Love Potions 101: How Not To Use Them
Love Potions 101: How Not To Use Them
jonghyun/key
1952 words; g
HAPPY BIRTHDAY dongbangsuju20!!!!!!!!! many many many many many happies for you! and jongkeys. and hopefully jonghyun/yonggooks. i will finish that. hopefully.
“Taemin has to man up,” Kibum says. “He needs to own up to his feelings.”
“Okay,” Jinki says, “but how is giving a person who is already in love a love potion with DNA from the person they’re in love with going to change anything?”
“Because he doesn’t think he’s in love! Or, well, he’s in denial about it. So when he doesn’t see any change happening, he'll realize he's in love.”
“What if he thinks that’s the love potion working?”
“What if your mom was in my bed last night,” Jonghyun retorts. Kibum smacks him.
“It’ll be fine. We’ll give him a reversal and when it doesn’t do anything then he’ll really know.”
Minho gives them a skeptical look. “Okay, well good luck. Still thinks it’s the dumbest idea you’ve had yet.”
“Still think your mom-”
“Anyway,” Kibum cuts him off, “we haven’t exactly made the potion yet. I’ve got most of the ingredients; Jonghyun just needs to get some of Taemin’s crush’s hair next period. We’re making it after school.”
Jinki and Minho exchange glances. “I don’t know, but if I were you,” Minho grins, “I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
“I’m pretty sure this is illegal in two countries,” Jinki quips, and takes a cautionary look out the window.
Minho snorts. “Two? That’s being modest.”
“Hey, I could just kick you out, if you want,” Kibum threatens. “Shut up and watch.”
Jonghyun takes a tiny plastic bag with a single stand of blond hair out of his bag. “You have no idea the lengths I went to to get this. I looked through all of his textbooks, and found this random blond hair in his English textbook.”
Minho laughs. “Remember that time Kibum tutored him in English? Good times.”
“Remember that time I punched Minho in the stomach?” He grabs Minho’s shoulder and punches him. “Good times.”
“Ow,” Minho chokes out. “Why don’t you just make your potion?”
Jonghyun drops the strand of hair into the cauldron, and it bubbles and spews up into the air, then settles back down into a boiling pit of green liquid.
“Now what?” Jinki asks and takes the spellbook from Jonghyun. “Is that it?”
“It’s supposed to turn pink,” Kibum says. “Why isn’t it pink?”
“Apparently you’re supposed to say the magic word,” Jinki replies. He puts the book down and looks at everyone. “What’s the magic word?”
“How am I supposed to know?” Jonghyun asks.
“It’s your book! Make something up then.”
“I - uh, um. Kazaam!” Jonghyun shouts, and he and Kibum both watch the cauldron intently. Nothing happens.
“Maybe you used the wrong magic word,” Kibum says. “How about abracadabra?”
“Abracadabra!” Jonghyun shouts. The liquid in the cauldron is still a bubbly green, gooey and not at all pleasant. “Are you sure it was supposed to turn pink?”
“That’s what the spellbook said,” Kibum frowns. “Why do you suck at this?”
“It’s not my fault! Taecyeon gave me this book, go ask him!”
“Let me try,” Jinki interjects, and squeezes past them both. “Alakazam!”
The cauldron starts to heat up, and all four take a step back, only for it to suddenly freeze over. Minho takes a step towards it. “So... was that supposed to happen?” He taps the ice. “I think it’s a dud.”
The ice cracks under his fingers and explodes, shards of ice flying in all different directions and Jonghyun hides behind Kibum, who blocks them both with his hands. Minho ducks next to the cauldron and Jinki drops to the floor. When they look back up, a foam glides lightly over the cauldron, sparkles drifting among the liquid, which is a bubblegum pink color.
“Woah,” Jonghyun says. “This is so cool. Was this not the best idea we’ve had yet?”
“Best idea yet,” Kibum agrees, and they high five.
“BEST IDEA EVER,” Jonghyun shouts as he retells the story to Kyuhyun.
“How are you going to get Taemin to drink bubbly pink shit?” Minho asks.
“Um, sorry, what was that?” Kibum says suddenly, putting his hand next to his ear. “I couldn’t hear you over the sound of the BEST IDEA EVER.”
They high five again.
“This is it,” Jonghyun whispers dramatically. “It’s D-Day.” He holds up a tiny vial filled with the pink liquid.
