#R6: once, on a summer night
From: Anonymous until reveals
Title: once, on a summer night
Rating: R
Word Count: 6.7k
Summary: (CMBYN!au) A chance encounter brought Sehun and Lu Han back to what could have been seven years ago.
Sehun received the invitation to attend a conference a month ago, and only now was he confirming his attendance, two weeks before the date of the conference.
He was hesitant, to say the least, but with his parents' encouragement, albeit over the phone from their huge living room back in Jeju Island, Sehun decided to indulge them (and by extension, himself) to go, so he began packing his things for a five-day trip to Beijing.
Staring up at his ceiling hours after he was done with his luggage, Sehun managed to think and rethink his decisions as he was lying on his bed. His apartment was quiet, save for the hum of the air-condition and the white noise provided by the hustle and bustle of rush-hour Seoul below.
While he was interested in the conference he would be attending, Sehun didn't know if he could focus on it knowing that somewhere in the city, in an apartment that couldn't be as quiet as his own, lived someone from a fateful summer, seven years back. It couldn't be, because he was fairly certain the person had his own family now, and family often meant activities that consumed one's energy and a house filled with laughter and chitchats.
Seven years. It had been seven years since that summer in Jeju Island. Whenever Sehun thought about it, it felt like it was just yesterday.
-
He didn't mean to fall in love. In fact, he thought it would just be another summer where the scholar they would be adopting for two months would be just another intellectual bore, someone Sehun couldn't be bothered to spend the time with. Instead, Lu Han had been a mystery, with his cheerful and bright facade that fell when he was facing Sehun, as if Sehun was the only one he could take off the mask in front of.
Lu Han was a scholar from China, a PhD candidate of the C9 League Tsinghua University. After a lot of deliberation, Professor Oh invited the student to spend the entire summer with the Oh family in Jeju, wherein he would help the professor with his works. He also ended up using Sehun's luxurious bedroom during his whole stay, because that's just how hospitality was dedicated for the guests of the family. Always. Every year.
Sehun didn't mean to fall in love. But it was Lu Han's real smiles and his cutting-edge bluntness, his unusual kindness, his intelligence and his acceptance of Sehun. He acknowledged Sehun the way no one had before. He thought of him as a man, not of a genius boy, nor the son of a renowned professor and a rich family. He saw Sehun the way Sehun wanted to be seen.
Lu Han didn't mean to fall in love either. But Sehun crawled his way to his heart like no one had before. Not even his fiancée of five years could stop him from giving his heart to Sehun.
But summer ended, like how it ended the year before, and the year before that. Their little bubble popped and they needed to go back to reality. Lu Han needed to go back to reality, finish his research and continue with his doctoral, and in the spring of next year get married to a woman just as planned.
It was the most magical summer Sehun had ever had. But it ended just like that, when Lu Han boarded his plane back to China and left Sehun. He took Sehun's heart with him, leaving the younger empty-handed, because along with Sehun's heart he also took his own back.
It was punctuated the morning of Christmas eve that same year, like a full stop. A telephone call. Lu Han extended invitation to the Oh family for his wedding on April. He would take care of their accommodations and flight, just to make sure they would be there because he couldn't bear the thought of his second family not attending this wedding day.
"Please, come," Lu Han had said over the phone when it was Sehun's turn to speak with him. He had used the extension upstairs, so his parents wouldn't see how bad of a state he was in during the call.
"You're torturing me," Sehun said.
"I need you there."
"No, you don't."
"Please," a pause. "Lu Han."
Sehun had gripped the handset tight his knuckles turned white. It was their little game. Calling the other by the other's name, after an intimate moment, or when it was quiet and they needed to hear each other. Or just to remind them that they were there.
"You're killing me." Sehun sobbed, "I miss you."
"I miss you, too."
"Then come back."
"You know I can't."
Sehun said, "I think about you. Every day."
"You know I can't." It was only a whisper but Sehun knew, there was nothing else he could do for Lu Han to change his mind, to make him stay with them instead, to cancel the wedding, to ask Sehun to be with him in China and live there until he finished his studies. Sehun wanted. Wanted. Wanted.
"Sehun," Sehun said, voice hoarse. His throat was thick with lumps. He had wanted to scream but if he did he would breakdown. "Sehun, Sehun."
In the other line, there was a muffled sound, like someone stifling a cry. "I'm so sorry."
In the end, he didn't go to the wedding. Instead focusing on studying for exams, getting himself settled in his new apartment in Seoul and readied himself as he entered university. His parents told him the wedding was beautiful. The bride looked happy. The groom looked happy. It was a perfect ceremony.
A full stop.
-
Beijing was not much different from Seoul, although in Sehun's opinion it was a bit more crowded, and the city didn't seem to sleep at all. It was colder too, he noted as he pulled his jacket tighter around his body. He was on his way to Peking University, where he would be attending a three-day conference held by School of Arts from the Division of Humanities.
He went through the first day of the events with half a mind on what he was doing. Mostly, he was daydreaming, an unlikely behaviour for a twenty-four old man like him, with a double bachelor's degree and a masters under his belt. But he couldn't help but think of what-ifs. He was so near, he knew, but also so far.
This urge, this need to look for him was strong, it was quite overwhelming.
It wasn't like he knew where to look for, and why. For all he knew, he could be across the mainland. Or based on his experience, halfway across the world. Lu Han was a passionate archaeologist and no one could stop him from going and starting a dig site of his own in the most random places. He was once told he liked the thrill of not knowing if there would be something underneath the piles of dirt.
Sehun thought about Lu Han's wife, and maybe his family. He wondered if Lu Han's love for his work outweighed his love for them, and would leave them just to find the most precious fossil in the world. He wondered if Lu Han had kids with his wife, and if he loved them dearly like Sehun’s father was with him. Also based on his experience, Lu Han could leave someone he loved for something else if he deemed that something else far important. He sounded so bitter in his head he wanted to punch himself.
He hadn’t look for anyone else, not even once. He didn’t think he could replace him in his heart. It was ridiculous, because they have only ever been together for less than two months. Seven, ten, twenty years. It wouldn’t matter. Lu Han was it for Sehun.
He was out of the conference hall the moment the talk was dismissed. He barely heard the speaker mentioned that the next talk would be about a topic relating to language and arts and the speaker was a respected alumnus of the university.
Sehun stopped, turned around to see a lady setting up a new laptop by the projector. He froze as he saw the first and introductory slide as it projects on to the huge screen.
Prof. Lu Han
PhD, Tsinghua University
Tang Dynasty's influence in the modern world's Chinese language and culture
He couldn't hear anything other than the loud buzz in his ears, the pounding of his heart against his ribs. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think.
He's here.
"Are you okay?" Someone said in Chinese from behind him. The girl's brows were furrowed in concern. "I think you're having a panic attack, sir."
The girl silently fussed over him, leading him at the back of the hall. She offered him water and a chocolate, which he both shyly declined. He was alright after a while, and would have been distracted if it weren't for the picture of the speaker in front of the hall.
"I'm sorry, I have to go the next lecture," the girl said. "Will you be alright by yourself?"
"Yes, thank you."
When the girl left, Sehun only realised he was still in the hall he intended to leave. He couldn't be here. He needed to go as soon as possible. He wanted to see him but not now. He needed preparation. He was not ready.
The seats were already filling up and the lady at the podium announced that the session would be starting in five minutes. At the same time, a man entered the room, glasses perched atop a reddened button nose, scarf hiding almost half of his face. Upon reaching the table where the laptop was set up, he removed his coat and scarf to reveal flushed cheeks and plump lips. Even from afar, Sehun had no problem recognising the man. If asked, he could even describe every curve and every line of his body. He'd memorised them all.
He couldn't tell for sure though, but Lu Han looked tired, older. Maybe that's what being twenty-nine did to a person, made one age. The fire in his eyes gone, the corner of his lips curved down. When he smiled at the crowd, his smile didn't reach his eyes. It bothered Sehun endlessly.
