For Auld Lang Syne
I can't go to sleep. I so desperately need to, I just can't. I really think I'm past the age of back-to-school jitters, though my sleeping schedule has been quite screwed up due to the vacation. I just wish I could fall asleep. So I guess this is my attempt to talk myself to boredom, and then perhaps sleep.
Well, the vacation was nice, but they seem to get less and less pleasant. I feel like I need more time. Maybe I just don't want to go back. Maybe I just don't really like it much anymore. I've been this way since I was a kid. I could never settle, mind always jumping. Maybe I just want something else. Eh, but maybe doesn't really mean much. I'm fine. Just the same as always.
I remember doing this before. I would stay up until the early morning and then write some babbling rant about my utter loneliness, frustration or some other teenage ailment. I don't really feel frustrated, though I can feel lonely. It's a cage I built for myself though. Maybe I just don't understand anything else.
It's funny how sadness has been mostly replaced by anger through the years. How does that happen? I think anger is just more empowering. It lacks so much of that helplessness, and doesn't really affect my stomach. Speaking of which, I feel ill.
AH, no more of this vague bullshit.
I spent an entire day baking cookies and a Christmas cake this break, and then the next day cooking for a Christmas Eve meal, and then another day for New Years Eve. It was fabulous. But next time I must make somebody else peel roasted chestnuts for hours, because they seriously cut up my hand. I never got to see Cory this break, which was a shame, because I really wanted to. I got pretty depressed about that actually. I saw Brian, which I enjoyed. My mother and I met my sister's boyfriend's parents, who were awesome people. We ate cheese and played Yahtzee in the haunted home of a sea captain. Um, my apartment was out of power for about two days, but I spent all but an hour of that in Benicia. Mein Deutsch ist besser, weil ich Rammstein gehoert hab'. Haha, just kidding, kind of.
Damn, I'm really hungry. But I think I'm going to attempt sleep again.
Well, the vacation was nice, but they seem to get less and less pleasant. I feel like I need more time. Maybe I just don't want to go back. Maybe I just don't really like it much anymore. I've been this way since I was a kid. I could never settle, mind always jumping. Maybe I just want something else. Eh, but maybe doesn't really mean much. I'm fine. Just the same as always.
I remember doing this before. I would stay up until the early morning and then write some babbling rant about my utter loneliness, frustration or some other teenage ailment. I don't really feel frustrated, though I can feel lonely. It's a cage I built for myself though. Maybe I just don't understand anything else.
It's funny how sadness has been mostly replaced by anger through the years. How does that happen? I think anger is just more empowering. It lacks so much of that helplessness, and doesn't really affect my stomach. Speaking of which, I feel ill.
AH, no more of this vague bullshit.
I spent an entire day baking cookies and a Christmas cake this break, and then the next day cooking for a Christmas Eve meal, and then another day for New Years Eve. It was fabulous. But next time I must make somebody else peel roasted chestnuts for hours, because they seriously cut up my hand. I never got to see Cory this break, which was a shame, because I really wanted to. I got pretty depressed about that actually. I saw Brian, which I enjoyed. My mother and I met my sister's boyfriend's parents, who were awesome people. We ate cheese and played Yahtzee in the haunted home of a sea captain. Um, my apartment was out of power for about two days, but I spent all but an hour of that in Benicia. Mein Deutsch ist besser, weil ich Rammstein gehoert hab'. Haha, just kidding, kind of.
Damn, I'm really hungry. But I think I'm going to attempt sleep again.