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Editing part 2 kayden_eidyak November 14 2009, 14:57:11 UTC
The Chinese census believed it was a fluke until the fathers of the children were tested and showed that the sperm cells were dividing the X and Ys,as (period) the nutrients that should have gone to the X sperm were going to the Y carrying sperm. This was happening in 80% of Chinese males. (This sentence is just sort of tacked on there. If you put the statistic at the middle of the previous sentence, I think it would go better: "....showed that the sperm cells in 80% of Chinese males were dividing...")

Instead(comma) they made nice with their mainland Asia neighbors.

The sightings of Chinese men leading away the missing girls became more and more popular and with ten years of children where half the population couldn’t find a mate (I'm not sure what this means. Does it mean ten year's worth of children born couldn't find a mate?) , the rest of the world began to take notice.

The reports began to come from Korea….(hypen) both Koreas(hypen) and that got the attention of Japan.

Several of the South Pacific islands gave in(comma) as did most of Southern Asia gave in and gave up many of their young women.

I left the Nishimuras feeling a little better(comma) but reports from China have shown that Chinese men are still producing abnormal sperm. The Baby Boomers are still going to be producing too many males. Europe is worried and has begun to build their defense force, but if they couldn’t protect the Middle East against the Chinese in WWIII chances are good they won’t be able to stop a group of lonely soldier (First, there's a small typo - soldiers. Second, "group" sort of implies a fairly small number. Maybe a few hundred at most and doesn't sound like much threat. An army of loney soldiers, however, sounds much more foreboding.).

The US is opening the doors to many who don’t think Europe and Africa can stop the Red Scourge. So are Australia, Canada, and most of South America are also accepting refugees but soon it may not be enough. (This sentence needs rewording) The Moon colonies are looking good,(period) they have antispace craft missiles to make sure no one they don’t want can make it. It will take a few more decades till the Moon colonies are capable of taking on the massive population increased that we of the Western Hemisphere are planning, but you have to have hope. Phase One of the Relocation Project is going really well(comma) after all.

So that's about it. Again, very interesting idea. I especially liked the futuristic approach. A little tidying up in the middle and you'll be good to go! :)

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Re: Editing part 2 selkie_queen November 15 2009, 21:56:36 UTC
Thanks for the Edit, I really like the use of color in there. Very clever.

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Re: Editing part 2 kayden_eidyak November 15 2009, 23:01:00 UTC
Oh, good, I'm glad you liked the color. It was my first time trying it. I was hoping it would make things clearer to the editee.

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