Your BF edit! pt. 2keppiehedAugust 23 2010, 19:14:55 UTC
-"Damn it[,] Deborah!"
-"I can handle that!" her mother snapped[,] and Katie froze as something in her closet bumped around again.
-You can't be trusted with Katie," her father said[,] and Katie's heart soared with hope.
-"Over my dead body!" Katie's mother howled[,] and the door slammed shut.
-She blinked and stared into the darkness of her closet before two[] neon[-]green eyes opened up. comma delete, add hyphen. Also, to avoid ending on a preposition, I would delete "up"
- "I bet you think you're getting away from me[;] well you're not!" her mother shouted.
-Her mother smelt awful[,] and Katie knew it was the alcohol her mother drank that made the smell.
-"You got anything to say?" her mother demanded[,] and Katie shook her head. Pain blossomed on the side of her face[,] and she fell back on her bed after her mother slapped her.
-The bedroom door slammed shut[,] and Katie heard her mother head back to the kitchen and the clear sound of a can being opened.
-Katie's mother was on[remove space] to beer now.
-The glowing eyes were watching her[,] and Katie could make out a mouth full of sharp teeth.
-The thing in the closet was much bigger than Katie[,] but smaller than her mother.
-"I can handle that!" her mother snapped[,] and Katie froze as something in her closet bumped around again.
-You can't be trusted with Katie," her father said[,] and Katie's heart soared with hope.
-"Over my dead body!" Katie's mother howled[,] and the door slammed shut.
-She blinked and stared into the darkness of her closet before two[] neon[-]green eyes opened up. comma delete, add hyphen. Also, to avoid ending on a preposition, I would delete "up"
- "I bet you think you're getting away from me[;] well you're not!" her mother shouted.
-Her mother smelt awful[,] and Katie knew it was the alcohol her mother drank that made the smell.
-"You got anything to say?" her mother demanded[,] and Katie shook her head. Pain blossomed on the side of her face[,] and she fell back on her bed after her mother slapped her.
-The bedroom door slammed shut[,] and Katie heard her mother head back to the kitchen and the clear sound of a can being opened.
-Katie's mother was on[remove space] to beer now.
-The glowing eyes were watching her[,] and Katie could make out a mouth full of sharp teeth.
-The thing in the closet was much bigger than Katie[,] but smaller than her mother.
Reply
Leave a comment