“Well gee, nice being discreet about it,” Kibum mutters and jabs Jonghyun in the side with his elbow. They walk into the restaurant where they’re all supposed to meet and finds Jinki and Taemin already sitting in a booth together.
“Don’t mind us as we crash this smorgasbord of fun,” Jonghyun grins and ruffles Taemin’s hair. “What’s going on?” he asks and sits down next to Taemin, across from Jinki and Kibum.
“That doesn’t even make sense,” Taemin frowns. “Minho said he’s on his way. I think we can order food, though.”
Minho arrives half an hour later, when Taemin and Jinki are engaged in conversation and seats himself next to Jonghyun. Kibum kicks Jonghyun in the shin and nods his head towards the door. Jonhyun nudges Minho in the side and pulls out the vial from his pocket. “Distraction,” he hisses.
“Oh, I uh, oh crap.” Minho acts out, rather badly. “I think I left my wallet in my car. Taemin, do you want to come with me? Because I think your CD is still in my car.”
Taemin looks up. “What? Oh, um. Okay.” He squeezes past Jonghyun and into the aisle with Minho. Once they’re gone, Jonghyun pours the liquid into Taemin’s soda and stirs it. “This isn’t going to turn pink, right? Because that would kind of screw things over.”
The glass goes through a range of different colors before it settles back into a transparent black.
“This better work or I will kill someone,” Kibum says. “Probably you.”
“Looks like it does what it was supposed to do. You did put in Kai’s hair, right? It was blond. We don’t want Taemin like, falling in love with himself.” Jinki says, and they try to keep a straight face for a few moments before Jonghyun snickers and they all burst out into laughter.
“Yes, we went over this. Kai went through a short blond phase.” Jonghyun grins. “But I would so pay to see Taemin in love with himself.”
Taemin and Minho come back a few moments later, and as they sit back down, Jonghyun flashes Minho a thumbs up and says something to Jinki, and from there another discussion begins. Taemin puts his CD case in the corner, sips his soda, and joins in the chat.
Five minutes pass, then ten, and then when the half hour mark passes, Kibum kicks Jonghyun in the shin again and sends him a distressed look. Jonghyun shrugs and mimes his confusion back.
“Is something happening?” Taemin asks from next to him, and Jonghyun laughs nervously.
“No, Kibum was trying to remind me of something. Oh, can I have a sip of your soda?”
“Sure,” Taemin says and slides it over. Jonghyun takes a long drag from it before slamming it back down and slumping over in his chair.
Minho and Jinki both exchange glances and shake their heads.
I feel fine, he mouths to Kibum.
Kibum rolls his eyes and mouths back, we’ll find out later, then. Jonghyun shrugs noncommittally.
It when they’re eating when Taemin suddenly drops his knife and looks up dramatically. “Hey, Taemin, are you okay?” Kibum asks.
“You have really pretty eyes,” Taemin announces. “Why haven’t I noticed that before?”
“What.”
“What’s going on,” Kibum asks later, when they’re sitting together at a bookstore. “Why is he mooning over me? Go sit over there.” He points to the couch furthest away from him.
“But why can’t I sit here?” Taemin asks. “I want to sit next to you. Please let me sit next to you.”
“No, bad dog. There,” he points again. “Don’t make me say it again.”
“That’s only slightly creepy,” Jonghyun mumbles. “But it was Kai’s hair. I don’t get it.”
“Clearly it wasn’t,” Minho says. “Did I not say you’d screw this up?”
“Didn’t you say Kibum used to tutor Kai in English? Kibum, what color was your hair back then?”
“Blon - oh.”
“Oh,” everyone else echoes.
Taemin shifts in his chair and smiles. “I love you, hyung.”
Everyone stares at Taemin.
“About that reversal potion,” Minho starts.
It takes two hours to make a reversal potion, which ends up making Taemin sick and Kibum complains to everyone in a two mile radius about his life problems. Jinki and Minho decide to dump the responsibility on the two people they trust the least and leave Jonghyun and Kibum standing outside Taemin’s house. After Jonghyun and Kibum create an elaborate story explaining how Taemin had eaten undercooked food and threw up in the restaurant, Jonghyun drives Kibum home.
“Hey,” Kibum suddenly says, “I have a question.”
Jonghyun look unfazed as he switches lanes and heads towards and exit. “Yeah?”
“You drank Taemin’s soda, didn’t you?”