The session began. Sehun only had a few knowledge about China's language and culture, he understood and spoke the language alright, but he could barely comprehend the topic being discussed. It was interactive, Lu Han was a very good lecturer, as Sehun knew from his stay at their house, and the attendees were captivated, on the edge of their seats as they listened to the charming professor. But it was all a front, much like how he was presenting himself in the beginning of that summer. He knew deep down that Lu Han, as always, was nervous when speaking to a crowd despite being a lecturer and speaker for years.
At some point, he was sure Lu Han had spotted him at the back and it was a bit too late before he could dock his head, but if Lu Han had recognised him, he didn't show it at all, not even a stutter or a stop in the midst of a sentence, not even a sudden intake of breath. It was as if Sehun was not there at all. Or, Lu Han could care less.
After an hour and a half, the lecture ended and the people began leaving the hall, some hopping up the stage and shaking the professor's hand. The lady-Lu Han's assistant, Sehun had learned-announced just before the session was finished that the professor would be having another talk on a topic relating to archaeology at a later time this evening, and another one the next day. Sehun took a mental note of the schedules, not like he was planning to go. It was so he could avoid the lecture halls.
The only exit to the hall was by the podium, and Sehun took his chance to bolt right out of there while the students were still exiting and crowding the door. He made sure not look back but he could feel someone staring at the back of his head. His stomach churned but he held on, kept his feet moving until he was out the door and into the hallway.
"Wait," someone called from behind.
He was sure it was him but Sehun didn't dare looked back. He kept walking, heading towards the elevator that would get him out of the building and into the open air. It was suffocating and he was running out of breath again. He needed to get out of there, and fast.
"Wait!" This time the word was spoken in Korean and it made Sehun almost stop but he powered on until he was calling the elevator. It was just his luck that it closed before he got in.
"Wait, please." Sehun closes his eyes, forced to remain where he stood.
"Sehun-ah."
It was all coming back to him, at once and in a rush. The bicycle rides, the breakfast, reading his papers, painting him, swimming at the bluest ocean, showing him his favourite spot in the island. Naked, touching, kissing. Their shared bedroom. Everything Sehun had tried to forget the past five years. Every single thing.
And then, "Lu Han."
Sehun clenched his fists and shoved them in his pocket. The voice was closer, a feet, inches away from him. It said, "Lu Han."
When he turned around, he was surprised to see Lu Han wide-eyed, cheeks still flushed and lips trembling. His eyes were brimming with unshed tears behind his glasses. Tears for what, Sehun didn't know.
"Hello," Sehun said.
A smile, crooked. Eyes twinkling. A raspy, "Hello."
The smile got wider, and Lu Han continued, "I didn't know you'd be here."
"Last minute decision," Sehun said. Act casually, coldly, if you could, he told himself.
"Well, I'm glad. And I'm glad to see you. Did you enjoy the lecture?" Lu Han blinked, sniffed. His smile stayed, and Sehun tried but couldn't look away.
"It was alright."
"I have another one coming up in a few hours. I hope you can come?"
Sehun shrugged.
"It's nice seeing you, Sehun-ah."
"You too," Sehun said. "Hyung."
Something passed Lu Han's eyes, but it was gone before Sehun could process what it was. Instead, the other spoke again.
"Would you like to grab coffee with me? If you have the time?"
"No," Sehun said, a little too quickly, but he couldn't bear to look at the disappointment in Lu Han's face. So he amended it. "I'd rather we have milk tea."
Lu Han grinned so wide, showing his full cheeks and crescent eyes. Sehun thought he was cursed and would never live long enough to see the next day.
They walked out of the campus in silence, and Lu Han led them into a shop a three blocks away. There was no line and lots of vacant table and Lu Han told him to get them one and he would take care of their orders.
"Chocolate?" He asked.
"Chocolate." Sehun confirmed.
When Lu Han joined him at their table holding two large cups of chocolate milk tea, Sehun had managed to reign in his emotions and had his expression back to his usual stoic one, or at least that's what the mirror near the counter told him.
Lu Han smiled. Sehun wished he'd stop. He was also removing his glasses and Sehun wanted to stop him with that too.
"How are you?"
Sehun answered as nonchalantly as he could, "Alright."
"You're invited to the conference this morning?"
"Yes, and the ones for the next days."
"You've grown so much. I'm proud of you."
Sehun took a sip of his drink.
Lu Han cupped his chin with one hand, elbow on the table. "So, how was doctoral treating you?"
"Tough, but I'll get through it. Eventually." He hated this. Hated small talk. Lu Han knew this.
"I know you would. You're the smartest person I've ever met."
"Not as smart as your wife," Sehun said. He knew he said it bitterly, but he couldn't help it.
Lu Han sputtered, "My wife?"
Sehun raised a brow, and let it drop. He couldn't talk about that with Lu Han right now. Or ever. But. "Sorry I missed your wedding."
"Your parents said you were busy studying for entrance exams."
"Yeah."
"How'd it go?" Lu Han said, and then laughed, unknowingly doing things to Sehun's heart. "How silly of me! Of course it went well. You're on your way to your PhD now!"
"It was hard," Sehun muttered. "Studying for exams with a broken heart was hard."
When Lu Han said nothing, Sehun gathered his things and shouldered his messenger bag. "I have to go."
"Sehun-ah..."
"It's good to see you again, Lu Han hyung."
He stood, but before he could take a step there was a hand on his wrist. He looked at it before looking at Lu Han. There was storm in his eyes, and his lips were trembling again.
"Sit down? I - Sehun, I need to talk to you."
Sehun tilted his head.
"I needed to talk to you. I've been trying to contact you for the last five years. Sit down." There was a desperation in the other's voice and something else. Like the one he saw by the elevator. Something he couldn't read. Sehun sat back down.
"I'm not married." A pause.
Sehun waited for the punchline.
Lu Han pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. Then continued, "Well, I was - but I - we're divorced. Sehun. I was only married for four months, so please I need to talk to you and I need you to know this and I need you to - " Lu Han was frantic, and he was talking too much too fast. Sehun was having a hard time comprehending.
"Lu Han. Hyung," Sehun wrapped his hand on Lu Han's hand that was still holding his wrist. "Slow down, Lu Han hyung. Breathe."
Lu Han breathed, visibly. He didn't lose his grip on Sehun.
"Why were you not answering my emails? Or returning my calls? I've been calling and sending airmails to your house in Jeju but I didn't get any in return."
"I - " Sehun shook his head. "I didn't receive any of them."
"You...didn't?"
He remembered deactivating the email address he gave to Lu Han and changing his number that summer. But the mails, and telephone calls, those he couldn't change. Still, he didn't receive anything from the other man.
"Nothing."
And then, a flash. The pain of his heart being broken was too much for seventeen year old Sehun and he asked, begged his parents to never talk about Lu Han at home, never mention him, not even any updates or messages from him. There was a total Lu Han ban in their house that was still not lifted even up till now.
Sehun's face heated up, and what felt like shame washed through him. "Hyung. I'm sorry."
"What? No. It's me who's sorry. I hurt you." The sincerity in Lu Han's eyes was too much he had to look away. He twisted his wrist so the other would let him go, and covered his face with his hands, sighing out loud.
"Hyung. I told them I didn't want to hear from you."
"Sehun-ah, it's okay. I understand." Lu Han sounded resigned, melancholic, and when Sehun removed his hands and looked at him again, the other had a soft smile on his lips. His eyes were bright, wet. Unshed tears? He wasn't sure. He was gripping his bag tight, knuckles white.
"I know that I hurt you. And because of my stupid decisions, I lost you. I will never be able to tell you enough how sorry I am." Lu Han swallowed and sniffed, but continued, "I regret leaving you that summer without the promise of coming back.
"Sehun-ah, my time with you was short, but it was the best time I've ever had in my life. I thought when I saw you here, that I would have another chance with you but the damage I've done to you was not something I can understand. I'm so sorry."
Lu Han then stood up, smile never leaving his face. "I'll see you around."
