Over and Under
Title: Over and Under
Rating: PG-13
Length: 6.2k
Pairing: Jongin/Kyungsoo
Summary: Jongin and Kyungsoo tries to save as many lives as they can while struggling to save their own.
a/n: this is unbeta'ed and extremely... unbeta'ed. wut. please forgive me for i have sinned. also to my lovely hearteulips , thank you for always motivating me. ♡
It’s two in the morning when Kyungsoo puts down his stethoscope, shrugs off his white coat and allows himself to sigh.
The door opens, shutting close immediately after with a soft click.
“You’re not going home?” Baekhyun steps inside, the look on his face much similar to Kyungsoo’s.
“Jongin’s still working.” he responds softly, avoiding Baekhyun’s eyes as he opens one of his desk drawers and grabs a small stuffed toy. It was a gift from Jongin during their first anniversary when time was still patient and kind to them.
“And probably will be for the next five hours.” Baekhyun continues, sitting down on the plush visitor’s chair. “You could take the time to go home and rest.”
Kyungsoo still doesn’t look at Baekhyun as he puts the stuffed toy on his desk, leaning down and letting it cradle his head. He doesn’t need to look at his best friend to guess the expression on his face.
“I want to wait for him.”
He feels rather than hears Baekhyun leave, the sound the door makes muffled by the exhaustion slowly drowning him in sleep. He vaguely feels his phone vibrate, lithe fingers closing in on the device. That’s as much as he could do before he slumps into a much awaited nap.
“Don’t you ever think of quitting?” Jongdae asks him the next morning, eyes fixed at the clipboard on his hand.
“Why would I?” is Kyungsoo’s automatic reply, running a hand through his hair and messing it up. A habit.
“So you won’t be this tired?” Jongdae suggests, looking up and throwing Kyungsoo a look. “So you’ll get to spend more time with Jongin?”
Kyungsoo’s jaw clenches, not out of irritation or annoyance but of repression. “Jongin would be working his ass off either way.”
Jongdae shrugs, tapping his pen on the clipboard twice. “Well at least you’ll see him once in a while; welcome him home or something.”
Kyungsoo mulls over Jongdae’s words even when the anesthesiologist has already left.
Kyungsoo watches as Jongin sits up, eyes close as he struggles to hold his phone and fight off the sleep wrapping its tendrils around him.
“Now?” he hears Jongin’s voice, gruff with sleep and just the smallest hint of annoyance. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
Setting the phone down on the bedside table, Jongin forces his eyes open, turning on his side to look at the male beside him.
“Go get dressed.” Kyungsoo says, understanding the look Jongin is sending him. He forces himself to sit up as well, swinging his legs down and feeling the cold wood against his bare feet. “I’ll make you a quick sandwich.”
The bed shifts and Jongin presses his face on the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck, arms heavy with fatigue and longing wrapping around his waist. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be silly, Jongin.” Kyungsoo is quick to chide, “It’s your work. Our work. I understand more than anyone.”
He waits for Jongin to say something, sure that the younger male would come back with a cheeky reply but nothing comes. A soft smile tugs at his face when he feels the vibration of Jongin’s bare chest on his back, the steady breath hitting the side of his neck and he just knows Jongin has fallen asleep again.
“You have to wake up.” he says, a little bit louder this time as he turns around on Jongin’s hold to press his nose against his cheek. “Wake up you big baby.”
It doesn’t take long before Jongin smiles lazily, bumping his nose against Kyungsoo’s before pressing his mouth on his. “I’ll go take a quick shower.”
Kyungsoo hums, pushing off Jongin when the latter tumbles them back on the bed, mouth still pressing insistently on his. “Shower.”
Jongin steals one last kiss on his cheek before padding towards the bathroom, shorts dropping low on his hips and somehow, the sight fishes a fond look out of Kyungsoo.
He doesn’t bother with putting on his pants before walking to the kitchen, the cold air from the fridge waking him far better than his own alarm. It quick and on instinct when Kyungsoo moves around, hand moving on its own accord before placing two sandwiches on a ziploc for Jongin.
Jongin wraps his arm around him from behind, now fully clothed and hair still a tad bit wet from the shower. Kyungsoo leans his head back, closing his eyes as he squeezes the arms wrapped around his waist.
