Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
I met Amelia today !
I decided to ignore the snow that keeps falling from the sky (easier said than done) and go for a walk and then buy some fruit... And then I saw her there with a trolley and I smiled and waved and felt like “wow, am I dreaming?!” But I was not. She smiled and hugged me and looked like she was pleased to see me… She was looking for some cheese… I just followed her around and she asked me a couple of questions about my job and my future, and she suggested that I become a French teacher. Well, I’d have to study a few more years first… I told her about the French class and the progress I’m not making (as always, watching a movie makes me kind of depressed!! Although I feel so good when I’m reading a book!! Arrgh!) and “I’m in a bit of a hurry…”, she said. Well, of course - when will she ever have time to stay and chat for more than a couple of minutes… I followed her to the cashpoint and told her a little about my trip to Paris, and that was it.
Not much. But enough to make me smile. Because she smiled at me. I've missed her so much and her long silence made me sad but it's okay now...
And as I was going home (less bothered by the snow), Mireille Mathieu was singing in my mp3-player “Du bist der wunderwollste Mensch in meine Leben” (I apologize to unsp0ken_fear and ally_hawk for any misspellings I maybe managed to make there), how appropriate! I was thinking about my writing. What am I doing, not writing?! Every time I meet her, I’m reminded about the fact that I have to write! I am so very, very, very unfocused, to the point that I am sick and tired of myself. Why is it that I have to meet her to be able to feel any true need to write?
But I feel it now and let’s see if I haven’t written something before the day is over…
***
Well... I wrote an email, and it took longer than I had planned...
Amelia - I still smile... I almost wanted to tell my mother when we were having dinner that I met her today, but... that wouldn't mean anything to her. All she knows is that Amelia is my ex teacher who writes me letters sometimes. I don't know if she could understand such a love...
Amelia - the woman of a thousand mysteries. Sometimes I fear that she is just a dream somehow, because she keeps her distance... But now that I've met her again, I feel safer. I don't know what I am to her, but I'm sure she wouldn't look at me like that if I was "nothing"... But I wonder, I really do wonder, why we have this... this. Because it did start already in school. I know that I was very naïve, but was she? Didn't she know? What did she see in me? What does she feel now? Does she accept me and my love for her as an inevitable part of her life, or does she never think of me unless she is reminded by a letter or a meeting?
Sometimes I think about a song I used to listen to almost ten years ago. That was when I searched through my parents' old records to see if I could find something interesting, and I found Pastorale by Liesbeth List, which my mum bought in Amsterdam in 1974 (or 3 or 5...). I liked that one very much. I've got a CD now with some of the same songs... but on that record were also a couple of songs in French and I've never heard them again (because the record is now lost!). There were two songs - or only one? - that made me think about Amelia then. Ah, and to think that the woman doesn't care about music..!
But she cares about French, and literature... What would she say if I gave her that book by Élisabeth Brami?! I doubt she would like it (especially not my copy with all my notes in it...) but the thought is exciting.
It's just that it... pains me... that I'm not able to say that I love her! And I know that that's why I've got to write.
***
Editing again... Another thought - one of my silly thoughts... If someone made a movie about my life (haha), that's an interesting thought, isn't it... okay, it's a pointless thought, but anyway. Amelia would totally be played by Cristine Rose! (Not because of Angela Petrelli, but because of herself; I watched an interview (thanks to firstlady1408!) and the way she smiles and laughs... I think that she is a perfect match! (Okay, so Amelia is blonde, but...) (And Claire would be played by Anjelica Huston mixed with Mireille Mathieu. And Marielle would be played by Kiera Knightley, and Nenne by Chris Noth and my dad by Whatshisname who plays Noah Bennet, and I'm not sure about the rest of the casting... Who would play K., for example? Maybe the girl who played Jane Bennett in Pride and Prejudice? The 1995 version, that is...)
Okay, totally useless editing of this entry...
***
And also, I want to buy more DVD's! Like season 3 of Heroes and some Anne Bancroft and Ava Gardner movies... I always want to see more of Ava Gardner but there's absolutely nothing interesting on TCM! (Seems like they've got mostly Elvis movies and strange things I've never heard of...) They have a couple of titles now on CDON.se and Dischop.se -- and now they've got The House of Elliot DVD's!!! I haven't watched that since it was on TV in like 1993 or something and I kind of had a crush on Louise Lombard without really realizing it. I remember that I used to think that she was soooo beautiful... and I really liked the series. (And so did my mum; we watched it together. If I buy a season of The House of Elliot at least she'll like it and she won't think of it as a manifestation of my "old ladies obsession" because Evie Elliot is just a young girl, really...) No, but the point is that I shouldn't waste money on movies!! Why do I do this?!...... Oh, lynchgrrl88, if you read this; tell me which movies with Anjelica Huston to watch more than that Avalon thing?....
And now I'm gonna watch House (btw, I think Foreman/Thirteen = not so good. Their first kiss was kind of cute, but I'd like to see her with a girl, please!), eat some brie cheese (because I'm trying to fight my crazy urge to starve myself!!) and ddrink another glass of wine. So, good night.
