FIC: A Portrait Of The Artist As... (Donghae-centric, Hankyung/Heechul)
Three fics in three days... All of your comments make me want to write forever and ever ♥! This is yet another crack fic with copious amounts of Donghae, who I simply adore. Enjoy!
A Portrait Of The Artist As A Really Scary Three-Eyed Blue Tentacled Monster... With Fangs!!!
Donghae-centric, Hankyung/Heechul
Humor, rated PG-13 for sexual implications, 1054 words
Summary: Leeteuk gives Donghae some crayons and all Hell breaks loose.
Donghae is the type of guy that could get away with anything without arousing suspicion. He has a heart of gold, the eyes of a puppy, and a smile that could rival that of the world's cutest kid. When Donghae asks for anything, he will get it - he and Heechul are similar in that respect. Of course, the means they use and the motives they have are entirely different. While Donghae uses what he wants to brighten a friend's day or indulge in his own little innocent whims, Heechul's main intention in usually to make someone else's life miserable.
In any case, when Donghae appears at Leeteuk's desk one Saturday morning and asks him for some crayons, Leeteuk thinks nothing of it. In fact he finds it quite adorable - he knows Donghae is a child at heart, but crayons... "Sure, Hae" he says pleasantly, pulling out a box from one of his drawers and handing it over. Donghae's face lights up immediately, and he thanks Leeteuk happily before running off, probably to make Kyuhyun a birthday card or something.
Later, when Yesung is presented with a very unflattering portrait of himself (with purple skin and what appear to be huge bulbous sores all over his face), which Donghae cheerily claims is an "accurate representation of Hyung's handsome features!", Leeteuk realizes that he may have made a slight mistake.
Yes, he thinks as Yesung clenches and unclenches his fists, looking very much like a snake ready to attack a (rather adorable, but very clueless) mouse. Definitely a mistake...
"Shindongie-hyung~" sings Donghae cheerfully, emerging from his bedroom with another dreaded piece of paper in hand. Leeteuk gulps. Shindong is generally good-natured, and Leeteuk hopes that he will stay that way even after seeing Donghae's gift. Shindong is unaware of what awaits him, and looks up at Donghae curiously.
"I drew a picture of you~" Out of the corner of his eye, Leeteuk sees Yesung twitch. Donghae gives Shindong the drawing and waits expectantly for his response.
Leeteuk watches as Shindong's ears turn red. Donghae is oblivious to Shindong's negative reaction, still listening for some delighted praise or a "You're so talented, Donghae!" Leeteuk sneaks a peak at the drawing, which resembles, if anything, a baby whale.
Heechul glances at it on his way to the kitchen and cackles. "Looks just like him, Fishy!" Donghae beams.
Watching nervously as Shindong's hands begin to shake violently, Leeteuk gets up and ushers Donghae back to his own bedroom.
The following week sees Donghae churning out masterpiece after masterpiece. Some of the members take their portraits lightly (Eunhyuk even humors Donghae, insisting that the picture is very lifelike before asking Shindong if his nose is really that big), and others look about ready to kill ("I look diseased!" complains Yesung, fuming, while Heechul shrieks that he is far more beautiful than Donghae's drawing suggests). Donghae remains happily unaware of these adverse reactions, boasting to Kibum about his newly discovered talent.
It is when Donghae bounces into their bedroom waving his very own self portrait that Leeteuk begins to really question Donghae's sanity. (By this time, the other members are far beyond questioning it, and Yesung may very well be on his way to answering it too.)
"Hyung, what do you think?" asks Donghae happily. His self portrait turns out to be a rather horrifying depiction of himself as a monster, a "really scary three-eyed blue tentacled monster!" explains Donghae, "with fangs!" Leeteuk sees the look of unabashed pride on Donghae's face and fumbles for words.
"Well... it looks... it looks..."
"Brilliant?" Donghae supplies helpfully.
"... Yes, yes! Exactly the word I was looking for!" exclaims Leeteuk perhaps a bit too enthusiastically. Luckily Donghae doesn't notice (anything ever), and leaves to show off his latest work to someone else.
It is Kibum who finally puts his foot down and tells Donghae like it is. "Hyung," he says seriously, holding in one hand a picture of himself with no less than twenty-four fingers. "You should probably stop drawing."
Donghae cocks his head to one side, looking ever-so confused. "What do you mean, Kibummie?"
"Hyung..." Kibum sighs. "You can't draw. Your drawings are crap. I'm pretty sure Yesung is going to strangle you in your sleep if you keep this up."