When he left, Sehun was still sitting, staring blankly across the wall and processing what he heard. It took him a few moments, but he was running as fast as he could to catch up to Lu Han, the air outside sharp and hurting his lungs every time he breathed, but he ran and ran.
He spotted Lu Han a couple of distance away, and he shouted, "Lu Han! Lu Han hyung! Sehun! Oh Sehun! Oh Sehun!"
Lu Han stopped and turned around, doe eyes wide and disbelieving. The few people walking in the streets ignored them. Cars passed by, and the wind was strong and messing with Lu Han's hair, making his cheeks pinker. Breathtaking.
Reaching Lu Han, Sehun threw his body onto the other, arms around him, tight. Tighter. Until Lu Han was embracing him too. Sehun had his face buried on the space between Lu Han's neck and shoulder, the familiar scent warming him up, making it easier to breathe again. This scent that wrapped him all summer, seven years ago, and now it's doing it again.
"Sehun, what - " Lu Han was pulling away, head tilted up as he placed his cold hands on either side of Sehun's face.
"You wanted to talk to me," Sehun said.
"Yes."
"You wanted another chance with me."
"I do, Sehun, but what - "
Sehun hesitated, then said, "You wanted to be with me again?"
"I do, Sehun-ah. I always do."
"Seven years, Lu Han hyung. Seven years."
"I know," Lu Han said. "I know. And I should have gone to you the moment I realised it's you I want. I should have gone back to your home and ran up the stairs and burst into your room again." Lu Han dropped his hands to fiddle with the end of his scarf. "But I was so afraid of rejection, I was scared you didn't want me anymore. That I was just a summer fling - "
Sehun laughed, loud enough that it startled the other. "I was the summer fling!"
Lu Han shook his head, "You're not. You were never a summer fling to me. Sehun, you're...I should have told you this back then but I didn't and just let you say it for the both of us instead. I love you, Sehun-ah. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."
Sehun knew, if he heard another word from him, he would end up crying, so he swallowed and said with a goofy grin, "Not the Parasaurolophus fossils you uncovered in New Mexico?"
Lu Han laughed, a few tears dropping down his cheeks that Sehun chased with his fingers and dried with the wind. "Not even that."
-
They decided to meet again later that evening, after Lu Han finished all his commitments at the university. As they walked back to the campus, Sehun mentioned there was a restaurant that he wanted to try a few blocks away from the hotel he was staying at, and they agreed to meet there before they separated.
Sehun was anxious the whole time he was waiting for Lu Han, somehow-despite everything-still worried Lu Han might change his mind and never show up. He was tapping the rim of his glass, half full with lukewarm water, when Lu Han finally arrived. He still looked gorgeous as ever, albeit looking weary from what must have been a long and emotionally-packed day. Sehun waved when he smiled.
"I'm sorry I'm late," Lu Han said sheepishly, taking a seat across Sehun's and grabbing for the menu after placing his bag on the floor. "I got held up for photo op."
"It's fine. I'm just here early."
Lu Han smiled knowingly, and signed at the waiter. They both ordered and when the server left, Sehun put his elbows on the table and leans his chin on his the back of his hands. With a teasing grin, he said, "I wouldn't miss a chance to have a photo op with Professor Lu."
"Yeah, well, you can have the real thing," Lu Han shrugged nonchalantly, but the flush on his cheeks implied otherwise.
Sehun laughed, a carefree sound he rarely heard from himself. Cocking his head to one side, he looked at Lu Han in the eyes, "We never had a picture together."
"Not even one?"
"No."
"What were our smartphones doing then?"
"I don't know." I was busy memorising your face to even think about pictures then.
"We need to make up for it then. Here," Lu Han grabbed his phone from where it sat on the table and tapped at it, and then he was angling it so they could have a selfie. Sehun smiled lightly and Lu Han held up a peace sign as he grinned and took the photo.
"First date with Sehunniee. There. Be prepared to take lots of pictures with me from now on.”
"Did you post it online?" Sehun asked incredulously, despite his heart warming up at what Lu Han just said.
"No. I renamed the file. Having said that," Lu Han squinted at him. "Why do you not have a Facebook account?"
"Social media is stupid."
"Are you saying I'm stupid?"
"No, I literally said social media is."
"Yes, but I'm using lots of social media. Does that make me stupid?"
"You tell me."
"It's actually pretty useful. Especially when you want to find someone. Unfortunately, it doesn't work for people who still live in the 60s. What are you into right now, scale models of ships and cars?"
Sehun stuck his tongue out. "No, plane."
Their banter carried on until their food arrived, and while the conversation lessened, they couldn't help but caught up with each other's happenings. Seven years were a lot, and they missed out on so many important moments in their lives.
When dessert was done and Lu Han, upon his insistence, was paying their bill, the ball of anxiety began to grow back in Sehun's stomach. He didn't know what to do next, after this dinner was over. He didn't know if it was appropriate to ask if he could see Lu Han again, tomorrow, the next day, the day of his flight back to Seoul, the days after that. Sehun knew Lu Han for being flighty, and when he thought this wouldn't do him any good, he wouldn't hesitate to leave Sehun, just like he did back then.
"Sehun-ah? Are you alright?"
Sehun was startled out of his thinking, and saw that Lu Han was looking up at him with concerned eyes. It only registered to him that he was a few inches taller than his hyung and it made something inside of him burn.
"Yeah, sorry. Just thinking."
Lu Han studied his face but decided to drop it. "You're hotel is nearby, right? Come on, let me walk you there."
They walked into the cold night, joining the busy crowd in the streets, huddling in close to one another without actually touching. It was quiet between them, and Sehun glanced several times at Lu Han to see the other looking ahead, brows furrowed. When they reached the entrance to Sehun's hotel, Sehun's heart was pounding.
"This is me," He gestured towards the glass doors. "Thanks for dinner, hyung."
"Right. Thanks for accompanying me."
"Of course."
"Right," Lu Han repeated. "I guess I'll go."
Sehun hesitated, and then grabbed the hem of Lu Han's sleeve, face heating up. "Hyung, would you like to come up with me for a while?"
Lu Han stared up at him, opening his mouth and then closing again. He clutched onto his scarf and blinked.
Sehun back pedalled, "Unless you're busy tomorrow of course. I know your schedule is packed. I'm sorry if I overstepped - "
"No, Sehun. I - Sure. I'd love to."
Sehun let go of his sleeve. "Oh. Okay. If you're sure."
"I'm sure."
Sehun led them into the hotel lobby, the security and bellboy greeting them generically and called for the elevator. The tension was palpable inside the lift, with only the two of them riding it, and Sehun shed his own scarf and loosened two buttons off his shirt.
The beeping sound the keycard made when Sehun unlocked his room was enough to snap him out of it, making sure he was a most hospitable host to his guest despite it being just a hotel room. He offered Lu Han drinks and the latter accepted water, before asking Sehun if he could use the bathroom.
It was too cold outside, but in here, with the room heater and the...situation, it was a bit warm, enough that Sehun got out of his coat right away and quickly washing his face on the kitchen counter.
Lu Han was sitting on the couch when he got back, sipping his water slowly and Sehun couldn't help but watch as his Adam's apple bobbed up and down now that Lu Han had his scarf and jacket off. He smiled at Sehun as he capped the bottle. "This place is fancy."
"Thought I would splurge a little and think of this trip as a vacation."
"You deserve it."
Silence.
It was painfully awkward and Sehun was aware of it. He racked his brain for something to talk about, something Lu Han would want to hear but -
"Can I kiss you?"
He startled his own self, as well as Lu Han, when he said it out loud. He didn't need a mirror to know he was bright red from the neck up. Lu Han sure was blushing as well.
"Sorry - I...Shit. Hyung - "
"No, it's okay. I want to." Lu Han’s voice came out raspy and he gestured to Sehun with a flick of his wrist. "Come here, Sehun."
Sehun leaned forward as Lu Han moved closer, the little distance between them disappearing as Sehun reached out and touched Lu Han's face with shaky hand.
