Forgotten Story

Dec 09, 2015 20:58

From: samz_han
Title: Forgotten Story
Rating: PG
Word Count: 7,600
Prompt: Saudade: The feeling of sadness for missing and happiness for having experienced the feeling, it is the shorten form of "the love that remains".
Warnings: none



I. First page

"This is crazy. Impossible, like really."

Luhan's repeating those words all over again, mentally and verbally. Completely pissed, and beyond.

He's a book lover more than anyone else in this world, he loved reading so much, and his hard bound collection of stories in any genre always fascinates his visitor. A room, which is full of books, all arranged in alphabetical order.

Not until it happened.

"Jongin, can you tell me what happened again?" He asked eyeing his smiling cousin.

The mentioned male looked at him with an aegyo smile, but Luhan's not going to buy that, "Uhm.. we were doing some project, you know science stuffs then our specimen that is a hamster--"

"-escaped... it went to this library and hide in every corner, and behind these books, actually what we're planning is to catch it." Jongin's blockmate finished rather childishly, his eyes doing this crescent convincing act. And it was Luhan's weakness to be honest. "We never intend to knock the shelves though."

"Correction young lad, it should be 'we never intend to knock all of the shelves though', aish kids these days." Luhan slapped his face mentally. "You know what? I still need to finish my thesis so please Biology maniac student fix this mess or else I'm going dissect you both."

The two laughed, and it really got Luhan's rage on top. "I'm serious."

And Jongin stopped on laughing, he takes the threat seriously, of course he knew his cousin's real skin. But his blockmate, Oh Sehun continue to smile as if not threaten.

The act made Luhan spared him his not so killer narrowed eyes. "What's with that smile young boy?"

"It's just.. you're cute." Sehun said, straightening his figure. "I can't imagine you dissecting us, it will freak you out, I know."

Luhan stares, and swears that he's really going to dissect this man someday. "What's on your mind right now should stop. I'm not into kids."

"I know.. but do I look like a kid?" Sehun smirks, leaving the other to open his mouth but not a word comes out "I love the bossy type by the way, and cute appearance."

The older shakes his head, ignoring the remarks and shuts the door with a great BAM sound.

"Attention whore are you?" Jongin just said, sighing while arranging the books.

That's how they crossed path in their life, and the courtship also started. Though Luhan told Sehun to stop and dumped him for a million times already, the younger didn't stop.

Until Sehun and Jongin's joint graduation party happens - the same time Luhan's self restraint goes out of the window because oh-so-good God, Sehun in a tuxedo is the last trigger for his denial. Halfway of the party, the two vanished in the thin air.

Jongin was asked where Sehun go by their visitors. He made a lot of unacceptable excuse and swears to dissect the newly couple.

But he's a bit happy upon he met one of Luhan's colleague named Kyungsoo.

Still, it doesn’t change his decision to dissect the two.

They lasted for three years, full of happiness, the cuddling in their bed and sweet kisses, the lovemaking in the winter night, the gifts in anniversaries and Christmas, vacations during work break, and apology letters in every favorite foods.

They're the couple that everyone adores - they tease a lot but managed to control each other tempers.

They're the type of couple who don't watched the movies together but watched the stars during summer night and counts the seconds until the rainbow fades, and sleeps with limbs tangled together everytime it rains.

It was the best three years in Luhan's life so as Sehun, until it all vanished for just a day...

Sehun losses all the memory they've shared in one day...

It was a rainy night that time. Luhan's checking the wall clock and estimates the time Sehun will show up on the door.

It was silent other than the rain sound, and he really enjoyed listening to the raindrops hitting their roof, it always calmed his nerves but this night seems different.

The ringing of the telephone breaks the silence and Luhan got it, his pleasant hello was cut as a frantic voice said "Oh Sehun caught an accident.---"

His tears fell, his body trembled. This is not happening, he thought, but it is.

"Luhan, he... I'm sorry, but... he can't remember you." Kyungsoo bit his lip, "He--"

"--It's fine." Luhan offered his cute smile, but it is obviously forced. "He'll probably remember me in the next month."

"Lu, that's what you said last month,.. a--"

"--and last month and last month and last month. I know." the tears in his eyes falls, again, as he finished the sentence. "You know, he hates it when I cry... but now he don’t care, I'm just a friend, his doctor."

"It's been a year Lu, his memories are not coming back, he cannot remember you, he'll not remember you too." Kyungsoo grabbed his hand. "You know that."

His co-doctors have told him, it’s impossible to remember, and if he did remember, the situation as of now will be more complicated. Sehun lived his life, he meet new people, and found someone who he can replace with Luhan.

He wanted to do something, to have Sehun back in his arms, but something is holding him back.

Happiness, that is. As an amnesia patient, it is acceptable and expected to suffer depression. Most people can’t endure that episode of their lives, luckily on Sehun’s part, he handled it well.

Because of someone, a new one, it’s not him, sadness - it’s him, inside now.

