Bed Warmer: Part Two
Sehun had been in and out of it throughout. There had been a long moment when he was face down on the white porcelain and he’s puking his system out. He must look pathetic and he can’t help but feel that the only reason Luhan hasn’t left because of his guilt and pity. The blurred shots of his vision vaguely registers stumbling on the hardwood floor and not even the water hitting on his skin alleviated his drunken stupor.
But at some point he knows that he’s awake when he feels Luhan’s hand warm on his neck.
“Are you dating Soojung?” Luhan asks out of the blue. They’re lying down but Sehun had his eyes closed before he flutters them open to look at Luhan, whose eyes were busy eyeing the fabric of the pillow. on the bed, face inches away from each other.
Sehun shakes his head “Her boyfriend just broke up with her. That’s why I had to go out.”
“Oh, I see…”
“Do you know that Soojung is really pretty… I don’t understand why would her boyfriend break up with her.”
Sehun closes his eyes as Luhan speaks. “I don’t understand either…”
Sehun almost thought he fell asleep when Luhan’s hand crawls upward into his hair. His fingers entangle itself in his locks as he massages it.
“You were like a brother to me, Sehun-ah.” Luhan whispers. “I didn’t know. I thought you kissed me at that time because you were drunk. What do I do?”
“You don’t have to do anything. They were just my feelings. They don’t matter anymore. Just please…”
Please don’t leave me again.
---
Sehun woke up the next day with a heavy head and the absence of a warm body beside him. Sehun didn’t want to think too much of it and stayed at home all day without bothering to even answer any of his phone calls and messages the moment he sees that they aren’t from Luhan. On the second day, Sehun spots Luhan grabbing breakfast at their building’s cafe. He was certain Luhan had seen him from afar even if he didn’t look at his direction. But maybe he hadn’t. He couldn’t have been ignored by Luhan. No. It’s too soon for that. But then again maybe Luhan did read his letter. On the third day, Sehun was sure that Luhan was just next door but he wasn’t answering his door no matter how many times Sehun has called out for him.
It’s on the fourth day that he snaps.
“He’s not talking to me again.” Sehun says over the phone the moment he couldn’t take what he’s been putting up with ever since the night Luhan read his letter.
“Don’t panic.”
“I don’t understand, Jongin. It’s only been two days. And he hasn’t tried to talk to me in four days. It’s too soon.”
“Don’t panic.”
“Jongin, what if he doesn’t talk to me anymore? What if he’s dating someone so perfect he won’t even break up with him because--”
“I said don’t panic!” Jongin snaps. “Go talk to him right now. He’s just next door.”
“Jongin, I can’t.” Sehun says, letting out a deep breath as he repeatedly hits the side of his head on the wall. “He read the letter I wrote when he went back to Beijing without saying goodbye.”
“What was inside the letter?”
Hello Luhan. I’m giving this for you to read because I can’t say all these things out loud without messing up my words. Please don’t laugh while reading this because what I’m about to say is serious.
Sehun closes his eyes. Dumb. Dumb.
“Everything! Maybe he isn’t even dating anyone. I wouldn’t talk to me too if I’ve read that letter.”
Jongin sighs, “How bad was it?”
“I don’t know. I was nineteen when I wrote that. Must’ve been something dumb like my feelings.”
“Feelings are dumb.”
“You seemed to have feelings on that lamppost you were molesting--”
“Just go talk to Luhan!” Jongin shouts before hanging up the call.
And that’s how Sehun ended up in front of Luhan’s door five minutes later, contemplating whether or not he should press the doorbell or simply knock. He was ignored yesterday. What if he gets ignored
“Luhan!”
“Luha--” Sehun gets cut off mid-sentence when the door opens to reveal a man he’s never seen before, “--oh.” he blurts out, eyeing the half naked man before him. His tanned skin is evident as well as his built that is much bigger compared to his. Sehun isn’t so sure if he’s taller or not. But he could only think of one thing.
He’s being indirectly rejected. Again.
“You were calling for Luhan?” He must’ve just woken up for his voice to sound so husky in the morning. Luhan once told him he likes how a guy sounds like in the morning, he said he finds them sexy. Luhan’s never commented on his though. The other guy raises one eyebrow at him as if in question.
