Report 014 | [Voice/Action of many sorts] | Backdated to December 28
[Litchi is gone from Luceti. Don is off on a mission for who knows how long.
Merry Christmas, indeed.
Obviously, Robert is not feeling much in the way of holiday spirit - or... really, much in the way of any spirit. He's been going through the motions for the days since Kazuma's announcement, burying himself in work to keep his mind busy so he won't collapse under the mental strain of knowing Litchi is gone, possibly forever.
He won't leave himself alone, though - there's a constant cacophony in his head, self-accusing and almost smug.
See, Robert? This is what happens when you get close to people,, his mind warns, with all the tired patience of an aged patron informing a misguided youngster yet again. And for all you know, someone even worse could be next - Ami. Giles. Helios.
Don.
He doesn't like to think about it. He doesn't even like to consider the possibility. But it looms large in his mind, frighteningly, as sharp as ever like when he lost Vivi... the achingly painful reminder that sometimes Luceti can take away as easily as it can give.
And so he turns to working instead - it's comforting to put his mind through those motions, to engross himself in study as per usual. The need drives him to the library early in the day, pushes him to read through reams and reams of text, to bury himself in the comforting white noise of lectures replayed in his mind.
It's the seventh book in a stack on the table that catches his eye... not because of its contents - though it seems to be a text on politics, which is a little unusual in and of itself - but because of the envelopes folded inside like some sort of strange bookmark. There are five of them nestled in the papers, tucked there as though deliberately placed by someone who hoped they would be found.
He pulls one out, and his fingers almost go slack as he studies the somewhat-askew, wobbly writing. It's difficult to read, but... "Anodrac Ynnej" is legible.
Poorly-suppressed tears sting Robert's eyes. These are Anodrac's letters from before she left... perhaps she had hoped they would be found by someone here.
Well... looks like he's going to be the one to deliver the news to Luceti in general. Quieting his own feelings as best as he can, Robert opens his journal and begins to speak; his voice is small and more tired-sounding than usual. There's a shake in it, even more than his usual stutter, which he can't quite hide.
He clears his throat ineffectually before he begins.]
... S-Some of you... may already be a-aware, but... [Softly, sadly:] ... Anodrac Ynnej has... been returned to her h-home. One hopes she will... f-fare well, there...
... U-Unfortunately, these... instances s-seem to be quite common lately. I... I wish the best to a-anybody affected by the recent losses... as, er, as m-many of them as there are...
[And then he crafts a filter for the people who Anodrac wanted to honour.]
[Filtered to Helios Sprensonne, Rupert Giles, Ginia Solana, and Derek Bliss | 100%]
Anodrac... left messages for a-all of you. Letters. [He hesitates a moment, before continuing.] ... If you like, I could... d-deliver them sometime... or, you could come to House 55 to... o-obtain them. Whichever is easier...
[/filter]
[With that out of the way, he'll make the trek back home, to a house only Leo is at right now... he's lost his enthusiasm to read books, especially after seeing Anodrac's letters. Robert doesn't dare open the other letters; only his own, as curious as part of him is to see what she's said to his other close friends. But even what he read in his letter hurt; the bittersweet pain of losing a friend, that rare commodity he never owned before Luceti.
Another friend lost. Another time where pain and sadness threaten to overwhelm his diminished defences...
This is exactly the kind of time where the focus of meditation would be helpful.
Remembering all the words of his friends, and the writing in the CD Don so lovingly transcribed for him, he sits down in his room to focus once again on the unfamiliar self-inflicted oblivion of the trance-like state.
Concentrate on your breathing. Don't think about anything but your heartbeat. Just relax.
Focus.
He's not sure when the indistinct haze of thought quiets enough for it to happen - it might have been mere minutes, or it might have been hours - but eventually a bright something lances through his mind, an almost gentle-feeling light that glimmers somewhere deep in his consciousness.
Then a blur of feelings that are clearly not his own - happy, maybe - and a sweet taste somewhere in his throat, and then Robert "hears" sounds that he knows he shouldn't be hearing - not words but a clear high tone, like a little bell. But it's not in his ears; it's inside his head.
Sounds and colours and the warm glow of an inner heat and an indistinct, illogical comfort that manifests from almost nowhere, given a name - Nala - that blinks into his mind just as suddenly as the answers to his equations sometimes come to him.