Donghae has never before looked so much like a kicked puppy. "But... but Yesungie hyung's was one of my best works! I don't understand!"
Kangin bursts into the room, holding a scrunched up drawing of himself as a mentally challenged cyclops. "Donghae, I swear, enough is enough."
Donghae's lower lip trembles. "But hyung, I just wanted to be famous, like Picasso... this is modern art!"
"Donghae," says Kibum kindly, "Stick to singing and dancing. Please."
And that is how Donghae's short-lived drawing fiasco comes to an end.
Hankyung, who has thus far remained indifferent to Donghae's passion for drawing, is sitting at the foot of his bed when Heechul approaches him.
"You know, Geng," says Heechul, slinking up behind him, "What with Donghae's newfound talent... I was struck with a little inspiration myself."
Hankyung flips through his magazine disinterestedly.
"I wanted to show you this portrait I drew of myself..." says Heechul. He presses his mouth to Hankyung's ear and continues, "... naked."
Hankyung stiffens. Heechul hands him the portrait eagerly. Hankyung takes a deep breath. Admittedly, the drawing bears a fair resemblance to his friend, except for... HOLYSHIT, that's a really ginormous-
"So," whispers Heechul, "what do you think?"
Hankyung looks at the portrait, at Heechul, at Heechul's pants, and the portrait again. "Well," he says slowly after some thought, "it's... very good but..." He pauses. "Don't you think you were... perhaps..." Hankyung chooses his words carefully, to avoid having his eyes clawed out by an angry Heechul, "exaggerating a few of your... features...?"
Heechul's grin widens to match that of the Cheshire Cat's. "Ah, do you really think so?" says Heechul with his eyes twinkling mischievously. He reaches for his belt buckle. "I think," he all but purrs, "this situation calls for a... side-by-side comparison..."
Somewhere in the back of his mind, two hours later, with a very naked Heechul sleeping soundly against his chest, Hankyung thanks whatever deity inspired Donghae to take up drawing.
Basically the only reason I wrote this was for the ending, because it even makes ME giggle. :) Hope you liked, please comment! Haha, I don't actually think Donghae is like this in real life, but I do so love playing up the spacey/oblivious/childlike part of him.
Also, I will be MIA for a little over a week. Sorry to spoil you and then run off! :D I'll have more fics when I get back! ♥ Take care, and good luck with exams if you have them.
A Portrait Of The Artist As A Really Scary Three-Eyed Blue Tentacled Monster... With Fangs!!!
Donghae-centric, Hankyung/Heechul
Humor, rated PG-13 for sexual implications, 1054 words
Summary: Leeteuk gives Donghae some crayons and all Hell breaks loose.
Donghae is the type of guy that could get away with anything without arousing suspicion. He has a heart of gold, the eyes of a puppy, and a smile that could rival that of the world's cutest kid. When Donghae asks for anything, he will get it - he and Heechul are similar in that respect. Of course, the means they use and the motives they have are entirely different. While Donghae uses what he wants to brighten a friend's day or indulge in his own little innocent whims, Heechul's main intention in usually to make someone else's life miserable.
In any case, when Donghae appears at Leeteuk's desk one Saturday morning and asks him for some crayons, Leeteuk thinks nothing of it. In fact he finds it quite adorable - he knows Donghae is a child at heart, but crayons... "Sure, Hae" he says pleasantly, pulling out a box from one of his drawers and handing it over. Donghae's face lights up immediately, and he thanks Leeteuk happily before running off, probably to make Kyuhyun a birthday card or something.
Later, when Yesung is presented with a very unflattering portrait of himself (with purple skin and what appear to be huge bulbous sores all over his face), which Donghae cheerily claims is an "accurate representation of Hyung's handsome features!", Leeteuk realizes that he may have made a slight mistake.
Yes, he thinks as Yesung clenches and unclenches his fists, looking very much like a snake ready to attack a (rather adorable, but very clueless) mouse. Definitely a mistake...
"Shindongie-hyung~" sings Donghae cheerfully, emerging from his bedroom with another dreaded piece of paper in hand. Leeteuk gulps. Shindong is generally good-natured, and Leeteuk hopes that he will stay that way even after seeing Donghae's gift. Shindong is unaware of what awaits him, and looks up at Donghae curiously.
"I drew a picture of you~" Out of the corner of his eye, Leeteuk sees Yesung twitch. Donghae gives Shindong the drawing and waits expectantly for his response.