“Ah. I’m sorry. I just wanted to…” Sehun says, finally managing to find his voice. “Borrow some sugar, yes...yes…” he trails off. Pathetic. Dumb. Sehun can only think of how dumber he can get when it comes to Luhan.
“Boran?” he hears a familiar voice say. Luhan. He turns his head the slightest to the side to see Luhan emerging from the bedroom. He’s scrunching his eye with one hand, wearing an oversized dress shirt that’s only has the half of the bottom buttons clasped together. The shirt definitely does not belong to him and he can only think of the shirtless man in front of him.
“Oh, Sehun…” Luhan's eyes widen the slightest as he notices Sehun behind the man he presumes is named Boran.
“He said he needed some sugar…” Boran says, looking at Luhan with that sick smile on his face (or at least it looks sick to Sehun). He turns back around at Sehun and asks, “How much do you need, kid?”
Kid.
“Just four cups.” He can feel Luhan’s eyes boring holes in his skin. But Sehun can’t help but not look back. He’s afraid of what he might see.
“Just wait a minute.” Boran tells him before turning back to the kitchen. Luhan holds onto Boran’s wrist making him stop from walking. Sehun’s eye twitches. “I’ll got get it.” he offers.
They walk hand in hand to the kitchen, and maybe it was best for Sehun to look away when Boran started back hugging Luhan as he puts the sugar cup by cup in a ziploc bag. What must Luhan think of him now? Asking him for sugar as a pathetic excuse
“Thanks for…” Sehun says, holding the ziploc bag in the air. “this, Luhan. Bye.”
He was about to step out and go back to his apartment when he had the urge to ask. Just to be sure, he thinks.
“Wait.” Sehun says and without meaning to, he grabs on Boran’s wrist. Even his skin is smooth. “Are you dating Luhan?” he whispers.
Boran smiles, “Well, isn’t it obvious?”
He could really use a drink right now.
It’s getting harder to ignore the lump in his throat.
“You two look good together.” he says, smile on his face to hide his sadness. He couldn’t take it anymore, he must’ve been holding his breath but he couldn’t control it. His steps are slow as he walks to the elevator compartment while his vision gets blurred with tears.
---
It’s only ten a.m. in the morning but Sehun’s already very much drunk in Jongin’s apartment. He’s lying down on his leather couch, unmindful of the fact that his tears are flowing non-stop and he has no intention of wiping them at all.
“You said you had to borrow some sugar? Oh Sehun, that’s pathetic.”
“He’s dating a fucking Greek God.” he breaks out, waving his hands for more alcohol.
“Don’t panic.” Jongin suggests, handing him another can of beer.
Sehun opens it and chugs it down easily like cold water. “How can I not panic? He’s perfect! How do I compete with that?”
“But you’ve been through this countless times… You can survive.” Jongin says, an attempt of comfort as he sits down on the edge of the sofa. “You said it yourself, you’re okay knowing that he isn’t going to stay.”
“You don’t understand Jongin. It really...really...really hurts each time. But I act like it doesn’t. But now I don’t think I can…” his voice cracks. His can of beer is empty. He needs another one. Perhaps, even a stronger one. “It’s really too soon…” he says, breaking out in tears.
“Then tell him you like him!” Jongin shouts.
“If he wanted me…he would’ve told me by now. But I already know he doesn’t…that’s why I settled with whatever place I can have in his life…” he says. Saying it out loud makes it sound even more pathetic than it already was. “He even said I was like a brother to him. It’s been seven years, I’m done being miserable.”
He thinks about the times Luhan comes to him for comfort and even the touches they’ve shared with countless nights under the sheets as Sehun attempts to warm him up. The smiles Luhan directed at him, the touches, the looks, he can’t let them go at his mind.
Was he really just a brother to him?
Maybe.
He reaches a hand out to Jongin, he needs something stronger to forget everything.
“I want to move on.”