It's been a year, a painful year for Luhan. He's alone and stuck. While Sehun continued without him.

"It's not that easy to give up, Kyung... give me one more month." Luhan’s eyes are teary. The pain was embedded on his orbs - that even the mirror can tell that it hurts but it cannot understood the pain it held.

"Okay, but one month, only one." Kyungsoo sighed, and he felt Luhan's hand tighten its grip.

"Is waiting the rainbow to fade a part of my therapy?" Sehun asked his doctor, they're on the rooftop of the hospital, the railings are bit wet from the rain lately. "It's been a year though," he mumbled.

"I know. A long year." Luhan whispered.

Out of nowhere, he speaks "Don't you think rainbows are beautiful? So as the sunset, stars, and rain?"

Sehun frowned, looking at the hue of purple clouds, and the light of rainbow that is fading as the sun set "They're fine."

It hurts him to know that Sehun has changed a lot. Luhan wondered if he's still the guy he had fallen four years ago. He seems to not care about his past, like he never bothered knowing his old self.

Did I ever matter to your life Sehunnie? Luhan asked mentally, he cannot seek any courage in voicing it loud.

"Asked me again.." Luhan ordered softly.

"H-huh?" The patient raised a brow.

"I said asked me again… about the rainbow." he laughed strained this time.

"About that... why?"

"Stop asking, just do." he whined in a childish manner.

Sehun released a good laugh before saying, "Is waiting the rainbow to fade a part of my therapy?"

There is silence as the doctor peered at his patient, studying his face intently, because every seconds matters. "Correction big kid, it's not waiting.. it is called counting."

Sehun smiles, his eyes forming crescent, it was Luhan's weakness, and he held back the tears that is about to fall.

"You really loved correcting me huh?"

The said remark made Luhan smile for real, a real smile in one second. "Yeah, just like the old times.."
But Sehun didn’t understand as he nodded, not knowing everything, just like the old times.

(First official day)

"I know, Lu.. stop saying about dissecting, you hate blood - all bloody blood."

"Aish big kid, just find the book.. or else I'm going to dissect you."

"I said I know just please stop saying about dissecting - it gives me creeps."

"You're biology major right? get used to it."

"Are you two having your first lover's quarrel?"

"SHUT UP JONGIN!!"

"If I find the book what is my reward?"

"I'll not dissect you. That is that."

"I said stop saying dissect, dissecting, dissected everything with dissect as the root word."

"Come on, just find the book or else--"

"-- please Lu, don't mention that word again."

".. Sehun, it should be 'or else you're not gonna have a kiss' but you beat me~"

"Eww sappy couple.."

"SHUT UP JONGIN!"

"So, you're leaving.." Kyungsoo said, the tone used was more on conclusion "I thought you're not going to give up."

Luhan laughs, a fake one "You gave me a deadline."

"But the Luhan I've known is not like this.."

"I know but I don't know.." the doctor held his baggage tight. "This is not an easy decision for me, but it hurts... he's moved on with me, he found his new happiness."

Kyungsoo understand his friend - but he cannot fathom the cruel fate, never the cruel fate. "You know when Jongin died I felt like losing the reason to live. I abhor everything after that. It changed me. But I learn my lesson, that is... never thought of dying when you're still living."

"Kyungsoo.. time to heal, and to accept is what I need.." Luhan muttered. "Someday, I'm going to return here anew, I just need to find comfort, the one that I lose."

The airplane rose above. The clouds disappearing once passed, nothing lasts forever, Luhan thought, for sure this pain is going to fade like the rainbow, going to vanished like the stars, stopped like the rain. He just needed some time. And he believed that this feeling won't last.

II. Midpage

"You said fansigning?" Kyungsoo repeats "Oh my God, are you the author with the pen name--"

"--Yeah, that's me, so shut up now." Luhan snorts. "Is your new house still far?"

"Who said new house?" The doe eyed male raised a brow "Tell me, dont you know this path?"

Luhan frowned and looked outside, then after some time, he recalled "Many things have change.."

Life is a constant change of everything.

"Tsk. I know it's a senior citizen thing." Kyungsoo teases, Luhan throws a fit on the driver "Hey, I'm driving!"

It's his melodious laugh that makes Kyungsoo to lift a brow and smile "So.. you're really back huh?"

"Yeah.. after 8 years," Luhan whispers, "I'm done. "

"Whoah, the foods were great Kyung.." Luhan compliments, "this is what culinary did to you huh?"

"Shut up." the chef rolls his eyes. "Now, what happen with your Europe escapade? You never told me.!"

"Nothing to tell though, only simple stuffs." He chews.

"Simple stuffs? Like what?"

"Historical places, beaches, and hospital." Luhan laughs "Didn't I tell you that I worked there?"

"You did but... aish, tell me instead why you decided on writing?" his bestfriend seems persuasive. "You're not fond writing as I can say but only in reading."
The eating male pouted, pondering the best answer he can show up.