“You should go.” he whispers, turning his face to press a fleeting kiss on the younger’s cheek.
Jongin grumbles something, probably a complaint before untangling himself from Kyungsoo and sighing. “Go back to sleep, okay?”
Kyungsoo nods, flipping back the collar on Jongin’s shirt and handing him the ziplock. “Don’t let yourself get too tired. You might kill the patients.”
Jongin smiles halfheartedly at Kyungsoo’s attempt to lighten the mood. The keys jingle inside his pants’ pocket when he shoves his hand into them, biting his bottom lip in uncertainty.
“I love you.” Kyungsoo voices out for the both of them and there’s a hint of relief with the way Jongin’s shoulder sag, jaw loosening and mouth curving into a smile.
He strides closer, pressing his mouth against Kyungsoo’s one more time, kissing him a little bit longer before pulling away. “I love you too.”
Kyungsoo stays standing in the middle of the living room until Jongin leaves, the sleep rushing in huge waves to bury him under the comfort of the bedsheets. He drags himself back to their room, purposely sleeping on Jongin’s side of the bed and grasping at the last bits of warmth left on the sheets.
Sleep evades him until the sun comes up to mock him.
It’s almost one in the afternoon when Kyungsoo comes in for work, trades his red cardigan for the usual white coat. He’s on his way to grab the examination results for his patient interview later on when he sees Minseok on the lobby, laughter soft and genuine.
He turns to walk to him but stops just around the corner when he finally sees the reason for Minseok’s laughter.
Luhan is sitting beside him, making a ridiculous face and fishing out more of the therapist’s melodious laughter. There’s a soft smile on his face when he walks away, bitterness draping halfheartedly over it as he thinks about how Jongin and him could be like that if they were working on different line of works.
“Doctor Do?” a nurse calls out to him and he stops walking to acknowledge her. His brows furrow slightly in confusion when he sees Sooyoung because he knows she’s assigned to Jongin’s department. “Are you here to see Doctor Kim?”
His eyes dart to the side, gaze tracing the familiar white door with Jongin’s name plastered on it.
“Oh, um,” he fidgets on his spot, helplessly shoving his hands on his coat’s pocket and feeling for something - anything. “I was just passing by.”
Sooyoung grabs the clipboard from the nurse’s station. “He has a two hour break before his next operation, just saying.”
Kyungsoo purses his lips, trying hard not to smile as he walks past her. “You cheeky little brat.”
He sees Sooyoung grin at him before he enters Jongin’s office, staying quiet as much as possible.
Jongin is slumped down on his chair, white coat still on and head lolling at the back of his chair. Kyungsoo shakes his head, an amused smile on his face as he moves to stand behind Jongin’s chair.
It’s natural, how Kyungsoo’s hands fit on Jongin’s shoulders; he’s done this so many times already that it feels wrong to not do it anymore.
“Tired, Doctor Kim?” Kyungsoo murmurs, pressing the pads of his fingers on the back of Jongin’s neck. He smiles when Jongin shifts, a lazy smile coming up as he relaxes on the familiar touch of his boyfriend.
“Not for you, Doctor Do.” Jongin answers just as lazily, letting his eyelashes flutter a few times before opening them fully. He leans his head further back, eyes meeting Kyungsoo’s. “Never for you.”
Kyungsoo pauses long enough to lean down, pressing a quick kiss on Jongin’s forehead and pulling away to continue what he was doing. “Go sleep some more.”
“I’ll be seeing Tao next.” Jongin murmurs lowly, eyes closed again.
Kyungsoo focuses on keeping his hands relaxed. “You’ll do just fine.”
Jongin doesn’t say anything anymore after that and Kyungsoo knows he’s fallen asleep again with the way his head lolls to the side. He removes his hands slowly, brushing away the hair on his boyfriend’s face and pressing his mouth at the corner of Jongin’s.
“Do me a favor and don’t let anyone disturb him until his break is over, okay?” he asks Sooyoung once he leaves, tapping his fingers on the inside of his coat.
The nurse nods, waving a small goodbye when Kyungsoo leaves for his own appointment.
The next time he sees Jongin, he’s slumped on the breakroom, eyes tired and shoulders tense. There’s a cup of coffee in front of him and Kyungsoo knows it’s bad.