The feel of Lu Han's lips against him was too much. It was overwhelming and Sehun thought he let out a tiny sob. Lu Han was pressed against his body and his lips was opening for Sehun's tongue to get inside and meet his own, and Sehun pressed harder. Lu Han's hands were on his hair and he was kneeling, suddenly above Sehun and straddling his lap. Sehun grabbed him by the hips and pulled him close, until every inch of their bodies were aligned and heated up. Lu Han was gasping and groaning, trying to overpower Sehun's kisses with his own.
It was Sehun who needed to pull away first, panting for air but Lu Han was not done kissing him, lips skimming his cheek, his jaw, licking the mole on his neck and sucking on skin just between his neck and shoulder and Sehun couldn't help but bucked his hips up.
Too much.
"Hyung. Lu Han hyung..." He wanted to say something, needed to say something but Lu Han was unbuttoning his shirt and pushing it off him, kissing and sucking and nipping at his shoulders, his collarbones, and Sehun wanted, needed.
"Sehun-ah," Lu Han whispered against his skin. "Lu Han. I missed you so fucking much."
"Sehun. Sehun. Sehun, please," Sehun whimpered.
Lu Han sucked at his earlobe and licked his neck. "Take me to bed."
Grabbing the things wrapped around his waist, Sehun lifted Lu Han into the bedroom and kicking the door closed.
-
Later, when they were both naked and sweating and panting and spent, Sehun thought of what great things they could have been doing all this time if he didn't block Lu Han out of his life seven years ago.
He was on his side, facing Lu Han who was smiling and half-asleep beside him. He traced his cheek with the back of his finger a gentle touch, barely there. His hand ran over the soft skin, on his slightly sweaty neck, his arm, his side, and stopping at Lu Han's waist. Against the light of the dim lamp, his skin looked ethereal, and Sehun wanted more, wanted to feel Lu Han utterly close to him again, wanted to be inside him again, wanted to kiss him again, hard and sloppy, gentle and careful. He wanted to mark him, like he did moments ago, tiny, purply bruises scattered on Lu Han's once flawless skin. But Lu Han was tired, and he looked ready to sleep. Sehun had already cleaned them up and offered Lu Han a change of clothes, but the older declined.
Lu Han scooted closer, and Sehun breathed deeply as he felt the other's bare warmth against his own bare skin. He counted backwards from twenty, in Japanese and then in Chinese so that he could stop himself from getting hard.
"Sehun-ah," Lu Han murmured onto the skin just below his collarbone, sleepiness blearing his voice. "When will you be leaving?"
"Three days from now, hyung."
The arm wounded around his hip tightened.
"Sehun-ah, I need to finish my business here but can I come to you after? Maybe two weeks from now?"
Sehun stopped breathing, and looked down at Lu Han, although he could only see the top of his head, strands of hair tickling his neck. "You want to go to Seoul?"
"Hmm. I want to go to you."
Chuckling, giddy, Sehun whispered. "I'll wait for you, hyung."
"Hmm. You better."
"I can't wait, hyung."
"You just said you will wait!" Lu Han exclaimed tiredly. "Don't disappear, okay? I don't think I can wait another seven years again. I'd die prematurely."
"No dying, hyung."
"Hmm. Good night, Sehun-ah."
"Good night, hyung," Sehun said, and a whispered I love you on the crown of the other's head made the other shake with laughter.
"I love you, too. Now sleep."
Sehun listened to the other's breathing as it steadied and sighed, kissing Lu Han whereever he could reach. He wasn't expecting any of this when he accepted the invitation from the university, but he thanked whoever was above and watching him for this moment and the next ones that he would be spending with Lu Han by his side.
He hadn't told his parents yet. They would be ecstatic. They adored Lu Han and treated him as their own son but held back when he left Sehun then. And now they would surely be happy because the movie star, as what his mother nicknamed him, might just become part of their family for real, and permanently this time.
Sehun smiled to himself and imagined his future with Lu Han, until he fell asleep with the comforting warmth in his arms.
-
"Hyung, I know I told you to come to Seoul, but is it okay if we stay here for a day so you can rest and head to Jeju the next? I can shell out for your flight," Sehun said, phone clutched between his shoulder and ear as he looked up last minute flights to Jeju Island as he sat inside a coffeeshop.
"It's alright, and I can pay for my fare, Sehun," Lu Han's voice crackled over the line, and he could hear the crazy tapping on a keyboard. Lu Han must have been finishing papers.
"It's my idea so I think it's fair that I pay for you." It was actually Sehun's parents' idea, but the other didn't need to know.
Lu Han snorted. "We can settle it when I get there."
"Sure," Sehun grinned, already booking the flights and putting in his card number on checkout. "I can't wait."
"Two more days," Lu Han said. "I can't wait to kiss you again. Lu Han."
The voice sent shivers down his spine and right into his groin. Sehun groaned, gripping his phone and slumping on the desk. "Hyung! I'm outside!"
The other was chucking at the other end. "Sorry, sorry. I'm just saying."
"Whatever. I have to go, hyung. I'll see you soon."
"See you, Sehunniee. Take care of yourself until I get there, yeah?"
"Yeah. Bye, hyung." Sehun sighed.
Two days. Two more long days.
-
They arrived in Jeju by noon, and there was only a slight chill in the air. Spring was almost coming and the breeze of the sea helped Sehun feel at ease after an exhausting flight. At his side, Lu Han was looking in front of him with bright eyes before his face split into a huge smile, waving his hand up above.
"Professor! Mrs. Oh!" And then he was running, leaving Sehun with his luggage and throwing himself at the elderly couple waiting for them.
When Sehun finally reached the group, he hugged his father and kissed his mother on both cheeks.
"How was China, darling?" Mrs. Oh asked, even though she had already asked him about it the day Sehun got back to Seoul and Facetimed with them.
Sehun looked at Lu Han before answering, "Wonderful."
They piled inside the car and Professor Oh drove them to the Oh Villa. Lu Han couldn't stop talking about how much he missed the place. He mentioned to Sehun one night during a call that he had received several invitations to come back and visit the house the past years but he declined when Sehun's parents told him Sehun did not want to do anything with him. Sehun apologised profusely and promised to make up for it. He had this whole thing planned out: swimming at the beach, hiking up hills, visiting Sehun's secret spot at the pond and making out lots with Lu Han, every chance he got. It would be a fun month and he promised himself he would make up for the time lost, because it was his fault that they lost so much of it after all.
Lu Han had promised him that after his tenure in Tsinghua three months from now, he would relocate to Seoul with Sehun. He already had an offer from Yonsei. He and Sehun were looking at apartment listings so they could move in together once Lu Han's transfered. There was an ongoing argument on whether they would adopt a cat or a dog, with Lu Han being a cat person and Sehun a dog person. They still hadn't agreed on anything yet, but Sehun knew for sure they would just end up getting both.
When they reached the villa, Sehun's mother ordered the both of them to freshen up before coming downstairs for a late lunch. Sehun's old bedroom, the one they used when Lu Han stayed for the summer, was pristine and prepared for them both, and he let Lu Han walked in before him, heading straight to the balcony overlooking Mrs. Oh's orchard and the turquoise blue sea.
Lu Han had his eyes closed, a soft smile playing across his lips when Sehun got to him, wrapping his arms around the other's tiny waist and nuzzling his shoulder. The breeze played with his hair and made sure Lu Han’s cheeks stayed deliciously flushed. He was beautiful and Sehun had no reason to look away.
"We're supposed to freshen up," he whispered after a moment. "Come shower with me."
"I missed it here," Lu Han said, as if Sehun hadn't spoken. "I love it here, Sehun-ah."
He turned around and lifted his arms onto Sehun's shoulder, pressing a kiss on the other's waiting lips.
"I miss being here with you," Sehun said, eyes brimming with emotions.
"Are you happy?" Lu Han asked, the same emotions in his eyes.
"Beyond happy."
**
Author’s Note: If you got here, thank you so so much for reading! To the prompter, sorry if this isn’t what you expected but I hope you enjoyed nonetheless ;u; And to the selubration mods, a bunch of endless thanks, for keeping the selu glory alive and burning. All my love~ <3
Title: once, on a summer night
Rating: R
Word Count: 6.7k
Summary: (CMBYN!au) A chance encounter brought Sehun and Lu Han back to what could have been seven years ago.
