(no subject)
a fire: what is remarkable about that? if a fire goes out, you strike a match and start another one. that is how i used to think. yet in the olden days people worshipped fire. they thought twice before letting a flame die, before letting the flame god die. it was that kind of flame you kindled in me. not hot enough to burn me up, to burn me to ashes. just real, a real fire, without a back up match.
i knew that i should not have such a fire inside of me. the cave was too small or the brush around me was too dry. it was dangerous. but one can't just blow out a fire one has kindled for so long, with no back up match, no back up plan. so i put a few red hot coals in a bag in my soul and i'm keeping them there. i knew i could not go back to life without fire... back to cave man days. but i knew i could not expend the energy to keep the fire alive.
so that is where the the fire is now: in red hot coals. i suppose i could check on them, to see if they still smolder. but if they do, the oxygen with flare them up. if i open the bag, the fire relights. like i said, i don't have more than a bit of kindling to burn. i must keep the bag shut until i can garner a pile of wood. until i can build a house with a fireplace and a chimney. a sophisticated life, not a rampage forest fire. and then i can open the bag and release the coals. if they still smolder, i am set. they will re-start a fire in my life. if they do not... well, i'll still have a life. coldness, however, is what comes from a lack of heat. all i can give to the coals to ensure they stay alive, removed from them by the thickness of their sack, is faith.
i want to open the bag and feel relief. i want to release the smoldering coals and blow on them and start a roaring passionate fire.
i don't want this to be a waste, holding your coals in my warm and protective soul. i don't want them to burn out. i don't want to forget life without fire, or at least life without your flame.
i just want to let you burn free inside me again.
i knew that i should not have such a fire inside of me. the cave was too small or the brush around me was too dry. it was dangerous. but one can't just blow out a fire one has kindled for so long, with no back up match, no back up plan. so i put a few red hot coals in a bag in my soul and i'm keeping them there. i knew i could not go back to life without fire... back to cave man days. but i knew i could not expend the energy to keep the fire alive.
so that is where the the fire is now: in red hot coals. i suppose i could check on them, to see if they still smolder. but if they do, the oxygen with flare them up. if i open the bag, the fire relights. like i said, i don't have more than a bit of kindling to burn. i must keep the bag shut until i can garner a pile of wood. until i can build a house with a fireplace and a chimney. a sophisticated life, not a rampage forest fire. and then i can open the bag and release the coals. if they still smolder, i am set. they will re-start a fire in my life. if they do not... well, i'll still have a life. coldness, however, is what comes from a lack of heat. all i can give to the coals to ensure they stay alive, removed from them by the thickness of their sack, is faith.
i want to open the bag and feel relief. i want to release the smoldering coals and blow on them and start a roaring passionate fire.
i don't want this to be a waste, holding your coals in my warm and protective soul. i don't want them to burn out. i don't want to forget life without fire, or at least life without your flame.
i just want to let you burn free inside me again.