somewhere in the back in of my mind..
as usually this time of year, and with a sign as libra.. I worry.
now that is not something new, i worry all the time.. .not something i like, but i just can't stop it.
and being infected by the people around me, who are either sick, depressed or plain grumpy..i worry even more.
there's loads of things on my mind these days, it seems i still havent found myself yet. i'm still looking at life from a distance.. that and the fact that i'm starting to get tired of living in amsterdam gives me way to much to think about.
with only a few friends in a*dam (last count was 3) and getting frustrated by all the jerks in this town (not specifically male btw) who drive me up the wall. i'm thinking i want to somewhere else, hopefully my student years will be over soon. living at home is fine, and very beneficial for me. but it is giving me the creeps.. sometimes i just want to have my own place. where i can do whatever, and however the hell i want.
i want to be able to stay up late nights spending time on wow, or skype or whatever. i want to be able to get my own things, my own life.. but on the other hand i don't, living with my dad is safe.
is it normal to be scared of being alone so much? always wondering who you are going to spend your days with? or what is going to happen to you? is it normal to be so scared of living? to pay your own bills, have your own house and cats..
i cannot picture myself living entirely on my own, but yet again i don't wont to be living together with someone yet too. is it weird to pray you'll always stay 21? to never grow up? to just stay the way you are?
i guess im too needy, i'm not the type that can manage on her own for a long time.. i need someone to be there and look after me. to guard me, to keep me safe and tell me it is all right.
must be the part of me that is so scared of being alone. and i know nobody ever is truly alone, but still..
so.. forgive me my needy-ness.. sometimes i'm like that.. I know i look like a confident female to the world, but now you know what's underneath
-J4
now that is not something new, i worry all the time.. .not something i like, but i just can't stop it.
and being infected by the people around me, who are either sick, depressed or plain grumpy..i worry even more.
there's loads of things on my mind these days, it seems i still havent found myself yet. i'm still looking at life from a distance.. that and the fact that i'm starting to get tired of living in amsterdam gives me way to much to think about.
with only a few friends in a*dam (last count was 3) and getting frustrated by all the jerks in this town (not specifically male btw) who drive me up the wall. i'm thinking i want to somewhere else, hopefully my student years will be over soon. living at home is fine, and very beneficial for me. but it is giving me the creeps.. sometimes i just want to have my own place. where i can do whatever, and however the hell i want.
i want to be able to stay up late nights spending time on wow, or skype or whatever. i want to be able to get my own things, my own life.. but on the other hand i don't, living with my dad is safe.
is it normal to be scared of being alone so much? always wondering who you are going to spend your days with? or what is going to happen to you? is it normal to be so scared of living? to pay your own bills, have your own house and cats..
i cannot picture myself living entirely on my own, but yet again i don't wont to be living together with someone yet too. is it weird to pray you'll always stay 21? to never grow up? to just stay the way you are?
i guess im too needy, i'm not the type that can manage on her own for a long time.. i need someone to be there and look after me. to guard me, to keep me safe and tell me it is all right.
must be the part of me that is so scared of being alone. and i know nobody ever is truly alone, but still..
so.. forgive me my needy-ness.. sometimes i'm like that.. I know i look like a confident female to the world, but now you know what's underneath
-J4