(Untitled)

[semiramis]

The other day, rape culture came up on plurk! [ETA: which is not to say people on Plurk were saying anything that upset me, but the discussion was about a separate discussion which in turn contained things that upset me.] And I've had trouble getting it out of my mind, particularly the whole question of who is a rapist and who condones or

Comments

[semiramis]

Even heterosexual men! At the very least, the way women behave around and react towards them is going to be colored by it.

[bad_mushroom]

Which is a bummer, because there are a lot of really genuinely sweet heterosexual men who are totally worthy of a woman's trust.

On the other hand, I have a close friend who was brought up in an environment almost totally devoid of men. Now she's actively afraid of all heterosexual men. I've been trying to help her get past the severe manifestations of this fear, but it doesn't help when random strangers SPANK her in the dining hall when she bends over. Seriously.

[semiramis]

Yeah, I think I also tend to be on the overly-cautious side. For me it's because I'm asexual, and I tend to miss a lot of cues from heterosexual men that most non-ace women would probably pick up on regardless of preference. But, I mean, if your sensitivity to these things sucks, then what can else can you do? Your choice is between either frequent false alarms, and therefore risking missing out on good connections with some genuinely nice guys; or else being less cautious while risking more direct kinds of harm. It's not a nice choice to make, but.

[bad_mushroom]

I miss a lot of cues too, but I'm super oblivious about everything, so...

I feel like there are situations where you can be a little more trusting, though. For example, I totally ignore total strangers on the street as a rule, but I tend to be much more open to people that I encounter often in school (who aren't actively creepy, I guess).

[semiramis]

Context is also a factor in my personal heuristic! Like with the study session guy, if that had been the middle of the day or even early evening, I totally wouldn't have had a problem with it, but it was 10pm and dark out, and, like I said, he would have been walking me through two parking lots and a dark alley. Did I believe he was a rapist? No, certainly not; but still, better to be cautious under the circumstances.

[semiramis]

o/

s-sob :(