"It happens to me, like.. out of nowhere I was holding a pen and starts writing a plot. Then it turns out as a habit, especially if I'm not doing anything."

Luhan mentally retrieved his listed plots with characters that he kept on his drawer in a folder that after he debuted his first book that is followed by next, he never forget to bring that folder everywhere he went to - in his work, fansigning, vacation. Anywhere.

Writing changed his life.

"But you're not into writing!!" Kyungsoo insists. "I'm more actually in writing than cooking!!"

This deserved a good laugh, his bestfriend pouted "Hey Lu, don't laugh!!"

"You know Kyung, if you're a good reader then you're a good writer." Luhan says, drinking his lemonade. "You never read though, even I brought you to my library.."

"Aish.. This is bullying," the chef sighs sad.

Luhan thought that they seem so childish this day, and he missed it. "Are you cleaning my library though? Is the servants in the mansion good to you?"

"Yes and yes.. Anyway why you're staying here with me? You can stay in the mansion though."

The mansion held memories that he wished to forget. Maybe someday.. he will. "I missed you Kyung.. and didn’t sleepovers part of our friendship right?"

He's still not done though - a little sting was crawling in his heart.

"Aww. you're still the sappy Luhanie~" Kyungsoo hugged him.

Luhan is still the Luhan he met a long years ago.

"House rules. Repeat the most important three." Kyungsoo give him a glance. He's waiting as Luhan opens his mouth and left a sigh.

"Is this really necessary? you gave me hundred of houserules and you said all of them were important.." Luhan pouts.

"That's what I mean. Just give me three out of it." Luhan don't know but Kyungsoo is so mean towards him. Maybe the latter is taking his revenge, because his dream becomes Luhan's profession.

But at least he lend his house for him. Friendship goals, the doctor thought.
"Okay, house rule number unknown--"

"LUHAN!" Kyungsoo interrupts.

"Shut up, I'm feeling nostalgic at the moment."

"Aish. I said houserules. Come on, I'm getting late."

"Okay okay.. wait." Luhan sighs "This.. never let a stranger go inside the house. Then, locked the house when you leave.."

"The last one?" Kyungsoo taps his foot on the floor, patiently waiting.

"Uhm. I forgot?" Luhan impishly grins, but his bestfriend is serious in killing him though "really Kyungsoo.. I'm an adult! It's now my instinct's responsibility in putting the freaking rules!"

"If you say so," Kyungsoo says, little unconvinced "but remember this one, if you go on biking, never leave the subdivision, I can't afford you to be a victim of gang rape."

"Yay ewww you think I'm that weak?" Luhan retorts.

"Ha. You're a big kid! So yeah, kinda." the chef smiles wickedly.

On that statement something awakens inside of Luhan's heart.

"…you’re always a kid by heart, I don’t know why but I feel like I should protect you forever. "

He's remembering it, so bad because he shouldn't.

"Lu, I'm going now. Take care~" Kyungsoo shouts inside his car. "Don't cook for dinner, you gonna burn my house!"

Too bad, Luhan's planning to do that already. "I'll try Kyung, I will!" he shouts and put a smile as his bestfriend give him his middle finger.

It's getting boring in the house, it's true though, and Luhan don't know why he didn't feel like writing. He's working with his third book and aims to finish it within this month or early week in the next month. But right in this moment, he got a mental block.

That's why he decided to go for biking, since it's kind of nice to walk in autumn, and maybe get inspired with fall-blooming plants in the roads.

Luhan smiles at the thought, and he really did smile again when he's doing it already.

The wind touches his skin, hair wavering in every pedal. Kyungsoo's bike is easy to ride on, it is very well cared that a part of Luhan is afraid that he may - out of carelessness broke it.

But that thing became unattended as he feel like himself - more like himself in this familiar place, where people smiles as he passed, but he never recalled their name which is sad. But then again, he don't care.

He remembers one interview he got in England as he launched his second book.

"Why do you write tragic story? "

Luhan blinks for a moment and thinks of something beautiful to response. "because it's beautiful, it made you think, then realize that life is always fairly unfair"

"Do you think of writing a happy ending in your next book?"

"Let's see..." Luhan laughs "but, I was known in my tragic stories, so maybe no."

But inside he knew that he'll never write happy endings, never.

Luhan has always dream of writing happy stuffs in highschool, in college, but as his life changes, he forgets about it.

And right now, he forgets how many turns he had done, as the road become stranger for him. Luhan stops and sighs.

He's lost.

"Aish, not bringing my phone is a very good thing.." he shakes his head and breathed deeply "sarcastic."

As he stopped and pouted, he saw this little boy in the playground - seems alone, but nonetheless enjoying as he played his toy car.

It's his psycho magic that he knew that this boy is good, not any spoiled brat he encountered every sessions in his work.

Luhan find courage to talk calmly to him, as he inched closer to the small boy whose standing and inside his own world.

He coughs but was ignored. He coughs again to have his attention but was ignored.

