's not even my birthday."
"Just open it," Ohno sighed, seeming to get over his nerves to walk over and slump down onto the couch next to Nino. There had always been a point at which emotions could no longer trouble the older man and he resorted back to his default: lethargy. It made him either a great super villain or a horrible super villain, depending on how you looked at it. Now, though, it just made him another person tired of being anxious.
Nino was never one to look a gift horse in the mouth and as such, he eagerly reached down to undo the ribbon, gently drifting off the box as the younger man lifted the lid. Inside, carefully arranged, were four small pieces of chocolate: a cowboy hat, a set of spurs, and a heart.
There were too many ideas to process, too many things that had just happened. One step at a time: Ohno was sitting next to him. Ohno had given him chocolates. On Valentine's day. Shaped, he supposed, like his super villain costume. There was a simple answer to what this could mean but there was just no way. That kind of thing only happened to other people.
"Do you like it?" a voice asked from his left. To anyone else's ears, the voice probably would have seemed timid but to Nino, it was like a gong, a harbinger of some sort of change. Because this kind of thing didn't just happen; it didn't.
"Why did you make me chocolate, Oh-chan?" Nino asked, still looking down at the box in his hands. Maybe, if he didn't look at the other man, his bubble wouldn't pop and he wouldn't have to come back to reality. He could just live in a dream world where The Captain and Hollywood Jones stole things by day and made out by night. And maybe a little bit by day, too.
"Because it's Valentine's Day." Ohno's voice sounded confused, like he wasn't quite sure why he had to explain that simple fact. "You make chocolate for people on Valentine's Day. That's what happens."
There it was. Chocolate for people. Nino was, indeed, a person and probably the only person Ohno knew well enough to make chocolate for. Well, except for his mother but Nino had always had some doubts that a super villain as evil as Okasan could even be considered human.
"Oh," Nino sighed. "Yeah, you're right. Thanks, Oh-chan." He had tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice but hadn't done a very good job of it. He turned to give Ohno a weak smile and was met with an impatient face. It was like the older man expected something more but Nino wasn't entirely sure what.
After a few seconds of the strange silence, Nino felt uncomfortable.
"What is it?" he asked, cocking his head to the side. "You're being weird."
Ohno frowned, a confused wrinkle between his eyebrows.
"I thought," he began, looking puzzled and put out at the same time, "I thought this was the part where I got to kiss you."
"...what?" Nino's eyes widened in shock, even as he began to process what he had just heard. That couldn't have been what he said. It couldn't have.
Ohno, meanwhile, was taking Nino's reaction a different way.
"Well, that's how it usually goes, isn't it?" Ohno sounded vaguely defensive, as if he were trying to prove something he had once been sure of but was beginning to have doubts about. "You give chocolates to someone for Valentine's Day and then they smile and then you kiss and then that's just ... that's just how it goes..." Ohno trailed off, looking away and very much unlike his typical super villain persona.
"That's why we didn't do my Valentine's plan? That's why we helped Chestoman turn the chocolate back? So that you could give me this?" Nino was still trying to swallow all this, a lump in his throat the size of a baseball and a happy feeling in his gut that he was trying, to no avail, to keep calm.
"It took a long time to get the shapes right," Ohno nodded.
And that was it, that little nod combined with the way Ohno's eyes looked slightly to the left, as if he were kind of worried that maybe Nino didn't want to kiss him. Before he was even aware of what he was doing, Nino's lips were on Ohno's, like a set of magnets that had been held the opposite way for far too long.
The older man was startled at first, still trying to figure out where he had went wrong with his ingenious plan, but he had always been quick on the uptake and didn't waste time snaking one arm around Nino's waist as the other tangled in his hair. Nino tried to mutter something but Ohno didn't care, pressing harder against the younger man's lips and taking advantage of his slightly open mouth.
Nino chuckled against Ohno's lips, smiling and drawing back slowly. Ohno made a disappointed sound in the back of his throat but pulled back slightly, too, leaving his hand on the small of Nino's back.
"You know, you could have just asked," Nino smiled. "You didn't have to wait until a sappy holiday."
"It seemed appropriate," Ohno shrugged, using the hand still around Nino to pull the smaller man back to him. A few kisses more and Nino was pushing him back again.
"But," he protested again, although not very strongly, "it seems so..." he struggled for the words, "...good."
Ohno let out a chuckle that reverberated through his body. Something flashed in his eyes and in a second, Nino was shivering and not from the cold.
"Then should we do something bad?"
