if he's dumb enough to walk away, be smart enough to let go . . .
Sometimes in life..
You just have to SMILE,
Pretend that everything's OKAY,
Hold back the TEARS,
And just WALK AWAY . . .
And that's what I plan to do.
Not because I WANT to..
But because I HAVE to.
You see, when I said that if by July 14, 2008- Justin is still missing, that I WOULD move on..
I MEANT IT.
And TODAY marks that day.
Although, I do take back what I said about DELETING the 525 emails..
I mean, it's the only souvenir I have left of what Justin & I had, why would I throw it all away?!
If he's never coming back, I'll at least WANT something to remember him by.
I hardly eve use my "camie_pie" email anyways..
So here I am..
Missing him like hell..
And knowing he doesn't care..
Dear Justin,
It has been over a year since I last heard from you and not a day passes by when I don't think about you, about how you are, what's been happening to you. . .
And if you ever think about me too. Obviously you don't. . .
For the past year, I have been wishing, hoping, PRAYING to God that he would lead you back into my direction. . .
Telling Him that you are worth every single one of my tears, and that I was doing everything I could in my power to be worth it for you. . .
But apparently, I'm not.
And apparently, we're not supposed to be together. . . ( maybe just for now anyways . . . )
And that hurts me, sooo much. . . Because the whole WORLD knows that I've always wanted to be the right girl for you. . .
I don't know what hurts more. . .
You telling me you fell out of love, or realizing that we aren't for each other. . .
I can tell the world that I miss you like hell, I can yell it out loud to anyone who wants to listen. . .
But what's the point? When I know that. . .
Even if cried a thousand tears tonight, you wouldn't come back..
Even if I walked on water, you wouldn't come out to see..
Even when I miss you, you're still not missing me. . .
And you know what? It's okay, I'm not mad at you- and I sure as hell don't hate you for not showing up.
Even after all the pain, tears, heartbreak. . . I don't blame you for any of it.
MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA Justin.
So much, that I know I'm doing the right thing for the both of us. . .
I love you enough to let you go and be happy. . .
Coz I know it's unfair for me to hold on to these feelings when you don't feel the same. . .
This way, you can be happy without the guilt that you're hurting me like hell. . . And you can disappear forever- if that's what you want. . .
And I-- I can learn to live life without you.
Coz I know that it's not a crime to find yourself, and to love yourself a little bit more. . .
I know that sometimes, people need to BREAK UP, so that they can GROW UP. . .
Coz it takes GROWN UPS to make a relationship work. . .
So I'm gonna find myself and love myself just a little bit more,
so when that time comes, IF it's supposed to come. . .
That you return, or someone new comes along,
I can love them with not only ALL of my heart,
but with all of ME. . .
And I know it's what you want to. . .
You're always going to be my BEZ. . .
My Princey. . .
My Turtle. . .
My HUNNIE. . .
And I will always be your BEZ. . .
Your Cinderella. . .
Your Turtle. . .
Your HUNNIE. . .
Your PANGET. . .
Nothing will ever change that, but for now. . .
I LOVE YOU, GOODBYE . . .
Dear God,
In my darkest hours, I turn to you..
I ask you to take care of me..
I ask you to take care of my heart..
To keep all the little pieces that have broken and give it to the one you know is meant for me..
I thank you for Blessing me with a gift like Justin.
He is a BIG part of who I am today,
keep him safe and out of trouble.
Lead him to a girl that will love him despite his imperfections..
That will love him perfectly, just the way he deserves.
I just wish that we could still be friends at least,
but I know that it might take some time before that happens.
I love him.. and I just want the both of us to be happy.
WITH, or WITHOUT each other.
AMEN.
So as I close a chapter of my life,
I pick up the little pieces of my shattered heart and smile through my tears.
Coz I know, this is only the beginning- of the rest of my life. . .
It'll all get better . . .
IN TIME . . .coz everything happens for a reason. . .
You just have to SMILE,
Pretend that everything's OKAY,
Hold back the TEARS,
And just WALK AWAY . . .
And that's what I plan to do.
Not because I WANT to..
But because I HAVE to.
You see, when I said that if by July 14, 2008- Justin is still missing, that I WOULD move on..
I MEANT IT.
And TODAY marks that day.
Although, I do take back what I said about DELETING the 525 emails..
I mean, it's the only souvenir I have left of what Justin & I had, why would I throw it all away?!
If he's never coming back, I'll at least WANT something to remember him by.
I hardly eve use my "camie_pie" email anyways..
So here I am..
Missing him like hell..
And knowing he doesn't care..
Dear Justin,
It has been over a year since I last heard from you and not a day passes by when I don't think about you, about how you are, what's been happening to you. . .
And if you ever think about me too. Obviously you don't. . .
For the past year, I have been wishing, hoping, PRAYING to God that he would lead you back into my direction. . .
Telling Him that you are worth every single one of my tears, and that I was doing everything I could in my power to be worth it for you. . .
But apparently, I'm not.
And apparently, we're not supposed to be together. . . ( maybe just for now anyways . . . )
And that hurts me, sooo much. . . Because the whole WORLD knows that I've always wanted to be the right girl for you. . .
I don't know what hurts more. . .
You telling me you fell out of love, or realizing that we aren't for each other. . .
I can tell the world that I miss you like hell, I can yell it out loud to anyone who wants to listen. . .
But what's the point? When I know that. . .
Even if cried a thousand tears tonight, you wouldn't come back..
Even if I walked on water, you wouldn't come out to see..
Even when I miss you, you're still not missing me. . .
And you know what? It's okay, I'm not mad at you- and I sure as hell don't hate you for not showing up.
Even after all the pain, tears, heartbreak. . . I don't blame you for any of it.
MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA Justin.
So much, that I know I'm doing the right thing for the both of us. . .
I love you enough to let you go and be happy. . .
Coz I know it's unfair for me to hold on to these feelings when you don't feel the same. . .
This way, you can be happy without the guilt that you're hurting me like hell. . . And you can disappear forever- if that's what you want. . .
And I-- I can learn to live life without you.
Coz I know that it's not a crime to find yourself, and to love yourself a little bit more. . .
I know that sometimes, people need to BREAK UP, so that they can GROW UP. . .
Coz it takes GROWN UPS to make a relationship work. . .
So I'm gonna find myself and love myself just a little bit more,
so when that time comes, IF it's supposed to come. . .
That you return, or someone new comes along,
I can love them with not only ALL of my heart,
but with all of ME. . .
And I know it's what you want to. . .
You're always going to be my BEZ. . .
My Princey. . .
My Turtle. . .
My HUNNIE. . .
And I will always be your BEZ. . .
Your Cinderella. . .
Your Turtle. . .
Your HUNNIE. . .
Your PANGET. . .
Nothing will ever change that, but for now. . .
I LOVE YOU, GOODBYE . . .
Dear God,
In my darkest hours, I turn to you..
I ask you to take care of me..
I ask you to take care of my heart..
To keep all the little pieces that have broken and give it to the one you know is meant for me..
I thank you for Blessing me with a gift like Justin.
He is a BIG part of who I am today,
keep him safe and out of trouble.
Lead him to a girl that will love him despite his imperfections..
That will love him perfectly, just the way he deserves.
I just wish that we could still be friends at least,
but I know that it might take some time before that happens.
I love him.. and I just want the both of us to be happy.
WITH, or WITHOUT each other.
AMEN.
So as I close a chapter of my life,
I pick up the little pieces of my shattered heart and smile through my tears.
Coz I know, this is only the beginning- of the rest of my life. . .
It'll all get better . . .
IN TIME . . .coz everything happens for a reason. . .