Little Brighter...
Very gradually I'm having moments in each day when everything is a little brighter. It's hard for me to recognize, but I'm purposefully looking.
I've been up for a few hours, but I haven't accomplished much yet. Jireh Kitty made messes on the floor that I need to really clean. I will begin the morning with cleaning the floor, the kitchen, taking out the trash/ recycling/ kitty litter, then mopping the floor... ugg. I didn't go for my walk, but I will tomorrow. Maybe if I do enough housework, it will equal my morning walk?
I got through LS funeral. She was 90, so it was not unexpected. I'm sad that she's gone. I'm especially sad for GG who is losing all her friends to death, illness, relocation. Mostly the funeral was hard because I had to be social with so many people I've not seen in a very long time. They are good people, but I feel inadequate.
I keep thinking that after I have graduated college, have a career, and lose 150lbs I will feel better about myself. In reality, when I was equal/ above my peers educationaly, had several accomplishments to be proud of, and was an appropriate weight I stioll felt inadequate. It's something I have to fix inside myself. Unfortunately I feel so guilty when I make strides toward feeling good about myself and forgiving me for things I'm not proud of. A conundrum, I know.
I'm going to make a strong effort to focus on the positive today. I will be proud of my accomplishments for the day and be mindful of things I am grateful for.
I've been up for a few hours, but I haven't accomplished much yet. Jireh Kitty made messes on the floor that I need to really clean. I will begin the morning with cleaning the floor, the kitchen, taking out the trash/ recycling/ kitty litter, then mopping the floor... ugg. I didn't go for my walk, but I will tomorrow. Maybe if I do enough housework, it will equal my morning walk?
I got through LS funeral. She was 90, so it was not unexpected. I'm sad that she's gone. I'm especially sad for GG who is losing all her friends to death, illness, relocation. Mostly the funeral was hard because I had to be social with so many people I've not seen in a very long time. They are good people, but I feel inadequate.
I keep thinking that after I have graduated college, have a career, and lose 150lbs I will feel better about myself. In reality, when I was equal/ above my peers educationaly, had several accomplishments to be proud of, and was an appropriate weight I stioll felt inadequate. It's something I have to fix inside myself. Unfortunately I feel so guilty when I make strides toward feeling good about myself and forgiving me for things I'm not proud of. A conundrum, I know.
I'm going to make a strong effort to focus on the positive today. I will be proud of my accomplishments for the day and be mindful of things I am grateful for.