There was a reason Ohno was The Captain and Nino felt no desire to complain.
-------
"Sho~?" Aiba called from the Hall of Justice and Peace where he had been playing saxophone for the pet menagerie. "I think The Captain is trying to call."
"That evil fiend?" Sho called from the other room. Aiba could hear him rustling with the folds of his costume; the older man never liked to be caught on the job in his civilian clothes. "Whatever could he want now? I thought they said they weren't going to do anything for Valentine's Day."
Aiba shrugged. "Maybe they want to invite us over for a party?" His eyes lit up at his own suggestion. "Oh, could we go? I want to go! It would be so much fun!"
"You are not going to a party at a super villain's lair," the metallic voice of MJ chided. "I honestly don't know how you manage to be a superhero's sidekick sometimes, Aiba."
"You're just mad you're not invited, MJ," Aiba retorted, sticking his tongue out. Not that the computer could see.
"Just turn the main communication screen on," Sho sighed, walking into the room in full Chestoman costume. He was getting frighteningly quick at putting it on; Aiba thought it was funny.
"Aye, aye, sir!" Aiba grinned and reached over to push a few buttons and adjust the volume, bringing the full image up on screen.
And what an image it was.
"....My eyes!" Sho yelped, trying to shield his face with his cape. "You fiends! Is this one of your new schemes?" He didn't give them time to answer. "Aiba, shut it off."
Aiba stood oddly transfixed. Sho groaned and scrambled to hit the dials without actually looking up at the screen or hearing any of those sounds. He finally managed to switch it off, sinking to the ground with a gulp.
"That was foul," he muttered, dazed. Aiba nodded, still staring at the screen wide-eyed.
But the audio feed was not quite cut off. The last thing Sho heard before dashing out of the Hall was two sets of diabolical laughter followed by slurping sounds.
Rating: PG-13 (for swearing and adult themes~)
Pairing: ohmiya
Summary: The Captain and Hollywood Jones are the biggest, baddest super villains this side of Tokyo (or so they think). Too bad someone stole their idea for a Valentine's scheme. Now, much to Hollywood Jones's chagrin, they have to team up with Chestoman and Green Flash to save the day! ... or, at least, kick that poser's ass.
Notes: This was my entry for the ohmiyaday Valentine's contest that somehow placed, reposted here for archive purposes. Thanks to everyone at ohmiyaday that voted for me! ♥
It had been a good plan, Nino thought miserably, picking up a large metal contraption from the floor and moving it across the lab with no little amount of effort. He was a small man and he really shouldn't be doing all of this heavy lifting. This is why, he had always complained to Ohno, that they should hire more henchmen. It wasn't like they didn't have the money for it (not that Nino particularly liked spending money but this seemed like a "necessary evil," as they say) and with the economy the way it was, people would be lining up for any kind of job, even this one.
Ohno had always shot the idea down, though, claiming that he "really didn't need anyone other than Nino" and Nino would walk off, mumbling something angrily under his breath as a flush spread on his cheeks.
Nino dropped the machine he was holding with a grunt and frowned over at the other three in the corner, waiting for him. He wasn't even entirely sure why Ohno needed these things moved. Late New Year's cleaning? It wasn't like they had a new evil plan lined up or anything, much to Nino's chagrin.
He had thought up the best plan for Valentine's Day. It would just take a few changes to their Transformer Ray to switch it from turning dress shirts into ratty old t-shirts (sometimes Nino questioned just how evil his super villain boss actually was) to changing pre-packaged chocolate into live crickets. Live crickets! It would be great! He could just imagine women going to Lawson's, grabbing one of those annoyingly pink paper hearts and having bugs pop out all over the counter. The shrieks alone would be worth it.
And then, for a final touch, to all those people who would ignore the crickets and decide to make their own treats, Nino was researching how to turn sugar into salt--you'd think that would be easier to find than the live crickets but you'd be surprised--which is how Ohno found him earlier that day in the lair's computer lab.
"What're you doing?" the older man asked sleepily, looking for all intents and purposes like he had just woken up from a nap. He probably had; they hadn't done much evil-doing lately, not since the last time they had filled the local high school's pool with gelatin mix, and the super villain was getting lazy.
"Researching for our Valentine's Day scheme," Nino replied without looking up from the screen, pulling up the chemical composition of sugar and scanning the page to figure out what would be needed to switch it to salt.
"We have a new scheme?" Ohno asked, only mildly interested, as he flopped down on the couch. "I didn't know that. Is it any good?"