Until in his third try -

"Cover your mouth when you cough." the boy nonchalantly says, he cease on playing and shot him a glare.

Luhan burst into laughing though, cheeks blossoming in embarrassment "I was trying to grab some of your precious attention kid."

"Congratulations , because you did."

Okay, this kid is fiesty. "Well, how old are you?"

"I'm eight."

"But you're attitude is different."

"Maybe, because I don't know you."

Maybe Luhan's psycho magic is wrong this time. He laughs mentally because this is a great challenge for him. It's been long though that he wasn't able to read or predict a person.

"You know kid, I'm kind of lost here and I needed sympathy." the doctor shrugs. "I'm not into kidnapping scam or anything, do I look one of those criminal for you? And if I really do abduct kids, I wouldn't dare to get some loner brat in the playground."

"Mr. you-talk-a-lot, I should help you but it's my playtime." the boy reasons normally.

This time Luhan takes a deep breath "Is a six-minute talk about direction really matters in the distraction of your playtime?" he quoted the way the child spoke the “playtime”

"Everything matters, my Dad said." Luhan was taken aback. "And he also said that if you're lost, then go to the police station."

The older bit his inner cheek "It's a kind of embarrassing you know if I go there. I'm an adult."

"Then it's your another problem to face as an adult." the kid says.

"Jeez, is getting in Kyungsoo's house this hard?" he muttered under his breath, and it seems that the ears of the kid perked after that.

"You said Kyungsoo? As in the chef?"

Luhan frowned. "Yeah, why?"

"I guess Dad knew where he lived. They're kind of friends but.. it's hard to explain." the kid shrugs.

And the atmosphere changed.

"You're new here. I haven't seen your face on the neighborhood to be honest." the small boy mumbled as they walk. "I guess I should introduce myself, hyung."

Luhan laughs, "Yeah, I guess myself too."

"Okay, I'm Jisoo.."

"I'm Luhan. And do not call me hyung, I'm no teenager, actually I'm in my thirty something."

"Really? Wow as old as my dad? I felt like you stopped on aging, hyung!"

"Jeez, I got that a lot." Luhan laughs, "call me Doctor Luhan, hyung doesn't fit on me anymore."

"You’re a Doctor? Really? " Jisoo laughs it off. "How about Doctor hyung? yeah that sounds cool."

Luhan can't help but to grin as they grow comfortable in every step. He casts his bangs down and looked at his feet.

He saw the leaves crosses his step, brown and yellowish in color. They're fading, it's fading.

"Look like Dad is waiting for me," Jisoo broke his thought and Luhan raised his head and stopped.

His feet were glued on the spot. His eyes sparked some recognition, and his heart starts to beat fast.

Five meters away - there stands the person who changed his life.

It's been too long that he forgot how it feels - how it feels to be around with Sehun.

But eventhough his mind doesn't recall, his heart did - because the heart don't forget, it let all the feeling remains treasured.

"Hey, small man.." Sehun taps his son's forehead. "What's up?"

"Someone was lost. He wanted to go to Chef Kyungsoo's house."

Sehun seem to not notice him. "Who?"

"Doctor hyung!" And Jisoo pointed his stoic figure not so far.

The moment their eyes met - and locked for a semi-sec, the time stopped like their first kiss. Luhan have to look away. The feeling didn’t change after all.

"Hyung, you're back." Sehun whispers.

The doctor forced a smile, his heart aching again, just like eight years before.

If Luhan thought he had changed a lot, his mindset is wrong, he never changed at all. His mind might learn all the lesson, but his heart didn't.. because if it is, then he must not have this quite around Sehun as they walked.

If his heart had changed, it must have hated the taller man, but it didn't, because in the very bottom of his heart, he still loves him.

"When--?" Sehun starts, their step so slow, the sound of the metal clinging on his bike filled the silence, Jisoo is walking three meters ahead of them.

"Just.. just yesterday." the doctor bit his lip. "Y-your wife won't get mad by escorting me?"

"Nah, she won't." Sehun laughs a little. "No one will.. maybe Kyungsoo,"

"Huh?" Luhan blinks.

A soft giggle left the younger's mouth. "The moment you left, Kyungsoo unfriended me.. I don't know why." But I understand.

Luhan, though confuse, tried to laugh. "He's a bestfriend material."

"Yeah, I agree." Sehun nods. "So, how's life?"

The doctor pondered, acting like he actually is but no "Fine.. I'm happy, I guess that what matters."

"There's a lot more that matters," Sehun says, "you told me that."

"I did?" Luhan frowns, "Do--"

"DAD WE'RE HERE!" Jisoo shouted, cutting his line.

"I guess this ends the day." Luhan switched the subject instead. He's good in this, manipulating the topic in every corner until not minded.

"Yeah, I guess..."

And Luhan starts walking away from Sehun and everything - leaving the fading world behind for a moment. He hears the latter called his name.

He thought it was an imagination, but no, it's real. "Lu? Luhan!"