Sehun received the invitation to attend a conference a month ago, and only now was he confirming his attendance, two weeks before the date of the conference.
He was hesitant, to say the least, but with his parents' encouragement, albeit over the phone from their huge living room back in Jeju Island, Sehun decided to indulge them (and by extension, himself) to go, so he began packing his things for a five-day trip to Beijing.
Staring up at his ceiling hours after he was done with his luggage, Sehun managed to think and rethink his decisions as he was lying on his bed. His apartment was quiet, save for the hum of the air-condition and the white noise provided by the hustle and bustle of rush-hour Seoul below.
While he was interested in the conference he would be attending, Sehun didn't know if he could focus on it knowing that somewhere in the city, in an apartment that couldn't be as quiet as his own, lived someone from a fateful summer, seven years back. It couldn't be, because he was fairly certain the person had his own family now, and family often meant activities that consumed one's energy and a house filled with laughter and chitchats.
Seven years. It had been seven years since that summer in Jeju Island. Whenever Sehun thought about it, it felt like it was just yesterday.
-
He didn't mean to fall in love. In fact, he thought it would just be another summer where the scholar they would be adopting for two months would be just another intellectual bore, someone Sehun couldn't be bothered to spend the time with. Instead, Lu Han had been a mystery, with his cheerful and bright facade that fell when he was facing Sehun, as if Sehun was the only one he could take off the mask in front of.
Lu Han was a scholar from China, a PhD candidate of the C9 League Tsinghua University. After a lot of deliberation, Professor Oh invited the student to spend the entire summer with the Oh family in Jeju, wherein he would help the professor with his works. He also ended up using Sehun's luxurious bedroom during his whole stay, because that's just how hospitality was dedicated for the guests of the family. Always. Every year.
Sehun didn't mean to fall in love. But it was Lu Han's real smiles and his cutting-edge bluntness, his unusual kindness, his intelligence and his acceptance of Sehun. He acknowledged Sehun the way no one had before. He thought of him as a man, not of a genius boy, nor the son of a renowned professor and a rich family. He saw Sehun the way Sehun wanted to be seen.
Lu Han didn't mean to fall in love either. But Sehun crawled his way to his heart like no one had before. Not even his fiancée of five years could stop him from giving his heart to Sehun.
But summer ended, like how it ended the year before, and the year before that. Their little bubble popped and they needed to go back to reality. Lu Han needed to go back to reality, finish his research and continue with his doctoral, and in the spring of next year get married to a woman just as planned.
It was the most magical summer Sehun had ever had. But it ended just like that, when Lu Han boarded his plane back to China and left Sehun. He took Sehun's heart with him, leaving the younger empty-handed, because along with Sehun's heart he also took his own back.
It was punctuated the morning of Christmas eve that same year, like a full stop. A telephone call. Lu Han extended invitation to the Oh family for his wedding on April. He would take care of their accommodations and flight, just to make sure they would be there because he couldn't bear the thought of his second family not attending this wedding day.
"Please, come," Lu Han had said over the phone when it was Sehun's turn to speak with him. He had used the extension upstairs, so his parents wouldn't see how bad of a state he was in during the call.
"You're torturing me," Sehun said.
"I need you there."
"No, you don't."
"Please," a pause. "Lu Han."
Sehun had gripped the handset tight his knuckles turned white. It was their little game. Calling the other by the other's name, after an intimate moment, or when it was quiet and they needed to hear each other. Or just to remind them that they were there.
"You're killing me." Sehun sobbed, "I miss you."
"I miss you, too."
"Then come back."
"You know I can't."
Sehun said, "I think about you. Every day."
"You know I can't." It was only a whisper but Sehun knew, there was nothing else he could do for Lu Han to change his mind, to make him stay with them instead, to cancel the wedding, to ask Sehun to be with him in China and live there until he finished his studies. Sehun wanted. Wanted. Wanted.
"Sehun," Sehun said, voice hoarse. His throat was thick with lumps. He had wanted to scream but if he did he would breakdown. "Sehun, Sehun."
In the other line, there was a muffled sound, like someone stifling a cry. "I'm so sorry."
In the end, he didn't go to the wedding. Instead focusing on studying for exams, getting himself settled in his new apartment in Seoul and readied himself as he entered university. His parents told him the wedding was beautiful. The bride looked happy. The groom looked happy. It was a perfect ceremony.
A full stop.
-
Beijing was not much different from Seoul, although in Sehun's opinion it was a bit more crowded, and the city didn't seem to sleep at all. It was colder too, he noted as he pulled his jacket tighter around his body. He was on his way to Peking University, where he would be attending a three-day conference held by School of Arts from the Division of Humanities.
He went through the first day of the events with half a mind on what he was doing. Mostly, he was daydreaming, an unlikely behaviour for a twenty-four old man like him, with a double bachelor's degree and a masters under his belt. But he couldn't help but think of what-ifs. He was so near, he knew, but also so far.
This urge, this need to look for him was strong, it was quite overwhelming.
It wasn't like he knew where to look for, and why. For all he knew, he could be across the mainland. Or based on his experience, halfway across the world. Lu Han was a passionate archaeologist and no one could stop him from going and starting a dig site of his own in the most random places. He was once told he liked the thrill of not knowing if there would be something underneath the piles of dirt.
Sehun thought about Lu Han's wife, and maybe his family. He wondered if Lu Han's love for his work outweighed his love for them, and would leave them just to find the most precious fossil in the world. He wondered if Lu Han had kids with his wife, and if he loved them dearly like Sehun’s father was with him. Also based on his experience, Lu Han could leave someone he loved for something else if he deemed that something else far important. He sounded so bitter in his head he wanted to punch himself.
He hadn’t look for anyone else, not even once. He didn’t think he could replace him in his heart. It was ridiculous, because they have only ever been together for less than two months. Seven, ten, twenty years. It wouldn’t matter. Lu Han was it for Sehun.
He was out of the conference hall the moment the talk was dismissed. He barely heard the speaker mentioned that the next talk would be about a topic relating to language and arts and the speaker was a respected alumnus of the university.
Sehun stopped, turned around to see a lady setting up a new laptop by the projector. He froze as he saw the first and introductory slide as it projects on to the huge screen.
Prof. Lu Han
PhD, Tsinghua University
Tang Dynasty's influence in the modern world's Chinese language and culture
He couldn't hear anything other than the loud buzz in his ears, the pounding of his heart against his ribs. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think.
He's here.
"Are you okay?" Someone said in Chinese from behind him. The girl's brows were furrowed in concern. "I think you're having a panic attack, sir."
The girl silently fussed over him, leading him at the back of the hall. She offered him water and a chocolate, which he both shyly declined. He was alright after a while, and would have been distracted if it weren't for the picture of the speaker in front of the hall.
"I'm sorry, I have to go the next lecture," the girl said. "Will you be alright by yourself?"
"Yes, thank you."
When the girl left, Sehun only realised he was still in the hall he intended to leave. He couldn't be here. He needed to go as soon as possible. He wanted to see him but not now. He needed preparation. He was not ready.
The seats were already filling up and the lady at the podium announced that the session would be starting in five minutes. At the same time, a man entered the room, glasses perched atop a reddened button nose, scarf hiding almost half of his face. Upon reaching the table where the laptop was set up, he removed his coat and scarf to reveal flushed cheeks and plump lips. Even from afar, Sehun had no problem recognising the man. If asked, he could even describe every curve and every line of his body. He'd memorised them all.
He couldn't tell for sure though, but Lu Han looked tired, older. Maybe that's what being twenty-nine did to a person, made one age. The fire in his eyes gone, the corner of his lips curved down. When he smiled at the crowd, his smile didn't reach his eyes. It bothered Sehun endlessly.