Jonghyun knows where this is going. He’s been mentally preparing himself for this question the whole entire day, but now that Kibum has actually asked it, his mind goes blank and any thoughts he may have had turn into white noise. “I did,” he says slowly. “And?”
“You weren’t affected by the love potion. I, uh,” Kibum looks down at his hands and heaves a sigh. “What’s up with that?” he decides on.
Kibum’s house comes into view, and Jonghyun is silent the whole entire way up until he parks in the driveway. Kibum waits. “Well,” Jonghyun hesitates, “I wasn’t sure if I liked you. I mean, like passionate head-over-heels in love. That wasn’t... I didn’t feel that way.” He waits for Kibum to say anything, but when he doesn’t, Jonghyun continues, “But I do like spending time with you. And the weird adventures we have, and eating your food when you’re not looking and telling you it was Minho. I also like raiding your house during odd hours of the night because of a sad movie I watched, and reading your books and putting them back in the wrong order. Basically,” he concludes, “I like being around you and having fun. I didn’t know that counted as love.”
Kibum doesn’t leave, but he also doesn’t say anything for a long time, which upsets and confuses Jonghyun much more. He thinks about saying something, but isn’t really sure what’s appropriate in this situation.
“Um. Should I run now or now?”
“No,” Kibum says abruptly. “Don’t. I mean, don’t go. Sorry. I’m just thinking this all over. I mean, I’m pretty sure I like you too.”
“Oh,” Jonghyun says. “Okay. Now I’m just confused. Is this how people usually react to confessions?”
“I don’t know. Do normal people call me at 4AM crying because they rewatched A Moment To Remember and expect me to comfort them?”
“Personally, I think everyone does that. And anyone who doesn’t is missing out in their lives.”
“Of course. This is what normal people do.”
“Yes.”
They sit in comfortable silence for a while until Kibum suddenly snickers. Jonghyun looks confused for a second but then joins in, and it acts like a catalyst, because they both laugh madly until Jonghyun bumps his head on the car horn. It beeps loudly, and Kibum splutters and slaps him on the arm inbetween laughs. Jonghyun tries to shush him, but that also gets lost in the midst of their snickering.
“I don’t even know why we’re laughing,” Jonghyun admits.
“Neither do I,” Kibum grins. “But I like it. Would you like to come inside?”
Jonghyun considers it. “Sure.”
jonghyun/key
1952 words; g
HAPPY BIRTHDAY dongbangsuju20!!!!!!!!! many many many many many happies for you! and jongkeys. and hopefully jonghyun/yonggooks. i will finish that. hopefully.
“Taemin has to man up,” Kibum says. “He needs to own up to his feelings.”
“Okay,” Jinki says, “but how is giving a person who is already in love a love potion with DNA from the person they’re in love with going to change anything?”
“Because he doesn’t think he’s in love! Or, well, he’s in denial about it. So when he doesn’t see any change happening, he'll realize he's in love.”
“What if he thinks that’s the love potion working?”
“What if your mom was in my bed last night,” Jonghyun retorts. Kibum smacks him.
“It’ll be fine. We’ll give him a reversal and when it doesn’t do anything then he’ll really know.”
Minho gives them a skeptical look. “Okay, well good luck. Still thinks it’s the dumbest idea you’ve had yet.”
“Still think your mom-”
“Anyway,” Kibum cuts him off, “we haven’t exactly made the potion yet. I’ve got most of the ingredients; Jonghyun just needs to get some of Taemin’s crush’s hair next period. We’re making it after school.”
Jinki and Minho exchange glances. “I don’t know, but if I were you,” Minho grins, “I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
“I’m pretty sure this is illegal in two countries,” Jinki quips, and takes a cautionary look out the window.
Minho snorts. “Two? That’s being modest.”
“Hey, I could just kick you out, if you want,” Kibum threatens. “Shut up and watch.”
Jonghyun takes a tiny plastic bag with a single stand of blond hair out of his bag. “You have no idea the lengths I went to to get this. I looked through all of his textbooks, and found this random blond hair in his English textbook.”
Minho laughs. “Remember that time Kibum tutored him in English? Good times.”
“Remember that time I punched Minho in the stomach?” He grabs Minho’s shoulder and punches him. “Good times.”
“Ow,” Minho chokes out. “Why don’t you just make your potion?”
Jonghyun drops the strand of hair into the cauldron, and it bubbles and spews up into the air, then settles back down into a boiling pit of green liquid.
“Now what?” Jinki asks and takes the spellbook from Jonghyun. “Is that it?”
