#335: Deep Dark Black: Part Three
It's surprisingly warm for an autumn day. Just the right amount of breeze and sun to make Sehun relaxed instead of frustrated at always being sent to pull out weeds. It's also one of the few times he's alone at work and it makes him pleased. For some reason, he's always assigned the young talkative ones, and being a person who prefers quiet, it grates him in all the wrong ways, even when he tries to be friendly.
It's hard to trust people. For him, it's a struggle now to believe anything anyone says unless he's seen it or heard it himself. Distrust trickles deep down into his being, and he thinks anyone would be like him if they had been through what he had.
His guardians, the people he had looked up to as his closest friends, the people he'd admired as parent-like figures had raised him in a cocoon of lies. 'Clever boy', they used to call him, but he'd really been the stupidest kid alive, now that he looks back on it. The truth was there for him, always clear to see but he was never able to.
Sehun scowls as he remembers how easily he believed everything Yifan spewed, everything about love and trust and protection and comradeship. And then seventeen years down the road, when Sehun lost a love, a home and a part of his heart, Yifan finally brought down the truth on him and ripped out whatever was left inside him.
Now at a human farm and twenty one, everyone depicts him as a stone hearted man who has too many angry scowls to spare and not enough words of kindness. They attribute it to his silence, to the scars on his neck and shoulders, and his general inability to socialize.
But little do they know how he wakes up gasping in the dead of the night, with tears in his eyes and a fading image of his lover burning behind his eyelids. They're never there to see him choke back on words when he wants to scream profanities at the warden. And they never notice how the warden's lover, one of the guardians of the farm, gazes at Sehun with sad eyes which have borne witness to all that he's been through.
Sehun is content with his reputation though, knowing it grants him a sort of authority and young ones tend to look up to him. But time has only lessened the ache and the hurt, not taken it away as he trusted it to. Sometimes it intensifies, especially when he laments on how things would have been if they'd been together, or when the keepers around the farm ask him where he's from and he has to hear them say 'Seoul? The one with the fallen sentinel?'
The keepers, the guardians, the warden, they infuriate him. He hates the image of utopia they've made for all the people on the farm when they're all really cattle inside, marked for contaminated and clean blood --the red cuff on his ear marking him the former type. Farms aren't supposed to breed humans or harvest blood, not a single written text ever told him that, and neither did his guardians when he spent his childhood on one, with animals, birds and vegetable gardens.
Everyone here gives their blood willingly, happily even, but Sehun doesn't. He lays in the clinic, trying to see how everyone holds up the illusion of happiness when he sees nothing good in it. He wonders why the color of his blood isn't different when even among the red blood, he's different. He's the only contaminated one. They're all test tube children, but he's the only one who turns black blood to red, the only one who grew directly under Yifan's --the warden's-- supervision and who didn't grow up on a human farm.
He also feels guilty. They use his blood as a weapon. He knows it. The warden had told him it was for a good cause, a greater cause than anyone could understand, to bring back balance and co-existence, but Sehun knows it's all sugar coating. The warden was a scheming, manipulating man then and he still is one now. Sehun doesn't how Baekhyun can love him even after he found out the whole truth. Maybe the warden had been right.
Sehun would never be able to understand the mission for the greater good, but Sehun knows deceiving people to drink his blood, to turn them into converts, and then hauling them to human farms for harvesting is cruel. There are no converts on this farm. This one is for the laboratory born, but he's overheard guardians discussing about farms for converts and they didn't sound like good places.
A group of little children go running past him, laughing shrilly and stomping over the vegetables even though they'd been told numerous times not to play in the vegetable gardens. All of them have orange cuffs on their ears --the natural born. The adults were reminded of joy when they looked at children, the black blood always said the children reminded them of hope, and Sehun is reminded of the warden's offer.
The man was after Sehun to copulate with a woman on the farm. Sehun had agreed in the beginning, even had sex with her a number of times but stopped when her name became an association of guilt instead of a future together. She didn't get pregnant and the warden, desperate enough to have children from Sehun, allowed him to pick any woman on the farm. But Sehun didn't want to have sex with anyone and he didn't want to be a part of the warden's experiments.
The group of children comes running back and this time Sehun makes sure to look at them scornfully. They flit away shamelessly and Sehun wonders why anyone even likes children. He was never so disrespectful when he had been a boy.
Their excitement makes sense when he sees a van approaching the farm. He doesn't like vehicles much, especially those with trailers behind them --like the one he had once been kidnapped in-- but it's one of those vehicles and probably bringing supplies. Except it's supposed to head to the back of the building and is heading to the front instead.