"It's awesome," Nino grinned, pretty proud of himself for thinking it up. Not that he didn't do his fair share of scheming but this seemed particularly ingenious, even for him. Although he wasn't sure he would be able to top the day he managed to change Chestoman's cape into a giant sheet of bacon; that had been inspired.
"You said it was for Valentine's Day?" Ohno asked, flicking on the television absentmindedly. Nino nodded, eyes not leaving the computer screen. "What are we doing? Stealing all the roses in Tokyo? Piling up so many chocolates in front of Chestoman's door that he can't even leave the house?"
Ohno chuckled at the image; Chestoman would flip.
"Better," Nino enthused, pressing a button to print off a sheet of a few chemical compounds he'd need to get on top of. "We're going to turn all chocolate unusable! People'll buy bugs at the store instead of the ready made stuff and when they try to make it themselves, the sugar will actually be salt!"
Nino smiled to himself, grabbing the sheet fresh from the printer. He didn't even notice that Ohno wasn't laughing, just eyeing Nino with an odd look. The younger man plopped down on the couch next to Ohno, pushing the paper into his lap, eyes beaming up to Ohno for the praise he just knew was coming.
"I don't know, Nino," Ohno finally replied, doing his best to ignore the fallen look on the younger man's face as he turned to face him, an arm resting on the back of the couch now more curved around Nino's shoulders. He didn't even notice in his panicked dismay.
"What?! Why?" Nino asked, confused and hurt. But he had worked so hard on it! Ohno was supposed to grin that shiny grin of his and say 'Great work, Nino. Let's go fiddle with that ray' and then the butterflies in Nino's stomach would start to flutter and it would be a good, evil day. But as that had not happened, Nino did the next best thing: complain.
"It's a brilliant plan! And it's not like you've come up with any schemes lately." Ohno scowled at that comment but Nino ignored him, his sadness at the rejection turning into annoyance, and finally his best offense, the puppy dog attack.
"Come on, Oh-chan," a whine threading through his voice as Nino bumped his side against Ohno, causing the older man to tilt slightly to the right, "I'm bored. Let's ruin some people's love lives. It'll be fun."
Ohno considered this for a moment, or at least, it seemed like he considered this. He stared forward for a brief amount of time in which Nino began thinking about how he was going to tinker with the Transformer Ray later that afternoon and if the closest power-plant had any uranium left, maybe he could even finagle--
"We're not doing it." Nino opened his mouth to protest. "And don't make a face," Ohno added, giving Nino the sternest look he'd managed in awhile. "If you want to do something for Valentine's Day, fine, we can. But I don't like this plan. Figure something else out." And then he left, before Nino could say anything.
Which was how Nino found himself, annoyed and put out, dragging oversized batteries (he was pretty sure that's what they were, at least) across the back lab of the lair for no other reason, he could fathom, than that Ohno was trying to keep him busy before Nino could get the chance to figure out a way to convince him that the plan was worthwhile. Which he would do, once these stupid chores were over. He just had to finish moving these, dust the garage, order them some dinner....
Cursing Ohno and his stupid ability to read Nino's intentions beyond a shadow of a doubt, Nino began to cross the lair, muttering things about stupid pretty evil people and the giant black holes he wished he could push them into. His mind so focused on new schemes that involved torturing his boss (before saving him just at the last minute, because, well, you know) that he didn't notice the Communication Screen had flicked on of its own accord until he heard the pretentious voice of Chestoman ring through the speakers.
"Hollywood Jones!" the man called, startling the evil sidekick, who let out out a string of curse words in response. Chestoman looked properly taken about at the filth spewing out of Nino's mouth and Nino managed to use the pause to turn his mind from pretty evil people to obnoxious hero-type people.
"What do you want, Chestoman?" he asked, annoyed. There was no good reason the stupid superhero should call them right then. Hell, Nino wasn't even dressed for this; his cowboy hat and spurs were sitting in the closet, unused, as someone was never up for heisting or scheming anymore.
"I knew it was you, foul villain!" Chestoman wagged his finger at the monitor and Nino half wondered if he was poking the camera on his side. "Call your boss out here at once!"
"Sure, whatever," Nino shrugged. Chestoman looked confusedly indignant on the other side of the screen as Nino grabbed the intercom. "Ohno, Chestoman's on the phone for you~" he sing-songed into the receiver.
Two seconds later, Ohno appeared in the main room, already dressed in costume. How did he do that?