“Jongin-”
“He’s recovering.” Jongin cuts him off, pausing to take another sip of the coffee. “But he won’t be able to walk anymore.”
Kyungsoo stays silent and takes the seat beside Jongin instead. It’s twelve in the morning when Kyungsoo cradles Jongin’s head on his lap, warmth soaking through his coat and Kyungsoo pretends it’s sweat born from the heat and exhaustion.
“Tao doesn’t hate you.” he says and he feels Jongin’s hold on him tighten. “You did your best.”
He doesn’t hear Jongin disagree and though it’s suppose to make him feel assured, only worry gnaws dangerously at the back of his head.
It’s a week of silence from Jongin and assurance from Tao.
Kyungsoo should be happy when Jongin starts taking only one shift on one day, comes home early to wait for Kyungsoo and falls asleep the same time as him - but he isn’t.
“How’s Jongin?” Tao’s voice comes through the line and Kyungsoo doesn’t bother muffling his sigh.
“The same.”
He could practically see the frown on Tao’s face. “I swear, I’m the one who won’t be able to walk not him.”
Kyungsoo cracks a sad smile at this, still not used to imagining Tao using a wheelchair. “I told him that.”
The line cracks once more, the silence loud and deafening before Tao breaks it. “I saw it coming, you know. Jongin’s not the one to blame.”
Kyungsoo hums a reply, drowning the rest of the conversation with his own set of worries.
“I know.”
Another week passes and their world shakes when an earthquake hits.
The center is far from them but Kyungsoo watches in fear as the television shows the buildings collapsing, the crowd all around yelling and crying.
Their phone didn’t have to ring for them to leave the house and rush to the hospital, mind conditioned but heart left behind.
Kyungsoo is scared how similar it is to what’s happening to them.
The stains on Kyungsoo’s coat and gloves are beginning to turn pink, the blood fading away as the time ticks and door bangs open as patient after patient is wheeled in. He’s been called to perform minor surgeries - all qualified doctors were.
It’s a bit unnerving that he has to stitch up skin or extract shrapnels from someone when the worse thing he handles is a crying baby or a paranoid mother on a daily basis.
Baekhyun comes out from another corner, dainty fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. It’s unusual for Baekhyun to look this disheveled, bangs sticking on his forehead and playful smile gone on his face.
“Have you taken a break?” he asks Kyungsoo once he’s near enough, closing the door to the break room and grabbing himself a glass of cold water. “I just saw another patient being wheeled in for emergency. Jongin’s got himself more than he can handle.”
Kyungsoo presses a palm on his forehead, rubbing at the creases. “It’s our job.”
“I know.” Baekhyun says back before leaving, voice carrying over inside as he shouts for the nurses to bring him the next set of clipboards.
It doesn’t take long for Kyungsoo to follow, the nurses crowding him all at once as the line of patients in need of surgery grows even longer. He could see the gaunt eyes of the people waiting on the lobby when he passes by and he quickly calls out to the woman half carrying her bleeding daughter.
It’s all a mess of tears and blood and hoarse shouts from different sides, the clock ticking and mocking him as he holds the scalpel for more times than he can count in just a span of seven hours. He takes a short break to grab a sandwich from the cafeteria and even a shorter break to relieve himself.
He passes by the emergency room a few times, only seeing Jongin once who’s busy wheeling another patient in.
It’s five in the afternoon when Kyungsoo finally takes a break longer than ten minutes. Baekhyun is slumped on the lone couch on the side so he makes do with the chair. Not even five minutes later, the door opens and Jongin comes in.
“Hey.” Kyungsoo greets, turning on his side and welcoming Jongin who slumps on the chair next to him, head automatically resting on Kyungsoo’s shoulder.
“Have you slept?” is Jongin’s first words, thumb tracing the circles under Kyungsoo’s eyes. “You should sleep.”
“You’re one to talk.” he retorts, fixing a tired smile on his face which Jongin gladly kisses away.
“I want to go home.” Jongin whispers when their lips part long enough to breathe. “I want to go home with you.”
“I’ve got another surgery in an hour.” Kyungsoo says, feeling his chest hurt at Jongin’s crestfallen face. “You should go home and sleep. You’ve had a busy day.”
Jongin kisses him again instead of answering, putting all his frustrations away and tucking them deep inside his memory.