There is barely ever any excitement in the farm, so everyone starts gathering to see who is coming in. Sehun joins the small group. He's easily the tallest among them but almost instinctively, everyone still makes space for him when he comes close.
The front door swings open and the driver jumps out, every inch of his skin covered, his face hidden behind a large mask. It's typical of black blood people to wear protective materials during daytime. Not so typical of them is to help someone out of the trailers at the back, especially someone without any protective gear whatsoever.
Everyone is instantly talking, asking each other what is going on, who the newcomer is, why hadn't the warden informed them of this. Sehun has half a mind to just turn around and leave. He knows he'll find out everything by dinnertime, and the theories thrown around are absurd, but he stays anyway.
It's a young boy, a fragile one, even by red blood standards. He needs help to walk, holding onto the arm of the man who'd helped him down from the back. The presence of people around him seems to pique his interest and it makes Sehun wonder if the boy is like him, a late arrival to the farm. And as if bound by fate, Sehun sees the red ear cuff on the boy's ear --the mark of contaminated blood.
No one sees the new boy all day after that, except the one time when he's being taken to the clinic on a wheel chair.
He doesn't make an appearance at dinnertime either.
The warden announces he'll give introductions in the morning because the newest addition to their farm was exhausted after a day of traveling. He was also of precarious health and would need a few days of rest before he could move around freely.
It doesn't stop anyone from grilling him about the new boy though and Sehun listens for a moment before he concludes he's too tired. The warden also appears to be doing a headcount and Sehun can see he's actually skimming faces to check who's capable enough to take responsibility for the new kid. Sehun doesn't want to be handed additional responsibilities so he quietly slips out of the dining hall.
Ten minutes after lights out, Sehun knows he wouldn't be able to sleep with the kid from a few beds over coughing like his lungs are about to collapse. He flicks on the small lamp by his bed and makes his way to the kid. He's lying wide awake, and so are most of the others around him.
"Put on your shoes. We're going to the clinic."
The kid follows his instructions quickly and obediently. He's half running trying to keep up with Sehun's long strides. They pass the large empty halls in silence, the kid trying to stick as close to Sehun as physically possible without being reprimanded. Sehun can tell the darkness and silence is bothersome for him but he doesn't comment. He just wants to drop the kid at the clinic and go back to sleep.
The clinic is situated a small walk away from the main building. It's probably the only building on the entire farm where lights are kept on at night. Inside, it's similar to a hospital, better maintained than the one Sehun remembers from his memories of Seoul.
A keeper approaches them immediately, her sunken eyes sweeping over their bodies for visible injuries. "What seems to be-" The kid coughs. "Oh. The bad cough, huh?" She holds out her pale finger for the boy to hold. "You sit here." She instructs Sehun, gesturing to the small waiting area by the door. "I'll just do a little inspection, give him a spoonful of good medicine and then you can put him back to bed. It's seasonal, nothing serious. It's been going around in the other units too." She keeps talking and talking, and when Sehun leaves, she keeps talking to her little patient. Sehun wonders if this is his curse, to be surrounded by people who can never shut up.
The doors open and in comes a guardian, walking backwards and dragging a wheelchair inside.
"Oh, Sehun!" Baekhyun cheerfully exclaims. Sehun rubs his face in his palms. He should have known it was going to be a long night.
He isn't in the mood to listen to Baekhyun butter the warden so Sehun would forgive the man. Sehun's attention is caught by the occupant of the wheelchair, the new boy. Up close, he doesn't look as young as Sehun had assumed. Late teens maybe. All of Sehun's attention though, keeps being drawn to the red ear cuff. On his other ear he also has a black one.
"Sehun?" The boy's voice is soft, unlike that of any man's on the farm and Sehun, for the first time, looks into the boy's eyes. His dark hair almost falls into eyes, the shape of which begins to look familiar the more Sehun observes. The boy fidgets uncomfortably under his scrutiny. Sehun notices, looking away embarrassed.
"Sehun won't judge," Baekhyun says, "He's got his own battle scars."
Interested, Sehun looks back at the two again and this time he sees why Baekhyun said it. Half of the boy's neck is discolored, an ugly protruding scar running between the skins of different colors. The injury goes below the collar of his shirt. He wonders what kind of ordeal the boy went through to get marks like these, but they look like they'd been healing for a long time. Someone probably tore his neck off trying to drink his blood.
