a depressing, pissed off, sucky, I don't want to be here kind of day
I hope someday I will get my heart back. I hope someday I will fully get over her. My brain tells me I want nothing to do with her after what she did to me but my heart still remembers "us" like yesterday. No matter how much I want it to it wont let her go. it wont give up and move on. I'm trying so hard to be rid of her in my heart to yern her no longer. This is by far the most difficult thing I have ever attempted and she is only making it 20 times worse on me with how quick her and Mark our moving together. I have no respect for either of them personally. Both of their actions completly betraid me. To be honest one of the things that really hurt was seeing Katie do what she has because I always thought of her as my role model and someone with a huge heart and great morals. I still think God has a plan for her and he will use her someday if she follows the path he has set for her. I guess she has just been doing a lot of stuff against her morals because she selfishly is going on her own feelings and wants not thinking or careing about what it might be doing to anyone else(me). It is her choise I just feel like what she has done and what she is still doing is wrong on so many levels. No human being is meant to go through the kind of pain that I have in the last 4 weeks. and well to tell you the truth I never thought that highly of mark though he still let me down. He crossed the lines and did many things that were completly inapropriate. I need so much more healing from God. I just wish she cared enough to realize what it is doing to me I guess but maybe that is asking for too much. I'm trying to find happieness in other things but it is also difficult. well I figure I'm doing about as good as I could in these circumstance so we'll see what happens.