For one almost-giddy, illogical moment, he wonders if he's high.
Suddenly all those months spent in vain trying to hear the healing spirit - it all clicks together, like a Rubik's cube snapped into place. That was her. He felt her, as impossible as it seems - as illogical as it sounds, even to him.
He's breathless, and his heart is beating fast when he snaps open the journal laying next to him, more to ground himself than anything else. He doesn't even know what to say - this certainly wasn't anything he expected. There is now knowledge in his head - knowledge he did not have before this - that tells some part of him how to begin to utilize Filial magic.
A year ago, he would have thought he had gone insane. Even now, Robert isn't sure if he isn't.]
... I... I h-heard Nala.
... I... [His voice is full of wonder and quiet shock.] ... I am not... c-certain if I can... explain how... b-but, it was... it was almost... like, like having s-synaesthesia, and... [He trails off, realizing he's babbling.]
... Th-there has to be an explanation... a, a ph-physical pathway... ... if I c-can replicate this process, perhaps in an f-MRI, then... [Running a mile a minute, now. Magic has to be explicable. It's a physical phenomenon, isn't it? There has to be a reason.
Everything has an explanation. And he'll find the one that exists for this.]
... I know magic, now. A... A v-very small amount, but... but I understood...
No T-Terran would... ever believe me...
[He pauses then, sobering a little, contemplating the sheer enormity of this. It has to be something about Luceti, something about the unusual properties here that make it possible.]
... Wh-who else has... has heard the S-Spirits, here...? Whether your own w-world has... magic, or otherwise...?
... And... and how did it function, for you...? Are there... c-correlations?
[He won't rest until he understands this.]
(OOC: Whew. Okay. This post is huge and I apologize. People, you are welcome to reply to any part of this monstrosity - catch Robert at the library, respond to him over the journals - hell, respond to him twice if you want for both parts, just label the thread if you wish!
... And not to add even more options, but... if you wanted to do anything Christmas-y with him, you could backdate/forward-date here in this post. I seriously don't mind. This is just a catch-all, I guess... sob.
He has a bunch of gifts for people but I have no idea where to list them...)
Merry Christmas, indeed.
Obviously, Robert is not feeling much in the way of holiday spirit - or... really, much in the way of any spirit. He's been going through the motions for the days since Kazuma's announcement, burying himself in work to keep his mind busy so he won't collapse under the mental strain of knowing Litchi is gone, possibly forever.
He won't leave himself alone, though - there's a constant cacophony in his head, self-accusing and almost smug.
See, Robert? This is what happens when you get close to people,, his mind warns, with all the tired patience of an aged patron informing a misguided youngster yet again. And for all you know, someone even worse could be next - Ami. Giles. Helios.
Don.
He doesn't like to think about it. He doesn't even like to consider the possibility. But it looms large in his mind, frighteningly, as sharp as ever like when he lost Vivi... the achingly painful reminder that sometimes Luceti can take away as easily as it can give.
And so he turns to working instead - it's comforting to put his mind through those motions, to engross himself in study as per usual. The need drives him to the library early in the day, pushes him to read through reams and reams of text, to bury himself in the comforting white noise of lectures replayed in his mind.
It's the seventh book in a stack on the table that catches his eye... not because of its contents - though it seems to be a text on politics, which is a little unusual in and of itself - but because of the envelopes folded inside like some sort of strange bookmark. There are five of them nestled in the papers, tucked there as though deliberately placed by someone who hoped they would be found.
He pulls one out, and his fingers almost go slack as he studies the somewhat-askew, wobbly writing. It's difficult to read, but... "Anodrac Ynnej" is legible.
Poorly-suppressed tears sting Robert's eyes. These are Anodrac's letters from before she left... perhaps she had hoped they would be found by someone here.
Well... looks like he's going to be the one to deliver the news to Luceti in general. Quieting his own feelings as best as he can, Robert opens his journal and begins to speak; his voice is small and more tired-sounding than usual. There's a shake in it, even more than his usual stutter, which he can't quite hide.
He clears his throat ineffectually before he begins.]
... S-Some of you... may already be a-aware, but... [Softly, sadly:] ... Anodrac Ynnej has... been returned to her h-home. One hopes she will... f-fare well, there...
