Sunday on a Saturday Afternoon - 16/20
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Title: You Didn't Know That I Was Watching
Pairing: Alex/Addison
Rating: PG
Summary: Alex and Addison think about their relationship and consider taking a big step forwards.
You Didn’t Know That I Was Watching
In Addison’s previous relationships, she had been able to predict what events were going to happen, and when. She knew when Derek was going to ask her out for the first time, when he was ready to spend the night in her dorm room, when he was going to get down on one knee in a restaurant. She knew when Mark was going to make a move on her, when he would become a more common fixture in her bed than her husband, when he would cheat on her with a nurse. She had a way of knowing what was coming and it helped her prepare for the future.
Sometimes events caught her off guard. When Derek left New York and when he decided he couldn’t be married to her anymore. When Mark became excited about her pregnancy, and when he was devastated that she didn’t want to keep it. Life’s little curveballs kept her on her toes. Addison didn’t particularly like being kept on her toes and she didn’t like surprises.
If her relationship with Alex was more predictable, she would be able to guess when, or even if, he would propose to her. It seemed to be the next step in their timeline together, the logical conclusion to come to after living in an apartment with each other. As it was, Alex was impulsive and irregular. Some days he would be jovial and excited, unable to keep his hands off of her when she came home to their darkened apartment. It was on those days when she felt some kind of hope for them. Then there were the days where she would come back to a pitch-black apartment and Alex would be passed out cold, and she didn’t know what to think.
Addison wondered if Alex was happy sometimes. She knew that he was still mulling over offers from Seattle and Cincinnati, and that he had difficulty not being the breadwinner in the relationship, but she thought that maybe being with her would overrule these other difficulties. When she wondered these things, it was usually Alex who made her feel better, accidentally. She would be doing research for a case and he would appear with a vanilla latte or a Take 5 bar. She would be laying face-down on their navy sheets, feeling pessimistic and sorry for herself, and his hands would begin working through the knots that formed so easily in her back. She would be reassured in these little events and once again feel confident.
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Alex wasn’t sure what to do with a woman like Addison. She was stronger and more secure than most of the women he’d dated in the past. She had poise and carried herself well. She wasn’t a nurse looking for encouragement, or a co-worker who worried more about the sex than the relationship. Addison was something altogether different, and she left Alex more confused than anything else.
He would wait up for her at night, and be mystified why a woman who was a world-class neonatal surgeon would be with a guy who thought one of the great joys in life was watching Baywatch with a cold beer. He knew that he could make her laugh and that she claimed he was the best she’d ever had, but there was still a distance between the two of them and sometimes it seemed insurmountable.
He often wondered what her expectations were. He knew that if he was Derek Shepherd, he would have proposed by now. If he were Mark Sloan, he would have had an affair. If he were Skippy Gold, he would have chosen to go to band camp over a summer with Addison. Alex was none of these men, and so he wasn’t sure what he should do with a woman like Addison.
She made it clear she wanted him, with eager responses to his kisses and loud affirmatives late at night. She kept the refrigerator stocked with Sam Adams and was willing to go on dates at hamburger restaurants where he felt more comfortable. And every time he thanked her for these things, she acted like it was nothing special, which made him appreciate her all the more.
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Addison nervously sat on the couch in their living room, drumming her fingers against her thigh. She’d never had to ask a guy to get her pregnant before. Her previous two gentlemen just assumed that things were headed that way. With Alex, she didn’t think he knew that they were heading that way, and she wasn’t even sure they were. It was just worth checking.
She heard the keys in the lock and sat on her hands to hide any tension she was feeling. A smile pasted on her face, she greeted Alex a little too loudly as he dropped the keys along with their mail on the table next to the door. He kissed the top of her head distractedly, opening an envelope addressed to him.
“Alex?” Her voice shook a little and he looked up. A shaking voice was so rare an occurrence in Addison Montgomery that it deserved notice. The smile stayed on her face as she stood, keeping the couch in between them. “I’ve been thinking that…um...,” she trailed off, ashamed at her own lack of eloquence. Addison clenched her hands, which were shaking slightly.
Alex moved around the couch and pushed her gently onto the couch, sitting at the other end. “I’ve been told that surgeons don’t say ‘um’ so just spit it out already.” He placed his letter on the coffee table and folded his arms behind his head.
“It’s just that I don’t know where we’re going. And I thought maybe we just needed a push in a direction that resembled forwards. So.” She stopped, unable to find the words that she wanted.
“So?” Alex prompted, putting his feet up on the table and searching in the couch cushions for the remote control.
“Babies.” The word came out of Addison’s mouth unbidden and her hand flew up to her lips. To her surprise, Alex did not jump up from the couch in terror or pretend that he hadn’t heard her.
“Babies,” he repeated slowly. Babies were something that he associated with his job. They were sticky little things that had complications more often than not. They were pooping machines as well as noisemakers that would top any speaker system money could buy. They were also small, helpless people who didn’t know any better than to love the person who was currently supporting their head.
“Babies.” The word resounded in the apartment for the third time as Addison leaned forwards to look into Alex’s face. She didn’t find disgust or uncertainty. She found a small smile.
“Maybe just baby,” he said after a few moments. “I don’t know if I can handle more than one.” Addison moved in to place a resounding kiss on his forehead, relief filling her so that she felt like she might burst with it all.
“A baby is fine, too.” Addison smiled widely. There was direction, there was purpose, there was proof that Alex was happy. There was even evidence that he would stay in Seattle. It wasn’t a proposal, it was something more. She didn’t think she was ready to be married again, but she had been ready to have a child for as long as she could remember.
Alex dug around for the remote and turned on the TV to see Yasmin Bleeth running across the screen before Addison snatched the remote from his hand and proceeded to do something that made him forget all about the dark-haired lifeguard.
[ Chapter Seventeen]