On Perseverance, Self-Doubt and Duty
muse_playground prompt: 1. The truth is that there is nothing noble in being superior to somebody else. The only real nobility is in being superior to your former self. - Whitney Young
versecollision prompt: 001. The biggest myth about me is...
The biggest myth about me is that, while I may find fault with others, I find no faults in myself and that criticisms from others simply bounce off of me. That I've never had to struggle through anything, and that if I did, I wouldn't be so pompous. My son seems to think so. I may be many things, but I am not a hypocrite. I have pushed my men and pushed my son; my superiors and my father and my brothers certainly pushed me when I was young, but never any harder than I have pushed myself.
When my oldest brother Chris was 15, he decided to make it a habit to run a mile every day before school. I was 9 at the time; I went with him. By the time I was 15, I was running 5 miles every morning. That year, my doctor told me I'd better quit running or I'd ruin my knees. I cut back to 2 miles a day, but I didn't quit, and I filled the extra time in the morning doing push ups and sit ups. I knew I was going to be a marine, like my father, and I wanted to be ready - more than ready.
And I was.
And guess what? My knees are fine. You push through that stuff.
I played football starting when I was 6 years old. I started regularly being assigned to the position of quarterback when I was 9. When I made the high school varsity football team my freshman year, I was made third string quarterback. Third goddamn string. I wrote my father to tell him that, thinking he'd be disappointed, but he said he was just happy I'd made varsity. I didn't share his enthusiasm. I spent most of the games warming a bench. But I went to every single one all the same, and I watched and I learned; and when I was home, I practiced like hell until I knew they'd have no choice but to put me on first string next year, after the current quarterback had graduated.
I finally made first string, my junior year.
I apply the same standards to my ethical responsibilities. I speak up where I think something needs to be said; I tell the truth, always. I take my commitments seriously. I go to church every Sunday with my wife like a Christian man should. I try to respect every person I meet, to be a good neighbor, to reign in my temper. I take care to be punctual, to put effort into my appearance, to uphold the standards of good, mannered society; all of these are signs of respect for the people around you.
Academics came after all that, but that didn't mean they went neglected. I was never a natural at math and reading, but I worked my butt off and I never got below a B- in school. I'm sorry I got below an A. My brother Ricky got all A's his entire life. He was in the National Honors Society. Me, I made Honors plenty of years, but I didn't get into NHS. I should have. I studied hard, but I could have studied harder. Could have studied as hard as I practiced for football. Think of what I'd have done.
Not that I regret my career path - never been a day in my life that I have. I always knew what I was going to be - not a pilot specifically, not until I was about 14, but a marine - I knew that. It's in my blood. I wanted to be a general like my Great Uncle Charles - he was a decorated general from World War I.
I didn't make it to General, but I did become a Colonel.
I fought in the Korean War and in Vietnam. I took a piece of shrapnel to the shoulder. I jumped out of a crashing jet with a parachute. I lost men, lost friends... I also killed enemies. I shot down enemy planes, dropped bombs, won battles, won medals.
But I could have done better, could have saved more lives, won more battles...
I don't like to voice these kinds of things. Self-doubt can make you stronger when you use it as fuel, when you mold it into a desire to become better - but when you let yourself turn to second-guessing, then it can only hold you back and keep your preoccupied with things that can't be changed. And lack of confidence can make you hesitate, can open you up to attacks; it's a weakness. As is self-indulgence.
That's why there's the myth about me, I guess. Because I don't let this show. I don't let myself think on mistakes, only on opportunities. Men aren't made to dwell upon emotion; they're made to act. To succeed. To improve. And none of that is to be done for congratulation. On the contrary, you do it because it is your duty as a human being, your duty as a man.
I recently made the acquaintance of this man, Command Master Chief John James Urgayle. On his journal, mc_urgayle, he's got the following poem by D.H. Lawrence displayed. It's called Self Pity:
I never saw a wild thing
sorry for itself.
A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself.
I'm not generally much for poetry myself, but that there strikes a chord. That there is the truth.
If I have high standards for people around me, it's only because I have even higher standards for myself. Everyone should have these same sorts of expectations for themselves; if they don't, then they need someone to do the pushing for them. That's the only way they'll become all that they can and should be.
