Shitty Dogs and DOGSDOGSDOGSDOGS!
Can I feel anything but anger lately? I swear. Thanksgiving is awful. I love the food. I learn to hate the company.
I tried to hide it, but my sister honest to god infuriated me. Who the fuck does she think she is? She claims to be so goddamn open minded, culturally aware, blahblahblah, but the second someone lives their life by different values, it's wrong. What happened to all that fucking understanding? Yes, I don't choose to live my life overrun by my emotions, because I don't feel like turning into a useless, whiny pussy. What's wrong with logic, restraining emotionalism, dealing with things without bringing other people down with you? Sure, I keep things inside but I'm not comfortable with being a public person. So that's that. I won't be public. Force something else out of me and I'll be miserable. I will not be made miserable. Force love out of me, you'll get nothing but ice. I refuse to walk on eggshells around people I'm supposed to love. Love? Your love is bullshit. Your love is self-gratification, pot induced idiocy, lies upon lies upon lies. Things are as they are, and you can't force people to act as they would not naturally. The more I think about this, the more I wonder, why do we place such expectations on people? That's her problem, she expects to much from us. But you can't do that. Or if you do, don't bitch when things just don't go your way. You just can't change people, so why even try? I honestly can't believe her.
It's so much more than all that though. I thought I was happy for a while, and I genuinely was, but now all I feel is anger and frustration. It's nobody else's problem, so I try to keep it to myself. Eh, it can hurt, but I can handle it. I mean, what can be done about that? I really just want to concern myself with school and nothing else. My fucked up family doesn't matter; my friend refusing to speak to me anymore doesn't matter; my contast fears don't matter. The only thing that matters right now is what I can control.
It's just a little much right now, but I can handle it. I'm fine after the hell that was last year. When I think about that, I feel like I can handle anything that's thrown at me.
I tried to hide it, but my sister honest to god infuriated me. Who the fuck does she think she is? She claims to be so goddamn open minded, culturally aware, blahblahblah, but the second someone lives their life by different values, it's wrong. What happened to all that fucking understanding? Yes, I don't choose to live my life overrun by my emotions, because I don't feel like turning into a useless, whiny pussy. What's wrong with logic, restraining emotionalism, dealing with things without bringing other people down with you? Sure, I keep things inside but I'm not comfortable with being a public person. So that's that. I won't be public. Force something else out of me and I'll be miserable. I will not be made miserable. Force love out of me, you'll get nothing but ice. I refuse to walk on eggshells around people I'm supposed to love. Love? Your love is bullshit. Your love is self-gratification, pot induced idiocy, lies upon lies upon lies. Things are as they are, and you can't force people to act as they would not naturally. The more I think about this, the more I wonder, why do we place such expectations on people? That's her problem, she expects to much from us. But you can't do that. Or if you do, don't bitch when things just don't go your way. You just can't change people, so why even try? I honestly can't believe her.
It's so much more than all that though. I thought I was happy for a while, and I genuinely was, but now all I feel is anger and frustration. It's nobody else's problem, so I try to keep it to myself. Eh, it can hurt, but I can handle it. I mean, what can be done about that? I really just want to concern myself with school and nothing else. My fucked up family doesn't matter; my friend refusing to speak to me anymore doesn't matter; my contast fears don't matter. The only thing that matters right now is what I can control.
It's just a little much right now, but I can handle it. I'm fine after the hell that was last year. When I think about that, I feel like I can handle anything that's thrown at me.