The older man must have seen Nino's look of confusion because he gave him a quick wink before turning his attention to Chestoman. 'That's why he's the super villian, I guess,' Nino thought, coughing away an embarrassed blush.
"To what do we owe the pleasure, Chestoman?" Ohno asked, turning on that switch in his brain that let him talk like an American comic book villain from the fifties. Nino still hadn't perfected that yet; every time he tried, he sounded more like some kind of awkward gangster that simply hadn't caught on yet. Hence why he preferred his normal, gruff Nino voice. It got the job done.
"Don't play dumb with me, Captain!" Chestoman looked seriously upset but, honestly, the man always kind of looked like that so it was hard to tell. Maybe his sidekick fell in a well. Oh, wait, no, there he was in the background. Was that guy seriously trying to put a leash on a butterfly?
"I'm not playing dumb, though," Ohno sounded puzzled. He turned around to look at Nino. "Do you have any idea what he's talking about?" Nino shrugged.
"You know full well what you did!" Steam was quite possibly pouring from the superhero's ears by now. "Now you go and turn all the chocolate back into chocolate and I won't have to vanquish you!"
Nino was shocked enough from the first half of Chestoman's sentence to miss the ridiculous notion that the man could do anything like vanquishing the two of them. He felt eyes on his face and did his best to not return the glare he knew Ohno was giving him.
"Did you go behind my back?"
God, Ohno was good at the deathly quiet evil voice. A shiver ran down Nino's spine before he realized that he had nothing to be worried about because he hadn't, in fact, done anything wrong.
"Hollywood Jones did it?" the confused voice of Chestoman's sidekick, Green Flash, rang from the monitor. "But he's only a henchman."
"I am not a henchman, thank you very much," Nino glared at the masked man on the screen. "I am a sidekick, just like you. And I didn't do anything. I've been cleaning the lair all morning. I haven't had time to do anything."
And with that, a flash of realization ran through Nino's brain. Accompanied by a slight bubbling rage.
"Wait," he kept his voice low, feeling Ohno's uncertain concern on the back of his neck, "what happened in the first place?"
"You know full well, rogue," Chestoman admonished, "but if you need reminding of your sins, so be it. This afternoon, at exactly one p.m., all the chocolate in the greater Tokyo Metropolitan Area," he paused for effect, "melted."
No one said anything for a moment.
"That's it?" Nino asked, disappointed. If someone wanted to steal his idea, they should at least improve on it. Live crickets were so much better than melted chocolate.
"That's it?!" Chestoman exclaimed, almost whacking Green Flash in the nose as he flailed. "All the chocolate in the city is melted! In boxes! In ovens! In people's pockets! And well, okay, so maybe the oven thing wasn't due to evil, but still! Only you two are nefarious enough to come up with a scheme this evil."
"You're right on our nefariousness," Nino agreed, throwing Ohno a grin over his shoulder, "but give us a little credit. Our Valentine's Day scheme was much better than just a little heat lamp. And quite frankly? I'm a little insulted that you thought we'd do something that dumb."
"Sorry, Hollywood," Green Flash honestly apologized. Chestoman flashed him an annoyed look.
"Well," Chestoman scratched his head, looking the most normal Nino had ever seen him (ignoring the flapping cape and underwear over tights thing), "if you guys didn't do it, who did?"
Ohno sent one more searching look Nino's way but the younger man held up his hands in defense.
"I don't know," Ohno finally replied. "Don't you have that sentient super computer to help you with stuff like this?"
"MJ thought it was you, too," Green Flash replied.
"Your stupid computer never did like us," Nino complained.
"Why should I? You're super villains," a highly mechanical voice trilled from near the microphone. "If I liked you, it would be counterproductive."
"Details, MJ. Details." Nino grinned, not that the computer could see. There was really nothing like pushing a goody two shoes computer's buttons, so to speak.
"Well, we're going to do a little more research on who exactly melted the chocolate," Chestoman interrupted awkwardly. "Do you guys want me to call you if I figure out anything?"
"They're super villains," the computer tried to remind his master. "I doubt they want to help."
"Oh, please do call," Ohno replied, pleasantly, a shadow of annoyance on his features that Nino couldn't place. "I'd actually really like to get the chocolate fixed."
"And I'd like to know who had the balls to mess with a HJ-approved plan." Something like lighting flashed Nino's eyes. "In fact, I'd like to meet the man."
-------
Four hours later, the unlikely team found themselves outside, of all places, a junior high school.
"I still think your stupid computer is fucking with us. There's no way a bunch of middle school kids could figure out how to do something like that."