“I’ll be back in four hours.”
The routine goes on for days, Jongin and Kyungsoo barely seeing each other and when they do, it’s always the other one going to work and the other heading to bed.
“Don’t tire yourself out too much.” Kyungsoo kisses Jongin goodbye one evening.
Jongin murmurs something and heads out.
The rain is loud but it isn’t enough to wash the dread and worry from Kyungsoo.
“I heard the hospital has been really busy.” Sehun says over the line while Tao shouts something from the background. “How’s Jongin?”
Kyungsoo stays silent for more than a few seconds and Sehun’s sigh is loud even over the phone.
“He’ll be alright.” Kyungsoo says to assure Sehun but the words are like a knife pointing towards himself, questioning his own resolve. “I’m sure.”
Kyungsoo barely remembers the last time he sees Jongin in the break room; barely remembers the last time Jongin snuggles up to him and complains about the smell of coffee as Baekhyun pours himself another cup.
“It’ll all return to normal soon.” Minseok pats him on the shoulder one time. “Or as normal as we can get.”
Kyungsoo musters a smile at this.
The nurses all greet him on the hallway, some even blushing because they’re not used to seeing him wearing casual clothes, the white coat foregone because he’s here not for work but for his boyfriend.
“Where’s Sooyoung?” he asks when he sees only Seulgi at the station.
Seulgi gives him an apologetic smile, saying she just came back from doing the rounds and Kyungsoo waves it off with a sheepish smile as well.
He heads straight to Jongin’s office, thinking he’ll just wait if ever he wasn’t in. The door knob slides against his palm smoothly, the wood swinging silently and he doesn’t look further inside before shutting the door close.
He catches a glimpse of Jongin’s shoes and a smile curves his lips.
Only Jongin isn’t alone.
Kyungsoo watches Sooyoung standing behind Jongin, the latter has his head back much similar to how Kyungsoo always catches him.
Kyungsoo’s chest starts to throb as he watches Sooyoung’s fingers pressing against his boyfriend’s shoulders, kneading slowly. His heart starts to beat faster when Jongin shifts, curving his back just a bit and moving so Sooyoung could press the pads of her fingers against his neck.
Just when he think he can’t take anymore, Sooyoung leans down and kisses Jongin.
She kisses Jongin like how Kyungsoo would kiss him.
“Sooyoung.” Kyungsoo hears Jongin murmur when their lips part and something shatters inside him. He gathers his remaining wit and turns around, hasty and careless as he closes the door behind him with a loud snap.
“Doctor Do?” Seulgi asks in confusion, worry lacing the edges of her tone. Kyungsoo stares at her, eyes wide and in panic before he shakes his head and runs off.
Jongin opens the door to his office just when Kyungsoo hails a cab, Seulgi now fully worried when Jongin runs towards the main entrance without saying anything. She’s not given much to think about when Sooyoung walks out of Doctor Kim’s office, face red but stoic and very much in pretend.
“You’ve only got.. a total of seven applicable leaves for the remaining months of the year.” Baekhyun chirps up when he’s settled himself beside Kyungsoo.
Kyungsoo’s taken to camping on Baekhyun’s apartment, already done with his two days of sick leave and planning to take some more; although it looks a little bit uninteresting now that Baekhyun point it out.
Baekhyun watches him at the corner of his eye, pretending to watch Kingsman again because Kyungsoo loved the movie and as a good best friend, he’s fine with having to suffer for a bit.
“Have you talked to Jongin?”
Though it doesn’t mean he won’t be his usual self.
Baekhyun allows the silence for a while, watching Colin Firth get hypnotized and massacre the whole lot of people inside the house before speaking again.
“He hasn’t been home.” he says, not pretending to watch the movie anymore. “He’s taken to sleeping on his office and eating at the break room once in a while.”
If it was anyone else, they would think Kyungsoo doesn’t care with how unaffected he seems. But Baekhyun is just not anyone so he doesn’t miss the miniscule flicker of acknowledgement on Kyungsoo’s eyes, or the slight clenching of jaw telling him his best friend is itching to say something.
“He misse-”
“He doesn’t.” Kyungsoo speaks up finally, voice cracking at the end of the second word. “I’m- I’m sure he doesn’t.”
“Kyungsoo, he’s a mess without you.”