---
Sehun wakes up the next day after sleeping for fifteen hours and he wishes so much for it to have been longer. Coincidentally, he wakes up the same time that Luhan usually gets up for work. He manages a coffee shop six stations away from the nearest subway station but Sehun’s never went there because he can’t just tell Luhan he suddenly misses him enough to make him travel six stations away. He knows it isn’t right, but he’s back observing Luhan from afar while making sure that he goes unnoticed. He doesn’t even turn up at work at his brother’s place anymore because he’s too focused being miserable because of Luhan these days.
Each day had been spent getting more and more wasted only to wake up and try to catch a glimpse of Luhan in any way he can. Even if it’s online or at his Luhan album in his cell phone gallery filled with stolen and saved photos like the stalker that he is. No amount of alcohol can make him forget seven years. He’s spent about a third of his life loving Luhan it’s already a routine for him. He and Soojung had a couple of talks about love and Jongin’s already getting sick of it.
Sehun can’t imagine life without Luhan now. The two years spent without Luhan seemed so dull in comparison to the years he’s spent knowing him. He can’t even imagine high school without Luhan. Even his first few years in college were the happiest before Luhan left and he doesn’t even want to remember those years anymore where he spent hours and hours trying to look for Luhan, wondering how he can get a hold of him when the other’s clearly cut him off his life.
So when Luhan came back to his life two years later, he couldn’t ask for any more than he could have. He took what he could get and he’s more than happy that Luhan’s back in his life. It doesn’t even matter if he’s a bed warmer, or a next door neighbor observing him from afar. So long as Luhan’s still in his line of sight, he’ll be okay.
Sehun knows--as he watches Luhan from the window near the elevators overlooking what can be seen seven flights down, outside with his hands intertwined with another man as they enter the building--that there’s no moving on from this.
---
“Are you picking Soojung up or should I call her over?” Jongin asks as a greeting as soon as Sehun’s opened the door. Sehun could only sigh in response.
Jongin thought it was a great idea to make him date Soojung.
“I was drunk that night, Kim Jongin. I don’t want to move on.” he says, wanting to close the door on Jongin. “And why would you even think dating Soojung will help me move on? You’re really so dumb.”
“Her boyfriend just broke up with her. You’re looking for someone to date. You guys can be like each other's rebounds and I’ll be the third wheel.” he smiles, as if he hadn’t been called dumb. “Besides she doesn’t think it’s a bad idea.”
“She can’t think straight. She’s too brokenhearted to think properly.”
“Do you think it’s a bad idea?” Jongin retorts. He has a point.
“No.”
“See, that’s why you guys are perfect for each other!”
“But I don’t want to move on.” Sehun frowns. The sound of clattering heels on the glass tiles echo in the hallway and the both of them turn to look at the source of the sound.
“Too late. Soojung is here.”
“Hey dudes.” Soojung says. She’s wearing her usual get-up whenever they go to Hongdae to party. Tight short dress and heels. Despite the fact that it’s freezing outside, and the news says there’ll be snowfall this week, her only effort to cover herself up are the long sleeves of the dress.
“Go get dressed, Sehunnie. You’re gonna take Soojung to Hongdae to party.”
“A nightclub? Nice dating place.” Sehun scowls, letting the two of them enter the apartment.
It took him an hour before Jongin decided Sehun should wear a black wifebeater underneath a leather jacket and ripped jeans saying Soojung wouldn’t like how he’s dressed. Sehun can only reason that he isn’t trying to impress Soojung in anyway at all but Jongin wouldn’t listen. Just when Sehun was about to put his jacket on, there are three knocks on his door and if Sehun had been paying attention he would’ve known who it was in an instant.
“Hell--” Sehun stops midway as he sees Luhan styled with his hair dyed a new shade of honey brown he’s never seen on him before. He looks good, Sehun almost freezes on the spot.
What is Luhan doing at his doorstep?
“Hey.” Luhan says, pursing his lips. He’s almost forgotten how great Luhan looks like up close. “I was wondering if you wanted to go out. Drinks, maybe.”
“Oh is that Luhan?” Jongin shouts from his position at the couch. “He can’t. He’s going out on a date with Soojungie!”
“Jongin!” Sehun reprimands, turning around to glare at Jongin.
“Oh, okay. I’ll just ask Boran then.” Luhan shrugs. Sehun can’t tell the expression on Luhan’s face. “Bye.” he says, before walking back to his unit next door.
