what's new...
I do not know exactly what i did, but i fixed the settings on my journal! WOO HOO!! No more messing around with the settings for me. I do not want to mess it up again.
What has been happening with me lately? Feeling "flat" right now, with lots of "ups" and "downs" inbetween (the ususal rollercoaster of feelings i suppose). I have been taking my medication and distacting myself with trivial and superficial stuff but i am starting to wonder though, how long it will last. I guess it does not matter as long as i am not hurting myself or having suicidal ideation or whatever.
I heard from the Trauma Program that I am suppost to be going in to (well, actually i called them because i am impatient) and now they are telling me that my name on the list has been pushed to September! I was supposed to hear from them in July. Fuck, i am tired of waiting, but the program is supposed to be good so i am hoping the the long wait (almost a year now) will be worth it.
So like, my one friend in the whole wide world, Rebecca, went to a psychic and had a tarot card reading and apparently was told that there would be a suicide in her circle of friends soon. I do not know how seriously i take people who claim to be psychic (i have met a few in my life and most of them turn out to be full of shit) but I wonder if it was referring to me. I mean, i am the only depressed and occassionally suicidal friend in Rebecca's life that i know of.
Anyway, i am not going to kill myself. I do not want to die. I just want the pain to stop. I am going to keep saying that until i brainwash myself and believe it.
What has been happening with me lately? Feeling "flat" right now, with lots of "ups" and "downs" inbetween (the ususal rollercoaster of feelings i suppose). I have been taking my medication and distacting myself with trivial and superficial stuff but i am starting to wonder though, how long it will last. I guess it does not matter as long as i am not hurting myself or having suicidal ideation or whatever.
I heard from the Trauma Program that I am suppost to be going in to (well, actually i called them because i am impatient) and now they are telling me that my name on the list has been pushed to September! I was supposed to hear from them in July. Fuck, i am tired of waiting, but the program is supposed to be good so i am hoping the the long wait (almost a year now) will be worth it.
So like, my one friend in the whole wide world, Rebecca, went to a psychic and had a tarot card reading and apparently was told that there would be a suicide in her circle of friends soon. I do not know how seriously i take people who claim to be psychic (i have met a few in my life and most of them turn out to be full of shit) but I wonder if it was referring to me. I mean, i am the only depressed and occassionally suicidal friend in Rebecca's life that i know of.
Anyway, i am not going to kill myself. I do not want to die. I just want the pain to stop. I am going to keep saying that until i brainwash myself and believe it.