That inexplicable feeling of something that is missing....
....that you get in life from time to time. I don't think it is just me that gets this from time to time. That odd sensation in your head and heart which feels like something has gone and you don't know what it is or where it is gone. Or why. That kind of random moment of walking into a room to get something and then you find yourself staring out of a window wondering what the fuck is that you don't have that apparently you so desperately miss.
I'm not talking about those moments of totally explicable loss, such as finishing a book and thinking "hey, I wonder what Dave will make of this" and then realising that's a conversation you're never, ever, going to have. Again.
No, its not that, because you at least know what is causing the feeling to originate and it is a feeling of "loss". But the sensation of "missing" is similar.
This has preoccupied my mind as of late and has somehow managed to jostle its way to the front of the thrash metal concert crowd that constitutes my thoughts. And right now, I feel that if I don't manage to pop one of these little buggers out into the world I'm going to slip into some sort of weird emotional coma. Fortunately this preoccupation has come with something of a multi-part epiphany, the first part being the realisation of how some of this feeling might be explained (to me at least) and the second being that the answer has been staring me in the fucking face in a manner akin to the OBVIOUS answer of using the keyboardist from the charlatans as your getaway driver.
Now I'm not saying this is by any stretch a definitive answer, it is just something that occurred to me which brings a small measure of comfort to my mind. And for those of you familiar with the workings of my mind, it is usually needful of being wrapped in some sort of device containing andrex puppies or similar. So every little helps......as the old woman said as she pissed in the sea.
I realised what was I was missing was people.
What I mean is people I haven't met, but you wish you had without even knowing it and so a part of you is missing someone who matters who you've not had the chance to meet.
The only rational way I can think to explain it is that there are certain people you meet in life who, for whatever reasons, you just get on with. Effortlessly. They become friends without any of the lengthy process of trying to understand each other. You're basically already just getting along with the easy familiarity of people who have known each other for ages. Putting it another way, its the same as catching up with an old friend who you haven't seen in a long time and when you meet there is no "we've drifted apart" nonsense. Everything is as it was. Which is always a joy.
And we miss our friends. We all do and it can be a struggle to keep up. So there is something of a sensation of loss and missing a friendship.
Whereas I'm thinking about missing people I don't know yet and wish I did.
In reality (tm) this is probably just your mind processing various emotions and it manifests itself in a way we don't understand. But in my head, I'm now going to wonder whose these people are and what they are doing. I'm also going to wonder how close they are because, it seems to me, sometimes they're closer than you might think. A room away or maybe a street or a carriage on a train or the underground. Sometimes it is further, but they are still there.
And when I do finally meet these people, I'll be happy that we finally got the chance to occupy the same space in the world.
Maybe, just maybe, I'll be a little sad at thought that for some reason, life conspired to delay that meeting until now. But not dwell on it, because the past can't be changed. So you dive into the future with enthusiasm and make up for the time you didn't know you'd lost.
But always suspected you did.
I'm not talking about those moments of totally explicable loss, such as finishing a book and thinking "hey, I wonder what Dave will make of this" and then realising that's a conversation you're never, ever, going to have. Again.
No, its not that, because you at least know what is causing the feeling to originate and it is a feeling of "loss". But the sensation of "missing" is similar.
This has preoccupied my mind as of late and has somehow managed to jostle its way to the front of the thrash metal concert crowd that constitutes my thoughts. And right now, I feel that if I don't manage to pop one of these little buggers out into the world I'm going to slip into some sort of weird emotional coma. Fortunately this preoccupation has come with something of a multi-part epiphany, the first part being the realisation of how some of this feeling might be explained (to me at least) and the second being that the answer has been staring me in the fucking face in a manner akin to the OBVIOUS answer of using the keyboardist from the charlatans as your getaway driver.
Now I'm not saying this is by any stretch a definitive answer, it is just something that occurred to me which brings a small measure of comfort to my mind. And for those of you familiar with the workings of my mind, it is usually needful of being wrapped in some sort of device containing andrex puppies or similar. So every little helps......as the old woman said as she pissed in the sea.
I realised what was I was missing was people.
What I mean is people I haven't met, but you wish you had without even knowing it and so a part of you is missing someone who matters who you've not had the chance to meet.
The only rational way I can think to explain it is that there are certain people you meet in life who, for whatever reasons, you just get on with. Effortlessly. They become friends without any of the lengthy process of trying to understand each other. You're basically already just getting along with the easy familiarity of people who have known each other for ages. Putting it another way, its the same as catching up with an old friend who you haven't seen in a long time and when you meet there is no "we've drifted apart" nonsense. Everything is as it was. Which is always a joy.
And we miss our friends. We all do and it can be a struggle to keep up. So there is something of a sensation of loss and missing a friendship.
Whereas I'm thinking about missing people I don't know yet and wish I did.
In reality (tm) this is probably just your mind processing various emotions and it manifests itself in a way we don't understand. But in my head, I'm now going to wonder whose these people are and what they are doing. I'm also going to wonder how close they are because, it seems to me, sometimes they're closer than you might think. A room away or maybe a street or a carriage on a train or the underground. Sometimes it is further, but they are still there.
And when I do finally meet these people, I'll be happy that we finally got the chance to occupy the same space in the world.
Maybe, just maybe, I'll be a little sad at thought that for some reason, life conspired to delay that meeting until now. But not dwell on it, because the past can't be changed. So you dive into the future with enthusiasm and make up for the time you didn't know you'd lost.
But always suspected you did.