The moment when he’s sure Luhan won’t hear him, he bursts, “Why did you say that, Jongin?”
“Yeah, that was really rude. Luhan wanted to drink with Sehun, why?” Soojung asks, kicking Jongin from where they’re seated at the couch.
“And ditch us?” Jongin answers in disbelief at the reaction of the two.
“So? You’ve seen how miserable Sehun had been for the past few days?”
“I have! That’s why I did what I did. It’s something dumb people like you two wouldn’t understand.” Jongin says with nonchalance, he stands up from his position at the couch. He walks towards Sehun and pats his shoulder. “I’m trying to help you here.”
“I already told you that I don’t want to move on.”
“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go. Be a man and walk with Soojung, will you?” he says walking out of the apartment. Sehun can only groan.
They ended up going to the same club they were in when Soojung punched his ex-boyfriend at the dance floor.
“Just flirt. Flirt a lot. Isn’t that how dating works?” Jongin tells the both of them, before entering the club. “I don’t know. Just act like it’s any normal date. I’m sure you guys can handle yourselves.” he says before running to the bar counter to order their drinks.
This is dumb, Sehun thinks. Soojung flings her arm over Sehun’s until they found an empty table to stay at. They stay there until Soojung pulls him out from his seat once he’s downed a couple of shots and his head feels lighter than usual.
“Where are you taking me?” Sehun asks, letting himself be dragged.
“To dance, Jongin’s been pestering me to do so.”
Sehun laughs a little, they’re in the middle of the dance floor when they stop. “He’s really determined to make us date, huh?”
“Let’s just put on a show and act like we’re dating to please the bastard.”
The song changes, only then does Sehun pick up the electronic beat and his body moves in sync with Soojung. Dancing with her is easy after years of being partnered together in their old practices in the dance troupe. His body still remembers the way Soojung moves and he’s drowning in the music.
Sehun only stops when he sees someone familiar just a few feet away from them. He has his arms wrapped around another tall figure. The light smile on his face gets replaced with a scowl. He furrows his eyebrows, making sure that he isn’t seeing wrong. But it’s unmistakeable.
It’s Luhan with his boyfriend, Boran.
“I’m going to get a drink.” he whispers to Soojung, having lost the will to move his limbs. Soojung only nods before Sehun weaves his way out of the dance floor and to the counter. He heads back to their old spot where Jongin is situated.
“Luhan is here.” he says, taking the shot glass from Jongin’s hand before sitting down. He takes the shot straight. It tastes disgusting, like cleaning solvent. He used to wonder how people can take shots of rum without anything mixed with it. But somehow, the burning in his throat felt great.
“Yah, that’s mine!” Jongin shouts, taking the shot glass back and pouring himself another one (not without fail though as the liquid spills on the table and Sehun had to pull the bottle back so Jongin won’t waste any more of the alcohol).
“Luhan is here.” Sehun repeats himself, taking a seat right in front of Jongin.
“So?” he retaliates, taking the shot straight much like Sehun had. Except he almost pukes on the table and Sehun had to hand him a bottle of water to make sure that he doesn’t.
“Can’t we go?”
He takes another glance at the dance floor and it wasn’t so hard for him to spot Luhan. He’s dancing with another man now while Boran’s a few meters away, dancing with another woman. His blood is boiling because why would Boran let Luhan out of his sight? If it had been him, he wouldn’t let anyone else touch Luhan while he’s dancing with another girl in close proximity.
“You said you wanted to move on.” Jongin says, making Sehun turn his attention back to him. “If you can’t even stay at a place where he can see you, how can you?”
“I already said that I don’t want to move on.” he says, being the only thing that he can say.
“If you don’t want to move on then why are you always hiding? Are you planning on watching him from afar all your life or until he comes back to you?” Jongin leans in, “Why don’t you ever make a move? Are you scared to destroy whatever you guys share? Don’t you think by hiding you’re already destroying it?”
“Shut up.” he says, attempting to take the bottle of rum from Jongin’s grip but he dodges.
“You’re not supposed to get drunk.” Jongin says, “Go back to Soojung. Some other guy will hump her and we know our friend can’t control herself.”
