You Get What You Pay For
You Get What You Pay For
~*~*~
“I’m just saying that if I were smuggling melons in my shirt, I would play with them more often,” Mouth said and I smirked as I watched Peg grab him by the back of the neck and slam his face into the back of Drake’s seat. Mr. Smith watched from the back of the van, his face was scrunched up in disapproval.
“Knock it off, we’ve got a client with us,” Drake growled and I tried not to grin more as I pulled the van off the main road onto the dirt path to the cabin.
“Yeah, have some fucking professionalism,” I called back and Peg chuckled.
“Watch your mouth, Specs, we’re in front of a fucking client,” Mouth stated with an air of professionalism.
“Damn and we forgot our suits and ties,” I sighed dramatically.
“Can Mouth get a tie around his meaty neck?” Peg asked and Mouth pouted like a child.
“I can too get a tie around my neck, I just think you’ll try and strangle me,” he said and I laughed.
“Nah, she’s just use it to snap your meaty neck,” I teased and Drake smacked me on the side of the head. “Ow Boss! I’m driving!”
“Mr. Smith, I assure you, we are the best in our field. These three are really just a part of the brute force of our business,” Drake explained.
“I’m hoping you still have someone watching that bitch,” Mr. Smith growled and Drake nodded.
“The rest of our team is taking care of your dear wife,” Drake stated.
“Man, she was not easy to come by,” Mouth complained. “You married a raving bitch.”
“That, I already knew,” Mr. Smith said, obviously his hate was overpowering his desire to ignore Mouth.
“Well we’ll have a nice bitch punishment party when we get to the cabin,” Mouth chuckled.
“Mouth shut the fuck up,” Peg grunted. I love a woman who doesn’t waste time on pretty words. We drove the next ten minutes in silence with Mouth making faces at Peg and she was strictly ignoring him. We reached the cabin and I flashed the headlights three times before parking the van next to the house.
“Could you park directly over the puddle on my side next time Specs?” Mouth asked as he gave me a look and I grinned.
“I try,” I said with a happy head toss. Drake shot me a glare but I only grinned wider. We headed up to the cabin and the door opened. Meg stood in the doorway and Peg nodded at her twin. The two shared that creepy identical twin bond. Mr. Smith looked at the two women before he followed Drake into the cabin. The front room looked like a common room, only if you looked carefully would you see that everything in the front room was just for show. The sofas were pristine with a layer of dust on the cushions, the paperbacks on the bookshelf were all worn to the point of being illegible, and the room was so perfectly designed it just screamed fake. I headed to the door to the right, the kitchen. Mouth followed me and we both went for the fridge as Drake and Mr. Smith stayed in the front room discussing the final transfer of our payment.
“Gentlemen, it’s time to earn your keep,” Drake called and I rolled my eyes as I crammed as much of my sandwich into my mouth as I could.
“Your name should be Mouth,” Mouth mumbled as he watched me chew.
“Specs can eat more than you at a time, but you won’t shut up,” Peg stated as she moved to one side of Mr. Smith and Drake took the other. I managed to swallow the massive lump of food in my mouth.
“Nah, nah,” I replied and Mouth glared before Drake turned around and grabbed out heads, thumping them together. We both grunted but I only pouted before cramming more of my sandwich into my mouth.
“Shit, Drake, that fucking hurt,” Mouth snarled.
“Point,” Peg said as we entered the back room. There was a form on the bed, a burlap sack over the form’s head and the arms tied behind the back.
“Is that my wife?” Mr. Smith asked and Meg nodded.
“Who else would it be?” Mouth asked, a malicious tone creeping into his voice. I fought not to grin, shoving more of the sandwich in my mouth. Mr. Smith looked at us as the figure shifted on the bed.
“Why is she still alive?” he growled and Hoss entered the room from the back. He was a massive man, Mouth and I were muscle but Hoss was both brawn and brain. I rather take on Drake and the Twins than ever have to cross Hoss.