The boy's legs are covered by a blanket. Whether his legs have also been permanently damaged is anyone's guess until they are shown it.
"That looks like it hurts." The boy says, voice still soft and low, as he points almost shyly at Sehun's arm. Sehun looks down at the scars from what feels like ages ago, the nightmares of which have changed from that of fear to heartache.
"Doesn't anymore. That looks like it hurts more," He tips his chin at the boy, who's cheeks flush pink. Sehun doesn't know why the boy is being so shy towards him.
"Why are you at the clinic?" Baekhyun cuts between them, "Is everything okay?"
"Yea," Sehun replies nonchalantly, noticing the boy twining his fingers together and peeking at Sehun from under his bangs, his cheeks still tinged with a light pink. The more Sehun looks at him, the more his face begins to look familiar but he can't put his finger on it. He's also pretty certain he has seen the shape of these lips before but... in a different color. "Jay was coughing up a storm. He caught something seasonal so I brought him here."
"The good Samaritan!" Baekhyun chirps. Sehun rolls his eyes, pinning his gaze on the new boy again. He can't shake off his gut feeling.
"We've met before." Sehun suddenly exclaims, looking straight at the boy. There is no other reason for his face to look so familiar. His brittle looking fingers pull away from each other and grip the sides of the wheelchair, his shy expression suddenly changing. "What did you say your name was?"
"Xiao. Xiao Lu, but Xiao is fine."
"Well, that took away the surprise for breakfast," Baekhyun sighs, "I'll put Xiao to bed. Good night, Sehun."
"Wait," Sehun crouches in front Xiao's wheelchair, his brows furrowed in a small frown as he racks his brain, taking in the details of Xiao's face, his long lashes, the shape of his jaw and nose. For a moment his eyes drift to Xiao's hands, the skin there also a different color than the rest of his body, and from this close, he can see the small punctures left by removed stitches. "We've met before, haven't we?"
Xiao hesitates to answer, looking up at Baekhyun in question.
"Yes," Baekhyun answers for him, "You have, Sehun."
"So he's a convert." Sehun smiles when he's met with a confirmatory nod. The black ear cuff should have said as much. He's never seen a black ear cuff before, it only makes sense for a convert to have it.
Sehun had never met any red blood people in his life except at the human farm. The only reason Xiao looked familiar was because he'd seen him before, except, only as a black-
Sehun feels like a whole building just collapsed on top of his head. Suddenly every limb feels like it's made of lead and Sehun is incapable of moving himself. Of course, he muses, of-fucking-course.
It must have written itself all over his face, it must have, because nothing else would explain why Xiao's eyes were beginning to fill with tears, tears he had been trying a lifetime to cry but had never managed to gather, except now.
And seeing at him like that, in front of him, alive and breathing, Sehun feels like his lungs are too empty and yet too full at the same time. He dares not breathe, believing his mind might have deceived him for a moment and this illusion, this lie, would shatter if a hair moved out of place.
"I'm sorry, Sehun." Xiao lets go of his grip on the wheelchair and, almost fearfully, his hand hovers over the scar on Sehun's neck, the permanent mark of teeth which had cut through Sehun's flesh and almost killed him that dawn, four years ago. In many ways, Sehun had died then, coming out of it more hardened then he knew himself to be. But right now, suddenly, the stone walls around him come tumbling down, the rocks slipping from over each other and falling, falling, falling but his heart, it's soaring.
Sehun places his hand over the small one which barely grazed over his skin, pressing it to his neck. It's warm, and it feels a bit smaller than Sehun remembers.
He wants to beat himself up for being unable to recognize the shape of his dreams before his eyes.
"Even in your last life, you're going to apologize for everything like this?" Sehun teases and he's surprised his voice doesn't break, or shake, or choke up, or choke him up, because internally he feels like half of him had gone to death the moment he'd realized who was sitting in front of him. "Colors look good on you, Luhan."
Luhan lets out a pained sound at the way his name rolls off Sehun's tongue. He can't take it anymore. He breaks down and for the first time Sehun can see all of his piled up fear, his apprehensions, his broken heart and his hope shining behind the curtain of tears in his eyes. Luhan is before him, naked, and raw, and aching in a way he has never been before.
When he sobs, his tears come freely. They come trailing down in thick fat lines and make Sehun weak. Luhan's shoulders shake, his whole body trembles and he murmurs to himself as if in disbelief.
Sehun launches forward, hugging Luhan to him in a position awkward to both of them but it feels so good. It's euphoria, being able to touch him, hold him, be with him again.