“He doesn’t look much of a mess when I walked in on him with Sooyoung.” he bites out harshly.
Baekhyun has never felt so loss when he finds himself looking at a crying Kyungsoo.
“Just,” he starts, toning his voice down and threading through the thin ropes of Kyungsoo’s emotions. “Just give him a chance to talk to you, that’s all.”
Kyungsoo watches him silently and Baekhyun isn’t sure if his best friend even realize he’s crying.
“That’s all, Kyungsoo.”
Kyungsoo returns to work after two more days, the usual smile plastered on his face as he eases the children into a comfortable atmosphere.
He’s welcomed with a cheerful hello from Taeoh who’s here for his regular check-up.
“Good morning.” he says politely, words a little bit squished.
It makes Kyungsoo smile wider, bending down to ruffle the young boy’s hair. “Good morning to you, too. Where’s mom?”
He points to the woman on her phone, waving energetically at Kyungsoo.
Nodding, Kyungsoo excuses himself to check for his schedule with the nurses, foot tapping continuously on the tiled floors. The nurse assisting him is new and she glances in nervousness at Kyungsoo, taking the insistent tapping as a sign of impatience.
“You’re scaring her, Doctor Do.”
His jaws clench, foot stilling and heart stopping as he turns around to regard Jongin.
“Doctor Kim.” he greets, the next words stopping at the tip of his tongue when he sees Jongin. The surgeon’s hair is unkempt, bags lining the underside of his eyes and coat rumpled. There’s a cup of coffee on his hand and it twists something inside Kyungsoo.
“Can we talk?” Jongin speaks up first and then glances at the nurse still looking at them. “In private.”
“I have patients in line, Doctor Kim.” he says, turning on his heel when he sees Jongin’s brow furrows in that painful way. “I’m sure whatever it is, it can wait.”
He refuses to look back because he knows exactly how broken Jongin would look, the mere thought already making him want to turn back and forget everything that has happened.
“Are you alright, Doctor Do?” one of the kids’ mother asks when he comes in and it’s only then that he realizes he’s crying again.
Kyungsoo would very much prefer to go straight home in fear of bumping into Jongin on the hallway. He’s even wary of stepping outside of his office, thinking Jongin would be outside waiting for him. The only consolation he gets is that the surgeon didn’t try to corner him on his own space. The patient’s information and samples are with him and he needs to take it to Junmyeon for analysis, and as much as wants to have one of the nurses bring it up for him, he needs to talk to the allergist personally.
But he would need to pass by Jongin’s office first, and that, is something he isn’t fond of doing anytime soon.
“You honestly can’t come down to get it?” he asks Junmyeon over the phone, worry creasing over his forehead. Junmyeon mumbles something over the line and another voice speaks up. With a sigh, he ends the call and grabs his coat.
His steps are steady, only faltering when he turns the corner and spies the nurse station just in front of Jongin’s office. He quickens his pace, keeping his gaze straight forward. He almost makes it through when Sooyoung’s voice catches up with him, effectively making him stop.
“Doctor Do.” the nurse repeats and there’s an unmistakable shame underlying her tone. “Can we talk? Please?”
He wants to keep walking, wants to ignore her and make her feel even worse than how she is feeling now. But he doesn’t, turning and facing her instead.
“There’s nothing to explain.” he says, voice neither accusing nor filled with despair, only numbness.
“Jongin isn’t-”
“Oh, so you’re on first name basis now?” he finds himself cutting her off, the corners of his mouth threatening to curl into a sneer. “You two must have gotten so close.”
Sooyoung’s face contorts into shame and a small part of Kyungsoo wants to take his words back because this is the girl who always greets him good morning; who brings him coffee and reminds him when Jongin gets lost in work too much.
She isn’t suppose to be the girl who kisses his boyfriend behind his back.
“If there isn’t anything more,” he says, seeing another nurse round the corner. “I’ll be leaving now.”
“Doctor Kim, he’s not- he’s not at fault.”
Kyungsoo stares at her for no more than a second before turning around and leaving.
“You look shaken.” is Junmyeon’s welcome when he enters the allergist’s office.
“It’s been a tiring day.” he excuses, even coming up with a tired smile to make it even more credible.