"But that's what the location tracker on the transformation beam told us," Green Flash replied, as Chestoman did his best to ignore Nino's lapse in language. "It's never wrong."
"Well, it's wrong this time," Nino rolled his eyes, watching as kids started filing out of the building, the school day ending as they stood there. No one looked smart or old enough to even know what a Transformation Ray was, let alone to build one themselves. He made a 'tsk'-ing sound with his tongue.
"We might as well look around," Chestoman cut in diplomatically. "It won't hurt anything to give the place the once over."
Nino was about to respond with another insult when Ohno put a hand on his shoulder. A quick nod to Chestoman cut off anything Nino was about to say and Chestoman and his sidekick headed off towards the school, leaving Nino and Ohno behind.
"Why are you being so unhelpful?" Ohno asked him once the other two were out of earshot. Nino frowned at Ohno.
"Why are you being so eager to please?" Nino countered. "This is Chestoman. He's the only superhero I know that gets scared while flying. And you're actually taking orders from this dorkwad?"
"I'm not taking orders from anyone," Ohno's face was more serious than Nino had seen it for awhile. He was beginning to wonder if there was something more to this than he was aware of. "I just want to get to the bottom of this and the best way to do that is to work with those two, not against them."
"I suppose," Nino sighed, throwing an annoyed glance to where the superheroes were wandering towards the school's entrance, somehow not noticing the immense amount of attention their flashy costumes were attracting from the student population. Green Flash high-fived a nearby kid.
"Kazu, are you going to be good?" Nino turned his attention back to the ironic grin on Ohno's face. A flush made its way up his neck and to the tips of his ears. He kicked a pebble on the ground and one of his spurs made a clinking sound.
"Well, if you want me to," he replied meekly, ears reddening more as Ohno's half smile turned into a full one. "But I don't have to like it!" He added quickly. Ohno didn't seem to mind the snappish remark, reaching over to ruffle Nino's hair affectionately.
"No, you don't," he agreed. Nino felt something warm coil in his stomach but did his best to ignore it; it felt more fluffy than diabolical.
"Shall we go do some evil to some aspiring evil doers?" Nino asked with a grin that was trying a bit too hard. Ohno didn't notice.
"We shall!" He responded cheerfully, grabbing Nino's hand and pulling the two of them towards the building. Nino really wished he had something besides middle schoolers with curious gazes to distract him from the scarily sappy feelings he was trying to ignore.
-------
It didn't take a lot of snooping to figure out that there was something strange going on in one of the neglected science room. Green Flash had figured it out by himself and that was saying something. It probably helped that there was a strange bluish glow emanating from under the doorway and the hallway it sat in smelled like burnt hair.
"So, how do we want to approach this?" Nino began to strategize, sending a brief glance towards their unfamiliar allies. "Send one person in as a scout? Rappel in from the window?"
"Too late," Ohno replied, as they turned to watch Chestoman bust down the door, cape wafting dramatically behind him.
"Stop, evil doer!" they could hear him call from the hallway, despite the fact that they couldn't see whatever it was that the superhero was seeing. "Unhand that lever, fiend!"
"Should we help him?" Ohno asked Green Flash, who remained out in the hallway with them. The other man shrugged.
"How did you find me, Chestoman?" a small voice squeaked from inside. "My fortress is impenatrable!" Nino turned to make eye contact with Ohno.
"Oh, I've got to see this," the younger man grinned ferally, sneaking into the room as best he could with the click of the spurs he was wearing. He definitely did not expect the sight that met his eyes.
Chestoman was standing in the front of the room, striking some kind of pose that Nino supposed the hero thought struck fear into the hearts of mere mortals but really just made him look kind of like a tool. The best part, though, was the person the man was striking the pose against.
He honestly just looked like a normal twelve year old kid, maybe as old as fifteen but no more. The only thing that set him apart from others of his age group was the fact that he wore a gigantic lab coat and was currently involved with pulling some levers on what looked like a very much handmade Transformer Ray. Nino let out a chuckle; the plutonium was being held in with duct tape.
The sound alerted the boy to Nino's presence, however, and he turned quickly in Nino's direction. Much to villain's surprise, though, the kid looked almost excited at his presence.
"Hollywood Jim!" He exclaimed, hands flailed up into the air. Nino blinked.
"Hollywood Jones," he corrected. "And what do you think you're doing, messing with my perfect Valentine's Day plot?" The kid wasn't even listening to him, his eyes as wide as saucers.
