Editor here :)openedlocketJune 13 2010, 09:30:08 UTC
I love the creative take you took for this week's topic. I love folk legends of this sort and I really enjoyed reading this one.
The edits (in parenthesis):
...had Tanvi bath(e) in motiyaa oil...
...son not (be) enamored of such a lovely vision.
As the time arrived(,) all the village's unmarried girls...
...she looked towards the exit(,) praying it would be over...
He longed to reach and touch the(it would be less confusing of ‘the’ was replaced with ‘her’) thick, ebony locks or the soft, caramel skin.
She had seen him many times, but most ignored her apparently the headman's son had never noticed her before. (This sentence is a bit confusing. I understand what you mean but maybe you should rephrase the sentence to avoid confusion)
As she reached the top(,) Amalesh broke from his shock...
The villages all drew close to scent the flowers at their open best. (I’m not exactly sure what you mean with this sentence. Maybe you meant to say ‘smell’ or ‘see’ instead of ‘scent’)
And that's it :) Feel free to ignore any edit that you disagree with.
Thank you so much for this and I hope the edits helped :D
The edits (in parenthesis):
...had Tanvi bath(e) in motiyaa oil...
...son not (be) enamored of such a lovely vision.
As the time arrived(,) all the village's unmarried girls...
...she looked towards the exit(,) praying it would be over...
He longed to reach and touch the(it would be less confusing of ‘the’ was replaced with ‘her’) thick, ebony locks or the soft, caramel skin.
She had seen him many times, but most ignored her apparently the headman's son had never noticed her before. (This sentence is a bit confusing. I understand what you mean but maybe you should rephrase the sentence to avoid confusion)
As she reached the top(,) Amalesh broke from his shock...
The villages all drew close to scent the flowers at their open best. (I’m not exactly sure what you mean with this sentence. Maybe you meant to say ‘smell’ or ‘see’ instead of ‘scent’)
And that's it :) Feel free to ignore any edit that you disagree with.
Thank you so much for this and I hope the edits helped :D
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