Peace be with you
I must have done something very wrong at some point in this pointless life.
All I know is every road I go seems to dead end into some path I've already crossed. It feels like I am going in circles. All I want is to be happy and for everybody I know and love to be happy. I even want happiness for all the people I don't know and inadvertently don't love.
But why every time I try to do something that makes ME happy, am I condemned? I'm sorry I cannot make all of you happy and I am more sorry if it seems like I'm not trying. I do care. I am bad at society and showing I care and calling people on the phone or making plans that work for everyone. But I try to at least extend offers and people only seem to shut me down. And if they don't, they give me some alternative that suits them and disregards my interests. Which is okay. I do not expect people to love me. Why do people expect me to love them? I like everybody on this fucking planet and would die for anyone. I would protect and provide for anyone that needed me. Why can I not have people that don't need me or people that I don't need. I guess I am only trying to eliminate the latter and the former is following. It's unfortunate and unintentional but all of you hurt me too. Just because I'm not a little BITCH and don't give a FUCK does not mean the initial punch does not sting. I have feelings too but the more all y'all push me the more I shut down.
I don't have money, I never have. I don't have a support network, I never have. I have hope that it will all work out and pray for it without the petty bullshit.
Live and let die.
Next update, I'll try to explain some shit... I know I've been all over the place. Thanks for reading and forgive me for ranting. I'm trying to use livejournal to form my thoughts into opinions so I have a grasp on this life. I do not want angry or negative thoughts and I only wish no one else in this world wanted such either. Unfortunately, people love to hate.
All I know is every road I go seems to dead end into some path I've already crossed. It feels like I am going in circles. All I want is to be happy and for everybody I know and love to be happy. I even want happiness for all the people I don't know and inadvertently don't love.
But why every time I try to do something that makes ME happy, am I condemned? I'm sorry I cannot make all of you happy and I am more sorry if it seems like I'm not trying. I do care. I am bad at society and showing I care and calling people on the phone or making plans that work for everyone. But I try to at least extend offers and people only seem to shut me down. And if they don't, they give me some alternative that suits them and disregards my interests. Which is okay. I do not expect people to love me. Why do people expect me to love them? I like everybody on this fucking planet and would die for anyone. I would protect and provide for anyone that needed me. Why can I not have people that don't need me or people that I don't need. I guess I am only trying to eliminate the latter and the former is following. It's unfortunate and unintentional but all of you hurt me too. Just because I'm not a little BITCH and don't give a FUCK does not mean the initial punch does not sting. I have feelings too but the more all y'all push me the more I shut down.
I don't have money, I never have. I don't have a support network, I never have. I have hope that it will all work out and pray for it without the petty bullshit.
Live and let die.
Next update, I'll try to explain some shit... I know I've been all over the place. Thanks for reading and forgive me for ranting. I'm trying to use livejournal to form my thoughts into opinions so I have a grasp on this life. I do not want angry or negative thoughts and I only wish no one else in this world wanted such either. Unfortunately, people love to hate.