To whose heart I return to once again...
Hi!
The summer has progressed sweetly, I believe, so far... through July, I have been enjoying long, tiresome, and yet heartwarming weeks at work... There is no way to go to those children and remain sad or bitter, or distant-hearted... when they come to give a hug or simply stare into your eyes with a look of innocence and love... when you hear "play with me", "hold me", "don't leave me"... "I love you"... It is funny that we grow up and strive to learn and experience and accomplish and become something extraordinary and... it is when we look into the eyes and heart of a little child that we see God... at least that's what it does to me. I am thankful for this opportunity... It is beautiful... beauty is a "smiling sadness" (as described by Charlie Chaplin, of all people), in a way, because, in this case, you are sad because you know you can never go back to that place of innocence and sweetness.. but you smile because at this point in life, you have the opportunity to feel it as it soothes the soul.
I'm also really sore because they all seem to enjoy head-butting me in the legs... and they have some pretty hard heads...
I've been excitedly planning for college life by buying things for my dorm room (shared of course by Katie Farmer and Lauren Neill) like a chair, quilt, storage, cups, etc! All in soothing beach colours. Of course. I also ordered two of the books I will need for my classes in Amazon... one was 4 dollars!! What!? It was pretty crazy... buy them used, folks. I am excited, yes, because it's something new and exciting to look forward to - an adventurous new stage in my life... but with that excitement comes hesitation, because I am leaving home... and we all know there's more to a home than architecture... I won't see Sassy for long periods of time and I don't know if she'll understand... I know that sounds silly, but you've gotta know how much I deeply love that cat.
Anyway... other days have featured Russian meals and a candlelight Russian serenade by guitar (I thank the Childs' for that lovely evening), late nights watching the Discovery Health Channel (my new "routine" it seems like), and trying to figure... myself out, I guess... trying to stay joyful and trying to listen to God when it seems like my soul has severe ADD... maybe it's this world, and me, I know... But tonight Jason talked about Peter, and how it's better to hear that you've failed several times than to hear that you're a failure... basically, we can't do anything by ourselves... we just have to keep trying no matter the mistakes, and realize it's all surrender to Him...
And some days, like today, I just have to admit that... I'm still waiting, however impatiently and sadly, for someone to love. And that I can't seem to hold on to a hopeful dream because I'm still clinging to the closest thing I can make into a reality... wait, I'm getting carried away... sometimes I get so carried away I totally stray from my real point or thought to something that makes no sense...
I want to get some Winnie-the-Pooh books.. Pooh bear was a great philosopher, for a bear with very little brain...
:)
The summer has progressed sweetly, I believe, so far... through July, I have been enjoying long, tiresome, and yet heartwarming weeks at work... There is no way to go to those children and remain sad or bitter, or distant-hearted... when they come to give a hug or simply stare into your eyes with a look of innocence and love... when you hear "play with me", "hold me", "don't leave me"... "I love you"... It is funny that we grow up and strive to learn and experience and accomplish and become something extraordinary and... it is when we look into the eyes and heart of a little child that we see God... at least that's what it does to me. I am thankful for this opportunity... It is beautiful... beauty is a "smiling sadness" (as described by Charlie Chaplin, of all people), in a way, because, in this case, you are sad because you know you can never go back to that place of innocence and sweetness.. but you smile because at this point in life, you have the opportunity to feel it as it soothes the soul.
I'm also really sore because they all seem to enjoy head-butting me in the legs... and they have some pretty hard heads...
I've been excitedly planning for college life by buying things for my dorm room (shared of course by Katie Farmer and Lauren Neill) like a chair, quilt, storage, cups, etc! All in soothing beach colours. Of course. I also ordered two of the books I will need for my classes in Amazon... one was 4 dollars!! What!? It was pretty crazy... buy them used, folks. I am excited, yes, because it's something new and exciting to look forward to - an adventurous new stage in my life... but with that excitement comes hesitation, because I am leaving home... and we all know there's more to a home than architecture... I won't see Sassy for long periods of time and I don't know if she'll understand... I know that sounds silly, but you've gotta know how much I deeply love that cat.
Anyway... other days have featured Russian meals and a candlelight Russian serenade by guitar (I thank the Childs' for that lovely evening), late nights watching the Discovery Health Channel (my new "routine" it seems like), and trying to figure... myself out, I guess... trying to stay joyful and trying to listen to God when it seems like my soul has severe ADD... maybe it's this world, and me, I know... But tonight Jason talked about Peter, and how it's better to hear that you've failed several times than to hear that you're a failure... basically, we can't do anything by ourselves... we just have to keep trying no matter the mistakes, and realize it's all surrender to Him...
And some days, like today, I just have to admit that... I'm still waiting, however impatiently and sadly, for someone to love. And that I can't seem to hold on to a hopeful dream because I'm still clinging to the closest thing I can make into a reality... wait, I'm getting carried away... sometimes I get so carried away I totally stray from my real point or thought to something that makes no sense...
I want to get some Winnie-the-Pooh books.. Pooh bear was a great philosopher, for a bear with very little brain...
:)