"If you're here, then..." he trailed off, gasping in delight when Nino felt a hand clamp down on his shoulder.
"What's happening?" Nino's heart did a small flipflop but he quickly dismissed the feeling; there wasn't time for things like that right now. He turned his head to Ohno, heart rate increasing against his will as he realized just how close they were.
"This kid is the one that melted all the chocolate." Nino pointed a finger towards the suddenly silent boy who was staring in their direction with a mix of ecstasy and disbelief on his face. It was creepy.
"You're the one that did this?" Ohno asked, taking a step towards the youth. That seemed to snap him out of his stupor as he quickly bolted forward, stars in his eyes.
"The Captain!" He managed a strangled yelp of happiness. "It's really you!"
"Um, yes?" Ohno frowned down at the boy, throwing a confused back look to Nino who shrugged. Something was off about this kid and Nino didn't like it. "Do I know you?"
"No, no, you don't. Not yet, at least. But I'm your biggest fan! I've researched every one of your schemes and they're all brilliant. The way you turned all of the rocks on Kamakura Beach into tuna! Inspired! And the time you and Hollywood Jim ("Jones!" Nino tossed in) stole every copy of the latest single from that band, Storm. My sister was annoyed for weeks! You're just so, so, so awesome!"
Ohno looked blindsided. "Well, um, thanks."
Nino glowered.
"Ahem," Chestoman coughed from the doorway. "Can we get on with vanquishing this evil doer?"
"He's just a kid, Sho," Green Flash pointed out from Chestoman's side. "Can't we just make him turn it back and be done with it?"
Chestoman considered this for a moment. The kid wasn't going to give him the chance.
"I'm never going to turn them back!" He squeaked, simultaneously trying to look like an evil genius and send approval-seeking smiles towards Ohno. "You good guys will never catch me!"
"...but we just did," Green Flash frowned.
"Just turn the stupid chocolate back, kid," Nino growled, sending him the kind of look that could kill if the kid feared death, which he apparently did not.
"My name is Chinen the Great, Hollywood Jim ("Jones!") and I'll have you know that I'll never turn the chocolate back. Because I'm going to be the best super villain of all time!" He threw a fist to the air in seeming triumph before pausing a second and adding, "After The Captain, of course."
So this kid had the nerve to talk back to him and hit on his boss. Nino was going to kill him.
One menacing step forward was taken before Nino felt a calming hand on his shoulder and looked up into Ohno's eyes, anger dying down under the silent head shake Ohno gave him. The super villain turned back to the child.
"Chinen the Great, was it?" he asked. The kid nodded vigorously. "You know, I really appreciate your enthusiasm. I'm sure you'll be a great super villain one day."
The kid was grinning so widely, Nino thought he was going to fall over with the weight of it. He'd gladly help the process, if needed.
"But," Ohno continued, "you might have noticed that Hollywood Jones and I arrived here with Chestoman and Green Flash. You know why we did that?" The brat shook his head. "Because we want you to turn the chocolate back, too."
The kid looked flabbergasted.
"What? Why?! It's a great plan! Now no one gets chocolate! It's right up there with one of your plans. Why would you want me to reverse it?"
"Because it is one of our plans, you idiot!" Nino growled. Ohno frowned and took a step in front of Nino, blocking the younger man's view of the kid.
"Because," Ohno ignored Nino's outburst, "we would really rather you hadn't done that. For, um, certain reasons." If Nino could have seen Ohno's face at that moment, he might have detected a trace of a blush. But he probably wouldn't have.
"You really want me to change it back?" the kid whined, looking down at his shoes.
"And promise you'll never do it again!" Chestoman yelled from the front of the room. Three pairs of eyes turned in the heroes' direction before turning back to their own conversation.
"Okay, fine. I'll do it," the brat replied, downcast. "But only because The Captain wants me to."
"Thank you, Chinen," Ohno smiled gratefully. Nino didn't like it but there really wasn't much he could do at this point. He glared daggers at the kid while the boy fiddled with a few levers and knobs. A brief flash of light flew from the beam and Nino knew enough about Transformer Rays to know that the kid had set things right.
With another glare in his direction, Nino walked over and pulled the plutonium off the machine and dropped it into his sack. The kid looked about to protest.
"Go on," Nino growled. "Give me a reason to hurt you."
The brat dropped it.
"Well, I suppose we should be heading out now, then," Ohno cleared his throat awkwardly. "See you around, Chinen. Good luck in school."
