welcome to the dollhouse..
Another dream. Another need wants to be heard.
This was dreadful. Not frightening. Just so banal and human and typical....
I'll not give the frame by frame account.
Synopsis:
"Nobody loves me."
which isn't strictly true. When people say this..what they mean is.."I have not pleased those whom I would please."
The dream addressed the creep feelings. I just feel like such a freak around some people. And not a glamorous freak. A boring freak. Not a mysterious freak. Just a grey pasty glob.
So today upon waking I decided to say goodbye. Metaphorically. But also symbolically. Letting go is so hard.
I need to create a ceremony for it.
I STILL have longings for what never was with my ex-husband. Even after all that rejection. (I mean, "Get a clue, honey! He REALLY isn't into you!) I still on some level would run back if he told me it was just a big..mistake.
On what level?
What is it that makes us look past the people that are so good for us..so solid. So charmed by us..Look past those people and turn on the charisma switch for the people who couldn't care less?
in my life..why do I give valuable time..to people who don't care if I..live or I die?
No more. No more. No.
And that may make that regurgitation of "I'm a creepy geek", Junior High emotion just "puff". Vanish.
The hungry ego. The need for validation. Fine.
But why does that narcissistic worm that lives in everyone's gut...
ah. I understand.
It is Junior High.
It is..
I have to get past this. It's like a silvery, slimy membrane that doesn't have a use anymore..It's not protecting me. It's just grossing me the hell out.
This was dreadful. Not frightening. Just so banal and human and typical....
I'll not give the frame by frame account.
Synopsis:
"Nobody loves me."
which isn't strictly true. When people say this..what they mean is.."I have not pleased those whom I would please."
The dream addressed the creep feelings. I just feel like such a freak around some people. And not a glamorous freak. A boring freak. Not a mysterious freak. Just a grey pasty glob.
So today upon waking I decided to say goodbye. Metaphorically. But also symbolically. Letting go is so hard.
I need to create a ceremony for it.
I STILL have longings for what never was with my ex-husband. Even after all that rejection. (I mean, "Get a clue, honey! He REALLY isn't into you!) I still on some level would run back if he told me it was just a big..mistake.
On what level?
What is it that makes us look past the people that are so good for us..so solid. So charmed by us..Look past those people and turn on the charisma switch for the people who couldn't care less?
in my life..why do I give valuable time..to people who don't care if I..live or I die?
No more. No more. No.
And that may make that regurgitation of "I'm a creepy geek", Junior High emotion just "puff". Vanish.
The hungry ego. The need for validation. Fine.
But why does that narcissistic worm that lives in everyone's gut...
ah. I understand.
It is Junior High.
It is..
I have to get past this. It's like a silvery, slimy membrane that doesn't have a use anymore..It's not protecting me. It's just grossing me the hell out.