Sehun goes back to the dance floor, and Jongin was right, Soojung was already swaying her hips towards a guy he’s certain Soojung doesn’t know who. Before Soojung does something she’ll regret (and blame both Sehun and Jongin in the morning for not taking good care of her), Sehun pulls him by the waist and she stumbles with her face flat on Sehun’s chest.
Soojung giggles as she looks up to look at Sehun, “Why’d you leave?”
“I needed a drink.”
“You saw him, didn’t you?” Soojung says knowingly, they’ve been friends for years and it isn’t so easy to hide anything from her now. There’s this smug look in her eyes and he knows Soojung’s never one to make great decisions when she’s drunk and brokenhearted. “Kiss me.”
Sehun shakes his head, “No. You’re drunk.”
“Pretend then.” Soojung convinces him, “Jongin told me before that if we kissed he’ll stop making us date.”
“That’s so dumb.” Sehun says, Soojung wraps her arms around Sehun’s neck. They look like any normal couple about to make out with each other when they aren’t really.
“I know right.” Soojung snickers, her hair is getting in the way of her face so Sehun uses his free hand to tuck the loose locks behind her ear. “Rest your hand on my cheek.”
“Why?” Sehun asks, but he complies anyway. Soojung leans in closer and Sehun’s frozen on the spot. They aren’t going to kiss, he knows it’s all just a show for Jongin so he doesn’t budge.
However, just when his lips are only a few inches away from Soojung’s mouth, a hand tugs on the back of his jacket and turns him around with too much force that he didn’t have time to resist it. Before he can even recover from the turn, his face was being smothered by cold liquid.
“What the fuck?” Sehun spits out as he wipes the blue cocktail on his face.
“You fucking bastard!” Luhan spits, jabbing his chest with both of his fists.
Luhan?
Sehun can only blink his eyes with disbelief.
“I think you should take him home.” Boran suggests, trying to pull Luhan away to stop him from hitting Sehun any further. He directs his look back at Boran and he furrows his eyebrows because what kind of boyfriend would let someone else take his boyfriend home?
“Why can’t you? Aren’t you his boyfriend?” he retorts. Luhan fights the grip Boran has on his arms and grabs for Sehun’s jacket.
“If you don’t want to take me home say it to my fucking face, you bastard!”
“I was dating him but he said he just wanted to prove a point.“ Boran sighs, “Just take him home. You guys live next to each other anyway.”
To prove a point? Sehun thinks. Before Sehun can even ask any further, Boran puts Luhan’s arm over his shoulders and walks away before Sehun can even utter a single word. He can’t find Soojung or Jongin anywhere in the club so he decides that it’s best to take Luhan home.
It’s freezing outside and Luhan’s teeth immediately began clattering not even a minute walking the streets of Hongdae. Sehun sighs, setting the both of them aside to sit at a nearby bench. He takes his leather jacket on leaving him with only the black wifebeater on.
“You know you can’t handle the cold but why do you still go out wearing nothing but a sleeveless shirt when you’re going out?” Sehun scolds him, leading Luhan’s thin arms into the holes of his jacket.
“What about you?” Luhan asks, his voice was faint but still there. Sehun blows warm air into his hands and cups Luhan’s cheeks.
“I can handle myself.”
When they get inside the cab, Luhan falls asleep in an instant with his head resting on Sehun’s shoulder. Sehun couldn’t move at all. He’s frozen on the spot and he doesn’t know if he should let himself drown in the moment and feel it knowing it might not happen again. Maybe he should--
His phone is vibrating in his pocket. Sehun fishes it out and glances at the caller I.D.
Soojung
Sehun picks the call up.
“I don’t think we should date anymore.” Soojung says before Sehun could even speak.
Sehun laughs, “Are you breaking up with me?”
“Well, yeah. I just don’t think we’re working out, you know? I don’t even think this dating thing is a real deal. Jongin must’ve been dumb to think it was going to work out.”
“It’s the first time you’re breaking up with someone.” Sehun points out.