He looked back, waving a hand at the two boys. Luhan mouthed a "what?"

Sehun open his mouth, but closes it again. He shook his head, "nothing.." he said.

Luhan smiles, as usual, a painful one.

He don't remember me at all, until now, I was still part of his forgotten story.

Sehun bit his lip, looking up, there’s a rainbow in the end of the horizon.

III. Plot twists

It's midnight, Luhan is sweating profusely, curling balls on the bed, as he endured his headache.

Not now please, he pleaded mentally, tears are falling in the corner of his eyes. He grabbed his medicine and drank a handful of it in one go with water.

Let me forget the pain, just once.. As if cue, his head stops on throbbing, it felt relaxed for a bit, until Luhan's muscles starts on resting.

He's asleep.

"Hey Jongin, let's get done with our project in your house!" Sehun yelled at his bestfriend in the middle of the campus ground. They both acted like a child despite being in a university premises.

"I told you, my cousin gonna freak out!" Jongin mumbled.

"I thought he got some medicine course something." The annoying one scratched his head.

"Yeah, but, he's a psychiatrist for God's sake - the bloodless job in the medicine ground!" Jongin seem frustrated.

"Still. You can't graduate medicine without touching a single spit of blood from any animals and humans."

"But he did, so, you can too."

"Ers, that logic.." Sehun rolled his eyes.

"He's here.. shut up now." Jongin panics, and that time, the pissed brat looked back, seeing Luhan for the first time.

He admired him after minute, liked him after an hour, and sweared to have him after a day.

"You got a nice sleep?" Kyungsoo asks, observing the dark circles underneath his eyes "I bet not."

Luhan yawns, "It's cold, so cold."

"Last night?, I dont think so."

"Aish, nevermind." he said instead.

The boiling of hot water erupts the early morning in Kyungsoo's place.

"So, Sehun had a child." Luhan played his naive role. "No one told me."

"You never asked, and I dont get the point of telling you." Kyungsoo puts a cup of hot coffee in front of him. "No milk for you., you hated it."

His bestfriend remembers every single detail about him. "Thanks."

"About Sehun's wife? You curious?" the chef glances, he knew that in his expression, he already read his mind.

"Kinda." Luhan sighs.

"She's dead.. Three months after Jisoo's birth."

A little sadness and sympathy passes on his nerves, he can't imagined being a single father.

"My fansigning will be this afternoon." the doctor swiftly changed the subject. "Don't expect me to eat my dinner here."

Kyungsoo nods, placing the pancake on the table.

Luhan loved high places since kid. He loves feeling the breeze as it touches his skin, his hair will be ruined, but he don’t care.

The nature played a great role in his life, everything about it is beautiful. Those simple little things are.

In this high, he can appreciate everything, the garden of the school which in fact have those yellow leaves yet fall blooming flowers, they're colorful than anyone else.

In his story, he loved to write a scene where the character walks, as the leaves fall, because in that time, you feel like everything in is slow motion, as if you're a photograph that is about to fade like the season, as if.

"You still loved this place huh?"

The doctor opened his eyes, saw the rainbow in front of him. "It never change, the rainbow still is happening here, the same time, late afternoon, as I can remember."

"...and later on, it'll vanish, as the sunset casts his glow and mixed with it, until hue orange could be seen, until dark sky later enveloped it." Sehun finished, quoting a line from his story.

"You never changed huh?"

Luhan laughs, "I did. A little bit."

Silence happened to fall between.

"I didn't know you read my stories."

Sehun looks at him, somewhat longing, but Luhan's eyes can't see it, because the pain already blinded him.

"Didn't know too that you write," the taller whispers "and that you're my favorite author."

"You never read." Luhan laughs "back then you said it was a waste of time."

"..back then, I.. I didn't know." Sehun continued. His answer could mean a lot of things.

You always didn't know hun, always.

You always never told me han, always.

Their words remained unspoken, until the early night sky, and the gale woke them in their consciousness.

"Since when did you start remembering?" Luhan asks, he wasn't that ignorant to figure it out. "or should I paraphrase, since when you remembered?"

Sehun kind of expected it. But he was taken aback from the tone being used. "Since, Jisoo was born."

Luhan bit his lip, it's too long, it has to be, but Sehun didn't find him.

"I remembered that time, that.. that you want to adopt a baby."

Then Luhan slapped him, he can't help it anymore.

"You know what I hated so much.. you know it!" the doctor yelled. "I HATE IT WHEN SOMEONE DITCHED ME. YOU DITCH ME!! EVERYTHING, YOU RUINED EVERYTHING.. OUR PLANS, OUR DREAMS, MY LIFE.. IT GOES DOWN.. IN THE LOWER SHELVES, IT BURNT.."

"Lu--"

"--If you're planning to say sorry, you're late!"

Sehun closes his eyes and gathers courage before Luhan walked out in the rooftop. "You want to blame everything on me?" his voice seems to echo. "In this blaming card game, we both lose.. we cannot win."

