dead
so, i've done very little... like nothing... this semester. it's a good season for my recent complex, which is sooo socially entitled, "senioritis". man, i got it. no job, few classes that i'm totally slacking in, few friends, ex-boyfriend, illness, money, stuff. But I just checked my account and I was pleasantly surprised to see i'm another $137 richer from filing or whatever my w-2's. That money will only perpetuate my jobless situation and moocher like moments... i'm thinking, there's no better time to have as fewest obligations as possible, right? I suppose it could be easily justified that it would be better to work some now, earn some savings, which could easily done and this i just realized, as I've given up starbucks, going out to lunch, shopping all together. I've also given up just about every form of productivity... i feel like such a bum... i'm kind of happy in a way though. Not really though. I don't even know. Everything seems so pointless, unworthy, lame. Honestly... just everything. like water bottles. too many water bottles. I am not even a good recycler... i'm going to start. How did I get so many clothes too? Seriously, I remember I used to never feel like i had enough clothes... like i was always having to worry someone would notice I wear the same clothes over and over... I wonder if I feel like I have enough, if not too much, clothes now because I no longer care about wearing clothes often (even though I really don't) or because I really do have enough clothes... it's like thinking about paper. Man, the infinicy of paper! Sooo much paper. Should I sell all my shit or get a job? I think I should try and sell of my shit... man, that would be refreshing right? I could get rid of all this fucking material bullshit that is so drenched in my unsatisfactory life... my life of discontent. Oh my god, and I'm watching Seinfeld and I never do that but Jami told me it was good and it's pretty hard for me to like a sitcom unless I come across it or someone I really respect gives a really good review and Jami gave a really good review and I heard it's a pretty good show... so I'm watching it. It's pretty funny. Elaine... I think her name is just told Seinfeld that his new girlfriend doesn't laugh and he realizes she just says, "that's funny". WHAT?? ON SCRUBS, WHICH RYAN ALWAYS GAVE GOOD REVIEWS FOR, THE SAME JOKE STORY WAS USED. what? Scrubs ripped off Seinfeld? I'm so disappointed. And this is something that matters to me.
In other news, Tristan Prettyman finally comes to my state, close to my homeland proximity in only eleven days! Eleven days! It looks like I'm going by myself as of now... which is so lame but I don't really care because either way it's exciting... beyond explanation. But i'm kinda low on resources so it won't be the all out affair I was hoping for... which is singularly defeated by the aforementioned (cough -- my singularity) ANYWAY.
Looks like Daniele could move with me to tallahassee and I'm so happy about it. it's the only thing i'm looking forward. it eliminates so many fears. Not that I am scared of tallahassee or the schooling or anything. But moving there alone: leaving behind no best friends, boyfriends, or even homes in my hometown was terrifying. What would happen to me? I would feel very alone, very alive but dead at the same time, detached from memories, maybe drowning in unrequited nostalgia.
i like the name charlie for a girl. i don't like the character named charlie in this movie though. i don't really like any characters right now. i don't really like anything right now. i wish i didn't miss anything and sometimes I wonder whether I appreciate memory or whether it only haunts me... i wonder if I'll ever do this fucking economics paper... or fucking humanities paper that is OVERDUE. or economics quiz or what the fuck ever. it just kills me. dead.
In other news, Tristan Prettyman finally comes to my state, close to my homeland proximity in only eleven days! Eleven days! It looks like I'm going by myself as of now... which is so lame but I don't really care because either way it's exciting... beyond explanation. But i'm kinda low on resources so it won't be the all out affair I was hoping for... which is singularly defeated by the aforementioned (cough -- my singularity) ANYWAY.
Looks like Daniele could move with me to tallahassee and I'm so happy about it. it's the only thing i'm looking forward. it eliminates so many fears. Not that I am scared of tallahassee or the schooling or anything. But moving there alone: leaving behind no best friends, boyfriends, or even homes in my hometown was terrifying. What would happen to me? I would feel very alone, very alive but dead at the same time, detached from memories, maybe drowning in unrequited nostalgia.
i like the name charlie for a girl. i don't like the character named charlie in this movie though. i don't really like any characters right now. i don't really like anything right now. i wish i didn't miss anything and sometimes I wonder whether I appreciate memory or whether it only haunts me... i wonder if I'll ever do this fucking economics paper... or fucking humanities paper that is OVERDUE. or economics quiz or what the fuck ever. it just kills me. dead.