“Fuck. It feels so good. No wonder my exes break up with me. It’s so fun!” Soojung is laughing and he isn’t too sure how they can hear each other when the club’s music was booming. They must’ve already went out when Sehun couldn’t find them.
“Don’t get too excited.” Sehun says, knowing Soojung, she might consider breaking up as another hobby to replace casual dating. “Anyway, sorry I had to leave. I’m sorry about Luhan too.”
“Go get him, lover boy.” Soojung encourages. Sehun was about to hang up when, “Wait Jongin wants to say something.”
“Don’t fucking mess up the chance I gave you. I worked hard on it even if I don’t understand what’s so special about love.” Jongin says, words slurring as he spoke.
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m a genius and you’re all dumb. Bye.” Jongin says, before hanging up the call. Sehun was beyond confused. Maybe Jongin’s drunk a little too much that he doesn’t even know what he’s saying anymore.
“You didn’t have to apologize to her for me.” Luhan says once Sehun’s returned his phone back in his pocket. Sehun jumps out of his skin the slightest, he thought Luhan was asleep. Luhan could only stare at him.
“It’s only right.” Sehun says, composing himself.
“I meant to make her boyfriend take me home.” Luhan says, still with his eyes closed. Somehow, Sehun’s chest is pounding more than usual and he wishes so much for it to stop. “I’m not going to apologize for that. I intended to.”
Luhan didn’t speak anymore after that. He must’ve fallen asleep. There’s no mistaking with the words Luhan had said and Sehun doesn’t want to think deeper about what Luhan meant. He’ll only go crazy and he won’t be able to stop thinking of the possibilities when they most likely won’t be true.
It isn’t long before they’re right in front of their apartment building and Sehun had to help him out of the cab or else he’ll fall on his face. Luhan ended up puking on his himself the moment they get out before Sehun could even stop him. Sehun had to carry him on his back after that.
The first thing Sehun does when he arrives at his apartment is lay Luhan down on the bed. They both reek of alcohol and vomit so after changing out of his shirt, he takes Luhan’s clothes off and replaces it with a large grey sweater before tucking Luhan under the thick comforter.
He drops their clothes off at the laundry machine and goes back to the bedroom wearing a dark blue sweater.
Luhan is hogging up the sheets by wrapping himself up in a burrito. Sehun turns the heater up and sits down on the bed just beside Luhan. He is so beautiful when he sleeps. More so, when he’s awake.
He’s fallen too deep.
“Do you still feel the same, Sehun?” Luhan asks, with his eyes closed. Somehow, Sehun already knew that he still wasn’t asleep and that by sitting down beside Luhan lead to a risk of having to talk to Luhan. He thought he was already, that he knew what to say when the moment comes that they have to face each other and stop ignoring that there had been a strain in their relationship and that strain is caused by no other than Sehun himself for not being able to stop himself from falling in love.
But right now there’s nothing on his mind.
“Boran told me that you only dated him because you needed to prove a point.” he says instead, avoiding the question. “Was it because you wanted to prove that you didn’t like me? Because I already know that… There wasn’t a need to date someone new…”
Luhan flies his eyes open and turns to look at Sehun, “That’s not it!” He stares at Sehun in the eye, “Sehun-ah, why did you kiss me that night before I went to Beijing?”
Sehun’s always wanted to hear him ask the same question the moment. He imagined it the moment Luhan turned up at his doorstep thinking it was his. He imagined it to be at a coffee shop perhaps when they’ve both set a date to tie up loose ends. Sehun’s already prepared himself for a rejection. He even has a speech memorized, only he doesn’t remember how the words connect with each other and the only sentence clear in his mind was Luhan’s question.
“Because…” he trails off, what should he say? Luhan already knows. “I liked you.” he admits, half-lying because he knows that he still does. “But that’s the past. It doesn’t matter now.”
“What do you mean it doesn’t matter?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“But I don’t understand--”
“All I’m saying is… I don’t want you to feel awkward knowing that I liked you. I’ve liked you for years. But please don’t hate me for that. I’d keep my distance if you want to. But just don’t bring in other people just so you could prove that you don’t like me.”
“Why are you so dumb, Sehun-ah?” Luhan snaps, slamming the duvet off his body before sitting up straight. “Can’t you see that you’re the one that I want?”