The session began. Sehun only had a few knowledge about China's language and culture, he understood and spoke the language alright, but he could barely comprehend the topic being discussed. It was interactive, Lu Han was a very good lecturer, as Sehun knew from his stay at their house, and the attendees were captivated, on the edge of their seats as they listened to the charming professor. But it was all a front, much like how he was presenting himself in the beginning of that summer. He knew deep down that Lu Han, as always, was nervous when speaking to a crowd despite being a lecturer and speaker for years.
At some point, he was sure Lu Han had spotted him at the back and it was a bit too late before he could dock his head, but if Lu Han had recognised him, he didn't show it at all, not even a stutter or a stop in the midst of a sentence, not even a sudden intake of breath. It was as if Sehun was not there at all. Or, Lu Han could care less.
After an hour and a half, the lecture ended and the people began leaving the hall, some hopping up the stage and shaking the professor's hand. The lady-Lu Han's assistant, Sehun had learned-announced just before the session was finished that the professor would be having another talk on a topic relating to archaeology at a later time this evening, and another one the next day. Sehun took a mental note of the schedules, not like he was planning to go. It was so he could avoid the lecture halls.
The only exit to the hall was by the podium, and Sehun took his chance to bolt right out of there while the students were still exiting and crowding the door. He made sure not look back but he could feel someone staring at the back of his head. His stomach churned but he held on, kept his feet moving until he was out the door and into the hallway.
"Wait," someone called from behind.
He was sure it was him but Sehun didn't dare looked back. He kept walking, heading towards the elevator that would get him out of the building and into the open air. It was suffocating and he was running out of breath again. He needed to get out of there, and fast.
"Wait!" This time the word was spoken in Korean and it made Sehun almost stop but he powered on until he was calling the elevator. It was just his luck that it closed before he got in.
"Wait, please." Sehun closes his eyes, forced to remain where he stood.
"Sehun-ah."
It was all coming back to him, at once and in a rush. The bicycle rides, the breakfast, reading his papers, painting him, swimming at the bluest ocean, showing him his favourite spot in the island. Naked, touching, kissing. Their shared bedroom. Everything Sehun had tried to forget the past five years. Every single thing.
And then, "Lu Han."
Sehun clenched his fists and shoved them in his pocket. The voice was closer, a feet, inches away from him. It said, "Lu Han."
When he turned around, he was surprised to see Lu Han wide-eyed, cheeks still flushed and lips trembling. His eyes were brimming with unshed tears behind his glasses. Tears for what, Sehun didn't know.
"Hello," Sehun said.
A smile, crooked. Eyes twinkling. A raspy, "Hello."
The smile got wider, and Lu Han continued, "I didn't know you'd be here."
"Last minute decision," Sehun said. Act casually, coldly, if you could, he told himself.
"Well, I'm glad. And I'm glad to see you. Did you enjoy the lecture?" Lu Han blinked, sniffed. His smile stayed, and Sehun tried but couldn't look away.
"It was alright."
"I have another one coming up in a few hours. I hope you can come?"
Sehun shrugged.
"It's nice seeing you, Sehun-ah."
"You too," Sehun said. "Hyung."
Something passed Lu Han's eyes, but it was gone before Sehun could process what it was. Instead, the other spoke again.
"Would you like to grab coffee with me? If you have the time?"
"No," Sehun said, a little too quickly, but he couldn't bear to look at the disappointment in Lu Han's face. So he amended it. "I'd rather we have milk tea."
Lu Han grinned so wide, showing his full cheeks and crescent eyes. Sehun thought he was cursed and would never live long enough to see the next day.
They walked out of the campus in silence, and Lu Han led them into a shop a three blocks away. There was no line and lots of vacant table and Lu Han told him to get them one and he would take care of their orders.
"Chocolate?" He asked.
"Chocolate." Sehun confirmed.
When Lu Han joined him at their table holding two large cups of chocolate milk tea, Sehun had managed to reign in his emotions and had his expression back to his usual stoic one, or at least that's what the mirror near the counter told him.
Lu Han smiled. Sehun wished he'd stop. He was also removing his glasses and Sehun wanted to stop him with that too.
"How are you?"
Sehun answered as nonchalantly as he could, "Alright."
"You're invited to the conference this morning?"
"Yes, and the ones for the next days."
"You've grown so much. I'm proud of you."
Sehun took a sip of his drink.
Lu Han cupped his chin with one hand, elbow on the table. "So, how was doctoral treating you?"
"Tough, but I'll get through it. Eventually." He hated this. Hated small talk. Lu Han knew this.
"I know you would. You're the smartest person I've ever met."
"Not as smart as your wife," Sehun said. He knew he said it bitterly, but he couldn't help it.
Lu Han sputtered, "My wife?"
Sehun raised a brow, and let it drop. He couldn't talk about that with Lu Han right now. Or ever. But. "Sorry I missed your wedding."
"Your parents said you were busy studying for entrance exams."
"Yeah."
"How'd it go?" Lu Han said, and then laughed, unknowingly doing things to Sehun's heart. "How silly of me! Of course it went well. You're on your way to your PhD now!"
"It was hard," Sehun muttered. "Studying for exams with a broken heart was hard."
When Lu Han said nothing, Sehun gathered his things and shouldered his messenger bag. "I have to go."
"Sehun-ah..."
"It's good to see you again, Lu Han hyung."
He stood, but before he could take a step there was a hand on his wrist. He looked at it before looking at Lu Han. There was storm in his eyes, and his lips were trembling again.
"Sit down? I - Sehun, I need to talk to you."
Sehun tilted his head.
"I needed to talk to you. I've been trying to contact you for the last five years. Sit down." There was a desperation in the other's voice and something else. Like the one he saw by the elevator. Something he couldn't read. Sehun sat back down.
"I'm not married." A pause.
Sehun waited for the punchline.
Lu Han pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. Then continued, "Well, I was - but I - we're divorced. Sehun. I was only married for four months, so please I need to talk to you and I need you to know this and I need you to - " Lu Han was frantic, and he was talking too much too fast. Sehun was having a hard time comprehending.
"Lu Han. Hyung," Sehun wrapped his hand on Lu Han's hand that was still holding his wrist. "Slow down, Lu Han hyung. Breathe."
Lu Han breathed, visibly. He didn't lose his grip on Sehun.
"Why were you not answering my emails? Or returning my calls? I've been calling and sending airmails to your house in Jeju but I didn't get any in return."
"I - " Sehun shook his head. "I didn't receive any of them."
"You...didn't?"
He remembered deactivating the email address he gave to Lu Han and changing his number that summer. But the mails, and telephone calls, those he couldn't change. Still, he didn't receive anything from the other man.
"Nothing."
And then, a flash. The pain of his heart being broken was too much for seventeen year old Sehun and he asked, begged his parents to never talk about Lu Han at home, never mention him, not even any updates or messages from him. There was a total Lu Han ban in their house that was still not lifted even up till now.
Sehun's face heated up, and what felt like shame washed through him. "Hyung. I'm sorry."
"What? No. It's me who's sorry. I hurt you." The sincerity in Lu Han's eyes was too much he had to look away. He twisted his wrist so the other would let him go, and covered his face with his hands, sighing out loud.
"Hyung. I told them I didn't want to hear from you."
"Sehun-ah, it's okay. I understand." Lu Han sounded resigned, melancholic, and when Sehun removed his hands and looked at him again, the other had a soft smile on his lips. His eyes were bright, wet. Unshed tears? He wasn't sure. He was gripping his bag tight, knuckles white.
"I know that I hurt you. And because of my stupid decisions, I lost you. I will never be able to tell you enough how sorry I am." Lu Han swallowed and sniffed, but continued, "I regret leaving you that summer without the promise of coming back.
"Sehun-ah, my time with you was short, but it was the best time I've ever had in my life. I thought when I saw you here, that I would have another chance with you but the damage I've done to you was not something I can understand. I'm so sorry."
Lu Han then stood up, smile never leaving his face. "I'll see you around."
When he left, Sehun was still sitting, staring blankly across the wall and processing what he heard. It took him a few moments, but he was running as fast as he could to catch up to Lu Han, the air outside sharp and hurting his lungs every time he breathed, but he ran and ran.