The doctor stopped on his track, he listens.

"I'm not only the problem han, it's you… because you never told me!" Sehun says, firmly. "You're always like that right? Not telling anyone but good in blaming everyone.!!"

"YOU FREAKIN DONT KNOW SO DO--"

"NOW TELL ME!!" The taller challanged, "tell me then."

'I did a good effort for you to remember, eventhough it hurts.. I volunteer to be your doctor, I did all the ridiculous thing,' Luhan's mind speaks, but his mouth is shut.

“You know it’s love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you’re not part of their happiness.” the doctor felt like he heared his mother speaking to him, the sentence that triggered him to let go of Sehun, and to accept that he was just a part of his forgotten memory.

But maybe he did made a wrong move, that maybe if he fought a little longer, they shouldn't be stuck in this regretful situation.

"Luhan, tell me.. what should I know, why you gave up on me." Sehun's voice is quiverring. His eyes, it's pleading.

‘I didn't.. I didn't gave up hun, it's just.. it's the circumstances that played the both of us.’

Luhan thought that it's lame, that there's no point of saying those, the damaged had been done, in years that damaged grew, their love was shadowed by the scars, you cannot take it back.

So he thought of saying the words that will never be true, but he said it... he let it left his mouth, thinking it's the best choice of all the words.

"I hate you. I hated you."

That was it all takes for Sehun to stopped on fighting, cease on breathing and Luhan to escaped.

"Hey, you cancelled all of your fansigning this week, which means you gonna extend another two months here?" Kyungsoo asked, putting the popcorn in the microwave.

"Yeah, I'm feeling sick... I can't make to the fansigning." Luhan yawns, then he noticed the popcorn "Movie marathon with the boy next door huh?"

Kyungsoo blushed. "Yeah."

The doctor rolled his eyes, the dim aura coming back. "So, Sehun and I talked. I slapped him."
"He deserves it." The chef shrugs, as if it's a normal thing, not to bother that much.

"So, you know that.. he gather his memories back? just the moment I'm out of sight?" he laughs strainly. "What more things I needed to know Kyungsoo?"

The chef is frozen "Luhan, I'm sorry.."

"It's fine. It's kind of too late now, anyways." The sarcasm stays within the sentence.

Kyungsoo did his best to be the best of all the categories. His life is full of perfectionist. Only two people didn't put any standard in him. It was Luhan, and most of all, Jongin.

That's why somewhat being counted as a useless bestfriend this time, hurts his ego. What he wanted was not what Luhan wanted. Ending them stuck in a different page, for the first time.

Is caring this bad now? is caring a part of the deadly sins in the world?

"I thought once you knew, it will ruin your peaceful life on London." He replied, quite.

"Ha. Who said that I'm that happy there? Who said I'm peaceful? What am I? A dead? Resting in thy peace?" The doctor is about to rage, his voice getting louder and higher.

"Luhan, I see no point of telling you!" Kyungsoo retorts "It's useless."

"Yeah?So before it is useless.. don't you know that everything mattered to me? everything."

It's too much for him to handle, Kyungsoo didn't do anything that bad right? He believed he did what every bestfriends will.

"I thought you're my bestfriend." Luhan looked at his frozen figure. "But why?"

"Luhan, don't point the mistakes on me." The chef firmly states. "If I need to explain myself, let’s start with your explanation too."

And he pulled a long brown envelop in the counter. The thing he needed an explanation the moment Luhan stepped inside his house.

"It's not all about fansigning huh?"

"Daddy, do you think Mom is happy up there?" Jisoo asks cutely.

"Yes, right now, I know she's happy." Sehun muttered "Your mother wanted everyone to be happy."

"Aww.. I hope I meet her." the small boy whispered. After a while, Jisoo asked again, the question is a bit off-topic, and somewhat off-limits. "Dad, do you ever love Mom?"

Sehun gave him a small smile, "You know boy, there’s two types of love.. the one that is ephemeral, the other is eternal.. "

"So Mom, is ephemeral? And you’re true love that you always talked to me about is eternal? "

"Yes, kid… " The father taps his head.

"Daddy, tell me about the dissect-joke, please.. "

And as usual, Sehun starts narrating again, though he had told his son about it for a hundred times, Jisoo always listen like it’s his first time.

"You're putting too much pressure on her. That's the reason." Kyungsoo said. "It takes too much time for you to realize right?"

Sehun kept his words for himself. "It's my fault."

"You can't just say that it's all your fault again and again, because it is. And then what? you gonna cry over that fact? no sehun no! your life must go on, you have a child, you need to fight!"

"Hyung, help.. I don't know how."

"After what you did to Luhan, I should've killed you, be thankful I have mercy for the child's future."

Kyungsoo stands. "You're pathetic you know that?, it took you to lose Luhan just to remember, until Sohee killed herself - just for you to figure the hell out of it."