Junmyeon eyes him far longer than what is comfortable but doesn’t say anything else, wordlessly taking the samples from Kyungsoo’s hand and setting it on his table.
The phone rings and Kyungsoo takes it as his cue to leave.
“Talk to Jongin.” Junmyeon calls out to him before he leaves, the words ringing inside his head.
He pretends his heart isn’t pounding inside his chest when he rounds the corner to where Jongin’s office is. The nurses’ station is empty except for another male nurse checking the list of patients on the computer. He’s almost there; just five more steps and he’ll be making a turn away from the place he wants to avoid the most.
“Doctor Do.”
His footsteps stop, his heart stilling and he’s not even sure if he’s managed to look nonchalant before he turns around to face the owner of the voice.
“Let’s talk.” Jongin says firmly this time, but Kyungsoo doesn’t miss the way Jongin’s mouth twitches. He’s holding back.
“I’m about to go hom-”
“Kyungsoo, please.”
A patient in a wheelchair passes him by, the nurses walking towards his direction but everything else seems a blur, only Jongin’s stare locking him in place. He doesn’t speak as he walks towards Jongin’s office, passing the other male who shuts the door after him.
“Kyungsoo, I-”
“You were tired.” he starts, his back on Jongin and his eyes scanning the mess on the surgeon’s desk. “You were tired and I wasn’t there.”
“That’s not it.”
“That’s not it?” Kyungsoo turns around, biting back the lashes he wants to make because he doesn’t want to hurt more than how he’s hurting now. “What then? Do you want to tell me how you’re tired of me and that you want Sooyoung now?”
Jongin’s face contorts into something so painful. Kyungsoo thinks it’s unfair how Jongin could look like that when he’s suppose to be the one hurting; the one being threatened to get left behind.
He breathes out the anger inside him, leaving nothing but despair to eat him up. “Do we end this - us?”
Something cracks the space between them, Jongin stepping forward and tugging Kyungsoo towards him. A flinch escapes the smaller male, Jongin’s scent suffocating him and he bites back the sting in his eyes because he’s not sure he could let go of this.
He will never be sure.
“I’m so sorry.” Jongin rasps out and he sounds like he’s struggling with the words; struggling to breathe and hold on to Kyungsoo. “I have no excuse. She kissed me and I didn’t push her away. But Kyungsoo, fuck, I would never want anyone else but you.”
Kyungsoo remains motionless, his arms lying lifelessly on his side. He hears Jongin’s labored breathing, feels the wild thrumming of his chest against his. It takes a few more seconds of silence, Jongin’s arms still tight around him before he nods.
Jongin stills, pulling back but keeping his hands on Kyungsoo’s arms. He doesn’t say anything, merely stares at Kyungsoo who doesn’t meet his eyes.
“Let’s go home?” he asks softly - unsurely.
Kyungsoo doesn’t raise his head to look at him, nodding only and Jongin feels a piece of his broken heart glue itself back slowly.
Kyungsoo blearily looks at the male curled in on himself at the edge of his bed. He remembers how he went to sleep last night, insisting he stays at the guest room. Jongin doesn’t ask why and Kyungsoo’s thankful for it.
So waking up to Jongin sleeping by his feet is unexpected.
Sitting up, he debates whether to wake up the male or not. The clock on the desk catches his attention and decides for him.
“You’re late.” he murmurs, gently shaking the male awake.
Jongin stirs but only shifts so he could curl closer against Kyungsoo’s warmth, draping his arms on the smaller male’s legs. Though unconscious, he seems to realize he’s done something he shouldn’t have because his eyes soon open and he quickly retracts his hand back.
“You’re late.” Kyungsoo repeats, ignoring the sudden cold at the loss of Jongin’s warmth.
Jongin slowly sits up, eyes avoiding Kyungsoo’s. He rubs at his eyes and yawns. “I’m not going to work today.”
Kyungsoo’s brow furrows and he wants to ask why, but Jongin takes the time to look up at him and Kyungsoo feels his mouth go dry.
“Okay.”
Jongin makes breakfast. It’s been a long time and Kyungsoo can’t even remember the last time he and Jongin had breakfast together.
He watches Jongin take the seat in front of him and he looks down at his own plate, feeling like a stranger on his own home.
Their home.
“When are you going to get your clothes from Baekhyun?” Jongin asks softly. He’s not looking at Kyungsoo but he doesn’t need to for his insecurity to show.
