Brothers & Sisters - Disillusions
Title: Disillusions
Author: semisweetsoul
Fandom: Brothers & Sisters
Characters: Kitty Walker
Rating: G
Prompt: sorrow @ tamingthemuse
Spoilers: Post 3.24 Mexico.
Word Count: 635
Disclaimer: I owe nothing.
Disillusions
Over the one and a half year Kitty Walker had been married to Robert McCallister, she had never realized she was more of a Republican than he was.
Soon after their wedding - she could not precisely specify the time and circumstance - she had changed. Something had changed her into an aspiring housewife. She had found herself longing for a traditional family life, being home with her children, welcoming her husband after a long day of labor. It had made her smile and laugh at first, and then question her sanity. She would never be like Nora and feel fulfilled by house chores, though admittedly she admired her mother’s commitment, and hard work. This was simply not in her personality.
She wanted a child, and when the baby did not come, she blamed herself, her age, and a great number of factors but never her husband, and after she miscarried, she resolved and convinced herself that maybe being a mother was not so important for her after all.
She remembered Courtney’s warnings, which at the time, she had construed as bittersweet words of an angry ex-wife. Oh, love is blind, and she had been blind, too. She had refused to see the signs at first, but they had crept inside her insidiously, late at night, and then it was too late. She had to find a wealth of patience to change Robert’s mind about her desire for maternity, and finally the one thing she had yearned for she was about to get. She had hoped that the baby coming would quiet their differences. She had not planned that it would be both the finest and worst day of her life, witnessing her son come into the world and his father almost leave it.
She embraced both her sick husband's and infant son's needs at the detriment of her own. From that moment on, things went downhill.
Kitty had felt sorrow in her life. Yet, nothing compared to the pain that struck her when she heard her husband voice what they both believed she wanted, a separation. The word pierced her heart so violently her courage faltered. It made her realize that if it indeed was what she was asking for, it should not hurt so badly. She still cared. She still loved Robert despite the way he treated her, the way he ruled their relationship as he wished to rule the country one day, with authority and false promises. She had drifted, almost falling in the arms of a man who, for a short period, had represented the ideal father and husband. She had always pictured herself as an independent, confidant and strong woman, the exact opposite of what she had become, afraid, insecure, and starving for attention.
Looking back, Kitty could not say it would have changed anything, had they welcomed Evan together, had Robert felt fine, had he not gone behind her back and engaged in another political campaign. No need to delve into what could have been. She was a mother now, and it felt right, wonderful, and perfect. She saw Evan, and Robert saw Evan, too, not together, not at the same time. Sometimes, it hurt to think about it, some other times it did not.
Kitty had felt sorrow in her life. She had lost family members, friends, the child she had carried, and now she was losing her husband. It hurt to think that she had put her energy fighting for something that was already gone, and that she knew she couldn't get back.
It hurt more to think that she had failed at being a wife, a mother, and a woman at the same time. She felt sorry for herself, she felt sorrow, too, and in the midst of those wavering emotions, she couldn’t decide which one was worse.
The End
Author: semisweetsoul
Fandom: Brothers & Sisters
Characters: Kitty Walker
Rating: G
Prompt: sorrow @ tamingthemuse
Spoilers: Post 3.24 Mexico.
Word Count: 635
Disclaimer: I owe nothing.
Disillusions
Over the one and a half year Kitty Walker had been married to Robert McCallister, she had never realized she was more of a Republican than he was.
Soon after their wedding - she could not precisely specify the time and circumstance - she had changed. Something had changed her into an aspiring housewife. She had found herself longing for a traditional family life, being home with her children, welcoming her husband after a long day of labor. It had made her smile and laugh at first, and then question her sanity. She would never be like Nora and feel fulfilled by house chores, though admittedly she admired her mother’s commitment, and hard work. This was simply not in her personality.
She wanted a child, and when the baby did not come, she blamed herself, her age, and a great number of factors but never her husband, and after she miscarried, she resolved and convinced herself that maybe being a mother was not so important for her after all.
She remembered Courtney’s warnings, which at the time, she had construed as bittersweet words of an angry ex-wife. Oh, love is blind, and she had been blind, too. She had refused to see the signs at first, but they had crept inside her insidiously, late at night, and then it was too late. She had to find a wealth of patience to change Robert’s mind about her desire for maternity, and finally the one thing she had yearned for she was about to get. She had hoped that the baby coming would quiet their differences. She had not planned that it would be both the finest and worst day of her life, witnessing her son come into the world and his father almost leave it.
She embraced both her sick husband's and infant son's needs at the detriment of her own. From that moment on, things went downhill.
Kitty had felt sorrow in her life. Yet, nothing compared to the pain that struck her when she heard her husband voice what they both believed she wanted, a separation. The word pierced her heart so violently her courage faltered. It made her realize that if it indeed was what she was asking for, it should not hurt so badly. She still cared. She still loved Robert despite the way he treated her, the way he ruled their relationship as he wished to rule the country one day, with authority and false promises. She had drifted, almost falling in the arms of a man who, for a short period, had represented the ideal father and husband. She had always pictured herself as an independent, confidant and strong woman, the exact opposite of what she had become, afraid, insecure, and starving for attention.
Looking back, Kitty could not say it would have changed anything, had they welcomed Evan together, had Robert felt fine, had he not gone behind her back and engaged in another political campaign. No need to delve into what could have been. She was a mother now, and it felt right, wonderful, and perfect. She saw Evan, and Robert saw Evan, too, not together, not at the same time. Sometimes, it hurt to think about it, some other times it did not.
Kitty had felt sorrow in her life. She had lost family members, friends, the child she had carried, and now she was losing her husband. It hurt to think that she had put her energy fighting for something that was already gone, and that she knew she couldn't get back.
It hurt more to think that she had failed at being a wife, a mother, and a woman at the same time. She felt sorry for herself, she felt sorrow, too, and in the midst of those wavering emotions, she couldn’t decide which one was worse.
The End