(no subject)

Feb 26, 2005 15:55

everything was so good. he was so amazing. what we were was my favorite of all. you spend everyday with someone and you have mutual respect for each other and you think you know that person, but you never truly do. I guess I understand why what's happeneded is what it is... but i still feel a sense of longing and sorrow when I remember everything. To say I'm in love with him wouldn't be true. People use that expression far too loosely. I love what we were through and through. mostly good times, but the bad times were terrible. Why we are this way right now I don't understand. He won't come near me, because he hurt me.. I'm not hurt because we're not together anymore because I think we will be again someday, but right now we need time apart to learn and to grow. I am hurt because of how he is treating me now. He told my friend
"I know I hurt her that's why it's hard to be around her, the happy way she used to be isn't there anymore she seems sad."
well I am sad... he keeps saying we're going to talk but right now we don't trust each other and that's really hard. I want to talk to him we have so much unfinished business and I think about him all the time the things I want to do with him and the stories I want to tell him. Everytime I seem him I want to run up to him hug him and jump on him like we used to. I wish things could be the way they were... I know he needs space and I realize that I do too.. But this type of space isn't healthy for either of us. He will always be that one person I wonder what could've been if only we'd been able to communicate our wants and needs more clearly... instead of fighting about going out with friends and doing things of that nature we should have just told each other the way we really feeel. I miss him and I'm going to for a while.... I will prove the idea that he has wrong.. he thinks I'm going to hook up with every guy but I will not let him get what he wants he wants me to let him down so he has an excuse for being the way he is.. well I won't do it
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