Leeteuk watches as Shindong's ears turn red. Donghae is oblivious to Shindong's negative reaction, still listening for some delighted praise or a "You're so talented, Donghae!" Leeteuk sneaks a peak at the drawing, which resembles, if anything, a baby whale.
Heechul glances at it on his way to the kitchen and cackles. "Looks just like him, Fishy!" Donghae beams.
Watching nervously as Shindong's hands begin to shake violently, Leeteuk gets up and ushers Donghae back to his own bedroom.
The following week sees Donghae churning out masterpiece after masterpiece. Some of the members take their portraits lightly (Eunhyuk even humors Donghae, insisting that the picture is very lifelike before asking Shindong if his nose is really that big), and others look about ready to kill ("I look diseased!" complains Yesung, fuming, while Heechul shrieks that he is far more beautiful than Donghae's drawing suggests). Donghae remains happily unaware of these adverse reactions, boasting to Kibum about his newly discovered talent.
It is when Donghae bounces into their bedroom waving his very own self portrait that Leeteuk begins to really question Donghae's sanity. (By this time, the other members are far beyond questioning it, and Yesung may very well be on his way to answering it too.)
"Hyung, what do you think?" asks Donghae happily. His self portrait turns out to be a rather horrifying depiction of himself as a monster, a "really scary three-eyed blue tentacled monster!" explains Donghae, "with fangs!" Leeteuk sees the look of unabashed pride on Donghae's face and fumbles for words.
"Well... it looks... it looks..."
"Brilliant?" Donghae supplies helpfully.
"... Yes, yes! Exactly the word I was looking for!" exclaims Leeteuk perhaps a bit too enthusiastically. Luckily Donghae doesn't notice (anything ever), and leaves to show off his latest work to someone else.
It is Kibum who finally puts his foot down and tells Donghae like it is. "Hyung," he says seriously, holding in one hand a picture of himself with no less than twenty-four fingers. "You should probably stop drawing."
Donghae cocks his head to one side, looking ever-so confused. "What do you mean, Kibummie?"
"Hyung..." Kibum sighs. "You can't draw. Your drawings are crap. I'm pretty sure Yesung is going to strangle you in your sleep if you keep this up."
Donghae has never before looked so much like a kicked puppy. "But... but Yesungie hyung's was one of my best works! I don't understand!"
Kangin bursts into the room, holding a scrunched up drawing of himself as a mentally challenged cyclops. "Donghae, I swear, enough is enough."
Donghae's lower lip trembles. "But hyung, I just wanted to be famous, like Picasso... this is modern art!"
"Donghae," says Kibum kindly, "Stick to singing and dancing. Please."
And that is how Donghae's short-lived drawing fiasco comes to an end.
Hankyung, who has thus far remained indifferent to Donghae's passion for drawing, is sitting at the foot of his bed when Heechul approaches him.
"You know, Geng," says Heechul, slinking up behind him, "What with Donghae's newfound talent... I was struck with a little inspiration myself."
Hankyung flips through his magazine disinterestedly.
"I wanted to show you this portrait I drew of myself..." says Heechul. He presses his mouth to Hankyung's ear and continues, "... naked."
Hankyung stiffens. Heechul hands him the portrait eagerly. Hankyung takes a deep breath. Admittedly, the drawing bears a fair resemblance to his friend, except for... HOLYSHIT, that's a really ginormous-
"So," whispers Heechul, "what do you think?"
Hankyung looks at the portrait, at Heechul, at Heechul's pants, and the portrait again. "Well," he says slowly after some thought, "it's... very good but..." He pauses. "Don't you think you were... perhaps..." Hankyung chooses his words carefully, to avoid having his eyes clawed out by an angry Heechul, "exaggerating a few of your... features...?"
Heechul's grin widens to match that of the Cheshire Cat's. "Ah, do you really think so?" says Heechul with his eyes twinkling mischievously. He reaches for his belt buckle. "I think," he all but purrs, "this situation calls for a... side-by-side comparison..."
Somewhere in the back of his mind, two hours later, with a very naked Heechul sleeping soundly against his chest, Hankyung thanks whatever deity inspired Donghae to take up drawing.
Basically the only reason I wrote this was for the ending, because it even makes ME giggle. :) Hope you liked, please comment! Haha, I don't actually think Donghae is like this in real life, but I do so love playing up the spacey/oblivious/childlike part of him.
Also, I will be MIA for a little over a week. Sorry to spoil you and then run off! :D I'll have more fics when I get back! ♥ Take care, and good luck with exams if you have them.