[restless]
Ok, back from a long absense in writing.. um, what to say..
Well I guess this distance I seem to put up from my friends is getting to me. I miss everyone, but at the same time I'd really hate to go back now and just act like nothing has changed. I know things are changing right now, and part of me is telling me to move on and accept the change, and the other half keeps asking me whats wrong with now? Is now so soon?
I digress, more happy talks to discuss. :D Yay for happy happy discussion. So I've been hanging out, going out a lot lately. I've really enjoyed just going places with little chores I've set for myself to do. Broke again, but never been so happy. I need to just pull out my camera on these outtings and snap a few random moments in time.. Like, for instance:
today I was driving around with Jason, going out in BFE to look for some chairs or something so he can have a chair for his computer desk. And we're stuck in a traffic jam, a billion cars piling up around us. And Jason just happens to be so fucking hyperactive. LOL. So he's trying to find something to keep busy with, and I'm staring at the stop light, praying my eyes will emit a LASER beam and ba-zappa it.. And Jason throws himself up against my window like hes got fucking teretz.. and oh god. I wish you could have seen the face in the car next to us. I almost pissed myself...
So yeah, that was my day. I haven't been so amused in a long time. Ahh new friends make you laugh. I wish Lisa and Shana were here.. I need to go back and sit in front of the computer and e-mails them. I miss mah old buddies. I wonder when Lisa is coming back from college and stuffs. I hadn't gotten to be like "HIIIII LISSSSA~" since I went up and saw them. That reminds me, I'm really sure I left mah camera in Shana's dorm now. Lol. Lol is like the dumbest acronym in the world, and I remember that I used to get onto people for using it. And I've used it like in real life (IRL! OMGLOLROFLWTFBBQ~).. So, whats that make me. Yay for me. I need to calls people and go wtf where are joo hoe!~. Because now I do that from time to time. I miss my friend. I've got to get things together for tomorrow, because Andy is coming to visit. Yay and meh at the same time. I'm happy hes coming but at the same time I miss my friend, and I know I won't get to hang out with him because Andy will get uber jealous that I have a new guy friend, which is really lame, because I like having friends and he doesn't live here and he gets worried that I'm not here to talk and gets upset with me for being gone. I just wanna go places, doomit. And I'm Rick James biach. :c
I really want to get everyone together again and see everybody.. I should do that sometime.. Shana should be coming down some time to visit James. I hope I can steal her for like a day or something. ^^
My brother's graduation is like next Friday.. I need to set aside and go to that, because he's my brother and all. I skipped my cousin's graduation to go visit Andy, and then ended up coming home early due to false alarm. Which was really lame, because then I missed the VNV Nation concert. I really wanted to go to that. :c Andy told me there was a girl there that I would have drooled over and coveted her hair. She had crazy hair with tubes and all sorts of crazy colors. I was sad because I probably would have gone over and tried to make friends. Yay for neat people. :D I came home from text'ing and having a silly false alarm. I didn't want to hurt anybody's feelings, but I think in the process I hurt Andy by leaving. We had a horrible fight that weekend, starting off from like the minute I got there. We wouldn't touch each other, and we hardly talked. I wanted to leave that night, but we ended up fighting till the early hours in the morning. I told him I was not happy with the way things were going. I told him I wanted to leave. We talked; it rained and blew the power out. The lightning flashes made it hard to see, as they lit up the room. Dallas weather is so messed up. We worked it out enough to talk again, and then the next day he goes and we get his hair cut. I didn't like the way the lady cut his hair. We fought before we left to get his hair cut again, and I almost left for good. He said I should leave then if I didn't want to stay. I didn't want to stay, but I couldn't leave then. I was in no condition to drive, and I knew it. I would have smashed my car into oncoming traffic on the way home. We went to get his hair cut, and when we came home we said we should talk about it. I don't think we ever did, and haven't. This was all last week, so its all still fresh on the table. We're doing what we were doing before I brought all this shit up: we're acting like nothing happened and are going on with life. Yeah, there's no point to mope, but we shouldn't be this unchanged. He did mention how he was unhappy after I left. I left Sunday night. On Monday, when I was out to eat with my parents, he told me how unhappy he was. I was crushed. He told me I hurt him. And somewhere inside of me is like move on, this won't end well. But I never listen to me because I say the wrong things all the time. I guess then was one of those days.
And right now, I'm going to myself, "Is this such a good idea?".. I don't know. I just know that I'm spilling my guts in my blog.. I need to just get a real journal (like.. leatherback and stuff. lol.) and write in there. So this shit doesn't get passed around.
