I feel I must appologize for the slightly depressing and uninteresting posts as of late: I'm sorry
This one really is not much better.
Right now, I'm bored. I am sitting in a hotel with two cousins, an aunt and my mother. I don't believe in the magic show that my cousin is watching and I really wish he would change the channel. This guy keeps talking about Houdini... this guy, is not Houdini. I'm happy he has control of his mind that he can do stupid things like laying on glass and having a steam roller roll on him. We have 90 channels of hotel cable, and we are watching stupid magic tricks and CSI. Thank you.
I have a headache. I don't know if keeping track of everything that I do is going to help. Honestly it would be one hell of an irony if I were to die of a brain anurism in my sleep. Because that's what I think is going to happen. That also brings me to how much I think about dying. Not intentionally, mind you. But just that lately it feels like it could come faster than I would like. I drive safe on those days, just like me mummy told me. And yet I can't help but feel like on those days I should take care to tell the people that I love... that I do just that: love them.
Sometimes I wonder why I get so attached to people. Why when people say they love me so much find it so easy to separate, while I tend to be devastated when they leave. But I've tried being callous or "un-attached" if you will... and that "me" is a "me" that I don't like at all.
I really don't know why I bother caring anymore, if anything that someone has a passion in has some other opposing person that doesn't like it nor think it right. I try to please everyone. I guess that is my qualm. I have a problem finding something to be passionate about because it can't please everyone. If I take a stand then someone will have a problem and make confrontation. Something that I fear the most is confrontation.
I've realized that I tell people things about myself to show that I trust them enough to open up to them and show them something that I care about. Apparently I bruise too easily; emotionally and physically. I have quirks. If I tell you about them, or you notice them, making fun of them will probably inevitably result in my subconscious choice of not to tell you again. This results in shy Amy. The quiet one. It's the one that most of the Usry side of the family sees; the one that new people see. I have met one person that has not blatently disregarded, or made real fun at almost anything that I've told them, though I've known them such a short time. Unfortunately I've lost some contact.
Skin is beautiful in low light of high contrast. Absolutely beautiful.
Right now, I'm bored. I am sitting in a hotel with two cousins, an aunt and my mother. I don't believe in the magic show that my cousin is watching and I really wish he would change the channel. This guy keeps talking about Houdini... this guy, is not Houdini. I'm happy he has control of his mind that he can do stupid things like laying on glass and having a steam roller roll on him. We have 90 channels of hotel cable, and we are watching stupid magic tricks and CSI. Thank you.
I have a headache. I don't know if keeping track of everything that I do is going to help. Honestly it would be one hell of an irony if I were to die of a brain anurism in my sleep. Because that's what I think is going to happen. That also brings me to how much I think about dying. Not intentionally, mind you. But just that lately it feels like it could come faster than I would like. I drive safe on those days, just like me mummy told me. And yet I can't help but feel like on those days I should take care to tell the people that I love... that I do just that: love them.
Sometimes I wonder why I get so attached to people. Why when people say they love me so much find it so easy to separate, while I tend to be devastated when they leave. But I've tried being callous or "un-attached" if you will... and that "me" is a "me" that I don't like at all.
I really don't know why I bother caring anymore, if anything that someone has a passion in has some other opposing person that doesn't like it nor think it right. I try to please everyone. I guess that is my qualm. I have a problem finding something to be passionate about because it can't please everyone. If I take a stand then someone will have a problem and make confrontation. Something that I fear the most is confrontation.
I've realized that I tell people things about myself to show that I trust them enough to open up to them and show them something that I care about. Apparently I bruise too easily; emotionally and physically. I have quirks. If I tell you about them, or you notice them, making fun of them will probably inevitably result in my subconscious choice of not to tell you again. This results in shy Amy. The quiet one. It's the one that most of the Usry side of the family sees; the one that new people see. I have met one person that has not blatently disregarded, or made real fun at almost anything that I've told them, though I've known them such a short time. Unfortunately I've lost some contact.
Skin is beautiful in low light of high contrast. Absolutely beautiful.