“Later.” he answers just as softly. “I’ll get it later.”
“I’ll come with you.” Jongin blurts out and he’s looking at Kyungsoo now. There’s pink on his cheeks and Kyungsoo feels like he’s being asked for the first time all over again. “I mean, only if you want to, of course.”
“Take a bath first and maybe I’ll let you come with me.”
Kyungsoo looks up in embarrassment when Jongin doesn’t answer. Maybe he’s gone too far when the patches of their relationship are thin and on the verge of collapsing. But he’s only met with Jongin’s bright eyes, the bacon halfway on his mouth.
Kyungsoo smiles.
Baekhyun looks at the both of them the whole time they were packing Kyungsoo’s clothes into a bag but he doesn’t say anything and Kyungsoo is thankful for that.
Jongin takes the liberty of putting Kyungsoo’s clothes back in their closet, placing everything in place. Kyungsoo hastily grabs his phone when Jongin looks his way.
“Kyungsoo.”
Kyungsoo doesn’t remember seeing Jongin come closer, the surprise obvious on his face when he looks up at Jongin standing impossibly close in front of him.
Feigning composure, he sets the phone down and meets Jongin’s gaze. “Yeah?”
Kyungsoo can’t help but let his eyes travel to every part of Jongin’s face he could see. It’s just a week of avoiding him and yet the longing inside him makes him feel as if he’s missed Jongin for centuries.
Warm air is fanning his cheek and he jolts into consciousness with Jongin’s face so near his, lips hovering over his own and eyes staring at his, asking a question Kyungsoo doesn’t need to hear to know.
He turns his face to the side at the last second, feeling the press of Jongin’s lips on his cheek instead. It lingers there, the warmth, even as Jongin moves away. Hurt is written all over Jongin’s face but he covers it up with an apologetic smile before walking away to resume his unpacking.
“I’m sorry.” he calls out softly and Jongin tilts his head a bit to shake his head.
“Don’t be.”
Jongin drives him to work in the afternoon and Kyungsoo can’t help but admire his boyfriend in only shorts and a loose wife beater. He looks good when he dresses for work but Kyungsoo thinks he looks best when he’s just being Jongin and not Doctor Kim.
“I’ll pick you up later.” Jongin calls out to Kyungsoo who turns around to smile weakly at his boyfriend.
“Okay.”
It’s Baekhyun who greets him first, standing outside of his office with a small smile directed at Kyungsoo.
“So how are you two?”
Kyungsoo doesn’t answer immediately, choosing to open his office and usher Baekhyun inside first.
“We’re doing… okay.” he says, shrugging his coat off and putting the white one on. “We’re getting there.”
Baekhyun doesn’t say anything else after that, quietly leaving him alone as he looks over at the papers on his desk.
The hours blur by, kids running around and fussing over them. It’s a good distraction for Kyungsoo, his mind occupied by nothing else but his job. It’s not until his shift is over did he realize he hasn’t seen a glimpse of Sooyoung.
It’s both a welcome and unwelcome change.
“Why are you here?” he blurts out, voice monotone but the way his eyes widen more than their normal width tells of how surprised he is.
Jongin gives him a look, as if Kyungsoo just asked the most ridiculous question ever known in mankind’s history. “I can’t fetch my husband?”
“I’m not a kid, Jongin.” he counters, looking down and fixing the strap of his bag just to hide the warmness slowly spreading on his cheeks. “I can go home alone.”
“Well, I want to go home too.” Jongin says, leaning forward and lacing his fingers against Kyungsoo’s, the gesture so spontaneous and natural as if breathing. “Together.”
It feels like spring when Kyungsoo grips Jongin’s hand tighter, face down and ears red. Jongin smiles.
One step at a time.
It becomes a routine; Jongin going to work together with Kyungsoo and Jongin leaving work together with Kyungsoo. The surgeon has stopped taking double shifts, even going as far as changing his schedule to suit Kyungsoo’s. They’ve started eating breakfasts and dinners together again and Jongin would sometime take the time to visit Kyungsoo during lunch if his time allows him to.
But Kyungsoo’s overly aware of the looks Jongin’s been sending him every time they sit together in front of the dining table; or when they bump shoulders, side by side washing the dishes. Last night, Kyungsoo ducks again when Jongin brushes his nose on his cheek.