What.
“I stopped liking your brother the moment I started liking you! I didn’t date your professor because I liked her! It’s because she agreed to let me sit in your class! Maybe I did forget you when I went back to Beijing. And maybe I sort of had feelings for you when we started fucking. I was so scared I started dating Minseok and then I… I may have sincerely loved Joonmyun but then he ended things and then…” Luhan lifts his head up to look at Sehun in the eye, and he can’t dare to look away. “You picked me up right after and I thought about how safe I felt whenever we’re together that’s why I always come back to you…”
Luhan stops, his voice cracking.
“No one compares to you...you know? I’ve tried my best to find someone who can. But no one seems to be the right one.” Luhan says, ending his confession. They’re both silent after that and Sehun isn’t so sure what’s going on. There’s too much going on in his head that he can’t wrap around the words Luhan is saying anymore.
“Then why couldn’t you just tell me?” Sehun says, voice low. He’s out of words to say.
“Because maybe I’m just as dumb as you!” he shouts. “I’m sorry I was so dumb. I just… It doesn’t matter. You’re not mine anymore.” he purses his lips and looks down before standing up from the bed. “I can’t take this. I’m taking a walk.”
Sehun couldn’t move. And he only watches Luhan as he walks out from the door of the bedroom and hears the front door close shut just seconds later.
Luhan likes him?
He doesn’t know what to feel.
He’s been in love with Luhan ever since he was sixteen. He’s given up hope that Luhan will like him back even if he has no intention of moving on. And finding out that Luhan likes him back from the man himself after years makes him question if all of this was a dream. He thinks of all the nights he’s spent trying to forget Luhan only to be sure that he isn’t willing to move on at all.
Then he thinks of Luhan only clad in an oversized sweater when it’s freezing outside.
He stands up immediately after realizing just that. He opens his closet to find a jacket but when he found none he realizes that they’re all in the laundry room. He walks towards the door and twists the knob open but to no avail, it doesn’t budge. He must’ve unknowingly locked it a while back.
“Shit,” he mutters, he couldn’t just go out without . “Fuck it.” he says, taking the duvet off his bed and rushing out of the apartment with the bundled up comforter hunched over his body like a cloak. He has no time to search for his house keys.
It’s snowing outside.
People were eyeing him with curiosity as he walked on the nearby streets. But he couldn’t care less about that as he shouted Luhan’s name around the neighborhood.
“Luhan!”
Where could he possibly go? Sehun thinks when a thought crosses his mind. He runs towards the direction of the neighborhood park where the playground is.
When he sees Luhan, with his arms wrapped around his knees much like the last time he saw him when he was devastated with Joonmyun, he runs towards him and wraps the duvet around Luhan’s shoulders before cupping his cheeks with his hands, making sure Luhan’s temperature goes up even just by a couple degrees.
“What do I do, Sehun-ah?” Luhan whispers.
“You can’t always ask me what you should do.”
“I’m so sorry. I… I didn’t know how you felt . I didn’t think you’d even notice if I left but then… I’m a cruel bastard, aren’t I?” Luhan laughs, bitterness seeping through his tongue. “I wanted to date Boran, but I couldn’t lie anymore. But then you’re dating Soojung and dancing with her then you were kissing her. I used to be a better dancer than her but damn I guess she had so much practice with you.”
“Luhan.”
“I’m sorry.” Luhan breaks out, a tear falls down his cheek and Sehun wipes his thumb lightly on the surface of his skin.
“Don’t cry. I wasn’t really dating Soojung. It was more of Jongin’s idea. I just went with it.” he admits, “I thought I was just there as a substitute. You’ve told me once that you can’t do without a warm body. I thought I was just a bed warmer to you.”
“A bed warmer? You’ve been part of my life for so long, who are you to think that you’re only just that? I liked you too, Sehun-ah. Back then. And I still do, I really…”
There was really no telling how the next thing that happened escalated. Sehun didn’t see it coming at all and he’s frozen on the spot and all that he can hear is his heartbeat and how Luhan’s lips slowly start to melt from its icy state when its on top of his.