“It’s supposed to turn pink,” Kibum says. “Why isn’t it pink?”
“Apparently you’re supposed to say the magic word,” Jinki replies. He puts the book down and looks at everyone. “What’s the magic word?”
“How am I supposed to know?” Jonghyun asks.
“It’s your book! Make something up then.”
“I - uh, um. Kazaam!” Jonghyun shouts, and he and Kibum both watch the cauldron intently. Nothing happens.
“Maybe you used the wrong magic word,” Kibum says. “How about abracadabra?”
“Abracadabra!” Jonghyun shouts. The liquid in the cauldron is still a bubbly green, gooey and not at all pleasant. “Are you sure it was supposed to turn pink?”
“That’s what the spellbook said,” Kibum frowns. “Why do you suck at this?”
“It’s not my fault! Taecyeon gave me this book, go ask him!”
“Let me try,” Jinki interjects, and squeezes past them both. “Alakazam!”
The cauldron starts to heat up, and all four take a step back, only for it to suddenly freeze over. Minho takes a step towards it. “So... was that supposed to happen?” He taps the ice. “I think it’s a dud.”
The ice cracks under his fingers and explodes, shards of ice flying in all different directions and Jonghyun hides behind Kibum, who blocks them both with his hands. Minho ducks next to the cauldron and Jinki drops to the floor. When they look back up, a foam glides lightly over the cauldron, sparkles drifting among the liquid, which is a bubblegum pink color.
“Woah,” Jonghyun says. “This is so cool. Was this not the best idea we’ve had yet?”
“Best idea yet,” Kibum agrees, and they high five.
“BEST IDEA EVER,” Jonghyun shouts as he retells the story to Kyuhyun.
“How are you going to get Taemin to drink bubbly pink shit?” Minho asks.
“Um, sorry, what was that?” Kibum says suddenly, putting his hand next to his ear. “I couldn’t hear you over the sound of the BEST IDEA EVER.”
They high five again.
“This is it,” Jonghyun whispers dramatically. “It’s D-Day.” He holds up a tiny vial filled with the pink liquid.
“Well gee, nice being discreet about it,” Kibum mutters and jabs Jonghyun in the side with his elbow. They walk into the restaurant where they’re all supposed to meet and finds Jinki and Taemin already sitting in a booth together.
“Don’t mind us as we crash this smorgasbord of fun,” Jonghyun grins and ruffles Taemin’s hair. “What’s going on?” he asks and sits down next to Taemin, across from Jinki and Kibum.
“That doesn’t even make sense,” Taemin frowns. “Minho said he’s on his way. I think we can order food, though.”
Minho arrives half an hour later, when Taemin and Jinki are engaged in conversation and seats himself next to Jonghyun. Kibum kicks Jonghyun in the shin and nods his head towards the door. Jonhyun nudges Minho in the side and pulls out the vial from his pocket. “Distraction,” he hisses.
“Oh, I uh, oh crap.” Minho acts out, rather badly. “I think I left my wallet in my car. Taemin, do you want to come with me? Because I think your CD is still in my car.”
Taemin looks up. “What? Oh, um. Okay.” He squeezes past Jonghyun and into the aisle with Minho. Once they’re gone, Jonghyun pours the liquid into Taemin’s soda and stirs it. “This isn’t going to turn pink, right? Because that would kind of screw things over.”
The glass goes through a range of different colors before it settles back into a transparent black.
“This better work or I will kill someone,” Kibum says. “Probably you.”
“Looks like it does what it was supposed to do. You did put in Kai’s hair, right? It was blond. We don’t want Taemin like, falling in love with himself.” Jinki says, and they try to keep a straight face for a few moments before Jonghyun snickers and they all burst out into laughter.
“Yes, we went over this. Kai went through a short blond phase.” Jonghyun grins. “But I would so pay to see Taemin in love with himself.”
Taemin and Minho come back a few moments later, and as they sit back down, Jonghyun flashes Minho a thumbs up and says something to Jinki, and from there another discussion begins. Taemin puts his CD case in the corner, sips his soda, and joins in the chat.
Five minutes pass, then ten, and then when the half hour mark passes, Kibum kicks Jonghyun in the shin again and sends him a distressed look. Jonghyun shrugs and mimes his confusion back.
“Is something happening?” Taemin asks from next to him, and Jonghyun laughs nervously.
