not sure where I'm going
I can't figure out where to go from here. I don't mean any offense, but the options look so bleak. The only way I want to go doesn't even exist, a mist, a lie blown away by the first storm that came by.
I don't want to go back to OSU or any other school for that matter. Maybe I would like to take certain classes from a technical school or something, but I'm not compatible with the babysitting approach anymore. I'm not good with authority, it rarely works properly on me. Just makes me feel rebellious; perhaps it's a bit of insecurity, perhaps I'm just babied. Whatever; I'm not going to take it.
and I don't like Corvallis. It smells bad and the people here are all either elitists masturbating in front of their stack of degrees, or pictures of epic failures that have been kept around like shadows, there to remind everyone of what they might become. I'm not much of an elitist masturbator, nor do I get along with them, so it leaves me feeling like an epic failure. And there's not much room for success (for me); if I didn't have my connections on the Internet, I wouldn't even have a job.
I don't really see a future for myself in Portland either.. I mean the people there seem to spend a lot of time looking down on each other behind each other's backs. And it really just makes me sick of all of them, their drama and intrigues and bullshit. It's nonsense and selfish/family-and-friend/circle-protecting lies and bullshit that I do not want to be a part of. But that's my future as far as I can see it: get dragged into the bullshit dramafest and pushed even smaller and tighter inside my shell.
I really want to have a nice place to live and work. A little commune with my family and friends not striving to achieve their current petty goals, but working to help each other succeed and prosper. Not stomping on each other's hands and feet to try to get higher, but leaning on giving shoulders. But I know what's really going to happen, and it's considerably shy of that. Stakes driven deep into hearts drive us farther and farther apart. The threads that hold us together yawn apart, unlikely to be retied in this spirit of hateful education.
and I scream and scream and scream as I fall and fall and fall into this deep dark spiral of worthlessness and destruction, the vampire sucking me away as the knights beat me bloody and senseless, the sun burning out my eyes as the rain drowns out my tears and spreads my blood across the land...
I don't want to go back to OSU or any other school for that matter. Maybe I would like to take certain classes from a technical school or something, but I'm not compatible with the babysitting approach anymore. I'm not good with authority, it rarely works properly on me. Just makes me feel rebellious; perhaps it's a bit of insecurity, perhaps I'm just babied. Whatever; I'm not going to take it.
and I don't like Corvallis. It smells bad and the people here are all either elitists masturbating in front of their stack of degrees, or pictures of epic failures that have been kept around like shadows, there to remind everyone of what they might become. I'm not much of an elitist masturbator, nor do I get along with them, so it leaves me feeling like an epic failure. And there's not much room for success (for me); if I didn't have my connections on the Internet, I wouldn't even have a job.
I don't really see a future for myself in Portland either.. I mean the people there seem to spend a lot of time looking down on each other behind each other's backs. And it really just makes me sick of all of them, their drama and intrigues and bullshit. It's nonsense and selfish/family-and-friend/circle-protecting lies and bullshit that I do not want to be a part of. But that's my future as far as I can see it: get dragged into the bullshit dramafest and pushed even smaller and tighter inside my shell.
I really want to have a nice place to live and work. A little commune with my family and friends not striving to achieve their current petty goals, but working to help each other succeed and prosper. Not stomping on each other's hands and feet to try to get higher, but leaning on giving shoulders. But I know what's really going to happen, and it's considerably shy of that. Stakes driven deep into hearts drive us farther and farther apart. The threads that hold us together yawn apart, unlikely to be retied in this spirit of hateful education.
and I scream and scream and scream as I fall and fall and fall into this deep dark spiral of worthlessness and destruction, the vampire sucking me away as the knights beat me bloody and senseless, the sun burning out my eyes as the rain drowns out my tears and spreads my blood across the land...