He spotted Lu Han a couple of distance away, and he shouted, "Lu Han! Lu Han hyung! Sehun! Oh Sehun! Oh Sehun!"
Lu Han stopped and turned around, doe eyes wide and disbelieving. The few people walking in the streets ignored them. Cars passed by, and the wind was strong and messing with Lu Han's hair, making his cheeks pinker. Breathtaking.
Reaching Lu Han, Sehun threw his body onto the other, arms around him, tight. Tighter. Until Lu Han was embracing him too. Sehun had his face buried on the space between Lu Han's neck and shoulder, the familiar scent warming him up, making it easier to breathe again. This scent that wrapped him all summer, seven years ago, and now it's doing it again.
"Sehun, what - " Lu Han was pulling away, head tilted up as he placed his cold hands on either side of Sehun's face.
"You wanted to talk to me," Sehun said.
"Yes."
"You wanted another chance with me."
"I do, Sehun, but what - "
Sehun hesitated, then said, "You wanted to be with me again?"
"I do, Sehun-ah. I always do."
"Seven years, Lu Han hyung. Seven years."
"I know," Lu Han said. "I know. And I should have gone to you the moment I realised it's you I want. I should have gone back to your home and ran up the stairs and burst into your room again." Lu Han dropped his hands to fiddle with the end of his scarf. "But I was so afraid of rejection, I was scared you didn't want me anymore. That I was just a summer fling - "
Sehun laughed, loud enough that it startled the other. "I was the summer fling!"
Lu Han shook his head, "You're not. You were never a summer fling to me. Sehun, you're...I should have told you this back then but I didn't and just let you say it for the both of us instead. I love you, Sehun-ah. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."
Sehun knew, if he heard another word from him, he would end up crying, so he swallowed and said with a goofy grin, "Not the Parasaurolophus fossils you uncovered in New Mexico?"
Lu Han laughed, a few tears dropping down his cheeks that Sehun chased with his fingers and dried with the wind. "Not even that."
-
They decided to meet again later that evening, after Lu Han finished all his commitments at the university. As they walked back to the campus, Sehun mentioned there was a restaurant that he wanted to try a few blocks away from the hotel he was staying at, and they agreed to meet there before they separated.
Sehun was anxious the whole time he was waiting for Lu Han, somehow-despite everything-still worried Lu Han might change his mind and never show up. He was tapping the rim of his glass, half full with lukewarm water, when Lu Han finally arrived. He still looked gorgeous as ever, albeit looking weary from what must have been a long and emotionally-packed day. Sehun waved when he smiled.
"I'm sorry I'm late," Lu Han said sheepishly, taking a seat across Sehun's and grabbing for the menu after placing his bag on the floor. "I got held up for photo op."
"It's fine. I'm just here early."
Lu Han smiled knowingly, and signed at the waiter. They both ordered and when the server left, Sehun put his elbows on the table and leans his chin on his the back of his hands. With a teasing grin, he said, "I wouldn't miss a chance to have a photo op with Professor Lu."
"Yeah, well, you can have the real thing," Lu Han shrugged nonchalantly, but the flush on his cheeks implied otherwise.
Sehun laughed, a carefree sound he rarely heard from himself. Cocking his head to one side, he looked at Lu Han in the eyes, "We never had a picture together."
"Not even one?"
"No."
"What were our smartphones doing then?"
"I don't know." I was busy memorising your face to even think about pictures then.
"We need to make up for it then. Here," Lu Han grabbed his phone from where it sat on the table and tapped at it, and then he was angling it so they could have a selfie. Sehun smiled lightly and Lu Han held up a peace sign as he grinned and took the photo.
"First date with Sehunniee. There. Be prepared to take lots of pictures with me from now on.”
"Did you post it online?" Sehun asked incredulously, despite his heart warming up at what Lu Han just said.
"No. I renamed the file. Having said that," Lu Han squinted at him. "Why do you not have a Facebook account?"
"Social media is stupid."
"Are you saying I'm stupid?"
"No, I literally said social media is."
"Yes, but I'm using lots of social media. Does that make me stupid?"
"You tell me."
"It's actually pretty useful. Especially when you want to find someone. Unfortunately, it doesn't work for people who still live in the 60s. What are you into right now, scale models of ships and cars?"
Sehun stuck his tongue out. "No, plane."
Their banter carried on until their food arrived, and while the conversation lessened, they couldn't help but caught up with each other's happenings. Seven years were a lot, and they missed out on so many important moments in their lives.
When dessert was done and Lu Han, upon his insistence, was paying their bill, the ball of anxiety began to grow back in Sehun's stomach. He didn't know what to do next, after this dinner was over. He didn't know if it was appropriate to ask if he could see Lu Han again, tomorrow, the next day, the day of his flight back to Seoul, the days after that. Sehun knew Lu Han for being flighty, and when he thought this wouldn't do him any good, he wouldn't hesitate to leave Sehun, just like he did back then.
"Sehun-ah? Are you alright?"
Sehun was startled out of his thinking, and saw that Lu Han was looking up at him with concerned eyes. It only registered to him that he was a few inches taller than his hyung and it made something inside of him burn.
"Yeah, sorry. Just thinking."
Lu Han studied his face but decided to drop it. "You're hotel is nearby, right? Come on, let me walk you there."
They walked into the cold night, joining the busy crowd in the streets, huddling in close to one another without actually touching. It was quiet between them, and Sehun glanced several times at Lu Han to see the other looking ahead, brows furrowed. When they reached the entrance to Sehun's hotel, Sehun's heart was pounding.
"This is me," He gestured towards the glass doors. "Thanks for dinner, hyung."
"Right. Thanks for accompanying me."
"Of course."
"Right," Lu Han repeated. "I guess I'll go."
Sehun hesitated, and then grabbed the hem of Lu Han's sleeve, face heating up. "Hyung, would you like to come up with me for a while?"
Lu Han stared up at him, opening his mouth and then closing again. He clutched onto his scarf and blinked.
Sehun back pedalled, "Unless you're busy tomorrow of course. I know your schedule is packed. I'm sorry if I overstepped - "
"No, Sehun. I - Sure. I'd love to."
Sehun let go of his sleeve. "Oh. Okay. If you're sure."
"I'm sure."
Sehun led them into the hotel lobby, the security and bellboy greeting them generically and called for the elevator. The tension was palpable inside the lift, with only the two of them riding it, and Sehun shed his own scarf and loosened two buttons off his shirt.
The beeping sound the keycard made when Sehun unlocked his room was enough to snap him out of it, making sure he was a most hospitable host to his guest despite it being just a hotel room. He offered Lu Han drinks and the latter accepted water, before asking Sehun if he could use the bathroom.
It was too cold outside, but in here, with the room heater and the...situation, it was a bit warm, enough that Sehun got out of his coat right away and quickly washing his face on the kitchen counter.
Lu Han was sitting on the couch when he got back, sipping his water slowly and Sehun couldn't help but watch as his Adam's apple bobbed up and down now that Lu Han had his scarf and jacket off. He smiled at Sehun as he capped the bottle. "This place is fancy."
"Thought I would splurge a little and think of this trip as a vacation."
"You deserve it."
Silence.
It was painfully awkward and Sehun was aware of it. He racked his brain for something to talk about, something Lu Han would want to hear but -
"Can I kiss you?"
He startled his own self, as well as Lu Han, when he said it out loud. He didn't need a mirror to know he was bright red from the neck up. Lu Han sure was blushing as well.
"Sorry - I...Shit. Hyung - "
"No, it's okay. I want to." Lu Han’s voice came out raspy and he gestured to Sehun with a flick of his wrist. "Come here, Sehun."
Sehun leaned forward as Lu Han moved closer, the little distance between them disappearing as Sehun reached out and touched Lu Han's face with shaky hand.