“No, Kibum was trying to remind me of something. Oh, can I have a sip of your soda?”
“Sure,” Taemin says and slides it over. Jonghyun takes a long drag from it before slamming it back down and slumping over in his chair.
Minho and Jinki both exchange glances and shake their heads.
I feel fine, he mouths to Kibum.
Kibum rolls his eyes and mouths back, we’ll find out later, then. Jonghyun shrugs noncommittally.
It when they’re eating when Taemin suddenly drops his knife and looks up dramatically. “Hey, Taemin, are you okay?” Kibum asks.
“You have really pretty eyes,” Taemin announces. “Why haven’t I noticed that before?”
“What.”
“What’s going on,” Kibum asks later, when they’re sitting together at a bookstore. “Why is he mooning over me? Go sit over there.” He points to the couch furthest away from him.
“But why can’t I sit here?” Taemin asks. “I want to sit next to you. Please let me sit next to you.”
“No, bad dog. There,” he points again. “Don’t make me say it again.”
“That’s only slightly creepy,” Jonghyun mumbles. “But it was Kai’s hair. I don’t get it.”
“Clearly it wasn’t,” Minho says. “Did I not say you’d screw this up?”
“Didn’t you say Kibum used to tutor Kai in English? Kibum, what color was your hair back then?”
“Blon - oh.”
“Oh,” everyone else echoes.
Taemin shifts in his chair and smiles. “I love you, hyung.”
Everyone stares at Taemin.
“About that reversal potion,” Minho starts.
It takes two hours to make a reversal potion, which ends up making Taemin sick and Kibum complains to everyone in a two mile radius about his life problems. Jinki and Minho decide to dump the responsibility on the two people they trust the least and leave Jonghyun and Kibum standing outside Taemin’s house. After Jonghyun and Kibum create an elaborate story explaining how Taemin had eaten undercooked food and threw up in the restaurant, Jonghyun drives Kibum home.
“Hey,” Kibum suddenly says, “I have a question.”
Jonghyun look unfazed as he switches lanes and heads towards and exit. “Yeah?”
“You drank Taemin’s soda, didn’t you?”
Jonghyun knows where this is going. He’s been mentally preparing himself for this question the whole entire day, but now that Kibum has actually asked it, his mind goes blank and any thoughts he may have had turn into white noise. “I did,” he says slowly. “And?”
“You weren’t affected by the love potion. I, uh,” Kibum looks down at his hands and heaves a sigh. “What’s up with that?” he decides on.
Kibum’s house comes into view, and Jonghyun is silent the whole entire way up until he parks in the driveway. Kibum waits. “Well,” Jonghyun hesitates, “I wasn’t sure if I liked you. I mean, like passionate head-over-heels in love. That wasn’t... I didn’t feel that way.” He waits for Kibum to say anything, but when he doesn’t, Jonghyun continues, “But I do like spending time with you. And the weird adventures we have, and eating your food when you’re not looking and telling you it was Minho. I also like raiding your house during odd hours of the night because of a sad movie I watched, and reading your books and putting them back in the wrong order. Basically,” he concludes, “I like being around you and having fun. I didn’t know that counted as love.”
Kibum doesn’t leave, but he also doesn’t say anything for a long time, which upsets and confuses Jonghyun much more. He thinks about saying something, but isn’t really sure what’s appropriate in this situation.
“Um. Should I run now or now?”
“No,” Kibum says abruptly. “Don’t. I mean, don’t go. Sorry. I’m just thinking this all over. I mean, I’m pretty sure I like you too.”
“Oh,” Jonghyun says. “Okay. Now I’m just confused. Is this how people usually react to confessions?”
“I don’t know. Do normal people call me at 4AM crying because they rewatched A Moment To Remember and expect me to comfort them?”
“Personally, I think everyone does that. And anyone who doesn’t is missing out in their lives.”
“Of course. This is what normal people do.”
“Yes.”
They sit in comfortable silence for a while until Kibum suddenly snickers. Jonghyun looks confused for a second but then joins in, and it acts like a catalyst, because they both laugh madly until Jonghyun bumps his head on the car horn. It beeps loudly, and Kibum splutters and slaps him on the arm inbetween laughs. Jonghyun tries to shush him, but that also gets lost in the midst of their snickering.
“I don’t even know why we’re laughing,” Jonghyun admits.
“Neither do I,” Kibum grins. “But I like it. Would you like to come inside?”
Jonghyun considers it. “Sure.”