Chinen nodded and smiled shyly. Nino almost hit him, just because.
"Another day saved by Chestoman!" the superhero smiled from across the room.
And for the first time all day Nino got to do what he really wanted to: leave.
-------
"The nerve of that kid," Nino muttered, sunken into the couch, Playstation controller in hand. Sometimes, the only thing to do when there was no evil to be done was virtual dragon slaying. It was also good for sexual frustration, not that Nino knew anything about that.
It was strangely therapeutic to imagine each new enemy with Chinen's face. He also didn't feel the need to analyze that one.
Curled up in an oversized sweatshirt and sweatpants (there was only so long Nino could stand the cowboy outfit), he barely noticed when another figure made his way into the room. In fact, so entranced was he with beating the shit out of a certain slime monster that he didn't even realize he was present until the aforesaid figure coughed awkwardly.
"Oh, Ohno? You there?" Nino asked without looking up. He only had a little more leveling to do until he was set for the boss that was waiting for him at the end of the bridge; as much as he loved liked Ohno, this was no time for fooling around.
"Would you pause the game, Nino?" Ohno's voice asked, a strange twang to it that Nino wasn't quite able to place. In any case, there really wasn't time to pause.
"Can't you just tell me whatever it is, Oh-chan?" Nino asked, executing a sideways double slash without blinking an eye. Damn, he was good. "I'm kind of busy right now."
"Pause it, Kazu."
It was the combination of the tone of Ohno's voice, stern and soft at the same time, and the use of the nickname that always caused his stomach to flip flop (not that anyone knew that) that finally got the gamer's attention. A quick tap to the start button froze the bouncing slime ball on the screen and Nino set down the controller before turning slightly to face the direction of Ohno's voice.
Ohno didn't say anything for a second, just looked vaguely uncomfortable which was strange. It wasn't like there was anything to be nervous about; it was just the two of them. Yet there Ohno stood, eyes downcast towards the floor, as if there were something really interesting laying there that Nino just couldn't see.
"What is it, Oh-chan?" Nino finally asked, realizing that he probably wasn't going to get anything out of the older man at this rate. His voice seemed to break Ohno out of his trance, though, as he blinked, looking up to meet Nino's eyes and smiling softly, nervously.
Ohno opened and closed his mouth a few times, obviously trying to think of what to say but looking more like those fish he liked so much. Nino chuckled at the face and the other man relaxed at the familiar sound, pulling out something from behind his back and tossed it in Nino's direction. Without a moment to blink, the box landed in Nino's lap, much to the younger man's surprise.
"What's this?" he asked Ohno, picking up the small box. Without waiting for a response, he shook it near his ear and heard something rattle inside, the single red ribbon adorning the outside fluttering with the motion. "It's not even my birthday."
"Just open it," Ohno sighed, seeming to get over his nerves to walk over and slump down onto the couch next to Nino. There had always been a point at which emotions could no longer trouble the older man and he resorted back to his default: lethargy. It made him either a great super villain or a horrible super villain, depending on how you looked at it. Now, though, it just made him another person tired of being anxious.
Nino was never one to look a gift horse in the mouth and as such, he eagerly reached down to undo the ribbon, gently drifting off the box as the younger man lifted the lid. Inside, carefully arranged, were four small pieces of chocolate: a cowboy hat, a set of spurs, and a heart.
There were too many ideas to process, too many things that had just happened. One step at a time: Ohno was sitting next to him. Ohno had given him chocolates. On Valentine's day. Shaped, he supposed, like his super villain costume. There was a simple answer to what this could mean but there was just no way. That kind of thing only happened to other people.
"Do you like it?" a voice asked from his left. To anyone else's ears, the voice probably would have seemed timid but to Nino, it was like a gong, a harbinger of some sort of change. Because this kind of thing didn't just happen; it didn't.
"Why did you make me chocolate, Oh-chan?" Nino asked, still looking down at the box in his hands. Maybe, if he didn't look at the other man, his bubble wouldn't pop and he wouldn't have to come back to reality. He could just live in a dream world where The Captain and Hollywood Jones stole things by day and made out by night. And maybe a little bit by day, too.
"Because it's Valentine's Day." Ohno's voice sounded confused, like he wasn't quite sure why he had to explain that simple fact. "You make chocolate for people on Valentine's Day. That's what happens."
There it was. Chocolate for people. Nino was, indeed, a person and probably the only person Ohno knew well enough to make chocolate for. Well, except for his mother but Nino had always had some doubts that a super villain as evil as Okasan could even be considered human.
