Funeral :(
My grandfather passed away on Wednesday morning. He had pancreatic cancer, and yes, it was certainly expected. But can you ever REALLY expect it? I mean of course, I wasn't surprised, but it's still not really happening. Today was the funeral, and it just wasn't HIS funeral. I was talking about it with my dad today, and we agreed on this. Every time they spoke his name, it was as if they were wrong. It just sounded to weird to hear that name, knowing I was sitting in a funeral. It was as if they had gotten the name wrong, and should be embarressed, even though we all knew it was right.
But I was really fine for most of it. I got teary-eyed, of course, but that's really all. The one thing that really got to me was when they lowered his coffin. I just lost it at that point. But apparently that happens a hell of a lot. My mom was standing across the area we have to walk across after dumping dirk into the hole, and I just walked practically into her and let out huge sobs. But honestly, what else is expected?
The good part is I got to see my cousins who I don't get to see too often. They are amazing, and we're planning to start seeing each other at times other than occasions, especially the sad ones like these. Some relatives in our family to tend to start to drift apart a bit, and we said that wasn't going to happen, although we already go a few years without really even talking at times, so it doesn't look too promising. But I've seen them 3-4 times since the older one had twin girls, which was three years ago, which is a bit better than before. At one point we had gone over 3 years without seeing them. Not fun at all.
Anyway on another note, I'm still going to prom tomorrow--err, tonight. He would have wanted me to go, and I'm going to need to have some fun. Although, my family makes it fun anyway... we're really good at mixing fun into any emotional time, while not taking away from the reason for being together and such. But yeah... I'm going to prom, which means I'm not doing the family thing tomorrow, but I have Sunday, and all of next week after school or whenever I go.
I'm really tired... It's been a loooong few days. Talk to you soon.
~ El