(no subject)
Oh lord, I feel drained.
Schools not going as well as it did last semester. I've got a lot less conviction towards getting high grades, I think I already went over that at some point, plus I've started taking a few other convictions more seriously, giving school work greater competition. This semesters actually been very different in a whole lot of respects, although I can't really explain it. It's gone by much faster though, for one thing, and has been a lot more chaotic. Which to the outside world might seem strange. How can not leaving your room this semester be different from not leaving your room last semester? you may ask. Well, a lot of it is control. Last semester I created a very constant environment, with one constantly primary goal. Which was, of course, to do well in school. When your able to control both your environment and your direction, then a natural calm washes over you. This is actually called "the middle way" in Buddhism, and after learning about it in history class I knew, and know even more now, that was the way I was living my life.
The middle way has it's drawbacks though. No emotions, which depending on the situation, can be considered a good thing. Theres no happiness, sadness, love, anger, depression, lust, hate, and even no anxiety for me, no worry at all, and all you do is participate in life, in progress as I had it. Thinking back, it was a lot like how it was on SSRI's, except substantially less druggy. The stuff is meant to be taken till' the day you die, but you can always tell your on a drug.
There's control, but simplicity has it's repercussions. In removing yourself from the struggle of a constantly moving world, you also become distanced from it. Buddha said he appreciated the world more in his middle way state, and I believe him, but the middle way is to become a watcher. Your aloud to interact with the world, as seen from the acts of Buddha and his followers, but your never aloud to loose yourself in it. In essence, I miss last semester the same way I miss SSRI's or even in some respects childhood, but right now it's more impressive to me to get involved in things, then to stand above them as a pillar of self control. But I know that one day my life will overwhelm me in such a way that I'll have to return to that, to the middle way, and it's somewhat of a comfort to always know that it's sitting there, waiting for me.
Hmm, I just read over this for the usual ungodly amout of typo's and it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. But I haven't posted for a while, and maybe someone can draw somthing from it.
Schools not going as well as it did last semester. I've got a lot less conviction towards getting high grades, I think I already went over that at some point, plus I've started taking a few other convictions more seriously, giving school work greater competition. This semesters actually been very different in a whole lot of respects, although I can't really explain it. It's gone by much faster though, for one thing, and has been a lot more chaotic. Which to the outside world might seem strange. How can not leaving your room this semester be different from not leaving your room last semester? you may ask. Well, a lot of it is control. Last semester I created a very constant environment, with one constantly primary goal. Which was, of course, to do well in school. When your able to control both your environment and your direction, then a natural calm washes over you. This is actually called "the middle way" in Buddhism, and after learning about it in history class I knew, and know even more now, that was the way I was living my life.
The middle way has it's drawbacks though. No emotions, which depending on the situation, can be considered a good thing. Theres no happiness, sadness, love, anger, depression, lust, hate, and even no anxiety for me, no worry at all, and all you do is participate in life, in progress as I had it. Thinking back, it was a lot like how it was on SSRI's, except substantially less druggy. The stuff is meant to be taken till' the day you die, but you can always tell your on a drug.
There's control, but simplicity has it's repercussions. In removing yourself from the struggle of a constantly moving world, you also become distanced from it. Buddha said he appreciated the world more in his middle way state, and I believe him, but the middle way is to become a watcher. Your aloud to interact with the world, as seen from the acts of Buddha and his followers, but your never aloud to loose yourself in it. In essence, I miss last semester the same way I miss SSRI's or even in some respects childhood, but right now it's more impressive to me to get involved in things, then to stand above them as a pillar of self control. But I know that one day my life will overwhelm me in such a way that I'll have to return to that, to the middle way, and it's somewhat of a comfort to always know that it's sitting there, waiting for me.
Hmm, I just read over this for the usual ungodly amout of typo's and it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. But I haven't posted for a while, and maybe someone can draw somthing from it.