"Oh," Nino sighed. "Yeah, you're right. Thanks, Oh-chan." He had tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice but hadn't done a very good job of it. He turned to give Ohno a weak smile and was met with an impatient face. It was like the older man expected something more but Nino wasn't entirely sure what.
After a few seconds of the strange silence, Nino felt uncomfortable.
"What is it?" he asked, cocking his head to the side. "You're being weird."
Ohno frowned, a confused wrinkle between his eyebrows.
"I thought," he began, looking puzzled and put out at the same time, "I thought this was the part where I got to kiss you."
"...what?" Nino's eyes widened in shock, even as he began to process what he had just heard. That couldn't have been what he said. It couldn't have.
Ohno, meanwhile, was taking Nino's reaction a different way.
"Well, that's how it usually goes, isn't it?" Ohno sounded vaguely defensive, as if he were trying to prove something he had once been sure of but was beginning to have doubts about. "You give chocolates to someone for Valentine's Day and then they smile and then you kiss and then that's just ... that's just how it goes..." Ohno trailed off, looking away and very much unlike his typical super villain persona.
"That's why we didn't do my Valentine's plan? That's why we helped Chestoman turn the chocolate back? So that you could give me this?" Nino was still trying to swallow all this, a lump in his throat the size of a baseball and a happy feeling in his gut that he was trying, to no avail, to keep calm.
"It took a long time to get the shapes right," Ohno nodded.
And that was it, that little nod combined with the way Ohno's eyes looked slightly to the left, as if he were kind of worried that maybe Nino didn't want to kiss him. Before he was even aware of what he was doing, Nino's lips were on Ohno's, like a set of magnets that had been held the opposite way for far too long.
The older man was startled at first, still trying to figure out where he had went wrong with his ingenious plan, but he had always been quick on the uptake and didn't waste time snaking one arm around Nino's waist as the other tangled in his hair. Nino tried to mutter something but Ohno didn't care, pressing harder against the younger man's lips and taking advantage of his slightly open mouth.
Nino chuckled against Ohno's lips, smiling and drawing back slowly. Ohno made a disappointed sound in the back of his throat but pulled back slightly, too, leaving his hand on the small of Nino's back.
"You know, you could have just asked," Nino smiled. "You didn't have to wait until a sappy holiday."
"It seemed appropriate," Ohno shrugged, using the hand still around Nino to pull the smaller man back to him. A few kisses more and Nino was pushing him back again.
"But," he protested again, although not very strongly, "it seems so..." he struggled for the words, "...good."
Ohno let out a chuckle that reverberated through his body. Something flashed in his eyes and in a second, Nino was shivering and not from the cold.
"Then should we do something bad?"
There was a reason Ohno was The Captain and Nino felt no desire to complain.
-------
"Sho~?" Aiba called from the Hall of Justice and Peace where he had been playing saxophone for the pet menagerie. "I think The Captain is trying to call."
"That evil fiend?" Sho called from the other room. Aiba could hear him rustling with the folds of his costume; the older man never liked to be caught on the job in his civilian clothes. "Whatever could he want now? I thought they said they weren't going to do anything for Valentine's Day."
Aiba shrugged. "Maybe they want to invite us over for a party?" His eyes lit up at his own suggestion. "Oh, could we go? I want to go! It would be so much fun!"
"You are not going to a party at a super villain's lair," the metallic voice of MJ chided. "I honestly don't know how you manage to be a superhero's sidekick sometimes, Aiba."
"You're just mad you're not invited, MJ," Aiba retorted, sticking his tongue out. Not that the computer could see.
"Just turn the main communication screen on," Sho sighed, walking into the room in full Chestoman costume. He was getting frighteningly quick at putting it on; Aiba thought it was funny.
"Aye, aye, sir!" Aiba grinned and reached over to push a few buttons and adjust the volume, bringing the full image up on screen.
And what an image it was.
"....My eyes!" Sho yelped, trying to shield his face with his cape. "You fiends! Is this one of your new schemes?" He didn't give them time to answer. "Aiba, shut it off."
Aiba stood oddly transfixed. Sho groaned and scrambled to hit the dials without actually looking up at the screen or hearing any of those sounds. He finally managed to switch it off, sinking to the ground with a gulp.
"That was foul," he muttered, dazed. Aiba nodded, still staring at the screen wide-eyed.
But the audio feed was not quite cut off. The last thing Sho heard before dashing out of the Hall was two sets of diabolical laughter followed by slurping sounds.