Confessions of a futon revelutionist
Only 10:24 am and I'm already bored as hell. Days off suck. I can't wait for school to start. I'm scared as shit about school. Will I do well this time? Or will I just continue to be a fuck-up... I lost $100 somewhere. Not really lost, I spent it. I don't know where. I really shouldn't have a debit card. UGH!
I've gotta find something to do today. I don't know if I want to hang out with Cassandra today. I've been really depressed lately (again). I think she knows why. I don't want to tell her the reason though cause it'd just make her sad. How do you tell your girlfriend that you'll never love her as much as your ex? How do you tell her that even when you're with her, you're thinking about another girl? Yeah, she'd be pissed. She says she loves me. I wish she didn't... I can't return her love. My heart already belongs to someone else.
I sent Kelly an email. 'Kelly please come back. I need you. I love you. I miss you. I fell like I'm dieing.' She hasn't spoken to me since I sent it. I don't know if it's because of the email, or she hasn't had time, or doesn't fewel like talking to me atm, or wants to give me more time. I don't know. I really want her to reconsider coming back though. I know I'm selfish....
Nearly Christmas now. I got my shopping done. Got Cass a blender, toys for the twins, gift cards for Lewie and Kyle, a movie for mom, and a game for dad. I get to see the family this year. I got off so I'm going to spend the morning with moms family, and the evening with dad's. I'm looking forward to the evening, cause that is my family. I get to see my grandparents, that'll be nice.
I don't know what to do with myself. I'm alone all the time. I don't know how to pretend to be happy. There are some people that are extremely good at pretending. I wish I could just convince myself I'm happy with Cass, but I cant. Shoot me...
I've gotta find something to do today. I don't know if I want to hang out with Cassandra today. I've been really depressed lately (again). I think she knows why. I don't want to tell her the reason though cause it'd just make her sad. How do you tell your girlfriend that you'll never love her as much as your ex? How do you tell her that even when you're with her, you're thinking about another girl? Yeah, she'd be pissed. She says she loves me. I wish she didn't... I can't return her love. My heart already belongs to someone else.
I sent Kelly an email. 'Kelly please come back. I need you. I love you. I miss you. I fell like I'm dieing.' She hasn't spoken to me since I sent it. I don't know if it's because of the email, or she hasn't had time, or doesn't fewel like talking to me atm, or wants to give me more time. I don't know. I really want her to reconsider coming back though. I know I'm selfish....
Nearly Christmas now. I got my shopping done. Got Cass a blender, toys for the twins, gift cards for Lewie and Kyle, a movie for mom, and a game for dad. I get to see the family this year. I got off so I'm going to spend the morning with moms family, and the evening with dad's. I'm looking forward to the evening, cause that is my family. I get to see my grandparents, that'll be nice.
I don't know what to do with myself. I'm alone all the time. I don't know how to pretend to be happy. There are some people that are extremely good at pretending. I wish I could just convince myself I'm happy with Cass, but I cant. Shoot me...