He wants to touch him, Kyungsoo does. But something is holding him back and it’s scary, thinking of the possibility that Jongin and him would drift apart again with how he, himself, is building a barrier with them.
“Kyungsoo, do you have time?” Yixing peers from behind the door, effectively distracting Kyungsoo from his train of thoughts. “Do you think you can take this to Jongin for me? I’m needed on the east wing.”
Kyungsoo nods absentmindedly, taking the folder and smiling at Yixing who returns a quick one before leaving.
He hasn’t gone to Jongin’s part of the building for a while now, mostly because Jongin’s the one always visiting his office.
It feels foreign, where the walls and tiles are the same, the lingering feelings are not.
He’s thankful when he doesn’t see Sooyoung on the nurse’s station, heading directly to Jongin’s office and sighing when he finds it empty.
Placing the folder on his boyfriend’s table, he smiles when he sees a picture of him and Jongin on his desk, the glass frame smudged with fingerprints. It makes him smile wider.
Figuring it won’t hurt anyone, he steps into Jongin’s private bathroom to relieve himself. He’s just about to exit when the sound of the door opening reaches him, his hand stilling on the knob.
“Jongin-”
“Please.”
Kyungsoo recognize both voices, something heavy lodging inside his chest because Sooyoung and Jongin are on the other side of the door.
“I know you’re sorry.” he hears Jongin start and he unconsciously turns around, leaning his back flat on the door. “And I am sorry too. But whatever it is that I have with Kyungsoo right now - whatever that is left of it. I’ve never wanted anything so bad as much as I want it right now.”
Kyungsoo closes his eyes, unconsciously reaching up a hand to clutch at his own shirt, his chest feeling too tight and heart feeling too big.
“I don’t want to ruin anything more than what I have done already.” his boyfriend continues and Kyungsoo feels his heart swelling even more. “I want to build my present with Kyungsoo - my future will always be with Kyungsoo.”
He hears Sooyoung murmur something, a few sniffs before the door opens and closes again.
The sound of a heavy weight slumping on the chair wakes Kyungsoo up and he opens the door slowly, taking slow steps and flinching when he sees Jongin’s eyes trained on him.
“I wasn’t eavesdropping.” Kyungsoo says before Jongin could accuse him of it. “I just haven’t had the time to go out before you two started talking.”
Jongin shakes his head and Kyungsoo feels guilt eating away at him because Jongin’s looks so fragile - so scared.
“We’ll go home together, yeah?”
Jongin looks up and manages a small smile, one that Kyungsoo holds on to until the rest of the shift.
They haven’t had dinner this awkward the past few nights.
It’s silent and Jongin wordlessly takes the dishes to the sink, ready to be on duty when Kyungsoo stops him and laces their hands together.
Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything, simply tugging at Jongin’s hand until they end up inside their room, the lights turned off and curtain billowing gently from the cool breeze.
He doesn’t let Jongin say anything as he pulls him down for a kiss, breath skimming against plush lips before touching. It’s fleeting, hauntingly beautiful and painful when Kyungsoo pulls back and Jongin desperately leans in for more.
“Kyungsoo.” Jongin whispers, the word flowing out from his mouth like a revered prayer. Kyungsoo closes his eyes and allows Jongin to kiss him again, mouth seeking his desperately and longingly.
They end up tumbling down on the bed, Jongin pressing against Kyungsoo, starved from affection. Kyungsoo lets him, head tilting back when Jongin rains kisses all over him, letting him have his fill until he’s sated. Close enough.
“I wouldn’t want anyone else but you, Soo.” Jongin whispers against Kyungsoo’s chest, body curled against Kyungsoo’s. “No one else.”
Kyungsoo hugs Jongin tighter, pressing his face on Jongin’s hair and breathing in the man he loves so dearly.
“I know, Jongin. I know.”
Jongdae calls them first thing in the morning when they call their work off, both calls purposely ignored by the two.
“I miss these things with you.” Jongin says sleepily, lips ghosting over Kyungsoo’s skin. “I miss you.”
Threading his fingers on Jongin’s hair, Kyungsoo leans down, connecting their lips and whispering his words on Jongin’s mouth and straight to his heart.
“I love you.”