Muse: John House
Fandom: House, M.D.
Words: 976
versecollision prompt: 001. The biggest myth about me is...
The biggest myth about me is that, while I may find fault with others, I find no faults in myself and that criticisms from others simply bounce off of me. That I've never had to struggle through anything, and that if I did, I wouldn't be so pompous. My son seems to think so. I may be many things, but I am not a hypocrite. I have pushed my men and pushed my son; my superiors and my father and my brothers certainly pushed me when I was young, but never any harder than I have pushed myself.
When my oldest brother Chris was 15, he decided to make it a habit to run a mile every day before school. I was 9 at the time; I went with him. By the time I was 15, I was running 5 miles every morning. That year, my doctor told me I'd better quit running or I'd ruin my knees. I cut back to 2 miles a day, but I didn't quit, and I filled the extra time in the morning doing push ups and sit ups. I knew I was going to be a marine, like my father, and I wanted to be ready - more than ready.
And I was.
And guess what? My knees are fine. You push through that stuff.
I played football starting when I was 6 years old. I started regularly being assigned to the position of quarterback when I was 9. When I made the high school varsity football team my freshman year, I was made third string quarterback. Third goddamn string. I wrote my father to tell him that, thinking he'd be disappointed, but he said he was just happy I'd made varsity. I didn't share his enthusiasm. I spent most of the games warming a bench. But I went to every single one all the same, and I watched and I learned; and when I was home, I practiced like hell until I knew they'd have no choice but to put me on first string next year, after the current quarterback had graduated.
I finally made first string, my junior year.
I apply the same standards to my ethical responsibilities. I speak up where I think something needs to be said; I tell the truth, always. I take my commitments seriously. I go to church every Sunday with my wife like a Christian man should. I try to respect every person I meet, to be a good neighbor, to reign in my temper. I take care to be punctual, to put effort into my appearance, to uphold the standards of good, mannered society; all of these are signs of respect for the people around you.
Academics came after all that, but that didn't mean they went neglected. I was never a natural at math and reading, but I worked my butt off and I never got below a B- in school. I'm sorry I got below an A. My brother Ricky got all A's his entire life. He was in the National Honors Society. Me, I made Honors plenty of years, but I didn't get into NHS. I should have. I studied hard, but I could have studied harder. Could have studied as hard as I practiced for football. Think of what I'd have done.
Not that I regret my career path - never been a day in my life that I have. I always knew what I was going to be - not a pilot specifically, not until I was about 14, but a marine - I knew that. It's in my blood. I wanted to be a general like my Great Uncle Charles - he was a decorated general from World War I.
I didn't make it to General, but I did become a Colonel.
I fought in the Korean War and in Vietnam. I took a piece of shrapnel to the shoulder. I jumped out of a crashing jet with a parachute. I lost men, lost friends... I also killed enemies. I shot down enemy planes, dropped bombs, won battles, won medals.
But I could have done better, could have saved more lives, won more battles...
I don't like to voice these kinds of things. Self-doubt can make you stronger when you use it as fuel, when you mold it into a desire to become better - but when you let yourself turn to second-guessing, then it can only hold you back and keep your preoccupied with things that can't be changed. And lack of confidence can make you hesitate, can open you up to attacks; it's a weakness. As is self-indulgence.
That's why there's the myth about me, I guess. Because I don't let this show. I don't let myself think on mistakes, only on opportunities. Men aren't made to dwell upon emotion; they're made to act. To succeed. To improve. And none of that is to be done for congratulation. On the contrary, you do it because it is your duty as a human being, your duty as a man.
I recently made the acquaintance of this man, Command Master Chief John James Urgayle. On his journal, mc_urgayle, he's got the following poem by D.H. Lawrence displayed. It's called Self Pity:
I never saw a wild thing
sorry for itself.
A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself.
I'm not generally much for poetry myself, but that there strikes a chord. That there is the truth.
If I have high standards for people around me, it's only because I have even higher standards for myself. Everyone should have these same sorts of expectations for themselves; if they don't, then they need someone to do the pushing for them. That's the only way they'll become all that they can and should be.
Muse: John House
Fandom: House, M.D.
Words: 976