The feel of Lu Han's lips against him was too much. It was overwhelming and Sehun thought he let out a tiny sob. Lu Han was pressed against his body and his lips was opening for Sehun's tongue to get inside and meet his own, and Sehun pressed harder. Lu Han's hands were on his hair and he was kneeling, suddenly above Sehun and straddling his lap. Sehun grabbed him by the hips and pulled him close, until every inch of their bodies were aligned and heated up. Lu Han was gasping and groaning, trying to overpower Sehun's kisses with his own.
It was Sehun who needed to pull away first, panting for air but Lu Han was not done kissing him, lips skimming his cheek, his jaw, licking the mole on his neck and sucking on skin just between his neck and shoulder and Sehun couldn't help but bucked his hips up.
Too much.
"Hyung. Lu Han hyung..." He wanted to say something, needed to say something but Lu Han was unbuttoning his shirt and pushing it off him, kissing and sucking and nipping at his shoulders, his collarbones, and Sehun wanted, needed.
"Sehun-ah," Lu Han whispered against his skin. "Lu Han. I missed you so fucking much."
"Sehun. Sehun. Sehun, please," Sehun whimpered.
Lu Han sucked at his earlobe and licked his neck. "Take me to bed."
Grabbing the things wrapped around his waist, Sehun lifted Lu Han into the bedroom and kicking the door closed.
-
Later, when they were both naked and sweating and panting and spent, Sehun thought of what great things they could have been doing all this time if he didn't block Lu Han out of his life seven years ago.
He was on his side, facing Lu Han who was smiling and half-asleep beside him. He traced his cheek with the back of his finger a gentle touch, barely there. His hand ran over the soft skin, on his slightly sweaty neck, his arm, his side, and stopping at Lu Han's waist. Against the light of the dim lamp, his skin looked ethereal, and Sehun wanted more, wanted to feel Lu Han utterly close to him again, wanted to be inside him again, wanted to kiss him again, hard and sloppy, gentle and careful. He wanted to mark him, like he did moments ago, tiny, purply bruises scattered on Lu Han's once flawless skin. But Lu Han was tired, and he looked ready to sleep. Sehun had already cleaned them up and offered Lu Han a change of clothes, but the older declined.
Lu Han scooted closer, and Sehun breathed deeply as he felt the other's bare warmth against his own bare skin. He counted backwards from twenty, in Japanese and then in Chinese so that he could stop himself from getting hard.
"Sehun-ah," Lu Han murmured onto the skin just below his collarbone, sleepiness blearing his voice. "When will you be leaving?"
"Three days from now, hyung."
The arm wounded around his hip tightened.
"Sehun-ah, I need to finish my business here but can I come to you after? Maybe two weeks from now?"
Sehun stopped breathing, and looked down at Lu Han, although he could only see the top of his head, strands of hair tickling his neck. "You want to go to Seoul?"
"Hmm. I want to go to you."
Chuckling, giddy, Sehun whispered. "I'll wait for you, hyung."
"Hmm. You better."
"I can't wait, hyung."
"You just said you will wait!" Lu Han exclaimed tiredly. "Don't disappear, okay? I don't think I can wait another seven years again. I'd die prematurely."
"No dying, hyung."
"Hmm. Good night, Sehun-ah."
"Good night, hyung," Sehun said, and a whispered I love you on the crown of the other's head made the other shake with laughter.
"I love you, too. Now sleep."
Sehun listened to the other's breathing as it steadied and sighed, kissing Lu Han whereever he could reach. He wasn't expecting any of this when he accepted the invitation from the university, but he thanked whoever was above and watching him for this moment and the next ones that he would be spending with Lu Han by his side.
He hadn't told his parents yet. They would be ecstatic. They adored Lu Han and treated him as their own son but held back when he left Sehun then. And now they would surely be happy because the movie star, as what his mother nicknamed him, might just become part of their family for real, and permanently this time.
Sehun smiled to himself and imagined his future with Lu Han, until he fell asleep with the comforting warmth in his arms.
-
"Hyung, I know I told you to come to Seoul, but is it okay if we stay here for a day so you can rest and head to Jeju the next? I can shell out for your flight," Sehun said, phone clutched between his shoulder and ear as he looked up last minute flights to Jeju Island as he sat inside a coffeeshop.
"It's alright, and I can pay for my fare, Sehun," Lu Han's voice crackled over the line, and he could hear the crazy tapping on a keyboard. Lu Han must have been finishing papers.
"It's my idea so I think it's fair that I pay for you." It was actually Sehun's parents' idea, but the other didn't need to know.
Lu Han snorted. "We can settle it when I get there."
"Sure," Sehun grinned, already booking the flights and putting in his card number on checkout. "I can't wait."
"Two more days," Lu Han said. "I can't wait to kiss you again. Lu Han."
The voice sent shivers down his spine and right into his groin. Sehun groaned, gripping his phone and slumping on the desk. "Hyung! I'm outside!"
The other was chucking at the other end. "Sorry, sorry. I'm just saying."
"Whatever. I have to go, hyung. I'll see you soon."
"See you, Sehunniee. Take care of yourself until I get there, yeah?"
"Yeah. Bye, hyung." Sehun sighed.
Two days. Two more long days.
-
They arrived in Jeju by noon, and there was only a slight chill in the air. Spring was almost coming and the breeze of the sea helped Sehun feel at ease after an exhausting flight. At his side, Lu Han was looking in front of him with bright eyes before his face split into a huge smile, waving his hand up above.
"Professor! Mrs. Oh!" And then he was running, leaving Sehun with his luggage and throwing himself at the elderly couple waiting for them.
When Sehun finally reached the group, he hugged his father and kissed his mother on both cheeks.
"How was China, darling?" Mrs. Oh asked, even though she had already asked him about it the day Sehun got back to Seoul and Facetimed with them.
Sehun looked at Lu Han before answering, "Wonderful."
They piled inside the car and Professor Oh drove them to the Oh Villa. Lu Han couldn't stop talking about how much he missed the place. He mentioned to Sehun one night during a call that he had received several invitations to come back and visit the house the past years but he declined when Sehun's parents told him Sehun did not want to do anything with him. Sehun apologised profusely and promised to make up for it. He had this whole thing planned out: swimming at the beach, hiking up hills, visiting Sehun's secret spot at the pond and making out lots with Lu Han, every chance he got. It would be a fun month and he promised himself he would make up for the time lost, because it was his fault that they lost so much of it after all.
Lu Han had promised him that after his tenure in Tsinghua three months from now, he would relocate to Seoul with Sehun. He already had an offer from Yonsei. He and Sehun were looking at apartment listings so they could move in together once Lu Han's transfered. There was an ongoing argument on whether they would adopt a cat or a dog, with Lu Han being a cat person and Sehun a dog person. They still hadn't agreed on anything yet, but Sehun knew for sure they would just end up getting both.
When they reached the villa, Sehun's mother ordered the both of them to freshen up before coming downstairs for a late lunch. Sehun's old bedroom, the one they used when Lu Han stayed for the summer, was pristine and prepared for them both, and he let Lu Han walked in before him, heading straight to the balcony overlooking Mrs. Oh's orchard and the turquoise blue sea.
Lu Han had his eyes closed, a soft smile playing across his lips when Sehun got to him, wrapping his arms around the other's tiny waist and nuzzling his shoulder. The breeze played with his hair and made sure Lu Han’s cheeks stayed deliciously flushed. He was beautiful and Sehun had no reason to look away.
"We're supposed to freshen up," he whispered after a moment. "Come shower with me."
"I missed it here," Lu Han said, as if Sehun hadn't spoken. "I love it here, Sehun-ah."
He turned around and lifted his arms onto Sehun's shoulder, pressing a kiss on the other's waiting lips.
"I miss being here with you," Sehun said, eyes brimming with emotions.
"Are you happy?" Lu Han asked, the same emotions in his eyes.
"Beyond happy."
**
Author’s Note: If you got here, thank you so so much for reading! To the prompter, sorry if this isn’t what you expected but I hope you enjoyed nonetheless ;u; And to the selubration mods, a bunch of endless thanks, for keeping the selu glory alive and burning. All my love~ <3