It didn’t even matter that they’ve wasted years and years hiding each other’s feelings, because Luhan likes him, and he likes him too--loves him even, and that’s more than he could’ve asked for.
“I’m sorry.” Luhan says, breaking the kiss to look at Sehun in the eye.
Sehun only kisses him to make him stop.
“Please don’t start while I’m thinking of you in the most beautiful way possible.” Sehun breathes out after the kiss, “I’m taking you right now.”
“Please don’t tell me you just so happen to have lube in your pocket right now.”
“What if I do?” Sehun whispers, lips already on his neck.
“Wait, we can’t fuck here, we’re outside.”
“I don’t see the problem with that. No one’s around anyway.”
“Sehun-ah!”
He takes the both of them inside of the playhouse and closes the small door that only the small window opening was the source of light in the cramped up space. The first thing Sehun does is spread the duvet under them before pushing him down.
“Problem solved.” Sehun says, hovering over him to take Luhan’s pants off.
“Sehun-ah!” Luhan attempts to scold him but Sehun already has a hand on his clothed dick and Luhan could only let out a moan as Sehun squeezes it. Luhan was quivering with both pleasure and from the cold. But Sehun had plans to take one of the two away.
“Are you cold?” Sehun teases.
“Well of course, I’m not wearing my pants on.” Luhan hisses.
“I think I can fix that.” Sehun has a smirk plastered on his face. “Have I ever told you this duvet is a heated blanket?”
Luhan furrows his eyebrows, “No it isn’t…”
“Well it will be.”
“Sehun-ah.” Luhan whines, tugging on Sehun’s shirt to remove it.
Just a few inches away from Luhan’s head are his pair of jeans, inside the pocket can be found a folded note. And if Luhan hadn’t decided that he wanted to see a glimpse of Sehun when he was seventeen in that yearbook, he wouldn’t be so frantic in pulling Sehun’s pants off and throwing it behind Sehun as he pulls him down and kisses him with an open mouth. They’ve been friends for years, cut off each other’s live for two, and have had this unconventional relationship of fucking each other when Luhan doesn’t have anyone to do it with until a certain note got caught in Luhan’s fingers and went up in flames.
Later on, when they’re both dressed up and walking back to the apartment. Luhan will hand him the letter and let Sehun read it, and the first thing he’ll notice is is the text underneath his own handwriting that he doesn’t remember to have been there before when he wrote the letter.
520.
To Luhan-hyung, From Sehun.
1314.
To Sehun-ah, From Luhan.
---
(Later in the evening, Luhan will still not be over apologizing to Sehun and Sehun will still not be over trying to make him shut up so they can fuck.
“I was mad. I don’t know. You do dumb things when you’re mad and so, so young.”
“Soojung told me you do dumb things when you’re in love. You must’ve fallen hard for me, huh?”
“Don’t flatter yourself too much.”
“And you’re old, Luhan. You’re twenty-six.”
“Shut up.”
“Did you really start liking me around the time you said you liked my brother? I was fifteen back then, Luhan. I’m starting to question you--”
“I didn’t like you when you were fifteen! It was when you were seventeen and you grew tall and you didn’t seem so much like a child anymore.”
“You must’ve fallen for me in an instant then.”
“Yeah but your letter had middle school written all over it. So manly.”
“As if you’re manly yourself.”
“I am.”
“Your shampoo is bubblegum-scented. I don’t think you have the right to call yourself manly.”
“Shut up.”
“I will if you do too. Can’t really talk when I’m trying to fuck you right now.”
They’ll be repeating the same scenario for the next few days. But that’s alright because any day now, Luhan will accept that he’s apologized enough and Sehun won’t have to reassure Luhan that he’s alright. That they’re alright, and that they need not to worry because at the end of the day, Sehun will be whispering “520.” in his ear and it won’t even be long before Luhan will whisper “1314.” back and Sehun has to make sure he isn’t shivering under the sheets when he has no clothes on. They’ll fall asleep, limbs entangled together as if they were designed to fit each other--and maybe they are.)
Author’s Note: if anyone reaches this point, lol thank you for reading! if anyone is curious i’m sure ya’ll know what 520 is but just in case: 520 = i love you and 1314 = forever.