Sehun hugs Luhan closer, winds his arms around him tighter until it feels like Luhan might fall off his wheelchair. Luhan's sobs are muffled in Sehun's neck, his tears falling down on Sehun's shoulder and Sehun feels like he's about to explode from the storm of emotions inside him. He doesn't trust himself to say anything coherent anymore, his bravado faltering the more he tries to gather Luhan in his embrace.
The keeper picks that time to return, bringing back her little patient. She quietly asks Baekhyun if Xiao needs a shot to help him calm down but Baekhyun ushers her away. Sehun is grateful when the keeper takes the boy to the sleeping quarters herself. He for one, isn't going to part with Luhan soon and he is going to fight tooth and nail if anyone decides to pull them apart.
"I thought you'd forgotten me," Luhan cries, "I wasn't supposed to remind you anything, and I thought you'd forgotten me for good."
Sehun laughs, chokes, keeping his own chaotic emotions at bay. If only Luhan knew how much Sehun had tried before he'd given up. He couldn't forget Luhan. Never Luhan. He was haunted by the name, the face and the feelings it had carried. The name brought him shame and guilt, sadness and regret, it brought down so many emotions on him sometimes he felt so heavy with them he thought it'd be impossible to get out of bed. The name made him hate the sun, hate the warden, hate everyone who reminded him of Seoul or its fallen sentinel.
Luhan pulls away, their hands still at each other's elbows while Luhan's free hand caresses Sehun's face. "You've grown up more. You're taller. How is this possible?" Despite his teary eyes and puffy cheeks, his laughter is full of joy and Sehun remembers why he had gone and tripped and stumbled until he was bruised and bloody and hurting and still found himself in love.
Colors really suit Luhan. He is so much, so much more beautiful in the colors of life.
Sehun changes his position so he can be face to face with Luhan.
Luhan's brown eyes, his beautiful, beautiful brown eyes, dart all over Sehun's face, searching for his intentions. When Sehun kisses him, a gentle press of their lips, Luhan eagerly kissed back and Sehun feels the warmth of his lips, his touch. He feels heat pool in his belly and a need begin to simmer under his skin.
Luhan's fingers card through his hair, exploring, though a little hesitant and shy. Sehun feels bold, experienced when he feels Luhan's finger dance delicately on his skin before pulling away, too afraid of pushing past a limit he isn't aware of, but he doesn't know how much, how long Sehun has wanted this between them. His hold is firm, confident, one hand on Luhan's face and the other stroking Luhan's arm. He wants to feel all of Luhan under him.
"Luhan should really get his rest," Baekhyun interrupts rudely, pushing away Sehun's face. "When he's better you two can get to all the good naughty bits, but for now, he needs to recuperate." Sehun grunts in annoyance and Luhan's face flares red in embarrassment. He's glad to note they're both out of breath.
They don't part though. Luhan is given a large bed in the clinic, and though for two grown people it is a bit of a tight fit, they somehow manage. When they finally get comfortable, Sehun kisses his way from Luhan's shoulder to his ear, promising him more, promising him love, so many questions on his mind but for now, only promises of a future. Luhan returns his kisses, whispering his own declarations back to him.
Sehun would have liked for them to stay up all night, talk or kiss or do nothing but just take each other in because they were finally together again, but Luhan really is exhausted. Apart from the physical toll on his body, he's also emotionally overwhelmed and falls asleep almost instantly when Sehun brings him into his arms.
Sehun follows him to slumber after a long time, his heart soaring too high to calm down anytime soon, but there's a little lingering fear, a nagging thought that he might wake up tomorrow to find he'd been under an illusion, or that as a convert, Luhan would be torn out of his arms and taken to another harvesting farm. His eyes giving out to the sight of Luhan's messy hair resting on Sehun's bicep, his shoulder moving softly with his breathing and his warm breath cascading over Sehun's chest like a soothing touch.
When Sehun wakes up in the morning, Luhan is still in his arms, warm to hold, dark haired and rosy cheeked, his lips pink and his skin a beautiful honey color. Sehun breathes a prayer of relief because it had all felt like a long dream. And really, he was probably going to end up saying it all his life, but colors, they really suit Luhan.
Author’s Note:
- The song itself is really magical and idk what happened with all the commas and the fic itself OTL
- Please excuse all the liberties I took with the actual ground plan of Seoul T-T
- I also really really really wanted to touch more on some parts, bridge others and make the fic better. Despite my lacking, I hope everyone who managed to make it to the end enjoyed it ^_^