“Mr. Smith, we have a bit of a conundrum on our hands,” Hoss stated before Meg injected the muscle relaxant into Mr. Smith’s neck. Mouth and I caught him as he collapsed. We tossed Mr. Smith onto the bed before removing the burlap sack, revealing Mrs. Smith. The two were glaring at each other.
“What the hell are you doing to me?” Mr. Smith snarled.
“You see, we were about to kill your dear wife when she made a counteroffer,” Hoss said and Mouth and I grinned.
“She offered double what you’re paying us to let her go and to kill you,” Drake stated.
“We like money and if she pays us double, that means she’s going to pay us more than you,” Mouth chuckled.
“I hired you!” Mr. Smith roared as he tried to move without success.
“Yeah, but we’re mercenaries. We go with the highest bidder,” Mouth chuckled. “That’s kind of the definition of mercenaries.”
“You sons of bitches!” he cried and I laughed.
“I told you, I’ll pay you double, let me go!” Mrs. Smith cried and Hoss nodded.
“Meg, get the stimulant,” Drake said.
“Triple! I’ll pay you triple!” Mr. Smith cried.
“I hear triple, triple, do we have a quadruple?” Mouth laughed and Mr. Smith looked horrified before Mrs. Smith nodded.
“I’ll pay quadruple!” she cried and Mr. Smith looked horrified.
“You don’t have that kind of money,” he hissed.
“I never told you about my trust fund you son of a bitch!” Mrs. Smith hissed and Mr. Smith looked horrified.
“Can you multiply it by five?” Mouth asked and Mr. Smith paled in horror.
“No…no…I hired you!” he cried as Meg brought over a computer. Mrs. Smith began giving Meg information to complete an electronic transfer. As soon as the money was in our account, Meg injected the stimulant.
“Ah, I love capitalism,” Mouth sighed as Mrs. Smith was taken out of the room by Meg and Peg.
“Like the original order, it will look like an accident,” Hoss stated as he looked at Mr. Smith. “Don’t worry, we pride ourselves on making sure things are as painless as possible in cases where manner of death isn’t given.”
“Boss, the original order was for a painful and slow death,” I chuckled. “I fixed the car and found a nice spot for it to roll down the mountain.”
“You are right, Specs, the original order was for her to suffer for her last breath. We can arrange that,” Hoss chuckled as Mouth and I picked up Mr. Smith and carried him out.
~*~*~
After we dropped Mrs. Smith off at her apartment with a warning never to talk about what happened to her or her late husband I stopped at the drive-thru to get a few hamburgers as we talked about our next job.
“So what’s the next order of business?” Mouth asked as he sucked on a milkshake. Peg and Meg were eating the same crappy fish meals while Drake ate his sandwich and Hoss chewed on a chicken strip.
“We have another husband with a suspicion that is wife is cheating on him,” Hoss stated.
“What does the husband want?” I asked before eating my third burger.
“Catch her with her lover, or one of them, and punish them both, no need for the body to be discovered,” Hoss stated and I smirked.
“Excellent,” Mouth grinned, he always enjoyed jobs where he could have ‘fun’ not that I didn’t enjoy them as well.
“And our new boss’s name?” I asked with a grin.
“Why, Mr. Smith of course,” Hoss said. “He and his wife are both very wealthy.”
“Joint accounts or individual?” Meg asked.
“Individual bank accounts,” Hoss grinned and Peg nodded in approval.
“How much are you ripping him off for?” Mouth asked and Hoss snorted.
“We do not rip off our clients, besides, you know what they say about fools and money,” Hoss stated.
“They never have as much hidden away as their wives?” I asked and Mouth howled with laughter as he pounded on my shoulder before I started the van and pulled away so we could get ready for Mr. Smith’s order.
~*~*~
Author Note: I really had trouble with this, but I did enjoy Mouth, I was picturing Ryan Reynolds in that role.