Ok, enough. Less novel sized encounters for joo! I'll start sending in the byte-sized pages so it makes it easier to read in one sitting. ^^ Yay~
Well I guess this distance I seem to put up from my friends is getting to me. I miss everyone, but at the same time I'd really hate to go back now and just act like nothing has changed. I know things are changing right now, and part of me is telling me to move on and accept the change, and the other half keeps asking me whats wrong with now? Is now so soon?
I digress, more happy talks to discuss. :D Yay for happy happy discussion. So I've been hanging out, going out a lot lately. I've really enjoyed just going places with little chores I've set for myself to do. Broke again, but never been so happy. I need to just pull out my camera on these outtings and snap a few random moments in time.. Like, for instance:
today I was driving around with Jason, going out in BFE to look for some chairs or something so he can have a chair for his computer desk. And we're stuck in a traffic jam, a billion cars piling up around us. And Jason just happens to be so fucking hyperactive. LOL. So he's trying to find something to keep busy with, and I'm staring at the stop light, praying my eyes will emit a LASER beam and ba-zappa it.. And Jason throws himself up against my window like hes got fucking teretz.. and oh god. I wish you could have seen the face in the car next to us. I almost pissed myself...
So yeah, that was my day. I haven't been so amused in a long time. Ahh new friends make you laugh. I wish Lisa and Shana were here.. I need to go back and sit in front of the computer and e-mails them. I miss mah old buddies. I wonder when Lisa is coming back from college and stuffs. I hadn't gotten to be like "HIIIII LISSSSA~" since I went up and saw them. That reminds me, I'm really sure I left mah camera in Shana's dorm now. Lol. Lol is like the dumbest acronym in the world, and I remember that I used to get onto people for using it. And I've used it like in real life (IRL! OMGLOLROFLWTFBBQ~).. So, whats that make me. Yay for me. I need to calls people and go wtf where are joo hoe!~. Because now I do that from time to time. I miss my friend. I've got to get things together for tomorrow, because Andy is coming to visit. Yay and meh at the same time. I'm happy hes coming but at the same time I miss my friend, and I know I won't get to hang out with him because Andy will get uber jealous that I have a new guy friend, which is really lame, because I like having friends and he doesn't live here and he gets worried that I'm not here to talk and gets upset with me for being gone. I just wanna go places, doomit. And I'm Rick James biach. :c
I really want to get everyone together again and see everybody.. I should do that sometime.. Shana should be coming down some time to visit James. I hope I can steal her for like a day or something. ^^
My brother's graduation is like next Friday.. I need to set aside and go to that, because he's my brother and all. I skipped my cousin's graduation to go visit Andy, and then ended up coming home early due to false alarm. Which was really lame, because then I missed the VNV Nation concert. I really wanted to go to that. :c Andy told me there was a girl there that I would have drooled over and coveted her hair. She had crazy hair with tubes and all sorts of crazy colors. I was sad because I probably would have gone over and tried to make friends. Yay for neat people. :D I came home from text'ing and having a silly false alarm. I didn't want to hurt anybody's feelings, but I think in the process I hurt Andy by leaving. We had a horrible fight that weekend, starting off from like the minute I got there. We wouldn't touch each other, and we hardly talked. I wanted to leave that night, but we ended up fighting till the early hours in the morning. I told him I was not happy with the way things were going. I told him I wanted to leave. We talked; it rained and blew the power out. The lightning flashes made it hard to see, as they lit up the room. Dallas weather is so messed up. We worked it out enough to talk again, and then the next day he goes and we get his hair cut. I didn't like the way the lady cut his hair. We fought before we left to get his hair cut again, and I almost left for good. He said I should leave then if I didn't want to stay. I didn't want to stay, but I couldn't leave then. I was in no condition to drive, and I knew it. I would have smashed my car into oncoming traffic on the way home. We went to get his hair cut, and when we came home we said we should talk about it. I don't think we ever did, and haven't. This was all last week, so its all still fresh on the table. We're doing what we were doing before I brought all this shit up: we're acting like nothing happened and are going on with life. Yeah, there's no point to mope, but we shouldn't be this unchanged. He did mention how he was unhappy after I left. I left Sunday night. On Monday, when I was out to eat with my parents, he told me how unhappy he was. I was crushed. He told me I hurt him. And somewhere inside of me is like move on, this won't end well. But I never listen to me because I say the wrong things all the time. I guess then was one of those days.
And right now, I'm going to myself, "Is this such a good idea?".. I don't know. I just know that I'm spilling my guts in my blog.. I need to just get a real journal (like.. leatherback and stuff. lol.) and write in there. So this shit doesn't get passed around.
Ok, enough. Less novel sized encounters for joo! I'll start sending in the byte-sized pages so it makes it easier to read in one sitting. ^^ Yay~