... U-Unfortunately, these... instances s-seem to be quite common lately. I... I wish the best to a-anybody affected by the recent losses... as, er, as m-many of them as there are...
[And then he crafts a filter for the people who Anodrac wanted to honour.]
[Filtered to Helios Sprensonne, Rupert Giles, Ginia Solana, and Derek Bliss | 100%]
Anodrac... left messages for a-all of you. Letters. [He hesitates a moment, before continuing.] ... If you like, I could... d-deliver them sometime... or, you could come to House 55 to... o-obtain them. Whichever is easier...
[/filter]
[With that out of the way, he'll make the trek back home, to a house only Leo is at right now... he's lost his enthusiasm to read books, especially after seeing Anodrac's letters. Robert doesn't dare open the other letters; only his own, as curious as part of him is to see what she's said to his other close friends. But even what he read in his letter hurt; the bittersweet pain of losing a friend, that rare commodity he never owned before Luceti.
Another friend lost. Another time where pain and sadness threaten to overwhelm his diminished defences...
This is exactly the kind of time where the focus of meditation would be helpful.
Remembering all the words of his friends, and the writing in the CD Don so lovingly transcribed for him, he sits down in his room to focus once again on the unfamiliar self-inflicted oblivion of the trance-like state.
Concentrate on your breathing. Don't think about anything but your heartbeat. Just relax.
Focus.
He's not sure when the indistinct haze of thought quiets enough for it to happen - it might have been mere minutes, or it might have been hours - but eventually a bright something lances through his mind, an almost gentle-feeling light that glimmers somewhere deep in his consciousness.
Then a blur of feelings that are clearly not his own - happy, maybe - and a sweet taste somewhere in his throat, and then Robert "hears" sounds that he knows he shouldn't be hearing - not words but a clear high tone, like a little bell. But it's not in his ears; it's inside his head.
Sounds and colours and the warm glow of an inner heat and an indistinct, illogical comfort that manifests from almost nowhere, given a name - Nala - that blinks into his mind just as suddenly as the answers to his equations sometimes come to him.
For one almost-giddy, illogical moment, he wonders if he's high.
Suddenly all those months spent in vain trying to hear the healing spirit - it all clicks together, like a Rubik's cube snapped into place. That was her. He felt her, as impossible as it seems - as illogical as it sounds, even to him.
He's breathless, and his heart is beating fast when he snaps open the journal laying next to him, more to ground himself than anything else. He doesn't even know what to say - this certainly wasn't anything he expected. There is now knowledge in his head - knowledge he did not have before this - that tells some part of him how to begin to utilize Filial magic.
A year ago, he would have thought he had gone insane. Even now, Robert isn't sure if he isn't.]
... I... I h-heard Nala.
... I... [His voice is full of wonder and quiet shock.] ... I am not... c-certain if I can... explain how... b-but, it was... it was almost... like, like having s-synaesthesia, and... [He trails off, realizing he's babbling.]
... Th-there has to be an explanation... a, a ph-physical pathway... ... if I c-can replicate this process, perhaps in an f-MRI, then... [Running a mile a minute, now. Magic has to be explicable. It's a physical phenomenon, isn't it? There has to be a reason.
Everything has an explanation. And he'll find the one that exists for this.]
... I know magic, now. A... A v-very small amount, but... but I understood...
No T-Terran would... ever believe me...
[He pauses then, sobering a little, contemplating the sheer enormity of this. It has to be something about Luceti, something about the unusual properties here that make it possible.]
... Wh-who else has... has heard the S-Spirits, here...? Whether your own w-world has... magic, or otherwise...?
... And... and how did it function, for you...? Are there... c-correlations?
[He won't rest until he understands this.]
(OOC: Whew. Okay. This post is huge and I apologize. People, you are welcome to reply to any part of this monstrosity - catch Robert at the library, respond to him over the journals - hell, respond to him twice if you want for both parts, just label the thread if you wish!
... And not to add even more options, but... if you wanted to do anything Christmas-y with him, you could backdate/forward-date here in this post. I seriously don't mind. This is just a catch-all, I guess... sob.
He has a bunch of gifts for people but I have no idea where to list them...)