I decided to ignore the snow that keeps falling from the sky (easier said than done) and go for a walk and then buy some fruit... And then I saw her there with a trolley and I smiled and waved and felt like “wow, am I dreaming?!” But I was not. She smiled and hugged me and looked like she was pleased to see me… She was looking for some cheese… I just followed her around and she asked me a couple of questions about my job and my future, and she suggested that I become a French teacher. Well, I’d have to study a few more years first… I told her about the French class and the progress I’m not making (as always, watching a movie makes me kind of depressed!! Although I feel so good when I’m reading a book!! Arrgh!) and “I’m in a bit of a hurry…”, she said. Well, of course - when will she ever have time to stay and chat for more than a couple of minutes… I followed her to the cashpoint and told her a little about my trip to Paris, and that was it.
Not much. But enough to make me smile. Because she smiled at me. I've missed her so much and her long silence made me sad but it's okay now...
And as I was going home (less bothered by the snow), Mireille Mathieu was singing in my mp3-player “Du bist der wunderwollste Mensch in meine Leben” (I apologize to unsp0ken_fear and ally_hawk for any misspellings I maybe managed to make there), how appropriate! I was thinking about my writing. What am I doing, not writing?! Every time I meet her, I’m reminded about the fact that I have to write! I am so very, very, very unfocused, to the point that I am sick and tired of myself. Why is it that I have to meet her to be able to feel any true need to write?
But I feel it now and let’s see if I haven’t written something before the day is over…
***
Well... I wrote an email, and it took longer than I had planned...
Amelia - I still smile... I almost wanted to tell my mother when we were having dinner that I met her today, but... that wouldn't mean anything to her. All she knows is that Amelia is my ex teacher who writes me letters sometimes. I don't know if she could understand such a love...
Amelia - the woman of a thousand mysteries. Sometimes I fear that she is just a dream somehow, because she keeps her distance... But now that I've met her again, I feel safer. I don't know what I am to her, but I'm sure she wouldn't look at me like that if I was "nothing"... But I wonder, I really do wonder, why we have this... this. Because it did start already in school. I know that I was very naïve, but was she? Didn't she know? What did she see in me? What does she feel now? Does she accept me and my love for her as an inevitable part of her life, or does she never think of me unless she is reminded by a letter or a meeting?
Sometimes I think about a song I used to listen to almost ten years ago. That was when I searched through my parents' old records to see if I could find something interesting, and I found Pastorale by Liesbeth List, which my mum bought in Amsterdam in 1974 (or 3 or 5...). I liked that one very much. I've got a CD now with some of the same songs... but on that record were also a couple of songs in French and I've never heard them again (because the record is now lost!). There were two songs - or only one? - that made me think about Amelia then. Ah, and to think that the woman doesn't care about music..!
But she cares about French, and literature... What would she say if I gave her that book by Élisabeth Brami?! I doubt she would like it (especially not my copy with all my notes in it...) but the thought is exciting.
It's just that it... pains me... that I'm not able to say that I love her! And I know that that's why I've got to write.
***
Editing again... Another thought - one of my silly thoughts... If someone made a movie about my life (haha), that's an interesting thought, isn't it... okay, it's a pointless thought, but anyway. Amelia would totally be played by Cristine Rose! (Not because of Angela Petrelli, but because of herself; I watched an interview (thanks to firstlady1408!) and the way she smiles and laughs... I think that she is a perfect match! (Okay, so Amelia is blonde, but...) (And Claire would be played by Anjelica Huston mixed with Mireille Mathieu. And Marielle would be played by Kiera Knightley, and Nenne by Chris Noth and my dad by Whatshisname who plays Noah Bennet, and I'm not sure about the rest of the casting... Who would play K., for example? Maybe the girl who played Jane Bennett in Pride and Prejudice? The 1995 version, that is...)
Okay, totally useless editing of this entry...
***
And also, I want to buy more DVD's! Like season 3 of Heroes and some Anne Bancroft and Ava Gardner movies... I always want to see more of Ava Gardner but there's absolutely nothing interesting on TCM! (Seems like they've got mostly Elvis movies and strange things I've never heard of...) They have a couple of titles now on CDON.se and Dischop.se -- and now they've got The House of Elliot DVD's!!! I haven't watched that since it was on TV in like 1993 or something and I kind of had a crush on Louise Lombard without really realizing it. I remember that I used to think that she was soooo beautiful... and I really liked the series. (And so did my mum; we watched it together. If I buy a season of The House of Elliot at least she'll like it and she won't think of it as a manifestation of my "old ladies obsession" because Evie Elliot is just a young girl, really...) No, but the point is that I shouldn't waste money on movies!! Why do I do this?!...... Oh, lynchgrrl88, if you read this; tell me which movies with Anjelica Huston to watch more than that Avalon thing?....
And now I'm gonna watch House (btw, I think Foreman/Thirteen = not so good. Their first kiss was kind of cute, but I'd like to see her with a girl, please!), eat some brie cheese (because I'm trying to fight my crazy urge to starve myself!!) and ddrink another glass of wine. So, good night.