'smart jokes' thread
some decent (but likely not original) content on 4chan;
a Physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are standing in front of a house. they see 1 man enter and 2 men leave
The physicist says well there is obviously an unknown variable.
the biologist says the man must have multiplied
the mathematician said "i dont know how it happened but if one more person enters the house it will be empty."
(all the people who didn't get that one simultaneously made amused and sad as hell;
"clearly there were people in the house before they saw the one guy entering, so it is impossible to know how many will be left. am i missing something?"
"Apparently a sense of humor.")
this old standby;
Three mathematicians on a hunting trip have come upon a trophy buck.
The first mathematician aims and fires a shot. It veers 2 feet to the left of the animal, which is still standing unphased.
The second mathematician takes his shot, missing as the bullet flies by 2 feet to the right of the animal.
The third mathematician then jumps up and exclaims, "We got him!"
this one is new to me;
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are asked to build a fence which encases the largest possible area with the least amount of materials.
The engineer spends a little time figuring out the most efficient shape in which to build the fence, and claims his is the most efficient because of it's design.
The physicist builds his fence along the equator in a full circle around the earth, and claims his is the most efficient because it covers the largest area possible.
The mathematician builds the fence in a circle around himself and says, "I am standing outside of the fence."
this one isn't as smart as it seems, but still funny.
a mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, & a computer engineer are traveling in a car when it breaks down
the mechanical engineer says 'i think it isthe crankshaft, we need to rebuild the engine'
the chemical engineer says 'no it is obviously the fuel supply, we should change the fuel & all fluids'
the computer engineer says 'gentleman youre both wrong, what we need to do is get out & get back in again'
and then
A farmers chickens wont lay any eggs.
So he asks the three educated men in town to help
One is a Physician, one is an engineer, and the third is a physicist.
The farmer asks the Physician, and the physician says "i'm sorry, but i only know about human anatomy, i cant help your chickens"
The farmer asks the Engineer and he the engineer says "I'm sorry, i only work with machines, i cant help your chickens."
Finally he asks the physicist, and the physicist says "Well, i have an idea, but it only works on spherical chickens in a vacuum."
and lastly;
an optimist says the glass is half-full
a pessimist says the glass is half-empty
an engineer says the vessel is twice as big as it needed to be
aw hell, one more for good measure;
2.0X10^3 g mockingbird
a Physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are standing in front of a house. they see 1 man enter and 2 men leave
The physicist says well there is obviously an unknown variable.
the biologist says the man must have multiplied
the mathematician said "i dont know how it happened but if one more person enters the house it will be empty."
(all the people who didn't get that one simultaneously made amused and sad as hell;
"clearly there were people in the house before they saw the one guy entering, so it is impossible to know how many will be left. am i missing something?"
"Apparently a sense of humor.")
this old standby;
Three mathematicians on a hunting trip have come upon a trophy buck.
The first mathematician aims and fires a shot. It veers 2 feet to the left of the animal, which is still standing unphased.
The second mathematician takes his shot, missing as the bullet flies by 2 feet to the right of the animal.
The third mathematician then jumps up and exclaims, "We got him!"
this one is new to me;
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are asked to build a fence which encases the largest possible area with the least amount of materials.
The engineer spends a little time figuring out the most efficient shape in which to build the fence, and claims his is the most efficient because of it's design.
The physicist builds his fence along the equator in a full circle around the earth, and claims his is the most efficient because it covers the largest area possible.
The mathematician builds the fence in a circle around himself and says, "I am standing outside of the fence."
this one isn't as smart as it seems, but still funny.
a mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, & a computer engineer are traveling in a car when it breaks down
the mechanical engineer says 'i think it isthe crankshaft, we need to rebuild the engine'
the chemical engineer says 'no it is obviously the fuel supply, we should change the fuel & all fluids'
the computer engineer says 'gentleman youre both wrong, what we need to do is get out & get back in again'
and then
A farmers chickens wont lay any eggs.
So he asks the three educated men in town to help
One is a Physician, one is an engineer, and the third is a physicist.
The farmer asks the Physician, and the physician says "i'm sorry, but i only know about human anatomy, i cant help your chickens"
The farmer asks the Engineer and he the engineer says "I'm sorry, i only work with machines, i cant help your chickens."
Finally he asks the physicist, and the physicist says "Well, i have an idea, but it only works on spherical chickens in a vacuum."
and lastly;
an optimist says the glass is half-full
a pessimist says the glass is half-empty
an engineer says the vessel is twice as big as it needed to be
aw hell, one more for good measure;
2.0X10^3 g mockingbird