"Daddy, why Autumn don't write happy ending?" the little boy caught Sehun's attention, as the kid flips the book, seem interested. Their father-son bonding always ended by talking and talking, where supposedly, they should play some manly-slash-outdoor games.

"Because he maybe hadn’t experienced one," Sehun suggests "Or maybe he had 101 reason to write tragic, or maybe just purely his passion."

"The story is terrible, the boy died, the girl mourned, they believed what the others said rather what their heart whispered." Jisoo commented. "I hope his third book have a happy ending.."

"Kid, it's not the ending that matters the most, it's the message."

"But Dad, everything matters." the kid pouts, Sehun laughs.

"I'm not the one who is dying, my memories are." Chsm whispered. "You gonna tell me 'I love you' today, I'm gonna forget it tomorrow. We don't know next month, I'm gonna forget you, my endpoint.. still unknown."

Kenneth couldn't form a word.

"Think much if you're still going to stay."

The boy closed the distance between them. "If you're going to forget me tomorrow, I'm gonna remind you everyday that I love you."

"You're a great sap." The girl giggled. "My mind may not remember this all someday, but promised, my heart will always remember."

"I love you." Kenneth could only reply that.

"I love you too."

Luhan finished one scene of his book, he smiled sadly because inside, he knew that Chsm will forget everything that had happen.

Being dead is better than being forgotten.

He knew the pain that Kenneth will suffer in the story. And he was about to experience what Chsm will experience too.

"Sehun, I know, I know that you're not settled with Luhan yet. But I need you to take care of him." Kyungsoo sniffs, holding his handkerchief tight. "He needed someone, not me, but you."

"Kyungsoo, what do you mean?" Sehun's face mars with curiosity.

"He had an Alzhiemers."

And now, two hours had passed, just as Sehun stepped on his house, he received an urgent call from Kyungsoo, saying that Luhan is nowhere to be found, and that his phone is not with him. That means they can't have any access of Luhan in all means.

He drives his car into the fullest speed.

He's done checking on their old university, in all of Luhan's favorite bookstore, and even restaurant, but nothing.

"Gosh Luhan, where are you?" Sehun breathes heavily, as he parked his car into his last bet. "Please be here.."

The gates of the mansion opened as they recognized him.

IV. The last page

"I'm graduate now!" Sehun beamed, his eyes forming crescents again, it does look good to be true, and Luhan admired him more.

"But doesn't change the fact that I'm older." Luhan spat, trying to maintain his posture. "So Big kid, my answer is still NO and will never be a YES."

Sehun pouted like a kid do when he was banned from his ice cream. "But I'm still taller."

"Pulling cards are we?" the older laughs, leaning on the railing of the balcony, "nice breeze.."

The younger didn't budge, still upset.

"Nice tux by the way." he comments, looking away as Sehun raised his head.

"Really?" the younger kinda smirks and walked until he's face to face of the older. He trapped him, Luhan had to lean away just to feel the empty space of his back. Crap, he thought. "Do I look good with these or without these?"

"Pervert." the older pushed him. "Flirt." he spat again.

And as childish as Sehun is, he giggled, holding Luhan's hands, softly. "I wish to become a doctor,"

The older frowned.

"But, if I will, I'm worried about my future.."

"Why would you? It's a nice profession,"

Sehun grins, "You're a doctor, if I am too, our kid's endpoint is a nanny whenever he is."

The doctor's expression changed, "You're planning.."

"I know."

In that time, Luhan thinks of the moment he's with Sehun - he is happy, comfortable, as if both of their personality is meant to be fitted.

The younger's persuasion in proving that he's a worthy one.

He recalled the events that pushed him in taking the risk - the risk of falling in love.

"If you counted the rainbow to vanish, watch the sky when it's dark, and appreciates the sun as it glow.." Luhan said all of the circumstances he had encountered around the latter. ".. if you're willing to do that everyday, with me.. together, maybe you deserve a good answer then."

The newly graduate, loses his composure and hug him, that so tight kind of embrace, as if Luhan is his only reality.

A bundle of lights glowed above them, the sound of the fireworks startled them a bit. Across of their position is the rooftop of the school - where some students decided to celebrate the beginning of their success.

"I chooses you over them.." Sehun uttered "I will always choose you, no matter what."

"Luhan.." Sehun called, just to see the other on the rocking chair, looking up the orange and yellowish sun.

"Sehun, you came." His voice is plain, the sadness lingers, it is always.

"Luhan all of us were--"

But he older beats him.

"--hun, you know what is my third book about?"

Sehun didn't answer. Luhan, he didn't look at him, he didn't.

"It's terrible. They waited for the right time to happen, very long of waiting, just to know that all of their happy memories will be left unrecalled, and that their future unresolved. But the guy always reminds the girl that what matters the most is the present."

Luhan laughs, sarcastic, "It's stupid, because in the middle of everything, the guy will ditch the girl."

The younger is speechless.

"You know what this day supposedly be?" Luhan questioned him again, "If fate didn't turn our life upside down, this day, will be our 12 years of being together."

