(no subject)

[selvaggiarte]

well, not much to update, im working at nfcu, and we are to open a new branch in centreville soon...whoopdedoodie anyways...i am basically spending my time working, and going to the gym, drinking as much water as possible and oh yeah, being pretty down...its not for anything for specific, its alot of things or a few generalized small things....i did however figure out a few things tho..i think i just want to be more than just....me, i dont even think im at my full potential...so maybe if i substitute excercise for food and sex ill lose a ton of wieght and be happy...yeah right, but maybe looking better will make me feel better about myself...sigh, i dont understand myself...i think that i have made myself immune to feeling so many things for too long...that the only feelings that i have for myself is dislike and that i dont deserve anyoen to love me...or to even care....i dont want sympathy or condolences or lol, your agreement so if thats what your going to leave as a message dont do it...i just am going thru a phase...ill feel better tomorrow...(i hope )when i get the feeling like i have an enormous black hole in my heart banished.....fucking a

maybe i could just do the whole subsitute sweets for excercise, im not sure about living with out sex anymore...if i were a dude, and i dont want to be but if i were...id be walking around with a boner right now and if i so much as had the wind blow on me (pardon the pun) i would prolly nut myself....lol...ok im suffering form lack of sleep...and thank u for listenign to me i really appreciate it (u kno who u are) i tried to call some friends but they werent around....