Sehun didn’t know, that above everything else, Luhan will remember.

"But you know what is the saddest conjunction that hopeless people uses the most?"

Maybe, he should've goes with the flow, Sehun thought. "What?"

"It's the word 'if'," the older answers, "if blah-blah-blah and shit happen? If that, if those, if everything! But then you're gonna realize that it's done."

"Why not write a happy ending Lu?" Sehun asks, inching closer. It’s deep, the wound they made and remain for each other, it so deep that the possibility of healing is nothing, and right now he wished that their love is going to do its magic to heal the impossible of all.

Love is the cure of their scars, the way of forgiveness.

Luhan smiles painfully "My stories are reflection of my emotions. In those years, sadness overcame the happiness of my heart."

"Luhan.." Sehun wanted to bring comfort for him. But this time, he became coward, realizing what he had done that really destroyed the older.

"I should feel pity of myself right?" He suddenly uttered "It's only the memory that I can have, but it I’m going to lose it too, just like how I lost you."
You didn’t lost me Luhan, I did. Sehun thought.

"Luhan, you can have me.." The younger kneeled in front of him. "I still love you.. I love you."

At last the older meet his tender gaze, tears falling on his eyes "Hunnie, finish my story for me.. I'm afraid.. I'm scared I can't continue it."

The younger can't contain the tears, it fell. He then hold Luhan's hands, kissed it both and says "Together. Let's finish it together."

After those painful eight years, Luhan smiled again, that beautiful smile that captured Sehun's interest, even his heart.

"I love you hunnie.." the doctor says lovingly, the other's eyes forms crescent, and Luhan kisses him.

Just like before, Luhan made the move for their first kiss.

It’s really funny to think, that saying the words ‘I’m sorry’ is not always necessary. Your mouth may not say it loud, but your heart knows the decision, it is already forgiven before being asked. It’s like a mechanism, in your heart and mind, that being kept, until used. It’s always there, in the very first, yet not noticed because some unpleasant things came shadowing its beauty.

Everything is in place as of now, despite the plot twists that visited their lives and leave such marks. Everything is fine.

Sehun forgets everything, without his will to do so, which pains Luhan. But his mind only did, his heart didn’t. As he starts retrieving everything, it’s too late, he fucked it up now, but his love remains for the very person that he hurts the most. He thinks, that it always not that late.

Luhan on the other hand, closes his heart from everything after being pained. He did found new thing to do, but his works reflects his true emotions hidden in the words he wrote.

Their past may matter, but for them - it doesn’t hold that much at all. They may not be able to reminisce their experiences, but what really matter the most this time - and the thing they could only hold and get a grasp with is the present.

The other may forget, but the other half will be there forever to remember.

The future will remain unseen, and what you did today will affect it. But having someone to face it, will change everything, it’s okay to forget your yesterdays, as long as someone loved you today.

Luhan will no longer miss that feeling of lost, and missed the happiness he wanted to have again. Whatever he had right now is the most that matter. He’s contented.

V.
78 days after...

The sound of keyboard and sweet melody from his phone filled the normal day of Sehun, where Jisoo is at his school, and he was just alone with Luhan, who is busy typing in between his legs, as his back leaning in Sehun's chest.

"Hunnie.. what's my name again?" Luhan asks, stopping on his work.

"You're Luhan. We're together, You're an author." Sehun managed to answer. He's willing to stay in the other's side until the end. He will not be discouraged, his love will reign. Despite being asked by stupid and lame question of his lover, he don’t care.

This is the definition of real love, staying no matter, keeping the promise though impossible, this is love, the thing that never fades, the one the stays forever and lifetime.

"Oh." The older mumbled. "Anyways, read this hun.."

The clouds may disappear. Maybe the rainbow will fade, the stars might vanish, the rain may stop. But all of them are going to get back. As their cycles begin from the start again, they're will be reborn, much better than the old. This is the forever that exists in this world.

Though Chsm's memory will be gone, it's the feeling of her heart that will remain, will be awaken, will make her alive.

"Wait.. Lu, whatever I said, type it in the ending."

The older nodded.

"And Kenneth stayed as he promise, he stayed by her side, always and everyday telling her, that he loved her."

Sehun breaks a grin.

"You're a sap." the older faked a puke. "Really."

"But you wrote it."

Luhan glares.

"Anyway.. this." Sehun revealed a velvet box, putting it on top of the keyboard. "You said you loved London, and me, so I'm thinking to go there and let's get married."

"You're planning." Luhan giggles.

"Yes.."

"Yes."

Author’s Note: OMG. I MADE IT LOL. Shout out for beta ed, yay your moral support is heartheart. To the selubration for this opportunity, yay thank you~ the prompt is bae, gosh I love it, thank you whoever submitted this prompt, I was touched by it. The story is lameee tho tbvh. Okay okay.

round 4, fic, 2015, rating: pg, length: 5k-10k

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